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Great Golf Quotes


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#91 Andrew Bond of Glencoe

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Posted 02 January 2018 - 11:56 PM

What’s your handicap?

“Booze and loose women.”
- Andrew Bond of Glencoe


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#92 gretch

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Posted 03 January 2018 - 02:06 AM

View PostGolfMonster09, on 04 February 2014 - 09:10 AM, said:

Posted Image


Whoever came up with that font should be shot.

I almost had a seizure trying to read it...

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#93 KammaQwazi

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Posted 05 January 2018 - 11:16 AM

(Blades chip shot over the green almost out of site) "I'm never playing again, son of a  %^&^ mother $#&*."
(Chips, hits pin, in for par) "Dude, we getting a tee time tomorrow? And Sunday?"

One of my buddies playing this summer, only his 2nd summer playing. He finally experienced the joy the rest of us deal with.
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#94 tmartin89

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Posted 07 January 2018 - 06:24 PM

As my signature says,

“As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. ”- Ben Hogan
As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round.

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#95 disco111

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Posted 09 January 2018 - 02:00 PM

Playing with one of the guys in our regular group, that has the propensity to embellish marking his ball on the green. Marks it once and upon replacing it, it finds it's way a little closer to the hole. He then starts his putting routine and decides to recheck ball position again. Marks and then realigns the ball and again it finds it's way a little closer to the hole, when one of the other guys blurts out......"If you mark it one more time it could be in the hole".............. :WTF: :cheesy:


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#96 kujosit

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Posted 13 January 2018 - 10:17 PM

View Postgretch, on 03 January 2018 - 02:06 AM, said:

View PostGolfMonster09, on 04 February 2014 - 09:10 AM, said:

Posted Image


Whoever came up with that font should be shot.

I almost had a seizure trying to read it...

LoL!

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#97 Jld1501

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Posted 25 January 2018 - 10:52 PM

View PostAndrew Bond of Glencoe, on 02 January 2018 - 11:56 PM, said:

What's your handicap?

"Booze and loose women."
- Andrew Bond of Glencoe

I've often said if not for booze, women, and gambling I could've retired years ago...

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#98 aras

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Posted 10 February 2018 - 05:00 PM

My best drive of the day went out-of-bounds.
Me

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#99 frebird

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Posted 10 February 2018 - 10:48 PM

"That tree is 90% air"    "There anit no pictures on the scorecard"  " The Pack Falls to Jack" headline after 86 Masters

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#100 TigerWoodsIV

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Posted 16 February 2018 - 01:42 PM

View PostBMC, on 02 February 2014 - 10:00 PM, said:

Mrs. Tiger Woods when asked how many time she hit Tiger's SUV with the 9-iron....

"uhhh...put me down for a 5.
Lmao would be hilarious if that was a real quote.


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#101 double_d

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Posted 16 February 2018 - 02:23 PM

(Scene 1986 Masters Sunday, Par 3 16th)

Jackie Nicklaus: (watching flight of 5 iron shot) "Be Right!"
Jack Nicklaus: (bending to pick up tee) "It is."

...ball ends up 3 feet from the hole.

Edited by double_d, 16 February 2018 - 02:36 PM.


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#102 wfwp

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Posted 16 February 2018 - 03:46 PM

My golf is woeful but I will never surrender- Bing Crosby

Golf is a game in which you yell "fore", shoot six, and write down fiver- Paul Harvey

The money was going to come and go, between a wife and the IRS. The thrill of beating the best field in golf is what will always stay with me- Calvin Peete
Since 7/27/2018
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#103 Almostscratchonce

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Posted 16 February 2018 - 03:55 PM

Player A:  "Trees are 90% air", then proceeds to hit a shot that rattles around in the canopy before dropping straight down.

Player B to Player A:  That chain-link fence around that pool is 90% air, why don't you go run through it?

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#104 tgreenwood11

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Posted 16 February 2018 - 07:00 PM

Played a blind shot at St. Andrews on my 2nd shot, par 4. I asked my Scottish caddie; “where’d it go?” He replied “laddie, it’s tighter than a nun’s c$&t😂

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#105 phil75070

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Posted 18 February 2018 - 10:52 AM

To a golfer after a prodigious drive:

"I know people that don't go that far on vacation!" - me

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#106 sdandrea

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Posted 18 February 2018 - 10:56 AM

Never buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it......
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#107 sdandrea

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Posted 18 February 2018 - 11:02 AM

My dad:

the only thing you see when you look up early in the swing is a bad shot.

You are the only person who cares what you shoot.
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#108 1legGOLFER

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Posted 20 February 2018 - 11:04 AM

"talk dirty to me" - Justin Thomas
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#109 1legGOLFER

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Posted 20 February 2018 - 11:33 AM

"The price is wrong"- Happy Gilmore
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#110 Ferguson

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Posted 20 February 2018 - 11:58 AM

"Golf doesn't get easier, you just get better."


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#111 Ryan3773

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Posted 21 February 2018 - 11:52 AM

“Wood in sand, wood in head”

Don’t remember who said it, but it was relayed to me when I was like 12 hitting a 7 wood out of a fairway bunker lol

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#112 sprcoop

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Posted 21 February 2018 - 04:04 PM

I catch a good one out of the tee box and exclaim, "I nutted that one!".  My buddy tees it up and duck hooks one straight left into the trees and quietly says, "I neutered that one."

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#113 elwhippy

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Posted 22 February 2018 - 03:44 AM

Our late playing partner. A man of great humour but little belief in his own ability. "I've gone", "I've £$%&g gone", followed a couple of holes later by "I can't play this $£%^&*g" game"....this usually resulted in him parring the next 5 holes and taking the money...

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#114 golf1836

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Posted 23 February 2018 - 02:24 PM

"the more I practice the luckier I get" Gary Player

"I don't allway's hit a sand wedge 150 yards but when i do it's from a greenside bunker" the most interesting man in the world

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#115 Ghost_556

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Posted 28 February 2018 - 11:46 PM

View Postgolf1836, on 23 February 2018 - 02:24 PM, said:

"the more I practice the luckier I get" Gary Player


I don't doubt Player used that quote, but I've heard that was attributed to Hogan after a member of the press pissed him off with a question about being lucky.  I imagine Player being just the opposite, he always seems to have such a pleasant, positive way about him.

Two of my favorites are:

"Dance with the girl what brung ya" I think that was Snead

"It's not your wife, it's not your life, it's just a game" Not sure, maybe Tommy Armour ?


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#116 1ironcharlie

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Posted 03 May 2018 - 05:06 AM

"I wouldn't teach my swing to anyone, its got more moves than kung fu."
- Jim Thorpe

Tony Jacklin to Lee Trevino at the final round of the open championship...
" Lee, i don't want to talk today."
"Tony, I don't need you to talk,  I need you to listen."

"I don't know why y'all say that hogans so unfriendly, he talks to me on every green."
"What's he say, jimmy?"
"You're away."
-Jimmy Demaret

"Ya understand?"
Lee Trevino

I love the last Lee quote,  because every time he says it, he's got this look in his eye that let's you know he's harder than a coffin nail, and if you intend to beat him you'd better pack a lunch. He was all smiles, but underneath he was a stone cold killer.



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#117 Ivyguy

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Posted 07 May 2018 - 08:34 PM

A flute with no holes, is not a flute

A donut with no holes, is a Danish.

It makes so much sense.  Lol.  I actually say this myself after my first hosel rocket (lateral shot, low running cut, wind beater, etc) of the day.  

Keeps the head right.  

I also like, "cant fix stupid, but at least you are beautiful"  this is what I tell myself after my first duck hook (tour trajectory lefter, excessive draw, glute activated slinger, etc) of the day. And I am not beautiful.  I look like a 6'4" parakeet that got beat up by someone that was carrying an ugly stick.  

But it's good to get a chuckle out of the rest of the group.  Which is really the entire ethos of my golf game (I loosely call it a golf game)

Edited by Ivyguy, 07 May 2018 - 08:48 PM.


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#118 RH2

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Posted 15 May 2018 - 06:25 PM

Tiger Woods after his drive “Hey Charles, did you hear about that Walmart they are building out here?”
Charles Barkley replies “No”
Tiger “Yeah, they are going to put it between my ball and yours!”

And... one of the best golf quotes of all time “Just Grip It and Rip It!”

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#119 RobGW

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Posted 15 June 2018 - 07:24 AM

View PostBaitkiller, on 18 December 2017 - 09:49 PM, said:

"Where is the first tee and what's the course record?"
Snead.

I use this at many pro shop counters just before turning in yet another smooth 89.

From the whites.
I was at a course in Florida where a guy in front of me said that. Four guys behind the counter all said in unison, "Four hours."

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#120 RobGW

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Posted 15 June 2018 - 07:31 AM

Jack Lemmon, at Pebble Beach during the pro-am, while lining up a putt for triple, asked his caddie, "Which way does it break?" The reply, "Who cares?"


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