Opinion & Analysis

Gator bait

Published

12 years ago

Mar 28, 2012

GolfWRX

By Brian Sumner

GolfWRX Contributor

I’ve never completely understood the quote Forrest Gump made famous, “Life is like a box of chocolates,you never know what you’re going to get.” Most of the boxes of chocolates I’ve gotten have a blueprint inside outlining what’s what. However, there really isn’t a diagram that lets you know what to expect when you show up at a golf course as a single. I’ve never minded being paired up with others, but you truly never know what you’re going to get. Sometimes it can be an adventure.

My wife’s family was having a reunion in Daytona Beach, Florida and one morning, I got an official spousal reprieve from the in-laws to go play golf. When I arrived at the course it seemed busy for a Wednesday, but I didn’t notice anything much out of the ordinary. The guy in the pro shop arranged for me to be paired up with a twosome who was scheduled to tee off about an hour later. I got some range balls and headed to see if I could dig out something that might be a semi-repeatable swing as not to embarrass myself in front of total strangers.

I first noticed how quiet it was when I left the pro shop. Sure a golf course is out in nature and people try to avoid making loud noises out of respect for the other players, but it was REALLY quiet. The putting green was full and so was the driving range, but the only sound that could be heard was the rhythmic thwack of range balls being struck. At first it was quite eerie, but then I noticed all the rapid fire hand gestures and slowly realized that no one around me was talking…instead they were all using sign language. I spoke to one of the rangers who confirmed for me that nearly every one of the patrons were there to play a practice round for what he described as “the big deaf tournament” they were hosting.

I’ve had quite some experience with the deaf community. My college had an extensive program for hearing impaired students. In fact, one of my teammates on the college golf team was hearing impaired and during my junior year I also dated a girl who was also deaf.

I wasn’t at all shocked when the two guys I was paired with couldn’t hear a bit. However, they were surprised when they signed something to me and I feebly tried to sign something back to them. Because of my college experiences, I could actually communicate with them a little, but I was having a really hard time recalling many of the words and phrases that had once been fairly familiar to me. It turned out that the only things that came immediately to mind were the letters of the alphabet (finger spelling) and a bunch of slang curse words that I’d learned. It didn’t really seem appropriate to start firing those off this early in our relationship, so I stuck with finger spelling.

I explained to my playing partners, who we’ll call James and Dave, as best I could that I did know a little sign language, but only enough to get by (barely). Sometimes during the round I would start finger spelling something and they would nod as patiently as they could when they knew what I was trying to say. As you might expect, they were both excellent at reading lips, but quickly realized that I was horrible at it. If we needed to have any kind of an extended conversation they often ended up writing in a small notebook that one of them had brought to make course notes for the tournament.

About two holes into the round I found that the curse words I remembered were going to be useful more useful than I expected. Dave snap hooked his drive into a hazard. He immediately threw down his club and started signing off several words, many were ones that I remembered as being of the cursing variety. While I didn’t recognize every word of the sentence, I did get the gist of its meaning which caused me to start laughing. When Dave noticed, I think he thought I was making fun of his tee shot and he looked more than a little ticked off. I tried to explain what I had found funny, and he seemed to calm down a little, but I wasn’t entirely sure that he was convinced.

Overall, the round was a pleasant one. James was clearly the better of the two golfers. While Dave seemed to be struggling both with his swing and his temper, it was obvious that he was more than capable of posting decent scores. Although they genuinely seemed impressed that I had taken the time in my life to learn some sign language, it was obvious that I hadn’t retained much of it. They didn’t go out of their way to talk to me, but I suspect that some of that was because dummying down the translation to my remedial level was tedious and more than a little annoying. Imagine someone was trying to talk to you, spelling out what they wanted to say, one letter of the alphabet at a time and you may begin to understand. They weren’t at all rude about it, but I still had a slight feeling of isolation. This gave me an opportunity to focus on my game a little more, but since the course was packed and we were waiting a lot I also started finding other ways to entertain myself.

Like with my college teammate, I found that some elements of normal golf etiquette were things I didn’t have to worry about. For instance, I didn’t have to be very concerned with making noise during their swing. After I hit I could put my club away as loudly as I wanted. Sometimes I would go ahead and kick off the parking brake on the golf cart while they were hitting just because I could. Making loud noises became somewhat of a game for me. I began doing it just to see how loud I could make it. However, I feel inclined to point out that I was always careful not to be in their line of sight when I performed some of these actions that would make noise.

It was on No. 16 when Dave lost his temper and wanted to take a swing at me for doing something that probably saved him from getting maimed.

The sixteenth hole is a long par five with a water hazard that runs up the right side nearly all the way to the green. Dave’s tee shot skirted the edge of the hazard bouncing on the bank a few times before nose diving down toward the water. I had been first to tee off, but James still had to hit. From my cart, I had a beat on Dave’s ball so as soon as James hit I took off for the spot where I thought Dave’s ball had entered the hazard.

The weeds along the edge of the pond were a little high, but not so high that I didn’t see what I suspected to be Dave’s golf ball resting in the edge of the hazard. However, my attention wasn’t focused on the golf ball. My eyes were locked on the four and a half foot alligator half submerged in the water about thirty feet where I parked the cart.

I’m from the mountains of North Carolina, so I’m not used to seeing alligators anywhere, much less on a golf course. I don’t know very much about them except what little I learned while watching Steve Irwin on “The Crocodile Hunter.” I had to do a double check to make sure what I was seeing was real, but it was completely lost on me how Dave and James parked their cart between me and the gator without seeing him at all. I’ve heard that when you lose one of your senses that the sensitivity of the others becomes more heightened to make up for the loss. Obviously, Dave and James had amazing senses of smell, taste, and touch because their vision was absolutely horrid.

Dave, angry with his tee shot, got out of the cart, viciously jerked a club from his bag and started toward the hazard intent on getting his ball back. In shock, I realized that he had still not noticing that it rested about ten feet from Godzilla. Seeing that Dave had found his ball, but also somehow not seeing the gator, James headed back to the cart and took a seat.

I stood frozen for a moment not believing what was happening until the alligator’s hiss brought me from my fugue and sparked me into action. My first instinct was to yell at Dave to warn him. “Dude, there’s a gator over there!” Then I remembered that I could yell until Armageddon came and Dave wouldn’t have heard me. I started frantically waving my arms and jumping up and down (I’m actually kind of embarrassed to admit the jumping up and down part). James looked at me confused and Dave, who was about five feet from his ball by now, remained in his own unhappy little world.

I had been eating an apple as I had driven up to “Lake Placid” and was a little surprised to look down and find that it was still in my hand. It had been a pretty tasty apple, but out of instinct I immediately drew back and chucked the apple in Dave’s direction. Probably fueled by adrenaline, the throw had a little more zip on it than I had intended. Despite the speed at which the apple was traveling, time seemed to slow while it was in the air. I watched with a certain sense of satisfaction as the apple struck Dave first on the top of the shoulder then glancing off and hitting him squarely in the ear. In my mind I celebrated. I’m sure I had a goofy smile on my face when Dave, confused, whipped his head around to look at me. He looked down at the apple lying near his feet reached up with his hand and wiped the apple juice from his ear, then looked back at me again. I’m not sure what I had expected would happen next, but I was shocked when Dave’s confused visage darkened into an angry scowl and he started toward me like he wanted to fight. He was mouthing something I didn’t understand (I suck at reading lips) and pointing at me with the hand that didn’t hold the golf club.

While I wouldn’t classify myself as a “lover” I definitely am not a “fighter” either. To avoid any ugliness, I tried pointing at the alligator. However, Dave was intent on being ticked off and didn’t seem concerned in the least with where I was pointing.

I quickly began to regret my decision. I had wasted a rather tasty Fuji apple and was about to get into a fight on a golf course for saving a guy from getting kneecapped by an alligator. Granted, a 4.5 foot alligator probably wouldn’t have killed him, but he would’ve definitely walked with a limp for awhile. Immediate physical damage and potential rehabilitation aside, I’m sure alligator mouths aren’t the most sterile of environments, so there was probably the risk of some kind of exotic infection as well. Getting a love bite from an alligator would in all probability fall into the category of an emotionally traumatic event. Dave would need some therapy too. Of course, as he stalked toward me I came to the conclusion that he already wasn’t one of the more stable people I’d ever encountered.

Still trying to avoid a throw down I calmly but emphatically gestured toward the gator again. This time something made Dave look where I was pointing. At first he still didn’t seem to see anything, but when his eyes focused on the gator I could actually see the color drain from his face. His eyes went buggy and were nearly as large as his open mouth which had gone slack. For a moment I thought he might pass out, but to my relief, he didn’t. He was a fairly good sized fellow and I didn’t relish the idea of helping James carry him to the cart.

Speaking of James, he had stood up uncertainly from the cart apparently trying to decide whether to intervene in the impending melee. Now he looked over in the direction where I pointed and literally went airborne in his astonishment. It was an uncoordinated movement that, had he made a sound would have probably been a high pitched “yip”.

Eventually Dave recovered and we finished our round. He didn’t retrieve the ball, though. Dave never apologized to me for his aggressive nature and to be honest, he didn’t need to. I could tell he was both appreciative of what I had done and embarrassed with how he acted. To be honest, I’d had some fun at his and James expense even if he didn’t know that I’d done it and I was regretting that myself. After the round was over I awkwardly shook hands with both of them and wished them the best of luck in their tournament and never saw them again.

Since then I’ve been paired up with strangers on numerous occasions. More often than not my playing partners are cordial and fun to be around. Golfers as a whole are good people. However, there have been times where I’ve found myself paired up with someone who is exceptionally chatty or who wants to give me a lesson. During those times I find myself longing for a nice quiet round with Dave and James. Occasionally, the pairing has been bad enough that I even wish for a four and a half foot alligator to intervene.

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19th Hole

Vincenzi’s 2024 Wells Fargo Championship betting preview: Tommy Fleetwood ready to finally land maiden PGA Tour title

Published

10 mins ago

May 6, 2024

Matt Vincenzi

The PGA Tour season ramps back up this week for another “signature event,” as golf fans look forward to the year’s second major championship next week.

After two weaker-field events in the Zurich Classic and the CJ Cup Byron Nelson, most of the best players in the world will head to historic Quail Hollow for one of the best non-major tournaments of the year.

Last season, Wyndham Clark won the event by four shots.

Quail Hollow is a par-71 measuring 7,521 yards that features Bermudagrass greens. The tree-lined, parkland style course can play quite difficult and features one of the most difficult three-hole stretches in golf known as “The Green Mile,” which makes up holes 16-18: two mammoth par 4s and a 221-yard par 3. All three holes have an average score over par, and water is in play in each of the last five holes on the course.

The field is excellent this week with 68 golfers teeing it up without a cut. All of the golfers who’ve qualified are set to tee it up, with the exception of Scottie Scheffler, who is expecting the birth of his first child.

Past Winners at Quail Hollow

2023: Wyndham Clark (-19)
2022: Max Homa (-8)
2021: Rory McIlroy (-10)
2019: Max Homa (-15)
2018: Jason Day (-12)
2017: Justin Thomas (-8) (PGA Championship)
2016: James Hahn (-9)
2015: Rory McIlroy (-21)

Key Stats For Quail Hollow

Strokes Gained: Approach

Strokes gained: Approach will be extremely important this week as second shots at Quail Hollow can be very difficult.

Total SG: Approach Over Past 24 Rounds

Akshay Bhatia (+1.16)
Tom Hoge (+1.12)
Corey Conners (+1.01)
Shane Lowry (+0.93)
Austin Eckroat (+0.82)

Strokes Gained: Off the Tee

Quail Hollow is a long course on which it is important to play from the fairway. Both distance and accuracy are important, as shorter tee shots will result in approach shots from 200 or more yards. With most of the holes heavily tree lined, errant drives will create some real trouble for the players.

Strokes Gained: Off the Tee Past 24 Rounds:

Ludvig Aberg (+0.73)
Rory McIlroy (+0.69)
Xander Schauffele (+0.62)
Viktor Hovland (+0.58)
Chris Kirk (+0.52)

Proximity: 175-200

The 175-200 range is key at Quail Hollow. Players who can hit their long irons well will rise to the top of the leaderboard.

Proximity: 175-200+ over past 24 rounds:

Cameron Young (28’2″)
Akshay Bhatia (29’6″)
Ludvig Aberg (+30’6″)
Sam Burns (+30’6″)
Collin Morikawa (+30’9″)

SG: Total on Tom Fazio Designs

Players who thrive on Tom Fazio designs get a bump for me at Quail Hollow this week.

SG: Total on Tom Fazio Designs over past 36 rounds:

Patrick Cantlay (+2.10)
Rory McIlroy (+1.95)
Tommy Fleetwood (+1.68)
Austin Eckroat (+1.60)
Will Zalatoris (+1.57)

Strokes Gained: Putting (Bermudagrass)

Strokes Gained: Putting has historically graded out as the most important statistic at Quail Hollow. While it isn’t always predictable, I do want to have it in the model to bump up golfers who prefer to putt on Bermudagrass.

Strokes Gained: Putting (Bermudagrass) Over Past 24 Rounds:

Taylor Moore (+0.82)
Nick Dunlap (+.76)
Wyndham Clark (+.69)
Emiliano Grillo (+.64)
Cam Davis (+.61)

Course History

This stat will incorporate players that have played well in the past at Quail Hollow.

Course History over past 36 rounds (per round):

Rory McIlroy (+2.50)
Justin Thomas (+1.96)
Jason Day (+1.92)
Rickie Fowler (+1.83)
Viktor Hovland (+1.78)

Wells Fargo Championship Model Rankings

Below, I’ve compiled overall model rankings using a combination of the five key statistical categories previously discussed — SG: Approach (27%), SG: Off the Tee (23%), SG: Total on Fazio designs (12%), Proximity: 175-200 (12%), SG: Putting Bermuda grass (12%), and Course History (14%).

Wyndham Clark
Rory McIlroy
Xander Schauffele
Shane Lowry
Hideki Matsuyama
Viktor Hovland
Cameron Young
Austin Eckroat
Byeong Hun An
Justin Thomas

2024 Wells Fargo Championship Picks

Tommy Fleetwood +2500 (DraftKings)

I know many out there have Tommy fatigue when it comes to betting, which is completely understandable given his lack of ability to win on the PGA Tour thus far in his career. However, history has shown us that players with Fleetwood’s talent eventually break though, and I believe for Tommy, it’s just a matter of time.

Fleetwood has been excellent on Tom Fazio designs. Over his past 36 rounds, he ranks 3rd in the field in Strokes Gained: Total on Fazio tracks. He’s also been incredibly reliable off the tee this season. He’s gained strokes in the category in eight of his past nine starts, including at The Masters, the PLAYERS and the three “signature events” of the season. Tommy is a golfer built for tougher courses and can grind it out in difficult conditions.

Last year, Fleetwood was the first-round leader at this event, firing a Thursday 65. He finished the event in a tie for 5th place.

For those worried about Fleetwood’s disappointing start his last time out at Harbour Town, he’s bounced back nicely after plenty of poor outings this season. His T7 at the Valero Texas Open was after a MC and T35 in his prior two starts and his win at the Dubai Invitational came after a T47 at the Sentry.

I expect Tommy to bounce back this week and contend at Quail Hollow.

Justin Thomas +3000 (DraftKings)

It’s been a rough couple of years for Justin Thomas, but I don’t believe things are quite as bad as they seem for JT. He got caught in the bad side of the draw at Augusta for last month’s Masters and has gained strokes on approach in seven of his nine starts in 2024.

Thomas may have found something in his most recent start at the RBC Heritage. He finished T5 at a course that he isn’t the best fit for on paper. He also finally got the putter working and ranked 15th in Strokes Gained: Putting for the week.

The two-time PGA champion captured the first of his two major championships at Quail Hollow back in 2017, and some good vibes from the course may be enough to get JT out of his slump.

Thomas hasn’t won an event in just about two years. However, I still believe that will change soon as he’s been one of the most prolific winners throughout his PGA Tour career. Since 2015, he has 15 PGA Tour wins.

Course history is pretty sticky at Quail Hollow, with players who like the course playing well there on a regular basis. In addition to JT’s PGA Championship win in 2017, he went 4-1 at the 2022 Presidents Cup and finished T14 at the event last year despite being in poor form. Thomas can return as one of the top players on the PGA Tour with a win at a “signature event” this week.

Cameron Young +3500 (DraftKings)

For many golf bettors, it’s been frustrating backing Cam Young this season. His talent is undeniable, and one of the best and most consistent performers on the PGA Tour. He just hasn’t broken through with a victory yet. Quail Hollow has been a great place for elite players to get their first victory. Rory McIlroy, Anthony Kim, Rickie Fowler and Wyndham Clark all notched their first PGA Tour win at Quail.

Throughout Cam Young’s career, he has thrived at tougher courses with strong fields. This season, he finished T16 at Riviera and T9 at Augusta National, demonstrating his preference of a tough test. His ability to hit the ball long and straight off the tee make him an ideal fit for Quail Hollow, despite playing pretty poorly his first time out in 2023 (T59). Young should be comfortable playing in the region as he played his college golf at Wake Forest, which is about an hour’s drive from Quail Hollow.

The 26-year-old has played well at Tom Fazio designs in the past and ranks 8th in the field in Strokes Gained: Total on those courses in his last 36 rounds. Perhaps most importantly, this season, Young is the best player on the PGA Tour in terms of proximity from 175-200 in the fairway, which is where a plurality and many crucial shots will come from this week.

Young is an elite talent and Quail Hollow has been kind to players of his ilk who’ve yet to win on Tour.

Byeong Hun An +5000 (FanDuel)

Byeong Hun An missed some opportunities last weekend at the CJ Cup Byron Nelson. He finished T4 and played some outstanding golf, but a couple of missed short putts prevented him from getting to the winning score of -23. Despite not getting the win, it’s hard to view An’s performance as anything other than an overwhelming success. It was An’s fourth top-ten finish of the season.

Last week, An gained 6.5 strokes ball striking, which was 7th in the field. He also ranked 12th for Strokes Gained: Approach and 13th for Strokes Gained: Off the Tee. The South Korean has been hitting the ball so well from tee to green all season long and he now heads to a golf course that should reward his precision.

An’s driver and long irons are absolute weapons. At Quail Hollow, players will see plenty of approach shots from the 175-200 range as well as some from 200+. In his past 24 rounds, Ben ranks 3rd in the field in proximity from 175-200 and 12th in proximity from 200+. Playing in an event that will not end up being a “birdie” fest should help An, who can separate from the field with his strong tee to green play. The putter may not always cooperate but getting to -15 is much easier than getting to -23 for elite ball strikers who tend to struggle on the greens.

Winning a “signature event” feels like a tall task for An this week with so many elite players in the field. However, he’s finished T16 at the Genesis Invitational, T16 at The Masters and T8 at the Arnold Palmer Invitational. The 32-year-old’s game has improved drastically this season and I believe he’s ready to get the biggest win of his career.

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19th Hole

Vincenzi’s LIV Golf Singapore betting preview: Course specialist ready to thrive once again

Published

6 days ago

Apr 30, 2024

Matt Vincenzi

After another strong showing in Australia, LIV Golf will head to Sentosa Golf Club in Singapore looking to build off of what was undoubtedly their best event to date.

Sentosa Golf Club sits on the southern tip of Singapore and is one of the most beautiful courses in the world. The course is more than just incredible scenically; it was also rated 55th in Golf Digest’s top-100 courses in 2022-2023 and has been consistently regarded as one of the best courses in Asia. Prior to being part of the LIV rotation, the course hosted the Singapore Open every year since 2005.

Sentosa Golf Club is a par 71 measuring 7,406 yards. The course will require precise ball striking and some length off the tee. It’s possible to go low due to the pristine conditions, but there are also plenty of hazards and difficult spots on the course that can bring double bogey into play in a hurry. The Bermudagrass greens are perfectly manicured, and the course has spent millions on the sub-air system to keep the greens rolling fast. I spoke to Asian Tour player, Travis Smyth, who described the greens as “the best [he’s] ever played.”

Davis Love III, who competed in a Singapore Open in 2019, also gushed over the condition of the golf course.

“I love the greens. They are fabulous,” the 21-time PGA Tour winner said.

Love III also spoke about other aspects of the golf course.

“The greens are great; the fairways are perfect. It is a wonderful course, and it’s tricky off the tee.”

“It’s a long golf course, and you get some long iron shots. It takes somebody hitting it great to hit every green even though they are big.”

As Love III said, the course can be difficult off the tee due to the length of the course and the trouble looming around every corner. It will take a terrific ball striking week to win at Sentosa Golf Club.

In his pre-tournament press conference last season, Phil Mickelson echoed many of the same sentiments.

“To play Sentosa effectively, you’re going to have a lot of shots from 160 to 210, a lot of full 6-, 7-, 8-iron shots, and you need to hit those really well and you need to drive the ball well.”

Golfers who excel from tee to green and can dial in their longer irons will have a massive advantage this week.

Stat Leaders at LIV Golf Adelaide:

Fairways Hit

1.) Louis Oosthuizen

2.) Anirban Lahiri

3.) Jon Rahm

4.) Brendan Steele

5.) Cameron Tringale

Greens in Regulation

1.) Brooks Koepka

2.) Brendan Steele

3.) Dean Burmester

4.) Cameron Tringale

5.) Anirban Lahiri

Birdies Made

1.) Brendan Steele

2.) Dean Burmester

3.) Thomas Pieters

4.) Patrick Reed

5.) Carlos Ortiz

LIV Golf Individual Standings:

1.) Joaquin Niemann

2.) Jon Rahm

3.) Dean Burmester

4.) Louis Oosthuizen

5.) Abraham Ancer

LIV Golf Team Standings:

1.) Crushers

2.) Legion XIII

3.) Torque

4.) Stinger GC

5.) Ripper GC

LIV Golf Singapore Picks

Sergio Garcia +3000 (DraftKings)

Sergio Garcia is no stranger to Sentosa Golf Club. The Spaniard won the Singapore Open in 2018 by five strokes and lost in a playoff at LIV Singapore last year to scorching hot Talor Gooch. Looking at the course setup, it’s no surprise that a player like Sergio has played incredible golf here. He’s long off the tee and is one of the better long iron players in the world when he’s in form. Garcia is also statistically a much better putter on Bermudagrass than he is on other putting surfaces. He’s putt extremely well on Sentosa’s incredibly pure green complexes.

This season, Garcia has two runner-up finishes, both of them being playoff losses. Both El Camaleon and Doral are courses he’s had success at in his career. The Spaniard is a player who plays well at his tracks, and Sentosa is one of them. I believe Sergio will get himself in the mix this week. Hopefully the third time is a charm in Singapore.

Paul Casey +3300 (FanDuel)

Paul Casey is in the midst of one of his best seasons in the five years or so. The results recently have been up and down, but he’s shown that when he’s on a golf course that suits his game, he’s amongst the contenders.

This season, Casey has finishes of T5 (LIV Las Vegas), T2 (LIV Hong Kong), and a 6th at the Singapore Classic on the DP World Tour. At his best, the Englishman is one of the best long iron players in the world, which makes him a strong fit for Sentosa. Despite being in poor form last season, he was able to fire a Sunday 63, which shows he can low here at the course.

It’s been three years since Casey has won a tournament (Omega Dubai Desert Classic in 2021), but he’s been one of the top players on LIV this season and I think he can get it done at some point this season.

Mito Pereira +5000 (Bet365)

Since Mito Pereira’s unfortunate demise at the 2022 PGA Championship, he’s been extremely inconsistent. However, over the past few months, the Chilean has played well on the International Series as well as his most recent LIV start. Mito finished 8th at LIV Adelaide, which was his best LIV finish this season.

Last year, Pereira finished 5th at LIV Singapore, shooting fantastic rounds of 67-66-66. It makes sense why Mito would like Sentosa, as preeminent ball strikers tend to rise to the challenge of the golf course. He’s a great long iron player who is long and straight off the tee.

Mito has some experience playing in Asia and is one of the most talented players on LIV who’s yet to get in the winner’s circle. I have questions about whether or not he can come through once in contention, but if he gets there, I’m happy to roll the dice.

Andy Ogletree +15000 (DraftKings)

Andy Ogletree is a player I expected to have a strong 2024 but struggled early in his first full season on LIV. After failing to crack the top-25 in any LIV event this year, the former U.S. Amateur champion finally figured things out, finished in a tie for 3rd at LIV Adelaide.

Ogletree should be incredible comfortable playing in Singapore. He won the International Series Qatar last year and finished T3 at the International Series Singapore. The 26-year-old was arguably the best player on the Asian Tour in 2023 and has been fantastic in the continent over the past 18 months.

If Ogletree has indeed found form, he looks to be an amazing value at triple-digit odds.

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Opinion & Analysis

Ryan: Lessons from the worst golf instructor in America

Published

6 days ago

Apr 30, 2024

Brendan Ryan

In Tampa, there is a golf course that boasts carts that do not work, a water range, and a group of players none of which have any chance to break 80. The course is overseen by a staff of crusty men who have succeeded at nothing in life but ending up at the worst-run course in America. However, this place is no failure. With several other local courses going out of business — and boasting outstanding greens — the place is booked full.

While I came for the great greens, I stayed to watch our resident instructor; a poor-tempered, method teacher who caters to the hopeless. At first, it was simply hilarious. However, after months of listening and watching, something clicked. I realized I had a front-row seat to the worst golf instructor in America.

Here are some of my key takeaways.

Method Teacher

It is widely accepted that there are three types of golf instructors: system teachers, non-system teachers, and method teachers. Method teachers prescribe the same antidote for each student based on a preamble which teachers can learn in a couple day certification.

Method teaching allows anyone to be certified. This process caters to the lowest caliber instructor, creating the illusion of competency. This empowers these underqualified instructors with the moniker of “certified” to prey on the innocent and uninformed.

The Cult of Stack and Jilt

The Stack and Tilt website proudly boasts, “A golfer swings his hands inward in the backswing as opposed to straight back to 1) create power, similar to a field goal kicker moving his leg in an arc and 2) to promote a swing that is in-to-out, which produces a draw (and eliminates a slice).”

Now, let me tell you something, there is this law of the universe which says “energy can either be created or destroyed,” so either these guys are defying physics or they have no idea what they are taking about. Further, the idea that the first move of the backswing determines impact is conjecture with a splash of utter fantasy.

These are the pontifications of a method — a set of prescriptions applied to everyone with the hope of some success through the placebo effect. It is one thing for a naive student to believe, for a golf instructor to drink and then dispel this Kool-Aid is malpractice.

Fooled by Randomness

In flipping a coin, or even a March Madness bet, there is a 50-50 chance of success. In golf, especially for new players, results are asymmetric. Simply put: Anything can happen. The problem is that when bad instructors work with high handicappers, each and every shot gets its own diagnosis and prescription. Soon the student is overwhelmed.

Now here’s the sinister thing: The overwhelming information is by design. In this case, the coach is not trying to make you better, they are trying to make you reliant on them for information. A quasi Stockholm syndrome of codependency.

Practice

One of the most important scientists of the 20th century was Ivan Pavlov. As you might recall, he found that animals, including humans, could be conditioned into biological responses. In golf, the idea of practice has made millions of hackers salivate that they are one lesson or practice session from “the secret.”

Sunk Cost

The idea for the worst golf instructor is to create control and dependency so that clients ignore the sunk cost of not getting better. Instead, they are held hostage by the idea that they are one lesson or tip away from unlocking their potential.

Cliches

Cliches have the effect of terminating thoughts. However, they are the weapon of choice for this instructor. Add some hyperbole and students actually get no information. As a result, these players couldn’t play golf. When they did, they had no real scheme. With no idea what they are doing, they would descend into a spiral of no idea what to do, bad results, lower confidence, and running back to the lesson tee from more cliches.

The fact is that poor instruction is about conditioning players to become reliant members of your cult. To take away autonomy. To use practice as a form of control. To sell more golf lessons not by making people better but through the guise that without the teacher, the student can never reach their full potential. All under the umbrella of being “certified” (in a 2-day course!) and a melee of cliches.

This of course is not just happening at my muni but is a systemic problem around the country and around the world, the consequences of which are giving people a great reason to stop playing golf. But hey, at least it’s selling a lot of golf balls…

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