Opinion & Analysis
Swanson: Proposing a bifurcation of rules for Tiger Woods at the U.S. Open
Warning: Swanson, the author of this story, does not exist… except in his writing. His character is completely imagined, but that doesn’t mean his opinions aren’t real.
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So, Tiger Woods registered for the 2016 U.S. Open. I’m not sure how that’s allowed; he definitely has a handicap that’s higher than the USGA’s 1.4 max for entry, but regardless he might play. I know it’s literally impossible, but if Tiger Woods were to win the 2016 U.S. Open, the golf media, fanboys, TV networks and the collective free world would wet their tiger-printed under garments. Elation of the highest degree.
And I, for one, would be devastated.
It makes me physically sick to my stomach to even think about watching Tiger play golf at Oakmont. You know the cameras will be on him every step, swing and spit, no matter how poorly he’s performing. They’ll probably have a Konica Minolta slo-mo video breakdown of him opening the Port-A-John door.
“Look at the way he grasps the Loo handle there, Johnny. Just not quite the grip strength we saw back in 2000.”
I mean, get over him already. He hasn’t been good at golf since he switched to a graphite shaft in his driver. And while I’m no Butch Harmon, I say he should go back to that steel shaft. Could he really drive it any worse? And ditch the 5-wood, too. I knew he’d pull a David Duval in the world rankings once I saw him hitting a 5-wood instead of a 2-iron. Stingers equal trophies.
The faster Tiger gets another major win, the faster we can move on from him, which is all I really want. Golf doesn’t need him. Just look at all the first-time, no-name winners we’ve had on Tour this year; it’s absolutely riveting. And you know Tiger will proverbially mic drop if he wins at Oakmont and swim off into his Navy Seal dream strapped in combat boots. So all I need is one more major victory and the Tiger nightmare is over. Therefore, I’m proposing the USGA stacks the deck to make it remotely attainable for Tiger to win the U.S. Open this year.
Here are 9 different rule-and-format changes that could allow Tiger to win his precious 15th major, and get him out of my face once and for all.
Validation
Whoever the leader is after 72-holes of the U.S. Open needs to “validate” their win by playing against Tiger on Monday in an 18-hole match play event. It’s winner-take-all; whoever wins on Monday wins the U.S. Open.
This way, Tiger only needs to beat one player and only has to play one round. Plus, my barber comes on Mondays, so I wouldn’t even feel obligated to watch.
The Sammy Sosa treatment
Remember when Sammy Sosa got caught using a corked bat? Well, I say we let Tiger play illegal golf clubs and balls that are juiced for more distance, more spin and more control. He can play the best equipment Nike can design.
Handicapped
You know the golfer who takes the USGA handicap system too seriously? The one who picks up his ball if he’s making more than a double bogey because, “My handicap doesn’t allow me to record more than a double,” he says. Then he ends up beating you, even though he picked up his ball on half the holes. Same concept here.
Tiger would be allowed to pick up his ball after he takes a maximum of 5 strokes on any hole. Surely he’d be able to at least make the cut.
Who wants to be… Tiger Woods?
Just like on Who Wants to be a Millionaire, Tiger would be allowed to use three lifelines per round. Here are the lifelines I propose:
- Phone Johnny Miller for a read on the greens (did you know he once shot 63 at Oakmont? If you’ve ever watched a Johnny Miller telecast, then the answer is “yes”).
- Consult Brandel Chamblee and/or Frank Nobilo on his swing technique. As we’ve learned on Golf Channel, they know more about Tiger’s swing than he does.
- Poll the audience for a rules interpretation. Tiger has struggled with drops, oscillating golf balls and generally being cavalier with the rules, so this may save him some strokes in the end.
Teamwork
Tiger gets to choose a partner and play “best ball” during the entire event, but he has to pick from the following players:
- Stephen Ames
- Rory Sabbatini
- Jesper Parnevik
- Vijay Singh
Choose carefully, Tiger!
Tiger Par
Let him play against a “Tiger Par” like his father used to allow. Oakmont has a 77.5 course rating from the championship tees, but let’s round up to 80. That should be enough strokes to get the job done, right?
Scrambled eggs
Just like at your local golf outing, Tiger would be allowed to purchase as many mulligans and breakfast balls as he wants. They’ll cost $1 million each, and the money will be donated to the charity of the USGA’s choice. It’s a win-win!
Drive, chip and putt
In a contest held by the USGA, there would be a drive, chip and putt competition open to all golfers. The winner from each category would then play in place of Tiger during those respective shots. This means Tiger only needs to hit iron shots throughout the round, which is one of the only two things he was ever good at anyway — the other one was being a professional golfer during a time when there was no competition. And he was really, really good at that second one.
Tiger Woods PGA Tour
You know how in the Tiger Woods PGA Tour video game you can control the spin of the golf ball while it’s still in the air? The USGA should team up with NASA to engineer a golf ball that allows Tiger to control the spin after he hits it, just like in his video game.
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The PGA TOUR heads to New Orleans to play the 2023 Zurich Classic of New Orleans. In a welcome change from the usual stroke play, the Zurich Classic is a team event. On Thursday and Saturday, the teams play best ball, and on Friday and Sunday the teams play alternate shot.
TPC Louisiana is a par 72 that measures 7,425 yards. The course features some short par 4s and plenty of water and bunkers, which makes for a lot of exciting risk/reward scenarios for competitors. Pete Dye designed the course in 2004 specifically for the Zurich Classic, although the event didn’t make its debut until 2007 because of Hurricane Katrina.
Coming off of the Masters and a signature event in consecutive weeks, the field this week is a step down, and understandably so. Many of the world’s top players will be using this time to rest after a busy stretch.
However, there are some interesting teams this season with some stars making surprise appearances in the team event. Some notable teams include Patrick Cantlay and Xander Schauffele, Rory McIlroy and Shane Lowry, Collin Morikawa and Kurt Kitayama, Will Zalatoris and Sahith Theegala as well as a few Canadian teams, Nick Taylor and Adam Hadwin and Taylor Pendrith and Corey Conners.
Past Winners at TPC Louisiana
- 2023: Riley/Hardy (-30)
- 2022: Cantlay/Schauffele (-29)
- 2021: Leishman/Smith (-20)
- 2019: Palmer/Rahm (-26)
- 2018: Horschel/Piercy (-22)
- 2017: Blixt/Smith (-27)
2024 Zurich Classic of New Orleans Picks
Tom Hoge/Maverick McNealy +2500 (DraftKings)
Tom Hoge is coming off of a solid T18 finish at the RBC Heritage and finished T13 at last year’s Zurich Classic alongside Harris English.
This season, Hoge is having one of his best years on Tour in terms of Strokes Gained: Approach. In his last 24 rounds, the only player to top him on the category is Scottie Scheffler. Hoge has been solid on Pete Dye designs, ranking 28th in the field over his past 36 rounds.
McNealy is also having a solid season. He’s finished T6 at the Waste Management Phoenix Open and T9 at the PLAYERS Championship. He recently started working with world renowned swing coach, Butch Harmon, and its seemingly paid dividends in 2024.
Keith Mitchell/Joel Dahmen +4000 (DraftKings)
Keith Mitchell is having a fantastic season, finishing in the top-20 of five of his past seven starts on Tour. Most recently, Mitchell finished T14 at the Valero Texas Open and gained a whopping 6.0 strokes off the tee. He finished 6th at last year’s Zurich Classic.
Joel Dahmen is having a resurgent year and has been dialed in with his irons. He also has a T11 finish at the PLAYERS Championship at TPC Sawgrass which is another Pete Dye track. With Mitchell’s length and Dahmen’s ability to put it close with his short irons, the Mitchell/Dahmen combination will be dangerous this week.
Taylor Moore/Matt NeSmith +6500 (DraftKings)
Taylor Moore has quickly developed into one of the more consistent players on Tour. He’s finished in the top-20 in three of his past four starts, including a very impressive showing at The Masters, finishing T20. He’s also finished T4 at this event in consecutive seasons alongside Matt NeSmith.
NeSmith isn’t having a great 2024, but has seemed to elevate his game in this format. He finished T26 at Pete Dye’s TPC Sawgrass, which gives the 30-year-old something to build off of. NeSmith is also a great putter on Bermudagrass, which could help elevate Moore’s ball striking prowess.
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After having four of the top twelve players on the leaderboard at The Masters, LIV Golf is set for their fifth event of the season: LIV Adelaide.
For both LIV fans and golf fans in Australia, LIV Adelaide is one of the most anticipated events of the year. With 35,000 people expected to attend each day of the tournament, the Grange Golf Club will be crawling with fans who are passionate about the sport of golf. The 12th hole, better known as “the watering hole”, is sure to have the rowdiest of the fans cheering after a long day of drinking some Leishman Lager.
The Grange Golf Club is a par-72 that measures 6,946 yards. The course features minimal resistance, as golfers went extremely low last season. In 2023, Talor Gooch shot consecutive rounds of 62 on Thursday and Friday, giving himself a gigantic cushion heading into championship Sunday. Things got tight for a while, but in the end, the Oklahoma State product was able to hold off The Crushers’ Anirban Lahiri for a three-shot victory.
The Four Aces won the team competition with the Range Goats finishing second.
*All Images Courtesy of LIV Golf*
Past Winners at LIV Adelaide
- 2023: Talor Gooch (-19)
Stat Leaders Through LIV Miami
Green in Regulation
- Richard Bland
- Jon Rahm
- Paul Casey
Fairways Hit
- Abraham Ancer
- Graeme McDowell
- Henrik Stenson
Driving Distance
- Bryson DeChambeau
- Joaquin Niemann
- Dean Burmester
Putting
- Cameron Smith
- Louis Oosthuizen
- Matt Jones
2024 LIV Adelaide Picks
Cameron Smith +1400 (DraftKings)
When I pulled up the odds for LIV Adelaide, I was more than a little surprised to see multiple golfers listed ahead of Cameron Smith on the betting board. A few starts ago, Cam finished runner-up at LIV Hong Kong, which is a golf course that absolutely suits his eye. Augusta National in another course that Smith could roll out of bed and finish in the top-ten at, and he did so two weeks ago at The Masters, finishing T6.
At Augusta, he gained strokes on the field on approach, off the tee (slightly), and of course, around the green and putting. Smith able to get in the mix at a major championship despite coming into the week feeling under the weather tells me that his game is once again rounding into form.
The Grange Golf Club is another course that undoubtedly suits the Australian. Smith is obviously incredibly comfortable playing in front of the Aussie faithful and has won three Australian PGA Championship’s. The course is very short and will allow Smith to play conservative off the tee, mitigating his most glaring weakness. With birdies available all over the golf course, there’s a chance the event turns into a putting contest, and there’s no one on the planet I’d rather have in one of those than Cam Smith.
Louis Oosthuizen +2200 (DraftKings)
Louis Oosthuizen has simply been one of the best players on LIV in the 2024 seas0n. The South African has finished in the top-10 on the LIV leaderboard in three of his five starts, with his best coming in Jeddah, where he finished T2. Perhaps more impressively, Oosthuizen finished T7 at LIV Miami, which took place at Doral’s “Blue Monster”, an absolutely massive golf course. Given that Louis is on the shorter side in terms of distance off the tee, his ability to play well in Miami shows how dialed he is with the irons this season.
In addition to the LIV finishes, Oosthuizen won back-to-back starts on the DP World Tour in December at the Alfred Dunhill Championship and the Mauritus Open. He also finished runner-up at the end of February in the International Series Oman. The 41-year-old has been one of the most consistent performers of 2024, regardless of tour.
For the season, Louis ranks 4th on LIV in birdies made, T9 in fairways hit and first in putting. He ranks 32nd in driving distance, but that won’t be an issue at this short course. Last season, he finished T11 at the event, but was in decent position going into the final round but fell back after shooting 70 while the rest of the field went low. This season, Oosthuizen comes into the event in peak form, and the course should be a perfect fit for his smooth swing and hot putter this week.
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Of all the clubs in our bags, wedges are almost always the simplest in construction and, therefore, the easiest to analyze what might make one work differently from another if you know what to look for.
Wedges are a lot less mysterious than drivers, of course, as the major brands are working with a lot of “pixie dust” inside these modern marvels. That’s carrying over more to irons now, with so many new models featuring internal multi-material technologies, and almost all of them having a “badge” or insert in the back to allow more complex graphics while hiding the actual distribution of mass.
But when it comes to wedges, most on the market today are still single pieces of molded steel, either cast or forged into that shape. So, if you look closely at where the mass is distributed, it’s pretty clear how that wedge is going to perform.
To start, because of their wider soles, the majority of the mass of almost any wedge is along the bottom third of the clubhead. So, the best wedge shots are always those hit between the 2nd and 5th grooves so that more mass is directly behind that impact. Elite tour professionals practice incessantly to learn to do that consistently, wearing out a spot about the size of a penny right there. If impact moves higher than that, the face is dramatically thinner, so smash factor is compromised significantly, which reduces the overall distance the ball will fly.
Every one of us, tour players included, knows that maddening shot that we feel a bit high on the face and it doesn’t go anywhere, it’s not your fault.
If your wedges show a wear pattern the size of a silver dollar, and centered above the 3rd or 4th groove, you are not getting anywhere near the same performance from shot to shot. Robot testing proves impact even two to three grooves higher in the face can cause distance loss of up to 35 to 55 feet with modern ‘tour design’ wedges.
In addition, as impact moves above the center of mass, the golf club principle of gear effect causes the ball to fly higher with less spin. Think of modern drivers for a minute. The “holy grail” of driving is high launch and low spin, and the driver engineers are pulling out all stops to get the mass as low in the clubhead as possible to optimize this combination.
Where is all the mass in your wedges? Low. So, disregarding the higher lofts, wedges “want” to launch the ball high with low spin – exactly the opposite of what good wedge play requires penetrating ball flight with high spin.
While almost all major brand wedges have begun putting a tiny bit more thickness in the top portion of the clubhead, conventional and modern ‘tour design’ wedges perform pretty much like they always have. Elite players learn to hit those crisp, spinny penetrating wedge shots by spending lots of practice time learning to consistently make contact low in the face.
So, what about grooves and face texture?
Grooves on any club can only do so much, and no one has any material advantage here. The USGA tightly defines what we manufacturers can do with grooves and face texture, and modern manufacturing techniques allow all of us to push those limits ever closer. And we all do. End of story.
Then there’s the topic of bounce and grinds, the most complex and confusing part of the wedge formula. Many top brands offer a complex array of sole configurations, all of them admittedly specialized to a particular kind of lie or turf conditions, and/or a particular divot pattern.
But if you don’t play the same turf all the time, and make the same size divot on every swing, how would you ever figure this out?
The only way is to take any wedge you are considering and play it a few rounds, hitting all the shots you face and observing the results. There’s simply no other way.
So, hopefully this will inspire a lively conversation in our comments section, and I’ll chime in to answer any questions you might have.
And next week, I’ll dive into the rest of the wedge formula. Yes, shafts, grips and specifications are essential, too.
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Dave Portnoy places monstrous outright bet for the 2024 Masters
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Tiger Woods arrives at 2024 Masters equipped with a putter that may surprise you
‘Absolutely crazy’ – Major champ lays into Patrick Cantlay over his decision on final hole of RBC Heritage
Report: Tiger Woods has ‘eliminated sex’ in preparation for the 2024 Masters
Two star names reportedly blanked Jon Rahm all week at the Masters
2-time major champ announces shock retirement from the sport at age of 33
Report: LIV Golf identifies latest star name they hope to sign to breakaway tour
Neal Shipley presser ends in awkward fashion after reporter claims Tiger handed him note on 8th fairway
Sam Burns WITB 2024 (April)
Sam Burns’ what’s in the bag accurate as of the RBC Heritage. Driver: Callaway Paradym Triple Diamond S (9 degrees...
Will Zalatoris WITB 2024 (April)
Will Zalatoris’ what’s in the bag accurate as of the RBC Heritage. Driver: Titleist TSR2 (9 degrees, A1 SureFit setting)...
Scottie Scheffler’s winning WITB: 2024 RBC Heritage
Driver: TaylorMade Qi10 (8 degrees @8.25) Buy here. Shaft: Fujikura Ventus Black 7 X (45 inches) 3-wood: TaylorMade Qi10 (15 degrees) Buy...
Nelly Korda’s winning WITB: 2024 Chevron Championship
Driver: TaylorMade Qi10 Max (10.5 degrees) Buy here. Shaft: Mitsubishi Diamana GT 60 S 3-wood: TaylorMade Stealth 2 (15 degrees)...
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19th Hole2 weeks agoDave Portnoy places monstrous outright bet for the 2024 Masters
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19th Hole2 weeks agoTiger Woods arrives at 2024 Masters equipped with a putter that may surprise you
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19th Hole16 hours ago‘Absolutely crazy’ – Major champ lays into Patrick Cantlay over his decision on final hole of RBC Heritage
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19th Hole3 weeks agoReport: Tiger Woods has ‘eliminated sex’ in preparation for the 2024 Masters
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19th Hole1 week agoTwo star names reportedly blanked Jon Rahm all week at the Masters
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19th Hole7 days agoReport: LIV Golf identifies latest star name they hope to sign to breakaway tour
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19th Hole1 week agoNeal Shipley presser ends in awkward fashion after reporter claims Tiger handed him note on 8th fairway
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19th Hole6 days agoBrandel Chamblee has ‘no doubt’ who started the McIlroy/LIV rumor and why
Earll
Jun 17, 2016 at 9:53 am
Leave my little boy alone.
What difference does it make if he cheated on his wife so many times? HE’S TIGER WOODS!, so it’s ok.
What difference does it make if he cheats on the golf course? HE’S TIGER WODS! So, it’s ok!
What difference does it make that he swears in front of little kids all the time? HE’S TIGER WOODS!! So, it’s ok!
What difference does it make that he spits all over the golf course? HE’S TIGER WOODS!!! So, it’s ok!
Joe
May 27, 2016 at 1:55 pm
I was hoping this article would not resurface.
sss
May 25, 2016 at 10:55 pm
w e a k…
ComeOnSense
May 11, 2016 at 10:19 pm
Sad that you have to write trash in order to get “hits”online,,this is how low a write or website can go .But I blame mostly WRXGOLF and the Advertisers for promoting this kind of s..t and anger toward Society. Where’s your morality and responsibilities to Society?
RAT
May 24, 2016 at 9:30 am
I agree, ran out of material , this is a filler for the page Don’t waste my time with this kind junk.
SPANKY
May 10, 2016 at 2:29 pm
what a bunch of loosers, especially tiger
COGolfer
May 8, 2016 at 12:15 am
Who know WRX was in the business of trolling.
Mat
May 7, 2016 at 4:06 pm
Whoever Swanson is, I hope I never meet them in real life. I could hurl insults, but not one of them is worth it. Literally*.
*Not literally, but that’s about as far as I read. You make my head figuratively explode.
mlecuni
May 7, 2016 at 3:12 pm
This website deserves better
F
May 7, 2016 at 4:02 am
No loophole, little girl, you have no idea what you’re talking about. Stop hassling the good people
Ps
May 7, 2016 at 6:42 pm
No nerves needed unlike you who is just a scared nervous lonely girl
Bill Mac
May 9, 2016 at 12:30 am
Done it again. Go Smizzle.
G
May 9, 2016 at 2:39 am
Yes he has done nothing, again, as usual,
The Real Swanson
May 7, 2016 at 1:31 am
The number of spelling and grammar mistakes in the comments is what concerns me the most.
Johny Thunder
May 6, 2016 at 11:58 pm
Dear Swanson,
whether your writing is especially good or not, you are grossly overestimating your audience in thinking they will understand satire. Perhaps you are from a more educated country than the US; most people here didn’t “get” Monty Python either. And a heck of a lot of people don’t get that The Colbert Report was a (largely) satirical show and character. Watch the televised pro-am tournaments some time and see what passes for humor in the larger golf world; comedians who were likely too old for vaudeville telling knock-knock jokes (and only that because their racist and sexist jokes only play at the country club). A cursory look at the comments will tell you – this stuff goes over most heads like an Airbus.
J
May 7, 2016 at 8:31 pm
It’s a best a poor attempt at satire. To mention this article in the same breath as Monthy Python and Colbert is an offense to both.
BuzzFeedCEO
May 6, 2016 at 11:18 pm
Swanson stop stealing our business model of making s***ty lists that lack any creativity or critical reasoning. Our lawyers will be in touch.
-Jonah, CEO of Buzzfeed
Taylormade R15 Driver XX Stiff elements Chrome
Taylormade Aeroburner 3W 5W
Taylormade Burner (4-PW)
Taylormade ATV Wedges
Taylormade OS Spider Putter
JG
May 6, 2016 at 10:51 pm
I couldn’t even get through the whole article. Not funny. Not true. Just mad. SMH.
Chuck D
May 6, 2016 at 9:17 pm
If anything, the ghost writer achieved his/her goal by having it read a jillion times! Look at the responses.
Chris
May 6, 2016 at 8:27 pm
…and you wonder why WRX’s forums is nothing but people attacking each other. Your articles like this only promote the negativity that goes on
F
May 7, 2016 at 4:01 am
It’s because you’re an uneducated little girl who has nothing intelligent or respectful to say
Sp
May 8, 2016 at 2:43 am
Wrong sport, culo
G
May 9, 2016 at 2:38 am
Yeah ok, pretending to be somebody else isn’t really going to fool anybody, and somebody called you Mary and clearly that’s more appropriate than the above
John Triscott
May 6, 2016 at 8:24 pm
Actually a great topic for a satire article (which is why I clicked on the article) but its like you had Butch Harmon work with you, Custom set of golf clubs, new clothes, then you get to the first tee, brand new ProV1 and you… SHANK! This actually worse than the FTF fillers…
Other Paul
May 6, 2016 at 7:59 pm
Satire at its worst. An article designed to stir up controversy (it is working) and get hits on the website. I didnt enjoy it at all.
Athletic Supporter
May 6, 2016 at 6:06 pm
Just when I thought all the dirt had been thrown on poor Tiger, LOL. Sad fact is he will never win another PGA event, never mind a major. Unfortunately, it’s just painful to watch Tiger struggling to make a cut and then using a new, incredulous excuse when he opts to withdraw(. Formal retirement might be the best exit plan at this point.
J.R.
May 6, 2016 at 4:22 pm
I lost it on number 5… lol
#WaterInMyKeyboard
Christosterone
May 6, 2016 at 4:54 pm
What exactly did you lose?
-Christosterone
Shayan1121
May 6, 2016 at 3:19 pm
This is pretty bad. Not just the subject matter, the writing style is just plain awful and almost unreadable.
As someone who graduated with a degree in writing/journalism, I find it hard to believe you pay this person to write for you. It makes me scratch my head that people who write like this have jobs/get paid and I had a hard time finding work after graduating. What a waste.
Mike
May 6, 2016 at 2:59 pm
Kudos to WRX if you don’t like Swanson don’t visit the website. woods has done nothing for golf only for himself if you see it differently get yourself a life! The next time you need to make your house payment or put food on your table shit in one hand or call woods for help see which one you get first. I’ve been in the golf business for 55 plus years and more rules have been changed to accommodate woods than any player that came before him.Great player but a person with no moral character who loves only himself and wives of anyone else!
Tyler
May 6, 2016 at 4:21 pm
Huh? 55 years in the biz, and you can’t see his impact on the sport? Did you stop watching when Jack won his last Masters?
Mike
May 6, 2016 at 5:10 pm
I haven’t watched a golf tournament that woods has played in since his indiscretions. The golf channel worships woods like he’s a God and I don’t watch the golf channel. The media can take all the PC statements and place them in the hand that fills up first. Your correct he has had an impact and it’s not a good one. When’s the last time America has contended in the Ryder cup rest assured it won’t be this year!
Tyler
May 7, 2016 at 9:15 am
Im not really sure that he’s 100% to blame for the Ryder Cup losses. Most every US Ryder Cup player has had a dismal record lately. I’m optimistic about the Future of the US team. If you are not watching golf tournaments he plays in then I would assume you don’t watch the NBA, NFL, etc. I respect your views because you sound like a man with high morals. I just think we don’t have to take entertainment that seriously.
Harley Weewax
May 6, 2016 at 5:39 pm
Perfectly stated!
Vancouver Mellencamp
May 6, 2016 at 2:42 pm
I find this article very offensive. Not to Tiger, but to ‘writing’. And ‘humor’.
SPANKY
May 6, 2016 at 3:04 pm
It’s perfect because golf has turned into a stupid reality show- look at these pampas P^$$!{S on the course these days. They all make me sick! I wish there were more Swansons but the reality is they are all gone and golf is suck a lame pathetic thing to watch and the loosers that secrete over it are idiotic!
Mike
May 6, 2016 at 5:15 pm
Your correct I only hope more people see what golf has become. Unfortunately most are blinded by the BS.
Fat Hacker
May 6, 2016 at 11:46 pm
It is YOU’RE correct. I get it that you are angry, disaffected, disenchanted and generally butt-hurt, but please – in the name of all that is holy – learn to write.
Mike
May 7, 2016 at 7:40 am
Thanks for the lesson won’t be forgotten.
B. Parsons
May 6, 2016 at 2:18 pm
Please just stop with this “author”. Stupid stories and they are more disrespectful than funny.
Mike
May 6, 2016 at 5:17 pm
woods deserves NO respect!
Other Paul
May 6, 2016 at 7:55 pm
Everyone deserves some respect. Whether they earn it and lose it or not.
Fictional Reader
May 6, 2016 at 1:56 pm
#SwansonISlameGOLFWRXSHAME
Johnny
May 6, 2016 at 1:46 pm
Garbage article. Let Swanson post in the forums, but don’t put him on the front page.
remy
May 6, 2016 at 1:38 pm
w.t.f. hide behind swanson to piss on tiger but he really help our sports getting fans and more fans mean more money mean more golf club and……..
Marc G
May 6, 2016 at 1:29 pm
Tiger may not be the golfer he once was, but he is one of best ever. Deserves some respect. This article is just stupid, like the couple other times I’ve read things you wrote.
Steve
May 6, 2016 at 1:16 pm
Loved it – keep them coming. The Tiger lovers have lost their sense of humor…………….
Robeli
May 6, 2016 at 1:21 pm
Did they ever had a sense of humor?
Anna
May 6, 2016 at 2:36 pm
Seems like your one of those guys that think they’re funny, but really people are laughing at you, not your jokes.
CCshop
May 6, 2016 at 1:03 pm
I use to respect golfwrx.com but dumb posts like these have made me lose so much respect for this site
Raven
May 6, 2016 at 1:02 pm
All these comments about this being humorous for whatever reason… it simply isn’t very funny. This guy has some good ideas but doesn’t have the ability to follow through with them.
Steve Hyun
May 6, 2016 at 12:49 pm
dumb. please stop with these
Robeli
May 6, 2016 at 12:45 pm
Oh my, some of the comments should get a life.
Bdinger
May 6, 2016 at 12:28 pm
Don’t get distracted by the blindly pro-tiger comments. Regardless of what you think of Tiger, this article sucks. It’s supposed to be funny, right? That’s the problem. Not funny. And not because of the subject matter . .just not funny. It takes a certain skill/talent to be funny. This guy does not have it. He’s like the 2016 Tiger Woods of being funny.
TCJ
May 6, 2016 at 12:37 pm
Zing!
Relax
May 6, 2016 at 12:24 pm
They really need to keep writing these articles… if it is going to get all the uptight people to leave the site then WRX is better off. Everyone just needs to relax, if you don’t like what Swanson has to say DON’T READ IT. This is the third article and you know what it is going to be, yet you still insist on getting your lace panties in a bunch by reading it anyway. I am going to become a member specifically for these articles. The entire golf world needs to lighten up a bit and move away from all these old people who are angry all the time. HAVE SOME FUN!!!!!!
MisawaGol4
May 9, 2016 at 7:31 am
That is why golf is dying… IT’S NO LONGER ABOUT HAVING FUN! I love this article and those like it. Once in awhile you just have to enjoy reading something and stop evaluating it against your favorite copy of Gone With The Wind or War And Peace.
Dan
May 6, 2016 at 12:04 pm
Wow, I really do not like Tiger (although he’s come a long away from the jerk he was…..) and I find this article completely offensive, mean-spirited and gratuitous. Its a shock that WRX would publish this. If Woods won a 15th major, he’s walking away? I doubt it.
I understand what satire is, but this is kicking a guy when he’s down. (And I dont like him). I expect golf to be treated a little better by GolfWRX.
Maybe GolfWRX’s time has passed…………..Bro
Scott
May 6, 2016 at 4:23 pm
It is supposed to be offensive and mean-spirited.
Ex Follower
May 6, 2016 at 12:03 pm
This is the straw that broke the camel’s back. This article (and this writer) is so offensive I am cancelling my subscription to your publications, deleting my account and will NEVER visit this site again. You really should listen to your readers… this guy stinks.
C-ya, bye.
Pete
May 6, 2016 at 11:58 am
Was this article written by a High School kid (with a D- GPA)?
Mike Honcho
May 6, 2016 at 11:48 am
Better story title: Golf WRX proposes reader poll to remove Swanson as a writer. His keyboard would be unplugged before lunch.
“my barber comes on Mondays”. You have someone that comes to your home and cuts your hair I take it? Bushwood membership $$ does have its perks I guess.
Mike
May 6, 2016 at 5:25 pm
Iam a member at Bushwood and take offense to what you have posted!
Joe
May 6, 2016 at 11:47 am
The article is not very original or very funny. I can certainly see why the author wants to be anonymous.
Robeli
May 6, 2016 at 12:46 pm
I can also see why some of these ‘comments’ wants to be anonymous. LOL
Tourgrinder
May 6, 2016 at 11:47 am
Well, one thing is for sure. Swanson is definitely a millennial or even younger. If he plays the Tiger Woods PGA Tour video game, I don’t need to know anything more. He most likely watches Colbert for his news, thinks Conan and Samantha Bee are intelligent and funny, and also misses Chelsea Handler.
Sq
May 6, 2016 at 11:46 am
Let him use the square grooves that helped him win those majors.
And makes sure there are Blondes waiting for him at every green to clean his balls
TCJ
May 6, 2016 at 12:18 pm
Might as well toss that salad while you’re down there ladies!
Robeli
May 6, 2016 at 12:48 pm
Keep this civil. No below the belt comment.
Cornfused...
May 6, 2016 at 11:45 am
Here is how to describe this article’s hate:
1. People don’t realize it is fake and made for satire purposes only.
2. There are actual people in the boards who are saying these things all the time and they are pissed that someone made a satire out of them.
3. They legitimately have no sense of sarcasm what-so-ever. I’ve run in to these people in real life, it is frightening.
Pete
May 6, 2016 at 11:59 am
I have no problem with satire. But this is just dumb.
Robeli
May 6, 2016 at 12:49 pm
then you do not understand satire.
Professor
May 6, 2016 at 11:41 am
Coward!
Greg V
May 6, 2016 at 11:37 am
Swanson – some of your best work.
SHANK
May 6, 2016 at 11:32 am
Terrible article. Fire the writer after you out him to us the reader. Pathetic trash of a site this has quickly become. You gonna write about how Rory is washed up too? He’s only played 18 holes since the masters! Loser…
SHANK
Steven
May 6, 2016 at 11:32 am
Awwww…..what’s the matter? Tiger fans are so enamored with their hero that they can’t sense even the most blatant sarcasm. I love seeing their collective panties in a bunch. As I’ve always said, Tiger fans and Golf fans are mutually exclusive of one another.
SHANK
May 6, 2016 at 11:43 am
Maybe golf fans and tiger fans should have separate water fountains and bathrooms, too.
This article is a joke in poor taste, maybe they should write one about how Rory has played only 18 holes since the Masters and he is clearly washed up because of it. GOLFWRX blogs are going downhill lately.
Brandon
May 6, 2016 at 11:46 am
The problem is you’re too dumb to realize that no one cares about Tiger being made fun of – its that the article is not even slightly humorous. If you’re going to make fun of Tiger, at least be funny. Throw in some jokes about getting the glutes firing, having hot women on the course as reward to entice better play…you know something that hasn’t been beaten to death. Oh wait.
Robeli
May 6, 2016 at 12:51 pm
Tiger has been beaten to death – that’s the problem.
RollTheRock
May 6, 2016 at 11:25 am
So many haters. This article is hilarious, just don’t read it and let the others enjoy.
painter33
May 6, 2016 at 11:49 am
“Hilarious”? Irony is usually carried off best when there is some intellect behind it – as in “wit”, not comedy. The references to guys playing “because they can” and make the cut proves that they still can kick it around pretty well. Tiger is far from Tom Watson at this point. I agree that steel shafts allow for a more aggressive swing with a more controllable dispersion, but Tiger has one a few with graphite. This is just very unfunny though tries to be clever. It’s not.
Hack
May 6, 2016 at 1:20 pm
You seriously are debating the merits of steel versus graphite? Maybe, just maybe you have missed the point.
RollTheRock
May 6, 2016 at 1:52 pm
Hack, it’s over. Painter33 one this round.
CulbTwirl
May 6, 2016 at 11:23 am
I love these. Keep’ em coming!!!
rechlo67
May 6, 2016 at 11:22 am
What a horrible article.
steve
May 6, 2016 at 10:59 am
Man this guy is a IDIOT, make him go away
Robeli
May 6, 2016 at 12:51 pm
Agree. Time for Tiger to retire.
chad
May 6, 2016 at 10:50 am
This should be a Southwest airlines commercial….
” you know when you write a forum blog and you think it’s hilarious…..but then…..everyone hates it”…..Wanna get away?
Tyler
May 6, 2016 at 11:07 am
What a great comment! I love it!
Tyler
May 6, 2016 at 10:41 am
Is this writer even a golfer? Does he not remember the last year Tiger was healthy, 2013? Voted by his peers as Player of the Year, and thumped a whining Sergio to win the Players Championship. I am really looking forward to watching Tiger play. If he gets healthy he has at least 8 great years in the tank. The new big five is full of great guys who are great players, but none of them will sniff the career of the GOAT. When the new big five is done you could probably add up there career majors and PGA Tour victories, and it still wouldn’t equal Tiger Woods. Phil is the 2nd best golfer in the past 20 years, and Tiger has still had at least 3 times the career. This writer is trash, and is beneath Golf Wrx. If you don’t want to watch it…..don’t tune in.
Don
May 6, 2016 at 10:40 am
I get the intent of this article. And I really wanted to laugh. But I didn’t. Forced attempt at humor. Comedy and satire require a twisting of the viewpoints until you get to a perspective that can be taken in a whole bunch of directions. They have to be based on truth, however. This article loses the plot as soon as it mentions graphite shaft. ha… ha… ha… If this is an area GolfWRX wants to really get into as a niche section then you guys need better writers. Or, get this guy to read some books on how to write humor. They are out there.
Ron
May 6, 2016 at 12:22 pm
Best comment so far. There was probably a good satirical or parody piece to be written on this subject. Unfortunately “Swanson” failed miserably. Reads like an 8th grader wrote it trying to be funny.
Cornfused...
May 6, 2016 at 3:59 pm
What you might want to do is head to the threads and check out what real people are saying about Tiger. Then you might change your mind about this article. Just saying that real people are really saying most of the things covered in this article.
Ron
May 6, 2016 at 6:11 pm
I know people are saying a lot of the same things about Tiger but this “writer” just sucks at the way he says it. Like I said it could have been a great read if the author could write. Good premise, bad execution. Maybe he just couldn’t get his brain firing.
George
May 6, 2016 at 10:37 am
I think Swanson left out the most important accommodation.
Swanson should caddie for Tiger Woods at Oakmont.
Rob
May 6, 2016 at 10:16 am
Guys, Lighten Up. I’m pretty sure this is one of those tongue-in-cheek type articles that was purposely written to be as over the top hateful as possible. Over done? Yeah a little, but I found it hilarious.
Scooter McGavin
May 6, 2016 at 11:26 am
You probably think The Big Bang Theory is funny…
Robeli
May 6, 2016 at 12:53 pm
Hey, leave TBBT out of this!!
MisawaGol4
May 9, 2016 at 7:36 am
ROFLMAO!!!
cody
May 6, 2016 at 10:12 am
i actually think this is funny @ #1. rather than design a super golf ball. Just let him Play PGA tour 2016 on the xbox to compete.
mitch
May 6, 2016 at 9:57 am
somebody woke up hating tiger woods today!
Mike
May 6, 2016 at 6:18 pm
Somebody wakes up everyday hating woods.
Jay
May 6, 2016 at 9:50 am
Sad to think my $35 membership fee supports this – plenty of homeless folks could have used it more and accomplished far more with the $$
Konklifer
May 6, 2016 at 9:46 am
Does Golfwrx actually pay this @$$hat?
Robeli
May 6, 2016 at 12:55 pm
No, you actually help pay. By reading WRX, you create traffic which pleases advertisers which pays the bill.
Christosterone
May 6, 2016 at 9:40 am
The last time he was halfway healthy(2.5 years ago) he won 5 times including the Players…let me repeat that, 5 Times..
congrats on the troll though…
-Christosterone
Donald Quiote
May 6, 2016 at 9:28 am
Dear GolfWrx,
Your site usually is filled with such great articles and good reads. I know you thought this could be a fun experiment with allowing a troll to have access to posting articles but it’s failing. Please remove this and take time to find someone who acutally writes something that would contribute to site.
Best Reguards,
Don Quiote
devilsadvocate
May 6, 2016 at 9:21 am
Good lord so many people got the satire but missed the joke…. Swanson does not share an opinion with the writer… Swanson spouts garbage you would expect to hear from “that guy” at the club… The writer is saying this is the kind of thing a moron says and doesn’t believe any of it to be accurate. Its supposed to represent the opinion of an idiot… If you happen to share Swanson’s opinion the writer is saying u are an idiot…. If u didn’t get that and are rushing to defend tiger unnecessarily you are also an idiot and missed the whole point of the article
BrewmeisterSmith
May 6, 2016 at 10:09 am
Well said. I was shocked at many of the responses and then I remembered how many dumb people there are in this world.
Mike
May 6, 2016 at 6:24 pm
Take a look in the mirror.
Jvokal
May 6, 2016 at 11:51 am
Amen! Its laughable and sad that so many people completely missed the point of the article.
Robeli
May 6, 2016 at 1:01 pm
Amen
Brandon
May 6, 2016 at 1:58 pm
No, we totally get what the writer is trying to do. It’s that its unoriginal and not even remotely funny. IF you’re going to use the satire angle at least be clever and witty. This was an embarrassing attempt.
Brian
May 6, 2016 at 4:12 pm
Brandon – agree with you 100%.
or should I have said….
Amen
now that’s satire
taffy
May 6, 2016 at 9:19 am
WRX has “jumped the shark”.
Hooker T. Washington
May 6, 2016 at 9:05 am
Haha I love this stuff, and find it to be hilarious. I don’t know why y’all get so upset and butt-hurt over articles that are meant for nothing more than some good humor
BrewmeisterSmith
May 6, 2016 at 10:11 am
It’s simple really. People are dumb.
TDBACH
May 6, 2016 at 12:39 pm
I think you judge unfairly. Uninformed and outrageous comments fly on web site like this all the time, without any sense of irony. It’s hard to tell parody from serious intent anymore. So you have Tiger haters and fans responding almost by reflex. Face it, if you haven’t bothered to read the “Swanson” bio, it would be hard to tell this is a joke – and not at Tiger’s expense, but ours.
barto78
May 6, 2016 at 8:56 am
Very little analysis in your opinion and analysis article. I guess Golfwrx has succumb to being a click-bait generating website with crap like this……
Just a sad day really for this terrific website.
Insider
May 6, 2016 at 8:40 am
one more rule, tiger has to use persimmon woods, and wound ball. hickory shafts are optional.
Robeli
May 6, 2016 at 12:56 pm
No, you got it wrong. The OTHER players has to use that.
ooffa
May 6, 2016 at 8:37 am
C’mon Gofwrx, their has to be comedy writers you can hire that are funny. There are many candidates in the comment section. At least try and contact one of them.
Daly
May 6, 2016 at 8:34 am
The one thing Tiger Woods and GolfWrx have in common, they’re both past their prime.
Todd
May 6, 2016 at 8:30 am
Pathetic and juvenile attempt at humor.
Philip
May 6, 2016 at 8:27 am
Awesome satire! Though I would think the handicap requirement only applies to non-professional golfers.
Dj
May 6, 2016 at 8:25 am
Can I have my 2 minutes back? I’ve seen troll threads about blades in the forums better than this article.
Mike Puglielli
May 6, 2016 at 8:14 am
Lets not let, arguably the best golfer of all time, play at our golf course—you’re right. With this mentality there shouldn’t be a lot of things.
TW
May 6, 2016 at 8:10 am
Shank
Jody
May 6, 2016 at 8:07 am
Might be time to can this whole “Swanson” bit.
Anna
May 6, 2016 at 8:04 am
Really is a patheticly new low for GOLFWRX….
Nath
May 6, 2016 at 7:55 am
Oah its you again, havent you gone back deep down in the forums already!
avid golfer
May 6, 2016 at 7:54 am
this is the worst article I have ever read on this site. if it’s an attempt at satire it’s way off the mark and very poorly executed. truly embarrassing garbage for WRX.
Hammy
May 6, 2016 at 7:54 am
I’m far from a Tiger fan boy but this article is rather garbage. Lets not forget if it wasnt for Tiger… majority of us probably wouldnt be playing golf and this site would probably not exist. I’ve read some pretty bad articles before but this is at the top. Usually articles contain some context that makes sense but the only thing I see here is hate.
If a WRX member was to post this in the forums this would have been removed so quickly as per all the other posts that are based on hate. Instead you post this on the front page and totally contradict the rules the forum marshals enforce.
Congrats!
TCJ
May 6, 2016 at 12:35 pm
I loathe the sentiment that Tiger Woods is some sort of golf savior. The game existed before, and will most certainly exist after he quits playing.
tiger is number 1
May 6, 2016 at 7:51 am
This is sad, Tiger has done more for than game then we can fathom.. all those young first time winners more than likely grew up watching him play.. he is still and forever will be great for the game.. better luck on your next article swanson
tiger woods
May 6, 2016 at 7:49 am
wow swanson just casue you have a small johnson and can only get laid by fat chicks dont mean you need to write garbage to bash the goat!
Cdub
May 6, 2016 at 7:30 am
Worst article I have ever read on this site. I hope the site is not moving in this direction. This is garbage content.