Opinion & Analysis
Parents, get out of the way and let them play golf!
In my work, I see a lot of games, a lot of athletes and a lot of interesting coach and parent behavior. The last one is the topic of this story, because parent behavior is a critical piece in how much young players enjoy golf … and how long they keep playing.
The sad reality is that the majority of young athletes, including young golfers, drop out of competitive sports by the time they reach the age of 14. A study from the National Alliance of Sports tells us that more than 70 percent of young athletes leave competitive sports by that age. Why? It has nothing to do with the game. It likely isn’t the competition, the work involved or the effort required, either. Instead, it is the young people’s greatest fans, their parents — and sometimes their coaches — who take the fun away and make the experience of sports too complicated for the child to enjoy.
Instead of the pure joy of playing and achieving, young golfers get bogged down by heavy expectations, the pressure to win, and other complications introduced by the very adults who are most invested in them playing the sport. This may not be you, but for the sake of organized youth sports, please read on. And if you agree with what’s written, pass this story on.
Egos Run Amok
I’ve run a number of sessions on high performance for young golfers recently; a hot topic is always pressure and how young golfers handle it. Part of the complication is that mom and/or dad are often the biggest source of pressure. They create expectations that might be difficult to reach, and over time, that sucks the fun out of the game for their kids.
Is it really about the kids or the parents’ egos? The kids, with their $300 shoes, top-of-the-line equipment, and bag full of Pro Vs look like mini-professionals, one step from the tour. What starts out as a desire to have their kids be active and play their parent’s favorite game can sometimes shift into something else. Motives change, and often not for the better.
Do You Have a Frustration Gap?
Many parents see their child on the course or the practice tee as what they’d like their child to be, and not what their child actually is. I call this the Frustration Gap. Parents watch their kids perform and the frustration builds … and builds … and builds as the parent waits for the child to reach the performance level the parent hopes to see.
While this frustration is not much fun for the parent, it is less fun for the child, who is constantly trying to live up to the parent’s expectations. Usually, those expectations are unrealistic, and not in line with the child’s abilities or motivations. This tension is a performance crusher, and can lead a child in the wrong direction – sometimes out of the game for good.
The Mini-Van Golf Prison
Is your vehicle a Mini-Van Golf Prison, a place your child is trapped as you express your frustration with his or her performance? While most parents have good intentions for these chats, their budding professional becomes the target for all sorts of emotions felt by the parent while watching their child and expecting more.
What happened out there today? You looked tired… was that it? I’ve seen you play so much better than you did today. What’s wrong?
These questions and comments can begin a spiral of frustration between a young golfer and parent. And unfortunately, these opening lines often lead to deeper criticisms and questions resulting from the parent’s frustration. I really wish I could measure how much confidence the mini-van prison syndrome has destroyed in young players. All I know is it’s a problem, and awareness of your own car rides after the round is something to consider.
Some Ideas to Help
To help you and your young golfer avoid the Frustration Gap and the Mini-Van Prison, and keep them enjoying the game, here are a few ideas to consider.
1. Step back emotionally. Don’t forget this is your child’s life and experience. One of the joys of being a parent is guiding your child through life and enjoying their successes, but it can be taken too far. If you become obsessed with your child’s performance, and find yourself placing unrealistic expectations on them, you need to take a step back.
2. Make car rides positive experiences. Don’t talk about the game in the car. Let the child initiate any conversation related to the game. If they want to share, they will. And make sure to let the child know you are their biggest supporter, and will be there for them whether they win or lose; play well or make mistakes.
3. Praise achievement. Don’t be critical or instructive. Learn to praise achievement and not focus on your child’s limitations. Make sure the child knows you are proud of a great shot, round and attitude.
4. Focus on process and effort. Don’t be too results-oriented. Your priority for your child needs to be that they feel good about themselves and are happy so that they are motivated to play again tomorrow.
5. Let your young golfer do what is right for them now. Don’t push the child based on your desires. Encouraging your child is great, but don’t cross the line and push your child further than he or she wants to go right now.
6. Let coaches coach! Don’t be both the parent and coach. Coaching and instruction both from parents and coaches confuses the child and has little positive impact.
7. Adjust your expectations. Don’t allow your frustration to build. Letting your Frustration Gap build is not helpful for you or the child. A parent who bottles up frustration becomes a ticking time bomb, waiting for an opportunity for the frustration to become uncorked.
8. Every child makes mistakes! Don’t hyper-focus on your child. Parents put their own children under a microscope, and live and die by each movement the child makes. This hyper-focus on your own child — watching their every move — creates a lack of perspective relative to the other kids on the course, and in the game in general.
If your child is one of the chosen few who are talented enough to play college golf, or even make their way into the professional ranks, great. But 99.9 percent of kids won’t go on to do these things. The important thing is to set the table early for these young players to enjoy what is the best game in the world … for a lifetime.
- LIKE328
- LEGIT49
- WOW15
- LOL4
- IDHT5
- FLOP4
- OB6
- SHANK11
19th Hole
Vincenzi’s LIV Golf Singapore betting preview: Course specialist ready to thrive once again
After another strong showing in Australia, LIV Golf will head to Sentosa Golf Club in Singapore looking to build off of what was undoubtedly their best event to date.
Sentosa Golf Club sits on the southern tip of Singapore and is one of the most beautiful courses in the world. The course is more than just incredible scenically; it was also rated 55th in Golf Digest’s top-100 courses in 2022-2023 and has been consistently regarded as one of the best courses in Asia. Prior to being part of the LIV rotation, the course hosted the Singapore Open every year since 2005.
Sentosa Golf Club is a par 71 measuring 7,406 yards. The course will require precise ball striking and some length off the tee. It’s possible to go low due to the pristine conditions, but there are also plenty of hazards and difficult spots on the course that can bring double bogey into play in a hurry. The Bermudagrass greens are perfectly manicured, and the course has spent millions on the sub-air system to keep the greens rolling fast. I spoke to Asian Tour player, Travis Smyth, who described the greens as “the best [he’s] ever played.”
Davis Love III, who competed in a Singapore Open in 2019, also gushed over the condition of the golf course.
“I love the greens. They are fabulous,” the 21-time PGA Tour winner said.
Love III also spoke about other aspects of the golf course.
“The greens are great; the fairways are perfect. It is a wonderful course, and it’s tricky off the tee.”
“It’s a long golf course, and you get some long iron shots. It takes somebody hitting it great to hit every green even though they are big.”
As Love III said, the course can be difficult off the tee due to the length of the course and the trouble looming around every corner. It will take a terrific ball striking week to win at Sentosa Golf Club.
In his pre-tournament press conference last season, Phil Mickelson echoed many of the same sentiments.
“To play Sentosa effectively, you’re going to have a lot of shots from 160 to 210, a lot of full 6-, 7-, 8-iron shots, and you need to hit those really well and you need to drive the ball well.”
Golfers who excel from tee to green and can dial in their longer irons will have a massive advantage this week.
Stat Leaders at LIV Golf Adelaide:
Fairways Hit
1.) Louis Oosthuizen
2.) Anirban Lahiri
3.) Jon Rahm
4.) Brendan Steele
5.) Cameron Tringale
Greens in Regulation
1.) Brooks Koepka
2.) Brendan Steele
3.) Dean Burmester
4.) Cameron Tringale
5.) Anirban Lahiri
Birdies Made
1.) Brendan Steele
2.) Dean Burmester
3.) Thomas Pieters
4.) Patrick Reed
5.) Carlos Ortiz
LIV Golf Individual Standings:
1.) Joaquin Niemann
2.) Jon Rahm
3.) Dean Burmester
4.) Louis Oosthuizen
5.) Abraham Ancer
LIV Golf Team Standings:
1.) Crushers
2.) Legion XIII
3.) Torque
4.) Stinger GC
5.) Ripper GC
LIV Golf Singapore Picks
Sergio Garcia +3000 (DraftKings)
Sergio Garcia is no stranger to Sentosa Golf Club. The Spaniard won the Singapore Open in 2018 by five strokes and lost in a playoff at LIV Singapore last year to scorching hot Talor Gooch. Looking at the course setup, it’s no surprise that a player like Sergio has played incredible golf here. He’s long off the tee and is one of the better long iron players in the world when he’s in form. Garcia is also statistically a much better putter on Bermudagrass than he is on other putting surfaces. He’s putt extremely well on Sentosa’s incredibly pure green complexes.
This season, Garcia has two runner-up finishes, both of them being playoff losses. Both El Camaleon and Doral are courses he’s had success at in his career. The Spaniard is a player who plays well at his tracks, and Sentosa is one of them. I believe Sergio will get himself in the mix this week. Hopefully the third time is a charm in Singapore.
Paul Casey +3300 (FanDuel)
Paul Casey is in the midst of one of his best seasons in the five years or so. The results recently have been up and down, but he’s shown that when he’s on a golf course that suits his game, he’s amongst the contenders.
This season, Casey has finishes of T5 (LIV Las Vegas), T2 (LIV Hong Kong), and a 6th at the Singapore Classic on the DP World Tour. At his best, the Englishman is one of the best long iron players in the world, which makes him a strong fit for Sentosa. Despite being in poor form last season, he was able to fire a Sunday 63, which shows he can low here at the course.
It’s been three years since Casey has won a tournament (Omega Dubai Desert Classic in 2021), but he’s been one of the top players on LIV this season and I think he can get it done at some point this season.
Mito Pereira +5000 (Bet365)
Since Mito Pereira’s unfortunate demise at the 2022 PGA Championship, he’s been extremely inconsistent. However, over the past few months, the Chilean has played well on the International Series as well as his most recent LIV start. Mito finished 8th at LIV Adelaide, which was his best LIV finish this season.
Last year, Pereira finished 5th at LIV Singapore, shooting fantastic rounds of 67-66-66. It makes sense why Mito would like Sentosa, as preeminent ball strikers tend to rise to the challenge of the golf course. He’s a great long iron player who is long and straight off the tee.
Mito has some experience playing in Asia and is one of the most talented players on LIV who’s yet to get in the winner’s circle. I have questions about whether or not he can come through once in contention, but if he gets there, I’m happy to roll the dice.
Andy Ogletree +15000 (DraftKings)
Andy Ogletree is a player I expected to have a strong 2024 but struggled early in his first full season on LIV. After failing to crack the top-25 in any LIV event this year, the former U.S. Amateur champion finally figured things out, finished in a tie for 3rd at LIV Adelaide.
Ogletree should be incredible comfortable playing in Singapore. He won the International Series Qatar last year and finished T3 at the International Series Singapore. The 26-year-old was arguably the best player on the Asian Tour in 2023 and has been fantastic in the continent over the past 18 months.
If Ogletree has indeed found form, he looks to be an amazing value at triple-digit odds.
- LIKE3
- LEGIT3
- WOW1
- LOL2
- IDHT0
- FLOP2
- OB0
- SHANK0
In Tampa, there is a golf course that boasts carts that do not work, a water range, and a group of players none of which have any chance to break 80. The course is overseen by a staff of crusty men who have succeeded at nothing in life but ending up at the worst-run course in America. However, this place is no failure. With several other local courses going out of business — and boasting outstanding greens — the place is booked full.
While I came for the great greens, I stayed to watch our resident instructor; a poor-tempered, method teacher who caters to the hopeless. At first, it was simply hilarious. However, after months of listening and watching, something clicked. I realized I had a front-row seat to the worst golf instructor in America.
Here are some of my key takeaways.
Method Teacher
It is widely accepted that there are three types of golf instructors: system teachers, non-system teachers, and method teachers. Method teachers prescribe the same antidote for each student based on a preamble which teachers can learn in a couple day certification.
Method teaching allows anyone to be certified. This process caters to the lowest caliber instructor, creating the illusion of competency. This empowers these underqualified instructors with the moniker of “certified” to prey on the innocent and uninformed.
The Cult of Stack and Jilt
The Stack and Tilt website proudly boasts, “A golfer swings his hands inward in the backswing as opposed to straight back to 1) create power, similar to a field goal kicker moving his leg in an arc and 2) to promote a swing that is in-to-out, which produces a draw (and eliminates a slice).”
Now, let me tell you something, there is this law of the universe which says “energy can either be created or destroyed,” so either these guys are defying physics or they have no idea what they are taking about. Further, the idea that the first move of the backswing determines impact is conjecture with a splash of utter fantasy.
These are the pontifications of a method — a set of prescriptions applied to everyone with the hope of some success through the placebo effect. It is one thing for a naive student to believe, for a golf instructor to drink and then dispel this Kool-Aid is malpractice.
Fooled by Randomness
In flipping a coin, or even a March Madness bet, there is a 50-50 chance of success. In golf, especially for new players, results are asymmetric. Simply put: Anything can happen. The problem is that when bad instructors work with high handicappers, each and every shot gets its own diagnosis and prescription. Soon the student is overwhelmed.
Now here’s the sinister thing: The overwhelming information is by design. In this case, the coach is not trying to make you better, they are trying to make you reliant on them for information. A quasi Stockholm syndrome of codependency.
Practice
One of the most important scientists of the 20th century was Ivan Pavlov. As you might recall, he found that animals, including humans, could be conditioned into biological responses. In golf, the idea of practice has made millions of hackers salivate that they are one lesson or practice session from “the secret.”
Sunk Cost
The idea for the worst golf instructor is to create control and dependency so that clients ignore the sunk cost of not getting better. Instead, they are held hostage by the idea that they are one lesson or tip away from unlocking their potential.
Cliches
Cliches have the effect of terminating thoughts. However, they are the weapon of choice for this instructor. Add some hyperbole and students actually get no information. As a result, these players couldn’t play golf. When they did, they had no real scheme. With no idea what they are doing, they would descend into a spiral of no idea what to do, bad results, lower confidence, and running back to the lesson tee from more cliches.
The fact is that poor instruction is about conditioning players to become reliant members of your cult. To take away autonomy. To use practice as a form of control. To sell more golf lessons not by making people better but through the guise that without the teacher, the student can never reach their full potential. All under the umbrella of being “certified” (in a 2-day course!) and a melee of cliches.
This of course is not just happening at my muni but is a systemic problem around the country and around the world, the consequences of which are giving people a great reason to stop playing golf. But hey, at least it’s selling a lot of golf balls…
- LIKE17
- LEGIT2
- WOW0
- LOL4
- IDHT1
- FLOP0
- OB0
- SHANK19
The PGA TOUR heads to New Orleans to play the 2023 Zurich Classic of New Orleans. In a welcome change from the usual stroke play, the Zurich Classic is a team event. On Thursday and Saturday, the teams play best ball, and on Friday and Sunday the teams play alternate shot.
TPC Louisiana is a par 72 that measures 7,425 yards. The course features some short par 4s and plenty of water and bunkers, which makes for a lot of exciting risk/reward scenarios for competitors. Pete Dye designed the course in 2004 specifically for the Zurich Classic, although the event didn’t make its debut until 2007 because of Hurricane Katrina.
Coming off of the Masters and a signature event in consecutive weeks, the field this week is a step down, and understandably so. Many of the world’s top players will be using this time to rest after a busy stretch.
However, there are some interesting teams this season with some stars making surprise appearances in the team event. Some notable teams include Patrick Cantlay and Xander Schauffele, Rory McIlroy and Shane Lowry, Collin Morikawa and Kurt Kitayama, Will Zalatoris and Sahith Theegala as well as a few Canadian teams, Nick Taylor and Adam Hadwin and Taylor Pendrith and Corey Conners.
Past Winners at TPC Louisiana
- 2023: Riley/Hardy (-30)
- 2022: Cantlay/Schauffele (-29)
- 2021: Leishman/Smith (-20)
- 2019: Palmer/Rahm (-26)
- 2018: Horschel/Piercy (-22)
- 2017: Blixt/Smith (-27)
2024 Zurich Classic of New Orleans Picks
Tom Hoge/Maverick McNealy +2500 (DraftKings)
Tom Hoge is coming off of a solid T18 finish at the RBC Heritage and finished T13 at last year’s Zurich Classic alongside Harris English.
This season, Hoge is having one of his best years on Tour in terms of Strokes Gained: Approach. In his last 24 rounds, the only player to top him on the category is Scottie Scheffler. Hoge has been solid on Pete Dye designs, ranking 28th in the field over his past 36 rounds.
McNealy is also having a solid season. He’s finished T6 at the Waste Management Phoenix Open and T9 at the PLAYERS Championship. He recently started working with world renowned swing coach, Butch Harmon, and its seemingly paid dividends in 2024.
Keith Mitchell/Joel Dahmen +4000 (DraftKings)
Keith Mitchell is having a fantastic season, finishing in the top-20 of five of his past seven starts on Tour. Most recently, Mitchell finished T14 at the Valero Texas Open and gained a whopping 6.0 strokes off the tee. He finished 6th at last year’s Zurich Classic.
Joel Dahmen is having a resurgent year and has been dialed in with his irons. He also has a T11 finish at the PLAYERS Championship at TPC Sawgrass which is another Pete Dye track. With Mitchell’s length and Dahmen’s ability to put it close with his short irons, the Mitchell/Dahmen combination will be dangerous this week.
Taylor Moore/Matt NeSmith +6500 (DraftKings)
Taylor Moore has quickly developed into one of the more consistent players on Tour. He’s finished in the top-20 in three of his past four starts, including a very impressive showing at The Masters, finishing T20. He’s also finished T4 at this event in consecutive seasons alongside Matt NeSmith.
NeSmith isn’t having a great 2024, but has seemed to elevate his game in this format. He finished T26 at Pete Dye’s TPC Sawgrass, which gives the 30-year-old something to build off of. NeSmith is also a great putter on Bermudagrass, which could help elevate Moore’s ball striking prowess.
- LIKE8
- LEGIT3
- WOW1
- LOL1
- IDHT0
- FLOP3
- OB1
- SHANK2
Dave Portnoy places monstrous outright bet for the 2024 Masters
John Daly stuns fans into silence with brutal opening tee shot on PGA Tour Champions
Justin Thomas on the equipment choice of Scottie Scheffler that he thinks is ‘weird’
Things got heated at the Houston Open between Tony Finau and Alejandro Tosti. Here’s why
Tiger Woods arrives at 2024 Masters equipped with a putter that may surprise you
‘Absolutely crazy’ – Major champ lays into Patrick Cantlay over his decision on final hole of RBC Heritage
Report: Tiger Woods has ‘eliminated sex’ in preparation for the 2024 Masters
Two star names reportedly blanked Jon Rahm all week at the Masters
2-time major champ announces shock retirement from the sport at age of 33
Report: LIV Golf identifies latest star name they hope to sign to breakaway tour
Kris Kim WITB 2024 (May)
Kris Kim what’s in the bag accurate as of the CJ Cup Byron Nelson. More photos from the event here....
Richy Werenski WITB 2024 (May)
Richy Werenski what’s in the bag accurate as of the CJ Cup Houston Open. Driver: Titleist TSR3 (10 degrees, D1...
Wesley Bryan WITB 2024 (May)
Wesley Bryan what’s in the bag accurate as of the CJ Cup Byron Nelson. Driver: Callaway Paradym Ai Smoke Triple...
Adam Scott WITB 2024 (May)
Adam Scott what’s in the bag accurate as of the 2024 CJ Cup Byron Nelson. Driver: TaylorMade Qi10 (10.5 degrees)...
-
19th Hole2 weeks agoJustin Thomas on the equipment choice of Scottie Scheffler that he thinks is ‘weird’
-
19th Hole2 weeks ago‘Absolutely crazy’ – Major champ lays into Patrick Cantlay over his decision on final hole of RBC Heritage
-
19th Hole3 weeks agoTwo star names reportedly blanked Jon Rahm all week at the Masters
-
19th Hole3 weeks agoReport: LIV Golf identifies latest star name they hope to sign to breakaway tour
-
19th Hole3 weeks agoNeal Shipley presser ends in awkward fashion after reporter claims Tiger handed him note on 8th fairway
-
19th Hole2 weeks agoBrandel Chamblee has ‘no doubt’ who started the McIlroy/LIV rumor and why
-
19th Hole1 week agoLET pro gives detailed financial breakdown of first week on tour…and the net result may shock you
-
Equipment2 weeks agoJason Day on his recent switch into Srixon ZX5 and ZX7 Mk II irons
golfraven
Jun 3, 2016 at 4:07 pm
I usually step away when my 2.5 years old one starts to throw his clubs in the air. Danger especially when at home. Other then that I love to see him practice just out of his own will and just enjoy watching him do it. When I try to show him something he goes bananas so I rather don’t get involved as he knows best.
Armypilot84
Jun 2, 2016 at 8:21 am
I think this is a really interesting article. I completely agree with the idea of “getting out of the way” when it comes to a young child playing golf. Golf is an incredibly hard game that I truly believe in my heart that no one is naturally good at. You have to love the game in order to want to get better. I only take me 5 year old son to the range when he asks me to go, and while there I do not try to instruct his swing. We play games where he tries to hit targets. I have only taken him a handful of times to go play 9 with me in the evenings and when we go I have a strict “No Frown” policy. I do not focus on his game at all, but his attitude. I give him one “mulligan” when it comes to throwing a fit or getting upset after hitting a bad shot. After that we go home if he does it again. It sucks wasting the $40+ in greens fees after only 2-3 holes, but it seems to have kept him yearning to play more. I just want him to have fun putting the ball in the hole because that is what the game is all about. I don’t care how it gets there.
John Haime
Jun 2, 2016 at 1:07 pm
Thanks for sharing your experience. Nice approach you have. Some fundamental instruction combined with allowing the young player to take ownership of the experience should lead to fun and great results.
Dr. Dormie
Jun 1, 2016 at 1:26 pm
John, your advice for dealing with the interfering, hovering parent of juniors is sound. I watch it all the time at a local range where mothers and fathers can’t let the kid practice without cleaning his/her clubs, teeing up the ball, taking videos, and playing the part of a coach in instructing. It is oppressive in its smothering of the child and makes the game way too serious at way too young an age.
In terms of your qualifications, please be sure you do not represent or insinuate you are credentialed, educated, trained or licensed as a psychologist in your articles or website. Being inspired by Daniel Goleman and his concept of “emotional intelligence” is just one small part of the pie. I say this as a clinical and sport psychologist who has been in practice for 40 years.
John Haime
Jun 1, 2016 at 2:39 pm
Hi Dr. Dormie,
Thanks so much for your comments on the article – much appreciated.
And, thanks for the advice and placing me a convenient little box LOL.
FYI – respectfully, sport psychology is a very small piece of working with athletes and high performance. I use some basic principles that are widely available to all, but getting sustainable results with athletes and performers reaches far beyond the narrow reach of traditional sport psychology. Psychology is about fixing problems, I build and develop athletes, performers and people – very different approaches.
My client list, including some of the world’s leading athletes, suggests that I probably know what I’m doing. It probably extends beyond inspiration from Dan Goleman (:
Dr. Dormie
Jun 1, 2016 at 8:46 pm
John, I did not place you in a “box.” I simply asked you to be careful in how you represent yourself. Your comments about sport psychologists are inaccurate. You say “psychology is about fixing problems.” When it comes to sport psychology, this couldn’t be further from the truth. Clinical psychology is about fixing problems–not sport psychology. Ask any respected golf psychologist if what he’s/she’s doing is “fixing problems.” You sound a bit defensive, referring to your client list, but I guess “giving you advice” was asking for some defensiveness. So, I won’t pursue this any further.
John Haime
Jun 2, 2016 at 9:22 am
thanks Dr. Dorrie.
I don’t feel the response is a defensive one – but when someone questions my abilities to do what I do – I like to respond and explain. The idea here is to comment on the article – not on the abilities or credentials of the writer.
I refer to my client list and results only to point out that’s all that really counts in the real world. Credentials get your foot in the door – but then you must prove you can actually help people and get results. I hire sports psyches and many find it difficult to make the transition from the classroom to the locker room – they are night and day.
And, my point was clinical psychology is fixing problems. Working with athletes re High performance is coaching – identifying a gap and closing it. Traditional sport psychology can be one tool in closing that gap.
Hope you keep reading and commenting!! Would love to hear your ideas on helping athletes offline.
Cheers!
emerson boozer
Jun 1, 2016 at 4:34 am
Great article. I happen to practice the day of the junior close open. In the parking lot was kids and their drivers (no kidding) and/or dads getting out all their new gear and own pull carts, etc…
Then, the bus pulled up and all the kids who used the donated gear came running off yelling and screaming. The range was a zoo.
I compete with our junior club champ on our travelling team and he came over and said hello. I asked him wasn’t it great to be able to play with his friends? He said he had no friends and liked playing with me (i’m 35 years older). The sadness on his face. My heart broke.
He made full ride scholarship in the states and his father moved to the states off campus. I hate to think about it.
Jon
Jun 1, 2016 at 1:59 am
Thanks for the article. It’s very much along the lines of those I’ve read before about sports parents, and with golf in particular, falls into the “early specialization leads to burnout and hinders potential” genre. The issue I have (sorry!) is that these all start with the basic premise that kids drop out of sports by the time they are 14 because their parents were overbearing (“no fun”), or the kid is burned out from too much of one sport. But those conclusions, upon which the entire rest of the articles are built upon, are Never backed up with any evidence or data. In my experience with junior golf (going on roughly 20 years), I can’t think of Any competitive golfers (those who had some dedication to the game) who quit the sport for either of these reasons. The very few that I know of that did stop did so because they wanted to play a different sport or spend more time on their academics. As a lifelong athlete, my observation is just the opposite – the biggest reason kids, and adults, drop out of golf is because they suck at it….sucking is no fun, regardless of your age. Playing well is tons of fun, regardless of your age. Playing decent golf is hard. It’s one of those sports where parents often play a critical role in helping their kids not suck. Whether it’s through teaching them or making sure they get appropriate instruction. My take is that I’d like to see articles written from that perspective and help parents be better golf parents (and coaches if that is their chosen role in the relationship). In short, parents who dedicate the time and energy it takes to develop or support the development of a junior golfer should be celebrated, not ostracized, unless you have some actual peer reviewed data that proves otherwise. Telling parents to “Get Out of the Way” …not the best way to begin the conversation.
John Haime
Jun 1, 2016 at 1:30 pm
Thanks for the comments Jon – appreciated. Interesting experience you have with young golfers.
Give the National Sport Alliance a call and they will give you data and stats to support the numbers in the article. There are other youth sport groups that also have data.
I understand your thoughts. My experience, working with young athletes everyday is I often hear that “mom and dad put too much pressure on me and it’s not fun.” It’s more prevalent than you might think. Often parents have a blindspot – think they are not applying pressure – but they are in the view of the child. As soon as that anxiety creeps in to the child’s experience – other options become more attractive. Wondering if you ever talked to the kids and asked them the REAL reasons why they left? In the article I am primarily referring to competitive kids who have some (or their parents have) some ambition for them to attain a level in the game.
I completely agree that adults drop out of the game because of ability. That is an article for another day as many adults go in without a plan, have unrealistic expectations, underestimate the commitment needed to develop proficiency, get frustrated – and quit. But, in my experience, that is not the case with kids. If parents drop them off at the course and expose them to some good instruction, they typically become quite proficient at the game. As you know, kids pick up everything quicker than adults.
As mentioned in the article. Every parent does not short circuit the experience for kids. But, the article is written to create awareness for parents who do.
“Get out of the way” is direct, but the reality is the parents do get in the way of the experience. It’s important to ensure kids own their own sport experience and not have parental expectations and adult values hanging over them to prevent them from expressing themselves.
The conversation re: team sports is different and much more complicated.
Raven
Jun 1, 2016 at 5:22 pm
Brilliant article – I agree that overbearing parents can make things less fun and push some kids away, but how realistic is this as being a significant reason? I recall my old Japanese karate sensei saying that most people left a sport either as a beginner, or when they reached a level where they were ready to become really good (often in their mid to late teens). Both levels required an extra step up in effort and also filtered out those who were simply not able to progress further. That sensei was also considered an authority in his field. So are these parents actually pushing their kids away, or just making it more appealing to leave at a particular time? Respectfully I completely agree that positive reinforcement will help those who do pursue a sport to a highly skilled level, and I don’t think hyper-focussed parachute parents are good for any child’s life development. I do however see kids leaving at certain competitive levels regardless of parent frustration level.
John Haime
Jun 2, 2016 at 9:47 am
Nice comments Raven.
Yes, agree kids leave for a variety of reasons. But, sport has changed with highly competitive focuses in all sports. College scholarships and the huge opportunities have created a more hyper focus on results – by parents.
Karate etc. may be a bit different from the traditional sports as the “end game” in activities like Karate do not normally lead to large payoffs like traditional sports softening the push and ownership from parents.
Thanks again for the contribution to the conversation.
John Haime
Jun 1, 2016 at 2:51 pm
Hey Jon,
Thanks for the comments – great to get different perspectives.
A few thoughts …
Give National Sport Alliance a call and you can gather the data. There are also other sources that the NSA can recommend.
“Get out of the way” is direct – but exactly what parents must do to allow the kids to own their sport experience and fully express themselves. Parents do “get in the way” of the experience and take ownership themselves.
Just wondering if you have talked to the kids and understood the REAL reasons they are leaving? Other sports and academics are convenient reasons and acceptable – but I think if you really spoke to the kids – you might find something different.
Agree – adults quit because they find it too hard. They often don’t have a plan, expectations are too high, don’t realize the time commitment, get frustrated and may quit. But, kids pick it up easily – and if they have good coaching – I don’t see them leaving because it is too difficult.
thanks again.
Snoopy
May 31, 2016 at 3:21 pm
This is the most unshankable article around. Something great I’ve realized totally outside the context of competitive sports is that good performance can come with hard work, but GREAT performance comes when the work feels like fun. If you’re not having fun on the golf course, parent or player, you should probably find something more productive to do with your time.
John Haime
May 31, 2016 at 4:44 pm
Great comment Snoopy – exactly right. Enjoyment and passion are absolute requirements for great and sustainable performance.
Thanks for contributing!
Alan
May 31, 2016 at 1:13 am
Great article. As a parent myself of 2 young boys who play golf I see this happening a lot. I’ve had to learn to step away and let them get on with it without them worrying what my reaction will be as a result of a bad score or shot! Let them enjoy it and let them have the freedom to keep playing and enjoy themselves on the course!
John Haime
May 31, 2016 at 9:26 am
Great approach Alan – I expect the boys will be playing for awhile!
Bernard
May 30, 2016 at 7:14 pm
I have a son who plays AAU basketball, a lot of what is written here I wholeheartedly agree with. When my son is at practice, I hit the local range to work on golf, so I am there, 5-6 hours a week. I have seen several parent/kid sessions, where at practice the “adult” is hyper coaching and even berating a young kid. In all cases the kid looks miserable. When the fun is gone, the kid will follow it off the the course. I have expectations as a parent, they are work hard and have fun, I try to maintain those twin goals without alienating my child with result based expectations. Feed their passion, do not kill it with trophy dreams. The prize is a well adjusted kid who feels loved.
John Haime
May 31, 2016 at 2:56 pm
Yes – excellent comment Bernard – the article is transferable to all sports. I work in many sports now and see the behavior in all sports. Your last line really is the goal – hoping they also learn lessons from the games that are transferable later on.
Thanks!
8thehardway
May 30, 2016 at 9:37 am
Don’t tell me how to manage my 9 y/o protege, she & I hustled my friends for 350 last weekend and it woulda been double if she made that last putt, but she’s developing the yips; she has got to learn to cope with cigar smoke and swearing if she’s gonna make competitive golf her life.
Instead of listening to this garbage I subscribed to Byung-holio Wei’s newletter – expensive, he’s got the right perspective and I’m gonna spring for a brace for her blown out knee and some Adderall; Byung thinks they don’t drug test kids under 12 so that’s 3 more years of smooth sailing until I sign her up for the men’s John Deere Classic, and if she wins the tractor-pull and the golf tournament all the time I spent as her daddy/caddy, coach and manager will be worth it.
John Haime
May 31, 2016 at 9:23 am
Very good!
KK
May 30, 2016 at 12:37 am
These parents are the definition of arrogance. If the kid is trying, that’s all you can ask. If the kid isn’t, he/she shouldn’t be playing anyway.
WolfWRX
May 29, 2016 at 9:08 pm
Great article. I need to print this off and pin it on my fridge as a reminder to myself. Thank you.
Nick
May 29, 2016 at 6:58 pm
Good advice- interestingly the best female golfers I work with are the ones this article is written towards.
Best for the masses might not be best for the best.
I also have doubts that this is the reason why 70% of kids stop playing organized sport. I stopped playing hockey and my parents were great. You don’t have to hate your parents to have other interests
Nick
May 29, 2016 at 6:52 pm
There is some good advice here- interestingly the best female golfers I work with are the ones this article is written at.
Best for the masses might not be best for the best.
I also have doubts that this is the reason why 70% of kids stop playing organized sport. I stopped playing hockey and my parents were great. You don’t have to hate your parents to have other interests
John Haime
May 30, 2016 at 2:17 pm
Thanks for the comment Nick – good ones. Agree many parents are great and provide a nice environment for the kids to enjoy sports. And, there are many different reasons why kids move away from competitive sports – but when they stop having fun and get tired of the adult values – they are much quicker to turn their heads in other directions. Unfortunately, today, there is a likelihood that the parents own the kids’ sport experience – and not the kids who are playing them.
CD
May 29, 2016 at 2:34 pm
“but we want to keep them playing so it becomes a lifetime interest and passion.”
Why do we???? And if we want them to, and not them want to; then you’ve lost ‘your’ goal before you’ve started anyway.
If people are really doing the points you listed above, don’t be surprised when little Jimmy discovers girls and motorbikes. Or gets a career. Or simply doesn’t want to hang around with dad who is playing a deeply uncool game.
Having to consider, or reconsider any of these points says everything about the parent than the child. This is written in a competitive context; so it’s the parent that has the ego, the insecurity they were never good enough; and is trying to live their thwarted – and unrealistic – dreams vicariously. It’s just about the most selfish thing you can do; try and restrict someone’s freedom of choice and liberty.
John Haime
May 30, 2016 at 2:01 pm
Hey CD – thanks for the comments …
Understand what you are saying.
I think, simply, the goal is to give the kids the opportunity to fall in love with the game – and continue to pursue it. We all know the benefits of the game – and introducing adult values too early in the process can discourage kids away from the game. Agree, kids will leave the game for a variety of reasons, but there’s a much better chance they’ll keep playing if they own it themselves, they have fun and we allow them to discover the many benefits.
M smizzy
May 28, 2016 at 5:08 pm
Italian sparkeling water with lime twist, Truffle fries cooked in duck fat, and a Kobe burger medium?
Forsbrand
May 28, 2016 at 1:06 pm
I have watched some quite disgusting parents at junior coaching “Come on Caleb show them your Tiger stinger”. Yeh he’s 8 years old can barely swing the club!! Absolute mug of a parent and often a high handicapper trying to relive his youth through his child. T
HE sort of guy you just wanna grab and shake!!
Also you’ve got the father that always plays golf with his son in competitions, you know marks his card and low and behold the teenager shoots a super low score, 4 shots lower than the club champion could possibly shoot, yes folks the Magic Marker Brigade! They’ll do anything to get there son noticed / handicap down so they get in that college team.
Leave kids alone, let them develop naturally, don’t force the issue, they might just be happy playing to a 28 handicap casually having fun!
bart
May 28, 2016 at 12:00 pm
You’ve missed one big reason when diagnosing the “problem” of why kids leave sports in their teens: some kids would rather do something else. Music, art, culture, reading, work, being with friends, enjoying nature- there is so much else to do other than chase a ball around.
So maybe the problem is that you think there is a problem with kids not playing sports?
John Haime
May 28, 2016 at 1:01 pm
Thanks Bart – agreed.
But, I think you’ve missed part of the point of the article.
If the kids are playing – there’s no reason why we can’t keep them playing with the right motivations. Kids want to have fun and they turn to the things you mention because often they are frustrated with golf/sport – it’s not fun anymore.
Agree there are lots of things to do – but to keep kids playing – we have to provide the great environment. I think it’s great to encourage other interests – but we want to keep them playing so it becomes a lifetime interest and passion.
Thanks for the comment!!
Rb
May 29, 2016 at 10:34 am
How about this: if the kids are good at it, they’ll play anyway. If they feel they’re good at something else and want to do that other thing – then the Parent is a douche for pushing it on the kid in all the wrong ways.
M smizzy
May 28, 2016 at 11:57 am
Excellent article. Focusing on the positives and building a long term appreciation of the game and its ability to build
Character and etiquette should be first priority for the youngsters. My best experiences have been whacking it around with friends and just enjoying the game and fellowship. These have also been some of my best rounds. Respect the challenges of
The game.
John Haime
May 28, 2016 at 1:05 pm
Great comments smizzy – your point about the challenges of the game is a great one. So much to learn from golf – so we want to keep kids in the game and learn those lessons.
I am all for encouraging kids to do other things and be well rounded – but pushing them out of the game at an early age really subtracts something that can bring them joy and value over a lifetime.
Bert
May 29, 2016 at 8:18 am
Great comments – I enjoy seeing kids playing golf with other kids.
Just recently watched the NCAA Women’s National Championship and all I could think about was the coaches interfering with play. I kept thinking, “get the heck out of there and let the girl putt.” Coaches and parents are good for the sport as teachers, motivators and hopefully mentors, but when it comes time to play, let them play.