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You know you’re a golfer when…

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You know you’re a golfer when…

  • You tell the restaurant hostess that you’ll be a foursome for dinner.
  • You think something “sub-par” must be really, really good.
  • You wonder what a billiard table stimps.
  • You call dimes ball markers.
  • You think the Dutch Masters must be a golf tournament.
  • You wear your golf shoes when you go for a walk.
  • You believe you could hit it over the centerfield scoreboard with an 8-iron.
  • You argue the family should vacation in Myrtle Beach.
  • You see a gopher hole in your backyard and immediately think of dynamite.
  • You mow your lawn to fairway height.
  • You’re distracted at a funeral, thinking what a nice golf course the cemetery would have made.
  • You understand why Michael Jackson only wore one glove.
  • You’re proud that the president plays golf.
  • You respect karma so much that you’d never order a fried egg for breakfast.
  • You think having a handicap is a good thing.
  • Your co-workers know you’re a single digit. Your boss thinks you’re a 20, but could be a 15 if you just had more time to practice.
  • Your favorite numbers are 2, 3, 4, 18 and 72.
  • You celebrate special occasions by playing 36 holes.
  • You believe that trees really are 90 percent air.
  • You know what the “leaf rule” is.
  • The dry cleaner returns two golf tees and a divot repair tool with your dress pants.
  • You won’t buy a Smart Car because there’s no room for your clubs.
  • You know that a “kick point” has nothing to do with UFC.
  • You can feel the difference between a two-club and a three-club wind.
  • You’re not embarrassed to discuss how your shaft feels.
  • You fall asleep counting strokes, not sheep.
  • Your wife doesn’t mind if you’re in a threesome.
  • You own more than five putters.
  • You can coordinate your golf shoes with your shirt color.
  • You sometimes walk around the house with your hands in an interlocking grip.
  • You spend your lunch hour on the practice green.
  • You know what a Cadet Medium-Large is.
  • You have both a golf course calendar and a golf course screen-saver.
  • You think Kelly Tilghman is hot.
  • You believe twilight starts at 2 p.m.
  • Your favorite websites are PGATOUR.com, GolfChannel.com and GolfWRX.com.
  • You know the Goose, the Hawk, the Bulldog, the Walrus, the Golden Bear, the Shark and Tiger have nothing to do with the animal kingdom.
  • Your favorite color is Masters green.
  • You know that standing on a 7 rather than hitting a soft 6 has as much to do with golf as blackjack.
  • You get up earlier on Saturday and Sunday than you do on weekdays.
  • You don’t think of having a caddie as owning a nice car.
  • The TV celebrity you’d most like to have lunch with is Michael Breed.
  • No matter what nationality you are, you have a soft spot in your heart for Scotland.
  • You start checking the weekend forecast on Tuesday.
  • Your left hand isn’t as tanned as your right and your feet look white compared to your legs.
  • You have a desk-job, but still have calluses on your hands.
  • You read a slight left-to-right break on the carpet as you walk down a long hotel corridor.
  • When someone mentions getting a new Toyota hybrid, you’re surprised because you didn’t even know Toyota made golf clubs.
  • You’re not upset about getting older because it means you’re closer to shooting your age.
  • At a cocktail party where you don’t know anyone, you gravitate to the guy whose face is most sunburned.
  • You can spell Srixon.
  • As you reach middle age, you say you’re starting the back nine.
  • You’re just superstitious enough to choose golf cart number 70 over number 85.
  • You schedule your elective surgery for December.
  • It doesn’t seem odd to drink your second beer at 10:30 a.m. on a Sunday.
  • You can’t believe you missed from 10 feet, and say “about time” when you make a 20-footer.
  • You tell your wife you really don’t mind too much if she wants to spend Saturday with her sister.
  • The only time you’re ever nervous is right before the opening tee shot.
  • You tend to think of tall grass as U.S. Open-style rough.
  • You believe you could cut your handicap in half if you just had more free time.
  • The only time you ever wear shorts in public is at a golf course.
  • Your bucket list includes trips to Fife, Bandon, Monterrey, Sheboygan and Farmingdale.
  • You remember every shot from your best round and none from your worst.
  • You know your career round is still in the future.

Editor’s Note: Check out the funny, inspirational story of one golfer trying to shoot the round of his life at 7-ironpress.com. Tom Hill’s book is called A Perfect Lie – The Hole Truth: 18 Holes of Golf in Pursuit of the Round of a Lifetime. Get free shipping on the paperback with the code GOLFWRX, or $4 off the e-book when you enter the code GOLFWRX1 at check-out. Pre-Father’s Day delivery in the US if ordered by June 17.

A special thanks to Alec, Garett and Bob Hill for edits and suggestions on “You know you’re a golfer when…”

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Tom Hill is a 9.7 handicap, author and former radio reporter. Hill is the author of the recently released fiction novel, A Perfect Lie – The Hole Truth, a humorous golf saga of one player’s unexpected attempt to shoot a score he never before thought possible. Kirkus Reviews raved about A Perfect Lie, (It) “has the immediacy of a memoir…it’s no gimme but Hill nails it square.” (kirkusreviews.com). A Perfect Lie is available as an ebook or paperback through 7-ironpress.com and the first three chapters are available online to sample. Hill is a dedicated golfer who has played more than 2,000 rounds in the past 30 years and had a one-time personal best handicap of 5.5. As a freelance radio reporter, Hill covered more than 60 PGA and LPGA tournaments working for CBS Radio, ABC Radio, AP Audio, The Mutual Broadcasting System and individual radio stations around the country. “Few knew my name and no one saw my face,” he says, “but millions heard my voice.” Hill is the father of three sons and lives with his wife, Arava Talve, in southern California where he chases after a little white ball as often as he can.

24 Comments

24 Comments

  1. Bigger Bite

    Aug 27, 2015 at 12:38 am

    Funny post, two thumbs up. As for the haters, seriously think you all missed the point of the article. It is not an Obama conference for votes…………

  2. BOB

    Jun 22, 2015 at 9:47 pm

    You know that a “kick point” has nothing to do with UFC.

    wut

  3. janicewright

    Jun 22, 2015 at 10:22 am

    Even Michael Jordan said he would never play with the community organizer because his games stinks. Obama’s favorite 4 some, himself, Rev Wright, Bill Ayers and Al Sharpton. The company Barry keeps tells you everything you need to know about him. However, bringing in more and more illegals solves that problem. Just give them countless taxpayer benefits……..in exchange for their votes.

    • birdeez

      Jun 24, 2015 at 12:40 pm

      beheading…….obama beheading to the golf course. no time for real issues. then again, him hitting shanks all afternoon on the course is better than him trying to force liberal policy down our throats.

  4. sheckygreen

    Jun 22, 2015 at 9:58 am

    Why put the community organizer’s picture on this article? The economy sucks, race relations are the worst of any modern presidency, our military has been feminized, illegal aliens have been bribed to come here with our taxpayer $ and vote for the communists\socialist\Islamic\democrat party. He is stealing the country from the white people that built it. And there stands Barry, thinking about his pathetic golf game. What an evil man!

  5. devilsadvocate

    Jun 20, 2015 at 10:01 pm

    Some of you need to remove the stick from your shady area… Pretty amusing article… If u clicked shank then you are probably the guy nobody wants to play with… What did you expect from this article? Swing instruction? Equipment secrets? Inside information? C’mon the Damn title is a play on foxworthy… Glad my life brings me more pleasure than your miserable existence

    • promoteroftruth

      Jun 21, 2015 at 11:35 am

      What makes you think we should pay you any attention ‘know-it-all mommy’?

  6. Mark in L'ville, KY

    Jun 18, 2015 at 9:53 am

    Tom, I thought these were all very funny. Although it may be because WAY too many of them hit a little too close to home with me. Good list right along with so many of the “definitions of golf terms” lists we all have seen at one time or another. Well done.

    P.S. I’m a registered Republican & I could not care less that Obama was mentioned &/or pictured in the list. Save the crazy & venom for a year from this November people & then take it to another forum.

  7. AllBOdoesisgolf

    Jun 17, 2015 at 2:16 pm

    The “funny” part is that WRX does not allow politics of any kind…. hypocrisy much?

  8. Bobtrumpet

    Jun 17, 2015 at 12:49 pm

    “You know what a Cadet Medium-Large is.”

    Yeah, it’s my glove size! 🙂

  9. Jake Anderson

    Jun 17, 2015 at 12:03 pm

    do you know this because you are a communist yourself, mr. so-called joeamerican? i would not think so, but please be frank.

  10. Drew R.

    Jun 17, 2015 at 11:54 am

    When driving on a curvy tree-line highway, sometimes I imagine what shot shape I would take. In the gym, I don’t check myself in the mirror. I check my feet, hip and shoulder alignment before taking an imaginary swing. When shopping with my fiancee, i used a hanger to drill my putter stroke. I once caught myself wondering what was the bounce angle of serving spoon.

  11. stu

    Jun 17, 2015 at 7:17 am

    Kelly Tilghman hot? Get some glasses.

  12. Dirk

    Jun 16, 2015 at 10:12 pm

    Good lord! Just a picture of Obama brings the Foxnews lunatics out of the woodwork! Sweet baby Jane you guys need to take a deep breath and relax!

    • Tom Hill

      Jun 17, 2015 at 12:12 am

      Thanks Dirk – every US president since Jimmy Carter has played golf and that’s what I meant when I wrote “You know you’re a golfer when you’re proud that the President plays golf.” And in fact, that stanza actually somewhat implies that the golfer is not necessarily proud of the president (whoever is in office now), his actions, or even what he stands for, but we’re proud that the person holding the office of president (supposedly the most powerful person in the world) is a golfer, like we all are. I didn’t choose the image of President Obama that was put with the article, but don’t all of us recognize ourselves… killing time while lost in our shared passion… in what’s conveyed in that picture?

  13. mike

    Jun 16, 2015 at 3:42 pm

    I don’t know why so many people are giving this a shank I think this article is freaking hysterical and most golfers know that at least half of these applied to them and its true and funny but I don’t understand why all the people are not hitting like vs shank

    • chris

      Jun 16, 2015 at 3:52 pm

      They probably hit “shank” because they don’t think it’s funny. At least that’s why I clicked it.

      • ron

        Jun 17, 2015 at 10:34 am

        For me- It’s not so much “not funny”, but not really good points. Could have been better. Pretty sure there a forum thread on here on this with some good stuff in there.

    • Scott

      Jun 17, 2015 at 12:15 pm

      yep, this is a shank

      • Mike

        Jun 21, 2015 at 6:16 pm

        Why shank. Golfers need to chill and check your ego at the door. What are the reasons f I r spanking this

  14. ITstan

    Jun 16, 2015 at 2:10 pm

    The destruction artist in that image makes me want to puke!

  15. MartyMoose09

    Jun 16, 2015 at 1:55 pm

    Barry has a very weak grip, no wonder he’s never gotten better at golf.

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19th Hole

Vincenzi’s 2024 Zurich Classic of New Orleans betting preview

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The PGA TOUR heads to New Orleans to play the 2023 Zurich Classic of New Orleans. In a welcome change from the usual stroke play, the Zurich Classic is a team event. On Thursday and Saturday, the teams play best ball, and on Friday and Sunday the teams play alternate shot.

TPC Louisiana is a par 72 that measures 7,425 yards. The course features some short par 4s and plenty of water and bunkers, which makes for a lot of exciting risk/reward scenarios for competitors. Pete Dye designed the course in 2004 specifically for the Zurich Classic, although the event didn’t make its debut until 2007 because of Hurricane Katrina.

Coming off of the Masters and a signature event in consecutive weeks, the field this week is a step down, and understandably so. Many of the world’s top players will be using this time to rest after a busy stretch.

However, there are some interesting teams this season with some stars making surprise appearances in the team event. Some notable teams include Patrick Cantlay and Xander Schauffele, Rory McIlroy and Shane Lowry, Collin Morikawa and Kurt Kitayama, Will Zalatoris and Sahith Theegala as well as a few Canadian teams, Nick Taylor and Adam Hadwin and Taylor Pendrith and Corey Conners.

Past Winners at TPC Louisiana

  • 2023: Riley/Hardy (-30)
  • 2022: Cantlay/Schauffele (-29)
  • 2021: Leishman/Smith (-20)
  • 2019: Palmer/Rahm (-26)
  • 2018: Horschel/Piercy (-22)
  • 2017: Blixt/Smith (-27)

2024 Zurich Classic of New Orleans Picks

Tom Hoge/Maverick McNealy +2500 (DraftKings)

Tom Hoge is coming off of a solid T18 finish at the RBC Heritage and finished T13 at last year’s Zurich Classic alongside Harris English.

This season, Hoge is having one of his best years on Tour in terms of Strokes Gained: Approach. In his last 24 rounds, the only player to top him on the category is Scottie Scheffler. Hoge has been solid on Pete Dye designs, ranking 28th in the field over his past 36 rounds.

McNealy is also having a solid season. He’s finished T6 at the Waste Management Phoenix Open and T9 at the PLAYERS Championship. He recently started working with world renowned swing coach, Butch Harmon, and its seemingly paid dividends in 2024.

Keith Mitchell/Joel Dahmen +4000 (DraftKings)

Keith Mitchell is having a fantastic season, finishing in the top-20 of five of his past seven starts on Tour. Most recently, Mitchell finished T14 at the Valero Texas Open and gained a whopping 6.0 strokes off the tee. He finished 6th at last year’s Zurich Classic.

Joel Dahmen is having a resurgent year and has been dialed in with his irons. He also has a T11 finish at the PLAYERS Championship at TPC Sawgrass which is another Pete Dye track. With Mitchell’s length and Dahmen’s ability to put it close with his short irons, the Mitchell/Dahmen combination will be dangerous this week.

Taylor Moore/Matt NeSmith +6500 (DraftKings)

Taylor Moore has quickly developed into one of the more consistent players on Tour. He’s finished in the top-20 in three of his past four starts, including a very impressive showing at The Masters, finishing T20. He’s also finished T4 at this event in consecutive seasons alongside Matt NeSmith.

NeSmith isn’t having a great 2024, but has seemed to elevate his game in this format. He finished T26 at Pete Dye’s TPC Sawgrass, which gives the 30-year-old something to build off of. NeSmith is also a great putter on Bermudagrass, which could help elevate Moore’s ball striking prowess.

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19th Hole

Vincenzi’s 2024 LIV Adelaide betting preview: Cam Smith ready for big week down under

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After having four of the top twelve players on the leaderboard at The Masters, LIV Golf is set for their fifth event of the season: LIV Adelaide. 

For both LIV fans and golf fans in Australia, LIV Adelaide is one of the most anticipated events of the year. With 35,000 people expected to attend each day of the tournament, the Grange Golf Club will be crawling with fans who are passionate about the sport of golf. The 12th hole, better known as “the watering hole”, is sure to have the rowdiest of the fans cheering after a long day of drinking some Leishman Lager.  

The Grange Golf Club is a par-72 that measures 6,946 yards. The course features minimal resistance, as golfers went extremely low last season. In 2023, Talor Gooch shot consecutive rounds of 62 on Thursday and Friday, giving himself a gigantic cushion heading into championship Sunday. Things got tight for a while, but in the end, the Oklahoma State product was able to hold off The Crushers’ Anirban Lahiri for a three-shot victory. 

The Four Aces won the team competition with the Range Goats finishing second. 

*All Images Courtesy of LIV Golf*

Past Winners at LIV Adelaide

  • 2023: Talor Gooch (-19)

Stat Leaders Through LIV Miami

Green in Regulation

  1. Richard Bland
  2. Jon Rahm
  3. Paul Casey

Fairways Hit

  1. Abraham Ancer
  2. Graeme McDowell
  3. Henrik Stenson

Driving Distance

  1. Bryson DeChambeau
  2. Joaquin Niemann
  3. Dean Burmester

Putting

  1. Cameron Smith
  2. Louis Oosthuizen
  3. Matt Jones

2024 LIV Adelaide Picks

Cameron Smith +1400 (DraftKings)

When I pulled up the odds for LIV Adelaide, I was more than a little surprised to see multiple golfers listed ahead of Cameron Smith on the betting board. A few starts ago, Cam finished runner-up at LIV Hong Kong, which is a golf course that absolutely suits his eye. Augusta National in another course that Smith could roll out of bed and finish in the top-ten at, and he did so two weeks ago at The Masters, finishing T6.

At Augusta, he gained strokes on the field on approach, off the tee (slightly), and of course, around the green and putting. Smith able to get in the mix at a major championship despite coming into the week feeling under the weather tells me that his game is once again rounding into form.

The Grange Golf Club is another course that undoubtedly suits the Australian. Smith is obviously incredibly comfortable playing in front of the Aussie faithful and has won three Australian PGA Championship’s. The course is very short and will allow Smith to play conservative off the tee, mitigating his most glaring weakness. With birdies available all over the golf course, there’s a chance the event turns into a putting contest, and there’s no one on the planet I’d rather have in one of those than Cam Smith.

Louis Oosthuizen +2200 (DraftKings)

Louis Oosthuizen has simply been one of the best players on LIV in the 2024 seas0n. The South African has finished in the top-10 on the LIV leaderboard in three of his five starts, with his best coming in Jeddah, where he finished T2. Perhaps more impressively, Oosthuizen finished T7 at LIV Miami, which took place at Doral’s “Blue Monster”, an absolutely massive golf course. Given that Louis is on the shorter side in terms of distance off the tee, his ability to play well in Miami shows how dialed he is with the irons this season.

In addition to the LIV finishes, Oosthuizen won back-to-back starts on the DP World Tour in December at the Alfred Dunhill Championship and the Mauritus Open. He also finished runner-up at the end of February in the International Series Oman. The 41-year-old has been one of the most consistent performers of 2024, regardless of tour.

For the season, Louis ranks 4th on LIV in birdies made, T9 in fairways hit and first in putting. He ranks 32nd in driving distance, but that won’t be an issue at this short course. Last season, he finished T11 at the event, but was in decent position going into the final round but fell back after shooting 70 while the rest of the field went low. This season, Oosthuizen comes into the event in peak form, and the course should be a perfect fit for his smooth swing and hot putter this week.

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Opinion & Analysis

The Wedge Guy: What really makes a wedge work? Part 1

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Of all the clubs in our bags, wedges are almost always the simplest in construction and, therefore, the easiest to analyze what might make one work differently from another if you know what to look for.

Wedges are a lot less mysterious than drivers, of course, as the major brands are working with a lot of “pixie dust” inside these modern marvels. That’s carrying over more to irons now, with so many new models featuring internal multi-material technologies, and almost all of them having a “badge” or insert in the back to allow more complex graphics while hiding the actual distribution of mass.

But when it comes to wedges, most on the market today are still single pieces of molded steel, either cast or forged into that shape. So, if you look closely at where the mass is distributed, it’s pretty clear how that wedge is going to perform.

To start, because of their wider soles, the majority of the mass of almost any wedge is along the bottom third of the clubhead. So, the best wedge shots are always those hit between the 2nd and 5th grooves so that more mass is directly behind that impact. Elite tour professionals practice incessantly to learn to do that consistently, wearing out a spot about the size of a penny right there. If impact moves higher than that, the face is dramatically thinner, so smash factor is compromised significantly, which reduces the overall distance the ball will fly.

Every one of us, tour players included, knows that maddening shot that we feel a bit high on the face and it doesn’t go anywhere, it’s not your fault.

If your wedges show a wear pattern the size of a silver dollar, and centered above the 3rd or 4th groove, you are not getting anywhere near the same performance from shot to shot. Robot testing proves impact even two to three grooves higher in the face can cause distance loss of up to 35 to 55 feet with modern ‘tour design’ wedges.

In addition, as impact moves above the center of mass, the golf club principle of gear effect causes the ball to fly higher with less spin. Think of modern drivers for a minute. The “holy grail” of driving is high launch and low spin, and the driver engineers are pulling out all stops to get the mass as low in the clubhead as possible to optimize this combination.

Where is all the mass in your wedges? Low. So, disregarding the higher lofts, wedges “want” to launch the ball high with low spin – exactly the opposite of what good wedge play requires penetrating ball flight with high spin.

While almost all major brand wedges have begun putting a tiny bit more thickness in the top portion of the clubhead, conventional and modern ‘tour design’ wedges perform pretty much like they always have. Elite players learn to hit those crisp, spinny penetrating wedge shots by spending lots of practice time learning to consistently make contact low in the face.

So, what about grooves and face texture?

Grooves on any club can only do so much, and no one has any material advantage here. The USGA tightly defines what we manufacturers can do with grooves and face texture, and modern manufacturing techniques allow all of us to push those limits ever closer. And we all do. End of story.

Then there’s the topic of bounce and grinds, the most complex and confusing part of the wedge formula. Many top brands offer a complex array of sole configurations, all of them admittedly specialized to a particular kind of lie or turf conditions, and/or a particular divot pattern.

But if you don’t play the same turf all the time, and make the same size divot on every swing, how would you ever figure this out?

The only way is to take any wedge you are considering and play it a few rounds, hitting all the shots you face and observing the results. There’s simply no other way.

So, hopefully this will inspire a lively conversation in our comments section, and I’ll chime in to answer any questions you might have.

And next week, I’ll dive into the rest of the wedge formula. Yes, shafts, grips and specifications are essential, too.

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