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How Spieth gave away The Masters, and how Willet won

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Let’s start with what happened at Augusta’s famed par-three 12th, Golden Bell. Jordan Spieth stepped onto the tee on the heels of two consecutive bogeys. And to hear him tell it, he was already in the midst of a lapse in concentration over the ball.

“And I knew par was good enough [on the back nine] and maybe that was what hurt me,” Spieth said after the round. “Just wasn’t quite aggressive at the ball with my 3 wood, 6 iron on 10. And then the drive on 11. Just a lapse of concentration on 12 and it cost me.

“I knew the lead was five with nine holes to play. And I knew that those two bogeys weren’t going to hurt me. But I didn’t take that extra deep breath and really focus on my line on 12. Instead I went up and I just put a quick swing on it.”

Jordan-Spieth-12th-Augusta-

What was he trying to do with his tee shot to pin, which was tucked just four paces from the right edge of the shallow green? What would he liked to have done differently? Same club, similar line, different shot shape, more relaxation, conviction, it seems.

“No. 12 is a 150-yard shot and I feel I can bleed it next to the hole, and it’s a stock 9 iron for me,” Spieth said. “But that hole, for whatever reason, just has people’s number. Stay committed behind the bunker … It was really one swing. Nos. 10 and 11, you can take bogeys there. I was still 2-under for the tournament with a couple of par-5s left. My goal for the day was 4-under. So we were still right on pace. It just didn’t take that extra deep breath. And Michael said, hit it right here, hit it right here. And I remember getting over the ball thinking, ‘I’m going to go ahead and hit a little cut to the hole and that’s what I did in 2014 and it cost me the tournament then, too.’

“That was the right club, just the wrong shot. I was more comfortable hitting a draw with my iron. I knew every time I played a fade this week, that shot kind of came out. And I just… At the time, you’re going to throw all bad swings away and you’re just going to focus on how confident you can step into that shot and that’s what I did. But the swing just wasn’t quite there to produce the right ball flight. So ultimately, I should have just played a draw on that hole. At the same time, there’s so much adrenaline and it’s enough club that if it’s downwind a draw can fly over the bunkers. It was a tough number for me to commit to, but I had the right club.”

As Spieth indicates, the blunder is staggering, considering it’s a mirror image of what happened in 2014, when he found the water at No. 12, stymieing his pursuit of Bubba Watson. And regarding the fatted drop with 68 yards to the pin, Spieth offered this explanation.

“It went in so far to the right that if I could go behind the drop zone, I could have gotten to a number that I liked, similar to 2014, where I ended up saving bogey,” Spieth said. “Instead, I didn’t want to drop it at 65 yards off the downslope into that green. That’s just a number where you can’t get the full spin. I wanted to get it to a number where I could have it end up where it landed. It would take a skip and come back. So I wanted 80 yards. So I tried to get 80 yards. I’m not really sure what happened on the next shot. I just hit it fat.”

It’s worth noting that, as you can see from the flag in the video (see the full horror here on Masters.com), the wind was down and Spieth, with his customary pace of play, was likely looking to hurry along, given that his group was out of position. And of course, a 9-iron approach shot is usually a routine affair, with a slim margin of error. Instead, Spieth, as he indicated, didn’t strike the ball with conviction, quitting on it, producing a lame duck that sailed short and right.

Another point, the area where Spieth dropped from has to be among the soggiest on the course. The shaded, low-lying area used to flood and has been filled (if I’m correctly remembering my Augusta National history). Good luck nipping a half-to-three-quarter wedge from there after the emotional and sensory affront of rinsing your tee shot. Moving beyond the 12th hole: Nowhere was the mantra of making hay on Augusta National’s par-5s and hanging around on at the rest of the holes more than with Spieth’s performance. For the week, Spieth was 11-under on the five-shotters. It was the three double bogeys and the quad at the 12th that cost him.

For his part, winner Danny Willett made eight bogeys (two fewer than Spieth), but more notably: No doubles or worse. Interestingly, Willett was even par on the par-5s for the week: a rare feat for a Masters champion.

Starting his final round three shots behind Jordan Spieth, and with the assumption that he would at least have to get to 4- or 5-under, Willett’s ability to tally five birdies, including three in his final six holes, was impressive to say the least.

And of course, there are endless instances where you could do tournament counterfactuals — heck, Dustin Johnson would have won handily if he’d putted at an average level — but it’s worth noting this in light of Willett’s semi-serious “fate” comment. His approach at the 18th, which kicked left off the slope fronting the front-right bunker to settle 14 feet from the hole, could easy have taken a different kick, perhaps even into the bunker. Instead, Willett’s ball rested in a position where he could cozy a little right-to-lefter up short of the hole and make par. Regarding the closing stretch, 2-under in five holes with the lead, Willett offered this perspective.

“This golf course can jump up and bite you whenever,” Willett said. “Even today, it was relatively flat calm compared to the last few days, but there was just enough there to flicker around to cause a few problems.

“You never feel comfortable on this golf course until you finish and sign the card and post a number. So yeah, we knew we still had a job to do. At the time we were still only 4-under par and he had only dropped back to [1-under], so there’s still plenty of holes for him to catch up and keep chasing.

“So it was really timely birdie on 16, and then again to make contact up 17 and 18 with what goes on and to hit such a nice chip that I did on 17. Yeah, it’s just them things. You practice, that’s what you do, endless hours chipping, putting, hitting shots, imagining hitting shots at certain golf courses at certain times. And fortunately enough today, I’ve been able to relive some of them dreams and some of them practice sessions.”

Dreams, indeed.

While there is surely a bevy of data from the laser-driven Track feature, Augusta National doesn’t make any advanced statistics available derived from that data.

However, a look at Willett’s basic numbers reveals he hit 48 of 72 greens in regulation: 67 percent, against the field average of 59 percent. In his final round, Willett hit 13 of 18 (72 percent). His driving accuracy was on par with the field average of 67 percent at 68 percent for the four rounds: He hit nine of 14 for Round 4. Driving distance data was only collected on two holes, Nos. 5 and 15, and Willett averaged 305 yards. And in Round 4, Willett’s efforts on those two holes were 14 yards longer than the field average.

Willett didn’t take many trips to the beach, finding the sand only twice in four rounds. Although he didn’t save par either time he was bunkered, his lack of having to try to salvage sandy pars is notable. Looking at other top finishers, Spieth found seven bunkers, as did Westwood. Dustin Johnson found the sand nine times (saving par only three).

Willett putted beautifully, with just one three-putt for the week. He averaged 1.58 strokes per hole. Anirban Lahiri led the field at 1.53 strokes, but he also had four three-putts, as did Jordan Spieth.

As mentioned, Willett didn’t play the par-5s with any particular brilliance. As you would expect, then, he was second in par-3 birdies (5) and fourth in par-4 birdies (6). Spieth led the field in par-5 birdies (11) and was second in par-4 birdies (8).

The 12th hole, listed at 156 yards, played as the seventh most difficult hole at Augusta National this year, surrendering just 28 birdies with a field scoring average of 3.22. More notably, however, the 12th saw the second-most “double bogeys or worse” of any hole at ANGC this year, at 20, just four behind the course’s most difficult hole, the 505-yard par-four 11th.

So, you know, tough sledding through Amen Corner (the 10th averaged 4.28), with best possibility for big numbers anywhere on the course, as Jordan Spieth painfully illustrated.

Which brings us back to the 12th… 

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44 Comments

44 Comments

  1. James G

    Apr 13, 2016 at 8:57 am

    To the Spieth detractors, you make exactly how much playing golf?

  2. Michael Grilledcheese

    Apr 13, 2016 at 1:05 am

    The amount of times Spieth backs off and the running commentary he has after every swing is hard to watch.

    I miss Tiger

  3. Gautama

    Apr 12, 2016 at 1:32 pm

    The truth is Spieth went wire to wire with some exceptional play, particularly scrambling, while everyone else was blowing up here and there. The result was that robust lead coming down the ninth. But then the course caught up to him as it had everyone else. If he’d had dunked those balls on Friday the result might well still have been the exact same outcome, but we’d be applauding him for grinding to a 2nd place finish.

    No one ever wants to consider everything that happens leading up to the final score in sports. It’s like baseball – someone has to have the last at bat with a chance to tie the game, but if they strike out they didn’t “lose the game” or choke any more than than the guy who struck out in the bottom of the first.

    • Sad Smizzle

      Apr 12, 2016 at 2:16 pm

      Yeah, without giving any credit to the pitcher. Yeah that makes sense. Not!
      Golf is nothing like baseball. Terrible comparison

      • Gautama

        Apr 12, 2016 at 5:03 pm

        Lol, either stupid and completely missed the point, or a lonely troll. Sad critter aren’t ya.

        • Sad Smizzle

          Apr 12, 2016 at 7:55 pm

          Not as sad as you who doesn’t understand the difference when somebody throws a fast ball past you to BEAT you with a pitch and losing the entire match for the team, instead of making errors by one’s self in golf to lose all by one’s lonesome and not being beating by somebody or some team

          • Eric

            Apr 13, 2016 at 12:32 pm

            “Baseball match?” lol, where are you from? Anyway, I know your just a kid trolling, but you’re bordering on funny so I’ll bite.

            You just made my point for me, which has nothing to do with team vs individual sports, but the totality of the game room start to finish. The last out most certainly does not “lose the game for the team.” There were 27 other outs and at least 9 innings of action that led up to that point.

            In golf, there are 72 holes and 280 odd shots that get tallied Sunday afternoon. On the way everyone has ups, downs, bad decisions, and lucky breaks. The fact that Spieth’s luck with some shaky ball stroking finally caught up to him on the 12th doesn’t mean he choked any more than if it had happened on Thursday. In the end, Willett got through 72 hokes in fewer shots and won.

            Norman choked. Spieth just payed his inevitable dues for some shaky ball striking late Sunday.

  4. cmyktaylor

    Apr 12, 2016 at 1:12 pm

    Context: While Jack won 6 times at the Masters, he came in second 4 times. Yet Jack didn’t start that record until the sixth time he entered the Masters. Jordan began his string of 1sts and 2nds on his very first tournament. This should be fun to watch over the years.

    Also, although it does seem tragic to me that Jordan has chosen an unseasoned caddie, I respect his choice of picking a man and sticking with him. I’m having a hard time with Adam Scott dropping his regular caddie for the majors. How is the guy ever going to become seasoned if he doesn’t put him on the bag in the hardest tournaments? A bit shortsighted if you ask me.

  5. Steffen Mysager

    Apr 12, 2016 at 10:53 am

    Spieth should have been warned for his unbelievable slow play. Coming close to disrespect for the game. SMys.

  6. Kna

    Apr 12, 2016 at 3:33 am

    You’re just a silly punk, aintcha, Smizzle? You really know nothing, huh? I feel sorry for you

  7. Chunt

    Apr 11, 2016 at 9:12 pm

    He already won 2 different Majors, and the FedEx Cup.
    So this one stung a little but he’ll get over it quickly. Really not a big deal.
    We’ve all already moved on. Back to the hunt

  8. Tom Duckworth

    Apr 11, 2016 at 5:34 pm

    He had to put that jacket on him in the cabin, outside on the practice greens and then more for a number of photo shoots, that had to be unbearable. He showed a lot of class. I hope he doesn’t get too beat up about this from the golfing community. He is a great golfer and it will be great fun to watch the big 3 or 4 or whatever for the next ten years or more.

  9. Bert

    Apr 11, 2016 at 5:23 pm

    Jordan is awesome. Yes he stumbled but shake it off and get back into the hunt. We know it hurts, we just haven’t ever been there to feel the pain. The guy is amazing! My mind would have been shot after number 12, but he regrouped and tried to finish under par for the remaining holes and perhaps tie. For a moment I thought he would pull it off.

  10. Jim Losito

    Apr 11, 2016 at 4:09 pm

    I agree with Richard, Jordan’s speed of play has really slowed down compared to when he first started winnig.He repositions way to much. Just hit the ball already.

    • Scott

      Apr 11, 2016 at 5:35 pm

      I agree 100%. His pace of play is not good for the game.

      • Kna

        Apr 12, 2016 at 3:31 am

        Jack was even slower throughout his entire career. But nobody ever mentions that now. Oh how many waggles he used to take! And how long he would stand over the putts! It’s all edited in highlight videos, but watching it live was quite excruciating.

  11. Troy

    Apr 11, 2016 at 3:44 pm

    It didn’t surprise me what happened to Jordan. I watched him a number of times during the coverage and he dodged several bullets with a great short game after pushing a drive or iron.

    I said to my wife on the Saturday, if he continues to do that come Sunday afternoon it could well catch up with him and he’ll find himself in trouble. Jordan almost went out of the bounds on the long par-3 fourth hole and got out of jail.

    Eventually, unfortunately for him it caught up with him. He put up a great defense but full credit to Willett who played amazing golf on the final day.

    A Masters to remember!

  12. Matty

    Apr 11, 2016 at 2:43 pm

    This is somewhat unrelated, but is it just me, or is it that the broadcasting (featured groups and full coverage) at the Masters on TV was kinda bad this year compared to other years (things like wrong facts, wrong score, etc)?

    • Bert

      Apr 11, 2016 at 5:26 pm

      The coverage stunk it up! I wanted to yell, Yes Sir, Shut Up! I muted the coverage many times and am thankful for the fast forward feature. Too much embedded small talk and other distractions.

    • jeff monik

      Apr 11, 2016 at 9:00 pm

      Dottie Pepper uuuugghhhh Vern was good and Kostis good Jim Nance hasnt improved in all these years Nick Faldo avg. I was done after 14 with Spaeth the coverage sucked and was nothing to hang out for just agitation to come from today’s highlight golf coverage.
      It is amazing how playing partners disappear when they fade on leaderboard this isnt golf its reality t.v.

  13. Chris

    Apr 11, 2016 at 2:03 pm

    Where was the drop zone on 12?

  14. Perry

    Apr 11, 2016 at 1:27 pm

    Just before he hit the first one, he asked if the chosen club/shot would go over the green. Caddy said no. My guess is he took a little off the shot, maybe even subconsciously. In the first drop zone shot he was obviously out of control, swinging over and over again at a super fast pace. Almost scary to watch. Trouble is the caddy wasn’t even looking at Spieth when he pulled the trigger. An experienced caddy would have said, “Stop! Step back and take some deep breaths.”

    • Kna

      Apr 12, 2016 at 3:28 am

      Hindsight analysis from not standing next to the caddie makes you a guessing idiot

  15. Hartley Burt

    Apr 11, 2016 at 1:14 pm

    Probably a stupid question, but why couldn’t he drop on the other side of the hazard. His ball landed above the hazard line and came back in the water. Normally he would be able to drop on the other side no closer to the hole.

    • Gerorge

      Apr 11, 2016 at 1:50 pm

      No, if it’s not a lateral hazard, you cannot drop greenside. Rae’s creek is a frontal hazard, you have to drop behind the hazard.

    • Mark Walgren

      Apr 11, 2016 at 2:08 pm

      He could have. He opt’d to take it back 80 yards to where he can get some spin on it. He said he regretted that decision now and should have went to the dropzone instead.

      • larrybud

        Apr 11, 2016 at 3:24 pm

        No he couldn’t Mark. It’s a water hazard, yellow line, not a lateral hazard, which is red line. When it’s a yellow line, you have to keep that point where it crossed the line between you and the hole, which means when you go into a hazard with a yellow line, your drop will ALWAYS have the same hazard between you and the hole on your next shot.

        Consider this: If Spieth had hit his bunker shot into the water, his drop would HAVE to be back on the other side of the water even though the shot originated from behind the green! (or the other option would be to rehit from the bunker).

  16. cmyktaylor

    Apr 11, 2016 at 1:00 pm

    I keep thinking: What if (or rather, If only) he had a seasoned caddie on his bag(?).

    • td

      Apr 11, 2016 at 1:15 pm

      Same goes for DJ…DJ would be a major winner if he had a better caddie.

      • Scott

        Apr 11, 2016 at 5:36 pm

        DJ needs a lot more than a better caddie. He can’t putt and that is mental.

    • Al Czervik

      Apr 11, 2016 at 1:46 pm

      This is exactly what I was thinking. There’s a world of difference between a seasoned caddie and someone carrying your clubs. Look at Tiger’s caddie selections… Fluff and Steve Williams- both arguably the best out there at the time.

      • Steve

        Apr 11, 2016 at 10:29 pm

        “Both arguably the best out there at the time.”

        I think it can EASILY be argued that they didn’t make much of a difference (if any) for Tiger. They were the “best” because Tiger was the one hitting the golf shots… Bottom line – Spieth choked. The blame falls 100% on him, like it should. We don’t need to look for somebody else to blame.

    • alexdub

      Apr 11, 2016 at 3:14 pm

      Couldn’t have said it better. First thought I had when Jordan was on 12. Call me crazy, but I honestly believe that Jordan would have won if his caddie had done better at re-centering him and keeping him in the moment. As a caddie, you can’t just let things happen—you gotta keep you player in the moment. As a side, the exchange between Jordan and his caddie on Friday (where Jordan snapped at him) is telling. I wonder if there is a crack that will turn into a cleavage.

  17. Richard

    Apr 11, 2016 at 12:15 pm

    Seems to me Speith’s pace of play is a problem for those that have to play with him.
    Watching him on TV drives me crazy and I am only seeing samples not truly in real time.
    Would love to see him paired with Sabatini 🙂
    Greg Norman should no longer be the poster boy for Sunday meltdowns at Augusta.

    • Scott

      Apr 11, 2016 at 5:37 pm

      He should have been penalized for his slow play.

  18. alexdub

    Apr 11, 2016 at 11:21 am

    Did everyone see Jordan during the jacket presentation in Butler Cabin? He looked like he was going to cry. Felt bad for him. Tough to see such a train wreck.

    • Ben Alberstadt

      Apr 11, 2016 at 11:26 am

      Indeed. And he almost fell over when standing up to put the green jacket on Willett. Would have been an awful figurative version of what happened literally at the 12th. Tough, tough stuff.

    • Imanoff

      Apr 11, 2016 at 1:13 pm

      He is Jordan and he has some sort of mental ability and resilience above average. I am sure he will recover and learn from his mistakes. Nevertheless, within his 3 times participation in the Masters, 2 runner ups and 1 champion, that is impressive!

      • MarkB A

        Apr 11, 2016 at 7:43 pm

        Yes. My only criticism is speed of play. I love the bashers. Jordan by age 21 did more in his life than all of us will ever achieve. Yeah it is just a game and fortunately, he seems like a very well grounded young man.

    • steve

      Apr 11, 2016 at 3:24 pm

      Yeah atleast it wasn’t like Rickie crying like a school because he lost the WM in front of grandpa,

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Opinion & Analysis

Fix your golfing back pain, Step 2: Early stage rehab

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This article is co-written with Marnus Marais. Since 2011, Marnus has worked with some of the world’s best players on both the PGA Tour and European Tour, helping them to maintain optimal health and peak physical performance. His current stable of players includes Dustin Johnson, Patrick Cantlay, and Louis Oosthuizen, amongst others. 

You can find more information on Marnus and his work at marnusmarais.com

This article is No. 2 in a 4 part series.

Step 1 – The Importance of Assessment

Step 2 – Early Stage Rehab

Step 3 – Essential Strength and Golf Movement Patterns

Step 4 – Building global strength for prevention of future injury

Introduction

Now that we have identified the source of the back issue through assessment, it’s time to start working on the underlying causes, in order to reduce pain and decrease the likelihood of re-injury further down the track. 

In our experience, mechanical back pain in golfers caused by physical issues is most often caused by one or more of the the following 4 issues, with many amateur players displaying the entire collection!

– Lack of Mobility at the Hips and Mid / Upper Back

– Poor Posture

– Misalignment and Muscle Imbalances

– Weak Core Muscles

Because pain is likely still a factor at this stage, we need to proceed with caution and focus on rehab work that is low intensity and has a low risk of causing a pain flare up.

With that in mind, in ‘Step 2: Early Stage Rehab’ we are going to address Mobility, Posture and Misalignment / Muscle Imbalances. These 3 areas can be improved upon, and should have a positive impact on pain reduction, even if back discomfort is still restricting larger, more global movements.

Step 2.1 – Improving Mobility in Hips and Mid / Upper back

Certain areas in the body need to be more stable, and others need to be more mobile. The lumbar spine (lower back) falls into the stable category, partly due to its limited capacity for rotation and lateral flexion (side bending). We know the unnatural golf swing movement imparts both rotational and side bending forces on the spine, so it’s an area we need to keep stable and protected.

In order to avoid excessive low back rotation forces in life and especially in the golf swing, it’s very important that we try to maximize the range of movement in other areas, most notably the joints above and below the low back, where the majority of rotation in the golf swing should take place:

Hips

We need sufficient range of movement to turn into, and out of, both hips. For example, if we can’t turn and load into our lead hip due to a lack of internal rotation mobility, we tend to compensate with excessive rotation and side-bending in the lower back.

Suggested Exercise Circuit – Hip Mobility

1) Self Massage Glutes – 45 secs each side

2) Cross Leg Glute Stretch – 30 secs each side

3) Prone Glute Stretch – 30 secs each side

4) 90 90 Hip Mobility – 5 reps each side

Thoracic Spine (mid to upper back)

Having sufficient rotation in our thoracic spine to both left and the right is extremely important. The thoracic spine has significantly greater rotational capabilities compared to the lumbar spine (low back). If we maximise our mobility here, we can help protect the lower back, along with the cervical spine (neck).

Suggested Exercises – Thoracic Mobility

1) Self Massage Mid / Upper back – 60 seconds

2) Upper Back Extension – 30 seconds

3) All Fours Rotation – 5 reps each side

Step 2.2 – Improving Posture

Posture can be described as the proper alignment of the spine, with the aim of establishing three natural curves (low back, mid/upper back and neck).

The 3 major spinal curves: 1 – Cervical, 2 – Thoracic, 3 – Lumbar

Modern lifestyles and the associated muscle imbalances have pushed and pulled our spines away from those three natural curves, and this has had a damaging effect on our spinal health. Our backs are designed to function optimally from the neutral illustrated above, and the further we get away from it, the more stress we put on our protective spinal structures.

Aside from promotion of pain, poor posture also does terrible things for our golf swings; reducing range of motion in key areas (hips, mid back and shoulders) and creating inefficiencies in our swing action, to give us a double whammy of back pain causes.

The muscles responsible for holding your posture are located deep in the body and close to the spine. Strengthening them can be tricky, as we don’t really have a lot of conscious control over their activation. Hence posture being such a difficult thing to remember! The combination of the 4 exercises featured below help provide the stimulus to those deep muscles that, if trained often enough, will automatically hold your posture in a good position.

Suggested Exercises – Strengthening posture muscles

1) Wall Posture Check – 30 secs

2) Posture Cue – 60 secs

3) Posture Cue Knee Lifts – 10 reps each side

4) Arm Press – 15 reps

Step 2.3 – Fixing Alignment Issues and Muscle Imbalances

Imagine a car with wheel alignment issues; front wheels facing to the right, back wheels facing to the left. Not only will the tires wear out unevenly and quickly, but other areas of the car will experience more torque, load or strain and would have to work harder. The same thing happens to the lower back when we have body alignment issues above and / or below.

For example, if we have short / tight / overactive hip flexors (muscles at the front of the hips that bend our knees to our chest) on one side of the body; very common amongst golfers with low back pain, then this would rotate the pelvis forward on one side, which can create a knock-on effect of imbalance throughout the body.

If the pelvis rotates in one direction, the shoulders naturally have to rotate in the opposite direction in order to maintain balance. Our low back is subsequently caught in the middle, and placed under more load, stress and strain. This imbalance can cause the low back to bend and rotate further, and more unevenly, especially in the already complex rotation and side bending context of the golf swing!

Below is a pelvic alignment technique that can help those with the afore mentioned imbalance.

In the next article; Step 3: Essential Strength and Golf Movement Patterns, we will show you the progression of exercises and key technique principles to build up the strength and movement patterns to return to regular exercise and golf.

If you would like to see how Marnus can help with your golfing back pain, then check out the resources below:

Marnus Marais – marnusmarais.com

If you would like to access training programs designed for elite and recreational players, then check out the following resources and services from Nick at Golf Fit Pro:

Articles
Golf Fit Pro App (iOS)
Online Training
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Opinion & Analysis

A golfing memoir in monthly tokens: March (belatedly)

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Editor’s note: All latency on the publishing here is the fault of the Editor-in-Chief.

As some might say, if you don’t take the plunge, you can’t taste the brine. Others might not say such a thing. I’m taking the plunge, because I want to taste the brine.

Here you’ll find the third installment of “A Golfing Memoir” as we trace a year in the life of Flip Hedgebow, itinerant teacher of golf. For January, click here. For February, click here.

Absolutely. Meet me up north (and, to himself, what have I got to lose?)

No sense in putting the cart before the horse, as the old pro used to say, as cirE “Flip” Hedgebow used to ignore. As March came to a close, as cirE locked the pro shop for the last time until November, he took a leap of faith. How big of a leap? Let’s get through March, and find out.

Speaking of carts and horses, March for Flip always came in like a lamb, and went out like a lion. That ran contrary to the folklore but, all things considered, there was always a 50% chance of things running contrary.

No, the best reason for topsy and turvy in March, for Flip, was explained by his birthday. Being born in the middle of the month might suggest balance to some; for him, it was a constant reminder of the chaos that led up to his earthly arrival, tempered only by the madness that ensued. If that’s balance, you can have it.

In Flip’s world, March was about the arrival of the most seasoned of snowbirds, the ones with more than five years of retirement under their growing-shrinking belts. Some were expanding, as they had given up on fitness; the rest were shrinking, as the truest effects of age caught them up. In each case, this pod arrived with military precision, knowing where and when nearly every penny would be spent. No frivolity remained in their schedules, no ambiguity survived from younger, budgeting days. No longer minnows, they recognized that uncertainty stalked them, and that all of their remaining wits needed to center on a small and precise target. The smaller, the more precise, the better…for the women.

Like all men, the old guys appreciated the consistency and precision their wives brought to their worlds.

Like all men, the old guys detested the ever-encroaching, loss of control over their own destinies.

They would enter the pro shop, grab the latest hat like a modern-day Judge Smails, and set it at a rakish angle, atop their sleek domes. Flip learned quite early on that the only way to ensure the sale was cash. When the wives invariably came to complain and demand a refund, Flip could “only” offer a pro shop credit, guaranteeing that something would be purchased. If they bought it on account or on a card, the sale was irretrievably lost.

Flip expected these purchases from his March gam: the cheapest golf balls, when their supply of northern culls ran out; the attire from last fall, or even the previous summer, ready to be shipped back to the manufacturer when March 20th arrived; and some odd or end that the pro had overlooked, lost to some sort of missionary of time. The only thing stronger than the will of the spouse, was the desire of the old guy to make some sort of purchase, to re-establish some semblance of power and control, for at least a moment.

How did you get your name, and why is the last letter, and not the first, capitalized?

(silence. he rarely heard the first question, as everyone knew him as “Flip;” he never heard the second one, as no one paid attention anymore.)

Two stories are a lot to tell. Let’s save both answers, even if it’s just a little while.

(silence. she wasn’t satisfied)

If the red hair caused his eyes to move from the mundane nature of packing and sealing boxes, everything else physical compelled him to put down the tape gun, sense that his throat was dry, know that he would not clear it without a squeak, turn away for a bottle of water, take a swig for lubrication, and, finally, turn back with his finest Axel Foley smile, and greet her with: How long have you been retired?

It was an incalculable risk. There was a 90% chance that she would react with an I’m not that old sort of affront, turn on her heels, and march out the door. There was a 5% chance that she would get the joke, and would stick around for another exchange, before smiling awkwardly and departing. There remained a 5% chance of something else. On this 21st day of March, that final 5% wafted in.

Wafted in, in the guise of a lesson he thought that he had planned. Planned for one of the wives, a late-sixties model whose swing was frozen in time: the unlikely combination of a forward lurch of the torso, a reverse pivot of the feet, and right in the middle, an impossible heave of the hips in one of four unpredictable directions. If anyone were to discover a fifth cardinal point, it would be Agnes Porter. Until this moment, Flip Hedgebow gave thanks that the world was blessed with just one of her; more than one might have tilted the globe off its axis. Now, he offered up a different type of gratitude, thanks to the visage of her granddaughter, who bore no resemblance to the matriarch, beyond the title of Agnes Porter.

They write that a story may be deemed worthy for its inerrant language, or for its compelling events. The story of Agnes Porter the way-younger and Flip Hedgebow benefitted from both, along with an overdose of peripeteia.

 

Artwork by JaeB

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Club Junkie

Club Junkie: Srixon ZX and TaylorMade SIM2 Max fairways and My top 3 drivers!

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Masters hangover week is here! I have had the new Srixon ZX fairway out on the course and it is underrated as you would imagine. Reshafted the SIM2 Max 3w and it has been super consistent and comfortable. Talking about the top 3 drivers I have been hitting this year.

 

 

 

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