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Swanson: Proposing a bifurcation of rules for Tiger Woods at the U.S. Open

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Warning: Swanson, the author of this story, does not exist… except in his writing. His character is completely imagined, but that doesn’t mean his opinions aren’t real. 

So, Tiger Woods registered for the 2016 U.S. Open. I’m not sure how that’s allowed; he definitely has a handicap that’s higher than the USGA’s 1.4 max for entry, but regardless he might play. I know it’s literally impossible, but if Tiger Woods were to win the 2016 U.S. Open, the golf media, fanboys, TV networks and the collective free world would wet their tiger-printed under garments. Elation of the highest degree.

And I, for one, would be devastated.

It makes me physically sick to my stomach to even think about watching Tiger play golf at Oakmont. You know the cameras will be on him every step, swing and spit, no matter how poorly he’s performing. They’ll probably have a Konica Minolta slo-mo video breakdown of him opening the Port-A-John door.

“Look at the way he grasps the Loo handle there, Johnny. Just not quite the grip strength we saw back in 2000.”

I mean, get over him already. He hasn’t been good at golf since he switched to a graphite shaft in his driver. And while I’m no Butch Harmon, I say he should go back to that steel shaft. Could he really drive it any worse? And ditch the 5-wood, too. I knew he’d pull a David Duval in the world rankings once I saw him hitting a 5-wood instead of a 2-iron. Stingers equal trophies.

The faster Tiger gets another major win, the faster we can move on from him, which is all I really want. Golf doesn’t need him. Just look at all the first-time, no-name winners we’ve had on Tour this year; it’s absolutely riveting. And you know Tiger will proverbially mic drop if he wins at Oakmont and swim off into his Navy Seal dream strapped in combat boots. So all I need is one more major victory and the Tiger nightmare is over. Therefore, I’m proposing the USGA stacks the deck to make it remotely attainable for Tiger to win the U.S. Open this year.

Here are 9 different rule-and-format changes that could allow Tiger to win his precious 15th major, and get him out of my face once and for all.

Validation

Whoever the leader is after 72-holes of the U.S. Open needs to “validate” their win by playing against Tiger on Monday in an 18-hole match play event. It’s winner-take-all; whoever wins on Monday wins the U.S. Open.

This way, Tiger only needs to beat one player and only has to play one round. Plus, my barber comes on Mondays, so I wouldn’t even feel obligated to watch.

The Sammy Sosa treatment

Remember when Sammy Sosa got caught using a corked bat? Well, I say we let Tiger play illegal golf clubs and balls that are juiced for more distance, more spin and more control. He can play the best equipment Nike can design.

Handicapped

You know the golfer who takes the USGA handicap system too seriously? The one who picks up his ball if he’s making more than a double bogey because, “My handicap doesn’t allow me to record more than a double,” he says. Then he ends up beating you, even though he picked up his ball on half the holes. Same concept here.

Tiger would be allowed to pick up his ball after he takes a maximum of 5 strokes on any hole. Surely he’d be able to at least make the cut.

Who wants to be… Tiger Woods?

Just like on Who Wants to be a Millionaire, Tiger would be allowed to use three lifelines per round. Here are the lifelines I propose:

  • Phone Johnny Miller for a read on the greens (did you know he once shot 63 at Oakmont? If you’ve ever watched a Johnny Miller telecast, then the answer is “yes”).
  • Consult Brandel Chamblee and/or Frank Nobilo on his swing technique. As we’ve learned on Golf Channel, they know more about Tiger’s swing than he does.
  • Poll the audience for a rules interpretation. Tiger has struggled with drops, oscillating golf balls and generally being cavalier with the rules, so this may save him some strokes in the end.

Teamwork

Tiger gets to choose a partner and play “best ball” during the entire event, but he has to pick from the following players:

  • Stephen Ames
  • Rory Sabbatini
  • Jesper Parnevik
  • Vijay Singh

Choose carefully, Tiger!

Tiger Par

Let him play against a “Tiger Par” like his father used to allow. Oakmont has a 77.5 course rating from the championship tees, but let’s round up to 80. That should be enough strokes to get the job done, right?

Scrambled eggs

Just like at your local golf outing, Tiger would be allowed to purchase as many mulligans and breakfast balls as he wants. They’ll cost $1 million each, and the money will be donated to the charity of the USGA’s choice. It’s a win-win!

Drive, chip and putt

In a contest held by the USGA, there would be a drive, chip and putt competition open to all golfers. The winner from each category would then play in place of Tiger during those respective shots. This means Tiger only needs to hit iron shots throughout the round, which is one of the only two things he was ever good at anyway — the other one was being a professional golfer during a time when there was no competition. And he was really, really good at that second one.

Tiger Woods PGA Tour

You know how in the Tiger Woods PGA Tour video game you can control the spin of the golf ball while it’s still in the air? The USGA should team up with NASA to engineer a golf ball that allows Tiger to control the spin after he hits it, just like in his video game.

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Swanson doesn't exist, except in his writing. He doesn't play for score any more, as he's too busy working on his spin rates. For tournament purposes, he has a 2 handicap on file from high school golf, registered at his home club, which is only reachable by private watercraft.

137 Comments

137 Comments

  1. Earll

    Jun 17, 2016 at 9:53 am

    Leave my little boy alone.

    What difference does it make if he cheated on his wife so many times? HE’S TIGER WOODS!, so it’s ok.

    What difference does it make if he cheats on the golf course? HE’S TIGER WODS! So, it’s ok!

    What difference does it make that he swears in front of little kids all the time? HE’S TIGER WOODS!! So, it’s ok!

    What difference does it make that he spits all over the golf course? HE’S TIGER WOODS!!! So, it’s ok!

  2. Joe

    May 27, 2016 at 1:55 pm

    I was hoping this article would not resurface.

  3. sss

    May 25, 2016 at 10:55 pm

    w e a k…

  4. ComeOnSense

    May 11, 2016 at 10:19 pm

    Sad that you have to write trash in order to get “hits”online,,this is how low a write or website can go .But I blame mostly WRXGOLF and the Advertisers for promoting this kind of s..t and anger toward Society. Where’s your morality and responsibilities to Society?

    • RAT

      May 24, 2016 at 9:30 am

      I agree, ran out of material , this is a filler for the page Don’t waste my time with this kind junk.

  5. SPANKY

    May 10, 2016 at 2:29 pm

    what a bunch of loosers, especially tiger

  6. COGolfer

    May 8, 2016 at 12:15 am

    Who know WRX was in the business of trolling.

  7. Mat

    May 7, 2016 at 4:06 pm

    Whoever Swanson is, I hope I never meet them in real life. I could hurl insults, but not one of them is worth it. Literally*.

    *Not literally, but that’s about as far as I read. You make my head figuratively explode.

  8. mlecuni

    May 7, 2016 at 3:12 pm

    This website deserves better

  9. F

    May 7, 2016 at 4:02 am

    No loophole, little girl, you have no idea what you’re talking about. Stop hassling the good people

    • Ps

      May 7, 2016 at 6:42 pm

      No nerves needed unlike you who is just a scared nervous lonely girl

    • Bill Mac

      May 9, 2016 at 12:30 am

      Done it again. Go Smizzle.

  10. The Real Swanson

    May 7, 2016 at 1:31 am

    The number of spelling and grammar mistakes in the comments is what concerns me the most.

  11. Johny Thunder

    May 6, 2016 at 11:58 pm

    Dear Swanson,

    whether your writing is especially good or not, you are grossly overestimating your audience in thinking they will understand satire. Perhaps you are from a more educated country than the US; most people here didn’t “get” Monty Python either. And a heck of a lot of people don’t get that The Colbert Report was a (largely) satirical show and character. Watch the televised pro-am tournaments some time and see what passes for humor in the larger golf world; comedians who were likely too old for vaudeville telling knock-knock jokes (and only that because their racist and sexist jokes only play at the country club). A cursory look at the comments will tell you – this stuff goes over most heads like an Airbus.

    • J

      May 7, 2016 at 8:31 pm

      It’s a best a poor attempt at satire. To mention this article in the same breath as Monthy Python and Colbert is an offense to both.

  12. BuzzFeedCEO

    May 6, 2016 at 11:18 pm

    Swanson stop stealing our business model of making s***ty lists that lack any creativity or critical reasoning. Our lawyers will be in touch.

    -Jonah, CEO of Buzzfeed

    Taylormade R15 Driver XX Stiff elements Chrome
    Taylormade Aeroburner 3W 5W
    Taylormade Burner (4-PW)
    Taylormade ATV Wedges
    Taylormade OS Spider Putter

  13. JG

    May 6, 2016 at 10:51 pm

    I couldn’t even get through the whole article. Not funny. Not true. Just mad. SMH.

  14. Chuck D

    May 6, 2016 at 9:17 pm

    If anything, the ghost writer achieved his/her goal by having it read a jillion times! Look at the responses.

  15. Chris

    May 6, 2016 at 8:27 pm

    …and you wonder why WRX’s forums is nothing but people attacking each other. Your articles like this only promote the negativity that goes on

    • F

      May 7, 2016 at 4:01 am

      It’s because you’re an uneducated little girl who has nothing intelligent or respectful to say

      • Sp

        May 8, 2016 at 2:43 am

        Wrong sport, culo

      • G

        May 9, 2016 at 2:38 am

        Yeah ok, pretending to be somebody else isn’t really going to fool anybody, and somebody called you Mary and clearly that’s more appropriate than the above

  16. John Triscott

    May 6, 2016 at 8:24 pm

    Actually a great topic for a satire article (which is why I clicked on the article) but its like you had Butch Harmon work with you, Custom set of golf clubs, new clothes, then you get to the first tee, brand new ProV1 and you… SHANK! This actually worse than the FTF fillers…

  17. Other Paul

    May 6, 2016 at 7:59 pm

    Satire at its worst. An article designed to stir up controversy (it is working) and get hits on the website. I didnt enjoy it at all.

  18. Athletic Supporter

    May 6, 2016 at 6:06 pm

    Just when I thought all the dirt had been thrown on poor Tiger, LOL. Sad fact is he will never win another PGA event, never mind a major. Unfortunately, it’s just painful to watch Tiger struggling to make a cut and then using a new, incredulous excuse when he opts to withdraw(. Formal retirement might be the best exit plan at this point.

  19. J.R.

    May 6, 2016 at 4:22 pm

    I lost it on number 5… lol
    #WaterInMyKeyboard

    • Christosterone

      May 6, 2016 at 4:54 pm

      What exactly did you lose?
      -Christosterone

  20. Shayan1121

    May 6, 2016 at 3:19 pm

    This is pretty bad. Not just the subject matter, the writing style is just plain awful and almost unreadable.

    As someone who graduated with a degree in writing/journalism, I find it hard to believe you pay this person to write for you. It makes me scratch my head that people who write like this have jobs/get paid and I had a hard time finding work after graduating. What a waste.

  21. Mike

    May 6, 2016 at 2:59 pm

    Kudos to WRX if you don’t like Swanson don’t visit the website. woods has done nothing for golf only for himself if you see it differently get yourself a life! The next time you need to make your house payment or put food on your table shit in one hand or call woods for help see which one you get first. I’ve been in the golf business for 55 plus years and more rules have been changed to accommodate woods than any player that came before him.Great player but a person with no moral character who loves only himself and wives of anyone else!

    • Tyler

      May 6, 2016 at 4:21 pm

      Huh? 55 years in the biz, and you can’t see his impact on the sport? Did you stop watching when Jack won his last Masters?

      • Mike

        May 6, 2016 at 5:10 pm

        I haven’t watched a golf tournament that woods has played in since his indiscretions. The golf channel worships woods like he’s a God and I don’t watch the golf channel. The media can take all the PC statements and place them in the hand that fills up first. Your correct he has had an impact and it’s not a good one. When’s the last time America has contended in the Ryder cup rest assured it won’t be this year!

        • Tyler

          May 7, 2016 at 9:15 am

          Im not really sure that he’s 100% to blame for the Ryder Cup losses. Most every US Ryder Cup player has had a dismal record lately. I’m optimistic about the Future of the US team. If you are not watching golf tournaments he plays in then I would assume you don’t watch the NBA, NFL, etc. I respect your views because you sound like a man with high morals. I just think we don’t have to take entertainment that seriously.

    • Harley Weewax

      May 6, 2016 at 5:39 pm

      Perfectly stated!

  22. Vancouver Mellencamp

    May 6, 2016 at 2:42 pm

    I find this article very offensive. Not to Tiger, but to ‘writing’. And ‘humor’.

    • SPANKY

      May 6, 2016 at 3:04 pm

      It’s perfect because golf has turned into a stupid reality show- look at these pampas P^$$!{S on the course these days. They all make me sick! I wish there were more Swansons but the reality is they are all gone and golf is suck a lame pathetic thing to watch and the loosers that secrete over it are idiotic!

      • Mike

        May 6, 2016 at 5:15 pm

        Your correct I only hope more people see what golf has become. Unfortunately most are blinded by the BS.

        • Fat Hacker

          May 6, 2016 at 11:46 pm

          It is YOU’RE correct. I get it that you are angry, disaffected, disenchanted and generally butt-hurt, but please – in the name of all that is holy – learn to write.

  23. B. Parsons

    May 6, 2016 at 2:18 pm

    Please just stop with this “author”. Stupid stories and they are more disrespectful than funny.

    • Mike

      May 6, 2016 at 5:17 pm

      woods deserves NO respect!

      • Other Paul

        May 6, 2016 at 7:55 pm

        Everyone deserves some respect. Whether they earn it and lose it or not.

  24. Fictional Reader

    May 6, 2016 at 1:56 pm

    #SwansonISlameGOLFWRXSHAME

  25. Johnny

    May 6, 2016 at 1:46 pm

    Garbage article. Let Swanson post in the forums, but don’t put him on the front page.

  26. remy

    May 6, 2016 at 1:38 pm

    w.t.f. hide behind swanson to piss on tiger but he really help our sports getting fans and more fans mean more money mean more golf club and……..

  27. Marc G

    May 6, 2016 at 1:29 pm

    Tiger may not be the golfer he once was, but he is one of best ever. Deserves some respect. This article is just stupid, like the couple other times I’ve read things you wrote.

  28. Steve

    May 6, 2016 at 1:16 pm

    Loved it – keep them coming. The Tiger lovers have lost their sense of humor…………….

    • Robeli

      May 6, 2016 at 1:21 pm

      Did they ever had a sense of humor?

    • Anna

      May 6, 2016 at 2:36 pm

      Seems like your one of those guys that think they’re funny, but really people are laughing at you, not your jokes.

  29. CCshop

    May 6, 2016 at 1:03 pm

    I use to respect golfwrx.com but dumb posts like these have made me lose so much respect for this site

  30. Raven

    May 6, 2016 at 1:02 pm

    All these comments about this being humorous for whatever reason… it simply isn’t very funny. This guy has some good ideas but doesn’t have the ability to follow through with them.

  31. Steve Hyun

    May 6, 2016 at 12:49 pm

    dumb. please stop with these

  32. Robeli

    May 6, 2016 at 12:45 pm

    Oh my, some of the comments should get a life.

  33. Bdinger

    May 6, 2016 at 12:28 pm

    Don’t get distracted by the blindly pro-tiger comments. Regardless of what you think of Tiger, this article sucks. It’s supposed to be funny, right? That’s the problem. Not funny. And not because of the subject matter . .just not funny. It takes a certain skill/talent to be funny. This guy does not have it. He’s like the 2016 Tiger Woods of being funny.

  34. Relax

    May 6, 2016 at 12:24 pm

    They really need to keep writing these articles… if it is going to get all the uptight people to leave the site then WRX is better off. Everyone just needs to relax, if you don’t like what Swanson has to say DON’T READ IT. This is the third article and you know what it is going to be, yet you still insist on getting your lace panties in a bunch by reading it anyway. I am going to become a member specifically for these articles. The entire golf world needs to lighten up a bit and move away from all these old people who are angry all the time. HAVE SOME FUN!!!!!!

    • MisawaGol4

      May 9, 2016 at 7:31 am

      That is why golf is dying… IT’S NO LONGER ABOUT HAVING FUN! I love this article and those like it. Once in awhile you just have to enjoy reading something and stop evaluating it against your favorite copy of Gone With The Wind or War And Peace.

  35. Dan

    May 6, 2016 at 12:04 pm

    Wow, I really do not like Tiger (although he’s come a long away from the jerk he was…..) and I find this article completely offensive, mean-spirited and gratuitous. Its a shock that WRX would publish this. If Woods won a 15th major, he’s walking away? I doubt it.

    I understand what satire is, but this is kicking a guy when he’s down. (And I dont like him). I expect golf to be treated a little better by GolfWRX.

    Maybe GolfWRX’s time has passed…………..Bro

    • Scott

      May 6, 2016 at 4:23 pm

      It is supposed to be offensive and mean-spirited.

  36. Ex Follower

    May 6, 2016 at 12:03 pm

    This is the straw that broke the camel’s back. This article (and this writer) is so offensive I am cancelling my subscription to your publications, deleting my account and will NEVER visit this site again. You really should listen to your readers… this guy stinks.

    C-ya, bye.

  37. Pete

    May 6, 2016 at 11:58 am

    Was this article written by a High School kid (with a D- GPA)?

  38. Mike Honcho

    May 6, 2016 at 11:48 am

    Better story title: Golf WRX proposes reader poll to remove Swanson as a writer. His keyboard would be unplugged before lunch.

    “my barber comes on Mondays”. You have someone that comes to your home and cuts your hair I take it? Bushwood membership $$ does have its perks I guess.

    • Mike

      May 6, 2016 at 5:25 pm

      Iam a member at Bushwood and take offense to what you have posted!

  39. Joe

    May 6, 2016 at 11:47 am

    The article is not very original or very funny. I can certainly see why the author wants to be anonymous.

    • Robeli

      May 6, 2016 at 12:46 pm

      I can also see why some of these ‘comments’ wants to be anonymous. LOL

  40. Tourgrinder

    May 6, 2016 at 11:47 am

    Well, one thing is for sure. Swanson is definitely a millennial or even younger. If he plays the Tiger Woods PGA Tour video game, I don’t need to know anything more. He most likely watches Colbert for his news, thinks Conan and Samantha Bee are intelligent and funny, and also misses Chelsea Handler.

  41. Sq

    May 6, 2016 at 11:46 am

    Let him use the square grooves that helped him win those majors.

    And makes sure there are Blondes waiting for him at every green to clean his balls

    • TCJ

      May 6, 2016 at 12:18 pm

      Might as well toss that salad while you’re down there ladies!

    • Robeli

      May 6, 2016 at 12:48 pm

      Keep this civil. No below the belt comment.

  42. Cornfused...

    May 6, 2016 at 11:45 am

    Here is how to describe this article’s hate:

    1. People don’t realize it is fake and made for satire purposes only.
    2. There are actual people in the boards who are saying these things all the time and they are pissed that someone made a satire out of them.
    3. They legitimately have no sense of sarcasm what-so-ever. I’ve run in to these people in real life, it is frightening.

    • Pete

      May 6, 2016 at 11:59 am

      I have no problem with satire. But this is just dumb.

  43. Professor

    May 6, 2016 at 11:41 am

    Coward!

  44. Greg V

    May 6, 2016 at 11:37 am

    Swanson – some of your best work.

  45. SHANK

    May 6, 2016 at 11:32 am

    Terrible article. Fire the writer after you out him to us the reader. Pathetic trash of a site this has quickly become. You gonna write about how Rory is washed up too? He’s only played 18 holes since the masters! Loser…

    SHANK

  46. Steven

    May 6, 2016 at 11:32 am

    Awwww…..what’s the matter? Tiger fans are so enamored with their hero that they can’t sense even the most blatant sarcasm. I love seeing their collective panties in a bunch. As I’ve always said, Tiger fans and Golf fans are mutually exclusive of one another.

    • SHANK

      May 6, 2016 at 11:43 am

      Maybe golf fans and tiger fans should have separate water fountains and bathrooms, too.

      This article is a joke in poor taste, maybe they should write one about how Rory has played only 18 holes since the Masters and he is clearly washed up because of it. GOLFWRX blogs are going downhill lately.

    • Brandon

      May 6, 2016 at 11:46 am

      The problem is you’re too dumb to realize that no one cares about Tiger being made fun of – its that the article is not even slightly humorous. If you’re going to make fun of Tiger, at least be funny. Throw in some jokes about getting the glutes firing, having hot women on the course as reward to entice better play…you know something that hasn’t been beaten to death. Oh wait.

      • Robeli

        May 6, 2016 at 12:51 pm

        Tiger has been beaten to death – that’s the problem.

  47. RollTheRock

    May 6, 2016 at 11:25 am

    So many haters. This article is hilarious, just don’t read it and let the others enjoy.

    • painter33

      May 6, 2016 at 11:49 am

      “Hilarious”? Irony is usually carried off best when there is some intellect behind it – as in “wit”, not comedy. The references to guys playing “because they can” and make the cut proves that they still can kick it around pretty well. Tiger is far from Tom Watson at this point. I agree that steel shafts allow for a more aggressive swing with a more controllable dispersion, but Tiger has one a few with graphite. This is just very unfunny though tries to be clever. It’s not.

      • Hack

        May 6, 2016 at 1:20 pm

        You seriously are debating the merits of steel versus graphite? Maybe, just maybe you have missed the point.

        • RollTheRock

          May 6, 2016 at 1:52 pm

          Hack, it’s over. Painter33 one this round.

  48. CulbTwirl

    May 6, 2016 at 11:23 am

    I love these. Keep’ em coming!!!

  49. rechlo67

    May 6, 2016 at 11:22 am

    What a horrible article.

  50. steve

    May 6, 2016 at 10:59 am

    Man this guy is a IDIOT, make him go away

  51. chad

    May 6, 2016 at 10:50 am

    This should be a Southwest airlines commercial….

    ” you know when you write a forum blog and you think it’s hilarious…..but then…..everyone hates it”…..Wanna get away?

  52. Tyler

    May 6, 2016 at 10:41 am

    Is this writer even a golfer? Does he not remember the last year Tiger was healthy, 2013? Voted by his peers as Player of the Year, and thumped a whining Sergio to win the Players Championship. I am really looking forward to watching Tiger play. If he gets healthy he has at least 8 great years in the tank. The new big five is full of great guys who are great players, but none of them will sniff the career of the GOAT. When the new big five is done you could probably add up there career majors and PGA Tour victories, and it still wouldn’t equal Tiger Woods. Phil is the 2nd best golfer in the past 20 years, and Tiger has still had at least 3 times the career. This writer is trash, and is beneath Golf Wrx. If you don’t want to watch it…..don’t tune in.

  53. Don

    May 6, 2016 at 10:40 am

    I get the intent of this article. And I really wanted to laugh. But I didn’t. Forced attempt at humor. Comedy and satire require a twisting of the viewpoints until you get to a perspective that can be taken in a whole bunch of directions. They have to be based on truth, however. This article loses the plot as soon as it mentions graphite shaft. ha… ha… ha… If this is an area GolfWRX wants to really get into as a niche section then you guys need better writers. Or, get this guy to read some books on how to write humor. They are out there.

    • Ron

      May 6, 2016 at 12:22 pm

      Best comment so far. There was probably a good satirical or parody piece to be written on this subject. Unfortunately “Swanson” failed miserably. Reads like an 8th grader wrote it trying to be funny.

    • Cornfused...

      May 6, 2016 at 3:59 pm

      What you might want to do is head to the threads and check out what real people are saying about Tiger. Then you might change your mind about this article. Just saying that real people are really saying most of the things covered in this article.

      • Ron

        May 6, 2016 at 6:11 pm

        I know people are saying a lot of the same things about Tiger but this “writer” just sucks at the way he says it. Like I said it could have been a great read if the author could write. Good premise, bad execution. Maybe he just couldn’t get his brain firing.

  54. George

    May 6, 2016 at 10:37 am

    I think Swanson left out the most important accommodation.

    Swanson should caddie for Tiger Woods at Oakmont.

  55. Rob

    May 6, 2016 at 10:16 am

    Guys, Lighten Up. I’m pretty sure this is one of those tongue-in-cheek type articles that was purposely written to be as over the top hateful as possible. Over done? Yeah a little, but I found it hilarious.

  56. cody

    May 6, 2016 at 10:12 am

    i actually think this is funny @ #1. rather than design a super golf ball. Just let him Play PGA tour 2016 on the xbox to compete.

  57. mitch

    May 6, 2016 at 9:57 am

    somebody woke up hating tiger woods today!

  58. Jay

    May 6, 2016 at 9:50 am

    Sad to think my $35 membership fee supports this – plenty of homeless folks could have used it more and accomplished far more with the $$

  59. Konklifer

    May 6, 2016 at 9:46 am

    Does Golfwrx actually pay this @$$hat?

    • Robeli

      May 6, 2016 at 12:55 pm

      No, you actually help pay. By reading WRX, you create traffic which pleases advertisers which pays the bill.

  60. Christosterone

    May 6, 2016 at 9:40 am

    The last time he was halfway healthy(2.5 years ago) he won 5 times including the Players…let me repeat that, 5 Times..

    congrats on the troll though…

    -Christosterone

  61. Donald Quiote

    May 6, 2016 at 9:28 am

    Dear GolfWrx,
    Your site usually is filled with such great articles and good reads. I know you thought this could be a fun experiment with allowing a troll to have access to posting articles but it’s failing. Please remove this and take time to find someone who acutally writes something that would contribute to site.

    Best Reguards,
    Don Quiote

  62. devilsadvocate

    May 6, 2016 at 9:21 am

    Good lord so many people got the satire but missed the joke…. Swanson does not share an opinion with the writer… Swanson spouts garbage you would expect to hear from “that guy” at the club… The writer is saying this is the kind of thing a moron says and doesn’t believe any of it to be accurate. Its supposed to represent the opinion of an idiot… If you happen to share Swanson’s opinion the writer is saying u are an idiot…. If u didn’t get that and are rushing to defend tiger unnecessarily you are also an idiot and missed the whole point of the article

    • BrewmeisterSmith

      May 6, 2016 at 10:09 am

      Well said. I was shocked at many of the responses and then I remembered how many dumb people there are in this world.

    • Jvokal

      May 6, 2016 at 11:51 am

      Amen! Its laughable and sad that so many people completely missed the point of the article.

    • Robeli

      May 6, 2016 at 1:01 pm

      Amen

    • Brandon

      May 6, 2016 at 1:58 pm

      No, we totally get what the writer is trying to do. It’s that its unoriginal and not even remotely funny. IF you’re going to use the satire angle at least be clever and witty. This was an embarrassing attempt.

      • Brian

        May 6, 2016 at 4:12 pm

        Brandon – agree with you 100%.

        or should I have said….

        Amen

        now that’s satire

  63. taffy

    May 6, 2016 at 9:19 am

    WRX has “jumped the shark”.

  64. Hooker T. Washington

    May 6, 2016 at 9:05 am

    Haha I love this stuff, and find it to be hilarious. I don’t know why y’all get so upset and butt-hurt over articles that are meant for nothing more than some good humor

    • BrewmeisterSmith

      May 6, 2016 at 10:11 am

      It’s simple really. People are dumb.

      • TDBACH

        May 6, 2016 at 12:39 pm

        I think you judge unfairly. Uninformed and outrageous comments fly on web site like this all the time, without any sense of irony. It’s hard to tell parody from serious intent anymore. So you have Tiger haters and fans responding almost by reflex. Face it, if you haven’t bothered to read the “Swanson” bio, it would be hard to tell this is a joke – and not at Tiger’s expense, but ours.

  65. barto78

    May 6, 2016 at 8:56 am

    Very little analysis in your opinion and analysis article. I guess Golfwrx has succumb to being a click-bait generating website with crap like this……

    Just a sad day really for this terrific website.

  66. Insider

    May 6, 2016 at 8:40 am

    one more rule, tiger has to use persimmon woods, and wound ball. hickory shafts are optional.

    • Robeli

      May 6, 2016 at 12:56 pm

      No, you got it wrong. The OTHER players has to use that.

  67. ooffa

    May 6, 2016 at 8:37 am

    C’mon Gofwrx, their has to be comedy writers you can hire that are funny. There are many candidates in the comment section. At least try and contact one of them.

  68. Daly

    May 6, 2016 at 8:34 am

    The one thing Tiger Woods and GolfWrx have in common, they’re both past their prime.

  69. Todd

    May 6, 2016 at 8:30 am

    Pathetic and juvenile attempt at humor.

  70. Philip

    May 6, 2016 at 8:27 am

    Awesome satire! Though I would think the handicap requirement only applies to non-professional golfers.

  71. Dj

    May 6, 2016 at 8:25 am

    Can I have my 2 minutes back? I’ve seen troll threads about blades in the forums better than this article.

  72. Mike Puglielli

    May 6, 2016 at 8:14 am

    Lets not let, arguably the best golfer of all time, play at our golf course—you’re right. With this mentality there shouldn’t be a lot of things.

  73. TW

    May 6, 2016 at 8:10 am

    Shank

  74. Jody

    May 6, 2016 at 8:07 am

    Might be time to can this whole “Swanson” bit.

  75. Anna

    May 6, 2016 at 8:04 am

    Really is a patheticly new low for GOLFWRX….

  76. Nath

    May 6, 2016 at 7:55 am

    Oah its you again, havent you gone back deep down in the forums already!

  77. avid golfer

    May 6, 2016 at 7:54 am

    this is the worst article I have ever read on this site. if it’s an attempt at satire it’s way off the mark and very poorly executed. truly embarrassing garbage for WRX.

  78. Hammy

    May 6, 2016 at 7:54 am

    I’m far from a Tiger fan boy but this article is rather garbage. Lets not forget if it wasnt for Tiger… majority of us probably wouldnt be playing golf and this site would probably not exist. I’ve read some pretty bad articles before but this is at the top. Usually articles contain some context that makes sense but the only thing I see here is hate.
    If a WRX member was to post this in the forums this would have been removed so quickly as per all the other posts that are based on hate. Instead you post this on the front page and totally contradict the rules the forum marshals enforce.
    Congrats!

    • TCJ

      May 6, 2016 at 12:35 pm

      I loathe the sentiment that Tiger Woods is some sort of golf savior. The game existed before, and will most certainly exist after he quits playing.

  79. tiger is number 1

    May 6, 2016 at 7:51 am

    This is sad, Tiger has done more for than game then we can fathom.. all those young first time winners more than likely grew up watching him play.. he is still and forever will be great for the game.. better luck on your next article swanson

  80. tiger woods

    May 6, 2016 at 7:49 am

    wow swanson just casue you have a small johnson and can only get laid by fat chicks dont mean you need to write garbage to bash the goat!

  81. Cdub

    May 6, 2016 at 7:30 am

    Worst article I have ever read on this site. I hope the site is not moving in this direction. This is garbage content.

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Podcasts

TG2: Callaway’s MAVRIK driver leaked and Bryson has some gains in the gym?

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The MAVRIK driver is out in the open and we speculate on it. What do we think of the color and design, anything we can tell from the photos on new technology. Bryson is bulking up and has gains in the gym already, but will it help?

Check out the full podcast on SoundCloud below, or click here to listen on iTunes or here to listen on Spotify.

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Why aren’t more small golf companies making it big?

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More and more in the golf industry, success is based on skills that are not required to make a birdie or par. The people who design today’s driver heads are in some cases, actual rocket scientists. A digital expert who has never been on a golf course is often more valuable to a company than a tour player. Yet when you look at the smaller companies that exist in the golf industry, and particularly in the golf equipment industry, you generally see companies that are heavy on golf passion and light on modern business expertise. It’s killing them.

Golf equipment, in particular, is now more driven by the big brands than it’s ever been, and this is totally the opposite of what’s happening in so many other industries. The food business is a wonderful example. I was in CVS last week and was surprised to see a “Keto” meal replacement shake being promoted on an end-cap. On the same end-cap was a vegan protein powder.

Five years ago, I had never heard of Keto. I knew very few vegans. Today, I know people on both diets. If you have an ability to surf the web, it’s been quite easy to take part in the food revolution that’s happening right now in the U.S. And one of the most interesting things about it is that it’s been almost entirely driven by small companies.

The big food business is hurting because it’s struggling to meet the evolving preferences of consumers. Smaller brands have been much more in touch with customers, and as a result, much more innovative with their products and marketing. There’s no disputing this. Many small food brands are crushing it.

And the same trend is happening in retail. Been to a Sears lately? Mine closed. When my wife wants to go to the mall, it’s only because of a product that was recommended by an Instagram influencer (think of Influencers as micro-brands). Usually, it’s something from Madewell. I digress.

Last month, I bought the most beautiful double-walled, glass coffee cups from Fellow, a premium coffee accessories brand that sells online. I had no way of knowing I could enjoy coffee cups this much. This little company knew what I wanted before I did. So like a lot of modern consumers, I took to Instagram to celebrate. I tagged the company. A few friends texted me to ask about them (many of my friends are very into coffee).

So how is it that people can buy the most wonderful products from small, innovative companies in nearly every space, but they struggle to do this in golf? Or is it just that they’ve never heard of all the great small golf companies. And if so, whose fault is this?

It’s true that with enough time the most serious golfers will eventually find out about the best small golf companies. But the problem isn’t that small companies can’t reach the most serious golfers. Many can. It’s that most small golf companies can’t reach anyone else.

Across the board, small golf companies are failing to embrace a strategy that would actually resonate with a sufficiently large audience. In most cases, this is because they’re trying to play the same game as the big boys. They’re obsessed with making products that they can say are “better.” That strategy can only work if you have a lot of money to spend.

When I worked with GolfWRX, one of my jobs was to speak with big and small golf companies and pen articles about their new products. And in most cases, the claims checked out. The smaller company’s clubs were sometimes 10 yards longer or 10 percent more forgiving, etc. as they said.

But I always had a feeling in these interviews and testing sessions that for certain companies, this extra performance wasn’t going to make a meaningful impact on sales. Not enough golfers were going to try it. Not enough golfers were going to talk about it. And the cycle would continue. I watched several of these companies run out of money only to blame “a slow down in the golf industry” for their failure.

What these companies were missing is that having an exceptional product is simply the cost of doing business. It’s not game-changing to make a product that’s as good or slightly better than the big boys. You won’t move the needle with products that are “just as good” but cost less. The only way small companies can make it big is to play a different game, and I believe it’s a better game.

Marketing works best when customers are willing participants in the process, and if you believe that, then the first step is obvious. A company has to find ways to make customers genuinely curious about its products or services. When customers feel this way, they’ll want to learn more. They’ll follow a company on social media. They’ll read a company’s website from cover to cover. They’ll often walk away liking a company so much that they can’t stop talking about it. Not just to their playing partners, but to their brother-in-law. Their friends at work. Their old college roommate. The guy sitting next to them on the plane.

We’ve all had these positive experiences with a brand or product at some point, and they’re magical. It’s exciting to share a great find, even if it’s something as trivial as a coffee cup.

What you’re seeing right now in other industries is small companies that are succeeding because they stand for excellence in a specialized way. To communicate their excellence, they’re not talking at their customers. Their communication feels like an invitation. It feels like the marketing campaign was designed with them in mind. And this strategy is even more effective when the product stands for an idea that’s bigger than golf, which isn’t as pie in the sky as it sounds.

For PXG, it’s status—and a bit of rebellion. For Titleist, it’s trust. And if these companies are doing their jobs well, these big-picture ideas are built into the product DNA—not attached ad hoc when it’s time to sell.

When companies create products that stand for something, it becomes so much easier for them to build authentic relationships with their customers. They suddenly have choices beyond beating their chest about their most recent accomplishment, which rarely works. Think about it this way; when your friends brag to you, you probably want to roll your eyes. When strangers do this to you, you quickly walk away. And when brands do this to you, you ignore them.

I believe that golfers want to change their buying habits in golf as they have in other industries. But they need more small companies to shake things up in a positive way. They’re waiting for the right message at the right time. And because that’s not happening, they can only hear the loudest voices in the room. And it’s a shame.

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The Gear Dive: TXG’s lead builder Mike Martysiewicz

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In this newest episode of The Gear Dive brought to you by Titleist, Johnny chats with Mike Martysiewicz of TXG.

Check out the full podcast on SoundCloud below, or click here to listen on iTunes or here to listen on Spotify.


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