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Golf in the Cold

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16 years ago

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‘You can’t play’ says the wife from somewhere underneath the enormous duvet, ‘it’s far too cold’. ‘Nonsense women’ I reply as I throw back the curtains, ‘It’s blue skies and bright sunshine. What more could I want for a round of golf?’

These words haunt me as I step onto the first tee and a frozen blast of wind has my testicles soaring up into my body cavity like a couple of untethered weather balloons. The blue skies are still there and the course is kissed by bright sunshine, but it’s the sort of weak sunshine that only the northern hemisphere has during winter. Anywhere else in the world these sort of conditions would have people breaking out the shorts and T-shirts but here I am bent over, London’s very own hunchgroin, trying to swing a club while dressed in 14 layers of clothing.

There are a quite a few other people prepared to brave the weather – people who have been looking forward all week to a round of golf and who are damned if they are going to let some iffy weather get the better of them. Everyone is dressed like Scott of the Antarctic and many have some sort of handwarmers in an attempt to prevent freezing to death. One of old boys with handwarmers was once told as a joke by one of the club pro’s that handwarmers only work properly if you expose them to sunlight and now looks like he is either making an invisible pot of tea at head height or is waving his sweetheart goodbye in a 1940’s war film.

I join a couple of other lunatics at the tee box who just happen to be two of the club pros. They wouldn’t be out in this weather if it weren’t for the fact that they have money on this game and neither can back down. They both stripe one down the fairway and I somehow make it on to the short stuff too. An interesting side-effect of all the layers of clothes I’m wearing is that my back swing has been shortened considerably so while I’m hitting the ball a fair bit shorter, I’m also hitting it straighter. So far so good I think as I tighten my belt in an attempt to stop my balls from lurching into my gullet like a set of fleshy gobstoppers.

This short and straight hitting accounts for the fact that I’m on the green in regulation. Due to the sunshine, the fairway is in pretty good nick but unfortunately the green is still in the shade. Now if you haven’t had the pleasure, putting on frozen greens is an art form. You must be able to read not only the normal slopes and undulations but also be able to read whether the icy surface will speed up or slow the ball down. The smoother sections of the green are like… well ice really, while other parts are covered in dew that has frozen into tiny feathers of ice that can grab the ball and make it almost stop dead.

My first putt is straight through a treacherously slick part and a 10 yard putt rockets 20 foot past. ‘Not a problem’ I think and caress my next putt gently, expecting it to sidle nicely up to the hole. Of course it hits a rough patch, the ball leaps vertically off the putting surface like a salmon and screeches to a halt before it’s even moved 6 feet. Resisting the urge to smack the ball back down the fairway I take a moment, clean the ball and line it up for a 14 footer that looks slightly uphill and through a mix of smooth and grabby surface. A gentle tap has the ball rolling directly on line until it magically picks up speed, skids to the right, shoots past the hole and ends up 4 feet away. With a face burning bright red from the combination of anger, embarrassment and wind-burn I stalk to the ball and try to think of all the 4 footers I’ve made in the past. It’s dead straight and this part of the green looks almost normal. ‘I’m calm I’m calm I’m calm’ I tell myself as I try to put a nice stroke on the ball and send it home and end the misery. It all looks good until it picks up a little clump of ice on one side of the ball and turns in a neat little arc, spinning away from the hole like a urethane Wayne Gretzky.

Now at this point, I will admit to having said some nasty things about the ball, the golf course, my ability to putt, the weather and the otherwise fine products of Scotty Cameron. I also may have possibly called into question the parentage of my playing partners when they suggested that I should consider taking up a more appropriate sport like knitting after I finally hole out for a 5 putt.

After the jeers and derision that such a woeful passage of play deserved, I immediately get the chance to redeem myself at the next hole. The others both tug their tee shots into the left rough while I find myself sitting pretty in the middle of the fairway. From a perfect lie I somehow catch a 6 iron so sweetly it’s sickening and watch the ball crawl all over the flag to pitch dead in line and a couple of club lengths short of the hole. Normally this would stop pretty quickly and I would be left with a solid (if all too rare) birdie chance but the frozen green means that the ball bounces off the concrete-like surface and ends up off the back of the green.

This becomes the story of the first 9 holes. Balls fired at the pin ricochet off the green and low runners skitter off the glassy surface time and time again. The pros’ superb wedge game makes up and downs simple but one of them nearly breaks his wrists playing a slightly buried ball out of a frozen bunker while my short game resembles a man digging for gold and my score is astronomical.

At the halfway point my face is raw, my nose a fluorescent red and my voice a couple of octaves higher and I am thinking of jacking it in when I realise that I can feel my hands and feet again. The previously watery sun has suddenly strengthened and we are no longer apparently playing on the tundra but across beautiful green swards under a kind blue sky.

As the warmth creeps into the day and I can shrug off some of my layers, I find that that my shots are going longer but are still going straight. Magically I find that I have driven to the front of a short par 4. A simple chip and I have a tap in for the first birdie of the day and to repair a tiny part of the damage done earlier in the round. An educated power fade gives me another birdie chance which I fail to take and the game is fun again.

Having spent the early part of the morning approaching unforgiving greens, these ones seem to be the size of football pitches. The finesse and delicacy that I needed to get chips and pitches to within 10 feet of the holes at the start of the day now has me less than half that from the pin. Putting across the treacherous ice means that I’m now seeing the hole like the Grand Canyon and can’t seem to miss. It’s impossible to undo all the damage but my score is suddenly respectable rather than embarrassing.

Anybody can have fun golf when the weather is perfect but that enjoyment is a pale thing next to the fierce enjoyment of playing golf in less then perfect conditions. Taking on both the course and the weather and winning, or at least not losing too badly is something I’m sure that the sports Scottish originators would understand. The demands of the game are higher in bad conditions as you need to think far more about playing from less than perfect lies, the effect of the cold and the wind both on the ball and yourself, bad footing and the precision required to play a good shot in all of the above can only make you a better golfer.

‘How was it?’ asks the wife when I get back home, ‘Gosh it was cold out there. I bet you froze your tits off’.

‘Not quite’ I reply, being completely anatomically honest and check my trousers just to make sure.

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  1. Bigsmoke

    Feb 28, 2008 at 12:13 pm

    Great read!

    Reply Report comment

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Scottie Scheffler arrested, charged, and released after traffic incident at Valhalla

Published

6 hours ago

on

May 17, 2024

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As first reported by ESPN’s Jeff Darlington, Scottie Scheffler has been detained by police on the way to Valhalla Golf Club this morning due to a traffic misunderstanding.

“Breaking News: World No. 1 golfer Scottie Scheffler has been detained by police in handcuffs after a misunderstanding with traffic flow led to his attempt to drive past a police officer into Valhalla Golf Club. The police officer attempted to attach himself to Scheffler’s car, and Scheffler then stopped his vehicle at the entrance to Valhalla. The police officer then began to scream at Scheffler to get out of the car.

“When Scheffler exited the vehicle, the officer shoved Scheffler against the car and immediately placed him in handcuffs. He is now being detained in the back of a police car.”

Darlington also posted a video of the dramatic moment which you can view below:

There was an unrelated accident at around 5am, which is what may have caused some of the misunderstanding of which traffic was moving.

Speaking on ESPN, Darlington broke down exactly what he witnessed in full detail:

“Entering Valhalla Golf Club this morning, we witness a car pull around us that was Scottie Scheffler. Scottie Scheffler has been detained by police officers, placed in the back of a police vehicle in handcuffs after he tried to pull around what he believed to be security, ended up being police officers.

“They told him to stop, when he didn’t stop, the police officer attached himself to the vehicle, and Scheffler then travelled another 10 yards before stopping the car.”

“The police officer then grabbed at his arm, attempting to pull him out of the car, before Scheffler eventually opened the door, at which point the police officer pulled Scheffler out of the car, pushed him up against the car and immediately placed him in handcuffs. Scheffler was then walked over to the police car, placed in the back in handcuffs.

“Very stunned about what was happening, he looked towards me as he was in those handcuffs and said ‘please help me’. He very clearly didn’t know what was happening in the situation.”

“It moved very quickly, very rapidly, very aggressively. He was detained in that police vehicle for approximately 20 minutes. The police officers at that point did not understand that Scottie Scheffler was a golfer in the tournament, nor of course that he is the number one player in the world.”

Due to the accident, play has been delayed this morning. Scheffler’s current tee time for the second round of the PGA Championship is 10:08 a.m.

Scheffler’s mugshot following the incident:

*Update*

Scheffler has been charged with 2nd Degree assault of a police officer, criminal mischief 3rd degree, reckless driving and disregarding signals from an officer directing traffic.

*Update*

According to ESPN+, Scottie Scheffler has been released and is now on his way to the golf course.

*Update*

Scottie Scheffler arrives at Valhalla ahead of his 10:08 a.m second round tee time.

*Update*

The PGA of America released this statement regarding the fatal accident, which diverted traffic at Valhalla this morning.

“This morning we were devastated to learn that a worker with one of our vendors was tragically struck and killed by a shuttle bus outside Valhalla Golf Club. This is heartbreaking to all of us involved with the PGA Championship. We extend our sincere condolences to their family and loved ones.” 

Per the PGA Tour, Scheffler released the following statement.

We will update this developing story as more information on the situation is revealed.

More from the 19th Hole

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Five Things We Learned: Thursday at the PGA Championship

Published

16 hours ago

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May 16, 2024

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It was a year ago that we the north, found ourselves with toes and fingers crossed. The Oak Hill PGA Championship of 2023 finished on schedule, despite the iffiness of weather in upstate New York. It’s 75 degrees today across the Niagara Frontier, which makes it two out of three (2022 was the same way) for sultry, unseasonal weather.

Louisville is, let’s be honest, a much better bet for a May PGA Championship, and Valhalla is an exciting venue for the year’s second major championship on the men’s circuit. Brooks Koepka came in as the defending champion, and Rory McIlroy arrived as the last golfer to win a major at the Nicklaus-designed course. That was a decade ago, and lord, have things changed in the world and golf.

Day one at Valhalla offered walk-in eagles, buckets of birdies, and potential for a record-low, winner’s score. We’ll get right to the meat of the matter, with five things that we learned. After all, if you can make par from the muck, anything’s possible in the land of the horses.

1. X marks this spot

Xander Schauffele went head-to-head last Sunday with Rory McIlroy, at least on the practice green. By the end of the round, Rors had won for a fourth time at Charlotte, while the X Man sat scratching his head, wondering what went wrong. Fortunately for us, Xander didn’t sulk.

The San Diego State alumnus absolutely torched Jack’s track with 62. Four birdies on the front nine, were followed by five more on the inward side. Schauffele never looked as if bogey was a consideration, and he might have gone even lower. Despite winning the Covid-delayed Gold medal at the Japan Olympics (I consider it a major, btdubs) Schauffele continues to chase an initial men’s major, and the validation that it brings. If 62 doesn’t get you over the hump, who knows what will.

2. Scottie starts strong? Aye.

Last month, Mr. Scheffler won a second green jacket at Augusta National. Last year in Rochester, Mr. Scheffler tied for second in this event. Mr. Scheffler began play today with a walk-in eagle, a one-hop affair that never looked as if it might go anywhere but to its home. Scheffler had a few rough holes, but that’s to be expected from a new dad. Each time he made bogey, he bounced back with birdie, so he has that short memory that winners crave. Surprisingly, Scheffler failed to manage one last birdie at the reachable 18th. Perhaps that miss will motivate him in round two.

3. LIV Check-In

It’s good to check in on the departed from time to time, to ensure that the fellows formerly known as PGA Tour members are doing well. It’s safe to say that some of them can still play. Defending champion Brooks Koepka posted 67 on the day, He had an eagle and three birdies on the day, with only a stumble at the 17th. He’s tied for 7th. Bryson DeChambeau made an eagle of his own, but also had a bogey, at the 12th hole. He cohabits eleventh position with Cameron Smith, who ALSO had a bogey on his card. They are one shot behind Koepka, and a fistful more behind the leader.

4. Sahith and Tony at Schauffele’s heels

Both Finau and Theegala represent a special sort of athletic golfer. Their power and their charisma blend to draw golf fans to their groups. Let’s be honest, too, and say that they don’t look like the traditional professional golfer. As much as Tiger Woods did in the 1990s, they have the power to bring greater diversity to the sport.

In terms of their play today, well, only Xander was better. Finau had a clean card, with six birdies and twelve pars. Theegala had seven birdies, ten pars, and one bogey. Each combined power and finesse to insert themselves squarely in contention, ahead of round two. How will they, and Xander as well, manage the afternoon putting surface on Friday? That’s the great unknown!

5. All those other guys are here!

Rory, Tom Kim, Collin, and Viktor are all at minus-three or lower. Valhalla may not be a traditional golf course, but it is the type of course that the world’s best play well. McIlroy currently sits at minus-five, tied with Robert MacIntyre, Kim, and three others in fourth position.  Maverick McNealy finished fast to reach the same figure, as did Tom Hoge. Morikawa closed with birdie to join the sextet at five below. Both Scheffler and Morikawa finished their rounds late on Thursday, meaning they should see smoother greens on Friday morning. If someone is a betting soul, wiser wagers could not be placed on better names than those two, two-time, major champions. Rory will tee off in Friday’s afternoon wave but, hey, he’s Rory, and he won going away last week at Quail Hollow, a course not unlike Valhalla.

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Morning 9: Tiger 2025 Ryder Cup talks continue | Rory: Tour in a worse place with Dunne’s resignation

Published

1 day ago

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May 16, 2024

By
By Ben Alberstadt with Gianni Magliocco.

For comments: [email protected]

Good Thursday morning, golf fans, as day one of the PGA Championship gets underway from iconic Valhalla.

1. Waugh: 2025 Ryder Cup talks continue with Tiger

Golf Channel’s Ryan Lavner…”PGA of America CEO Seth Waugh said Wednesday that the organization continues to have conversations with Tiger Woods about captaining the U.S. Ryder Cup team in 2025 and there remains no firm deadline to get their pick in place for Bethpage Black.”

  • “A day earlier, Woods told reporters here at the PGA Championship that he is undecided about taking on the role next year…”
  • “He doesn’t do anything that he’s not fully committed to,” Waugh said, “and we totally respect that.”
  • “Still, the PGA’s decision to hold off on naming an American captain for the September 2025 matches is a significant departure – at least three months late – from the past five captains.”
Full piece.

2. Rory: Tour in a worse place with Dunne’s resignation

Golf Channel’s Rex Hoggard…”McIlroy, who has become an outspoken proponent of a deal with PIF, was denied a spot on the board last week but was named to the “transaction subcommittee,” which will spearhead the day-to-day negotiations. But the loss of Dunne will be a blow to those talks, the world No. 2 said.”

  • “Honestly I think it’s a huge loss for the PGA Tour if they are trying to get this deal done with the PIF and trying to unify the game,” McIlroy said. “Jimmy was basically the relationship, the sort of conduit between the PGA Tour and PIF.
  • “It’s been really unfortunate that he has not been involved for the last few months, and I think part of the reason that everything is stalling at the minute is because of that.”
Full piece.

3. Brandel on AK’s criticism: I thought it was a LIV bot

Our Matt Vincenzi…”On Tuesday during an interview with GolfWRX, Chamblee addressed the feud between Kim and himself.”

  • “At first, I thought it was a bot. But it’s not, it was just somebody who’s been bought.
  • “I thought it was juvenile. Social media is a perfect place for juveniles to go behave like children, like the ball pit at McDonalds without adult supervision. I’m sure Anthony Kim scrolls and gets positive comments and says ‘yeah, these people get me! I’m doing the right thing’. And it’s just juvenile and sad is what it is. I feel sorry for him.”
Full piece.

4. Aberg (knee) ready for PGA

Cameron Morfit for PGATour.com…”Ludvig Åberg said lingering knee soreness that kept him out of the Wells Fargo Championship last week will not be an issue at this week’s PGA Championship.”

  • “The world No. 6 Åberg, who finished second at the Masters Tournament in his very first major start last month, allowed that he is wearing a brace as a precautionary measure.”
  • “Knee’s good,” said Åberg, 24. “It was more of a safety concern last week that I didn’t play. I’m consulting with my doctors, and I trust them with everything that I have, so it’s not bothering me at all this week, and I look forward to playing. I’m wearing a brace just for safety reasons, but it’s nothing that’s bothering me. I’m focusing on the golf.”
Full piece.

5. Masters employee pleads guilty to stealing millions in memorabilia

Sean Leahy for Yahoo Sports…”A former employee of Augusta National Golf Club in Georgia pleaded guilty on Wednesday to transporting millions of dollars worth of stolen Masters memorabilia and historic items, including a green jacket belonging to Arnold Palmer.”

  • “According to federal prosecutors, 39-year-old Richard Globensky made around $5 million over the course of a decade from selling items stolen from the Augusta National warehouse, which were then transported to another party in Florida.”
  • “Globensky pleaded guilty to one count of transporting stolen goods across state lines. As part of his plea, he must hand the government a $1.5 million check this week.”
Full piece.

6. Chamblee on why Rory hasn’t won a major

Our Matt Vincenzi…”While speaking with GolfWRX, Golf Channel’s Brandel Chamblee gave his opinion as to why McIlroy has come up empty.”

  • “I just think he can’t find a place mentally where he plays his best golf.”
  • “If you go back and look at what he did from 2011-2014, in that stretch, he led roughly 20% of the rounds he played in major championships. His game has not fallen off, not one bit.
  • “He’s, on paper, pretty much the same player he was. He’s not quite the ball striker he was 2011-2014, not quite, but he’s made up for it with his short game around the greens and on the greens. He’s almost the same player.”
  • “Yet, he’s led just two rounds beginning with the 2015 Masters to the 2024 Masters. I just think that tells you he can’t find the proper way to prepare, the proper way to ease into a round. When he’s needed to play his best, he’s played his worst. When he’s played his worst, he’s then followed it up with his best golf. That’ll tell you that he’s just not in the right place mentally.”
Full piece.

7. Why Scottie’s caddie will have a fill-in Saturday

Paul Hodowanic for PGATour.com…”Scottie Scheffler will have a fill-in caddie on the bag for Saturday’s third round of the PGA Championship.”

  • “Ted Scott, Scheffler’s full-time caddie, will miss Saturday’s round at Valhalla Golf Club to attend his daughter’s high school graduation. Scott will leave Friday night after caddying the first two rounds and return late Saturday to loop the final round.”
  • “That’s something we talked about from the beginning of our relationship was family always comes first,” Scheffler said during his pre-tournament press conference on Tuesday. “It’s the same thing for me as it is for my caddie. It was a pretty easy decision. He told me at the beginning of this year that that was the date.”
Full piece.

8. Chamblee: LIV format makes it impossible to judge player talent

Our Matt Vincenzi…”While speaking with GolfWRX, Golf Channel’s Brandel Chamblee explained why he believes the LIV format makes it impossible to determine if a LIV player is playing well.”

  • “Describing the format as “stupid”, Chamblee stated
  • “The format for LIV is just stupid. There’s no other word for it. 54 holes, 54 players start. Willy nilly here and there.
  • “Nobody winning a golf tournament should finish on the third hole on some par three while his closest competitors finish on the 17th hole or the 18th hole.”
  • “When we asked Brandel if LIV players should be in majors, Chamblee indicated that it would be tough to do with no way to truly measure their performance.
  • “It’s just a laughable concept. There’s no way to judge the talents of these players out there. You look at their data, and again, their data is laughable. It’s very hard to hit 75% of your greens and it looks like everybody on their tour is hitting 75% of greens. Who’s keeping their stats? Who’s doing their data? They haven’t gotten their act together.”
Full piece.

9. Photos from the 2024 PGA Championship

  • Check out all of our galleries from the year’s second major!
Full piece.
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