43 replies to this topic

[Sean25rp]

isaacbm, on 07 January 2013 - 12:36 PM, said:

Was playing a practice round for a Gateway Tour event and I got paired  with two other pros at  a pretty nice course in Phoenix.  One of the guys has a friend join us on the second tee  who I later find out has told the shop he too is playing a practice round so he can get out for just the cart fee.
He looks like a golfer, dressed nicely, big tour bag etc.

Anyway, the fourth guy shows up late and meets us on the first green and hits a few chips and putts like the rest of us.  Perfectly normal.  Then on the second hole, I'm out in the desert taking a leak and I turn around to go back to the cart and the guy has stripped down to his briefs and is doing "down ward dog" on the cart path!  He says he was pretty stiff on the first hole and he wanted to loosen up.  When I asked his buddy (the actual pro) what he was doing mostly naked I was told that he borrowed his clothes and didn't want to get them dirty while stretching on the ground.
He said it in a way that made me think he thought it was a perfectly good answer.

The non pro probably was at least a 20 handicap and spent most of the day either  stretching or  "looking for balls" (read: I'm going into the desert to have another joint).   It was quite entertaining!

We did tell him he had to keep his clothes on at some point.

Epic underrated story!

[cardoustie]

Haha

I got paired up with a cigar chomping 55ish banker from NY about 8 yrs ago in Myrtle Beach.  He had a very attractive young lady with him and the first thing out of his mouth was, "this is my wife"

I would have bet $1,000 it was his daughter based on appearances

It was a mostly fun round but I got the sense a few times that he did not like having a younger, thinner, single whipping his butt in front of his trophy wife

I have some great scramble pairing stories.  Guys stoned, blind drunk etc.  This year one guy on the opposing foursome left for 4 holes to go into town to get a second bottle of Jack Daniels, and this is a big scramble where the winning team can take home 5G's ++ (which is why it is played in 8 somes)

Got paired with an Amish guy in Myrtle Beach, who didn't swear or drink.  My brother asked him if they "raised barns at the turn back home."  We needled him quite a bit

Have been paired twice with scratch players I would've never picked as golfers.  One a gent in his 70's with some old no name equipment and another a lady in her mid fifties that pured everything

I also got paired with a 6 handicap in a 9 hole shootout at our club (the first match of 5).  This guy starts with a 3 wiggle for bogey and then proceeds to make four birdies and an eagle coming in for a 31.  I shot even as a 3 and got creamed

[theonlybfc]

I have alot of rounds as a single this year and being new to my club they always try to pair me up with someone, "so i can get to know the other members." Most times i prefer to play alone unless i am with friends but usually i will allow them to pair me up with someone else.

I have played a couple rounds with this one guy now just because the first round was so hilairous. I felt as though the whole time i was playing with Rodney Dangerfield in Caddyshack. He even has the same accent and mannerisms. I still don't know if he chews his cigar more or smokes it. Usually his teeth and upper lips are just filled with tobacco by the turn. Once we caught up to another single and after a hole or two Rodney decides we are joining up with him without his consent since he hadn't offered to us yet. So we start playing with him and Rodney is already pissed at him to begin with but the guy just keeps picking up his ball off the green and walking off. Finally Rodney lets him have it and gives him the "Hey pal! how much do you think the flagstick weighs?" Guy," I don't know i've never weighed one." Rodney, "well maybe you should pick one up once in a while and f$&%ing find out!" I had to bite my lip so hard to not laugh.

Another guy have played with a couple times that i always laugh at is this short Chinese man in his 60's that is really a good stick. Doesn't have very good english as all and half the time i have no idea what he is saying to me. I call him one putt Lee becuase somehow the guy is always one putting every hole. First time i play with him i hit nice drive about 290 down the middle and he just says with a very bag accent," ooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh wwwwooooowwwww, you are very rong(long) hitta(hitter.) Next hole is a short par 4 but there is a trap that you have to fly about 275 to clear. I hit right into the trap and he just starts laughing, "aaahhh hahahah you rong(long) but you not dat rong!" hahaha.  I have a chewbacca headcover and on the 5th hole as i'm placing my tee in the ground i hear one putt lee going "MMMMmmmmmmmmmmmm" i look at him and he is cuddling my headcover rubbing it on his face. "oh dis is bery soft i like dis arot!" I was dying laughing.

[mikeh1]

theonlybfc, on 11 January 2013 - 03:07 PM, said:

I have alot of rounds as a single this year and being new to my club they always try to pair me up with someone, "so i can get to know the other members." Most times i prefer to play alone unless i am with friends but usually i will allow them to pair me up with someone else.

I have played a couple rounds with this one guy now just because the first round was so hilairous. I felt as though the whole time i was playing with Rodney Dangerfield in Caddyshack. He even has the same accent and mannerisms. I still don't know if he chews his cigar more or smokes it. Usually his teeth and upper lips are just filled with tobacco by the turn. Once we caught up to another single and after a hole or two Rodney decides we are joining up with him without his consent since he hadn't offered to us yet. So we start playing with him and Rodney is already pissed at him to begin with but the guy just keeps picking up his ball off the green and walking off. Finally Rodney lets him have it and gives him the "Hey pal! how much do you think the flagstick weighs?" Guy," I don't know i've never weighed one." Rodney, "well maybe you should pick one up once in a while and f$&%ing find out!" I had to bite my lip so hard to not laugh.

Another guy have played with a couple times that i always laugh at is this short Chinese man in his 60's that is really a good stick. Doesn't have very good english as all and half the time i have no idea what he is saying to me. I call him one putt Lee becuase somehow the guy is always one putting every hole. First time i play with him i hit nice drive about 290 down the middle and he just says with a very bag accent," ooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh wwwwooooowwwww, you are very rong(long) hitta(hitter.) Next hole is a short par 4 but there is a trap that you have to fly about 275 to clear. I hit right into the trap and he just starts laughing, "aaahhh hahahah you rong(long) but you not dat rong!" hahaha.  I have a chewbacca headcover and on the 5th hole as i'm placing my tee in the ground i hear one putt lee going "MMMMmmmmmmmmmmmm" i look at him and he is cuddling my headcover rubbing it on his face. "oh dis is bery soft i like dis arot!" I was dying laughing.

This Chinese guy...so funny

[Drewmun]

theonlybfc, on 11 January 2013 - 03:07 PM, said:

I have alot of rounds as a single this year and being new to my club they always try to pair me up with someone, "so i can get to know the other members." Most times i prefer to play alone unless i am with friends but usually i will allow them to pair me up with someone else.

I have played a couple rounds with this one guy now just because the first round was so hilairous. I felt as though the whole time i was playing with Rodney Dangerfield in Caddyshack. He even has the same accent and mannerisms. I still don't know if he chews his cigar more or smokes it. Usually his teeth and upper lips are just filled with tobacco by the turn. Once we caught up to another single and after a hole or two Rodney decides we are joining up with him without his consent since he hadn't offered to us yet. So we start playing with him and Rodney is already pissed at him to begin with but the guy just keeps picking up his ball off the green and walking off. Finally Rodney lets him have it and gives him the "Hey pal! how much do you think the flagstick weighs?" Guy," I don't know i've never weighed one." Rodney, "well maybe you should pick one up once in a while and f$&%ing find out!" I had to bite my lip so hard to not laugh.

Another guy have played with a couple times that i always laugh at is this short Chinese man in his 60's that is really a good stick. Doesn't have very good english as all and half the time i have no idea what he is saying to me. I call him one putt Lee becuase somehow the guy is always one putting every hole. First time i play with him i hit nice drive about 290 down the middle and he just says with a very bag accent," ooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh wwwwooooowwwww, you are very rong(long) hitta(hitter.) Next hole is a short par 4 but there is a trap that you have to fly about 275 to clear. I hit right into the trap and he just starts laughing, "aaahhh hahahah you rong(long) but you not dat rong!" hahaha.  I have a chewbacca headcover and on the 5th hole as i'm placing my tee in the ground i hear one putt lee going "MMMMmmmmmmmmmmmm" i look at him and he is cuddling my headcover rubbing it on his face. "oh dis is bery soft i like dis arot!" I was dying laughing.

A loooong time ago i played with an Asian kid whose father was walking with him. On the first hole the kid shows me his golf ball and says "I'm playing a titleist 4" I replied I was playing with the "new" TopFlite Strata. The kid says "oh that's their new ball" and I toss it to him. He shows it to his dad who says "Oooh Top Flite Strata, oh sank you." And puts it in his pocket. The kid was embarrassed, but I told him to keep it.

[quarterskins]

Thanksgiving before last I was paired with a woman who was probably mid-to-late 60s.  Sweet little Taiwanese lady, who spoke English kind of poorly.  She was classic with layers of oversized clothes and a floppy hat.  She had bags of snacks and extra clothes in the cart cubby.  It was a shotgun start and we were unfortunately starting on a hole with about a 50 yd (at the shortest point) forced carry over water.

The other men and I teed off.  Then Mia marched out to the farthest reach of the teeing area, which was a fair amount past where the women's tees were marked.  Later I learned that she had little regard for the tee markers and would tee off wherever it suited her, which as fine by me.  She proceeded to plunk about 6 balls in the water before finally nudging one over.  What was funny about it was that she pulled the extra balls out of her pants pocket rapid fire, one after the other, until she got that one over.  She probably lost another 10-12 balls throughout the round; one she hit up into a palm tree and it got caught up in the top of the tree.

But she was a trooper and not at all put off by her troubles on the course.  She was just out having a grand time.  On our way to the second hole I asked her if she wanted me to write her score on the scorecard.  She laughed and said no.

[whysguy]

About 20 yrs ago. I'm in Az on a vendor vacation with no golfers. I;m itching to play so I call over to the Phoenician and ask if they have any openings for a single. I get a yes if I can make it from Gainey ranch to the course quickly.
I fly to to the taxi stand get over to the course, check in and  am told my threesome is on the tee box.
I get carted out as they are now on the first fairway.
We do the introductions:
Senator Joe BIden
Some congressman from Chicago
And Ed Oldfield, world renown golf teacher for the LPGA.
I'm like 25 yrs old. 1st year golfing, nervous as hell and proceed to hit a house on my second shot.

[Imp]

Wait... what?? Really?  

--kC

[ugsomlcfsesr]

smooth knock out witnessed.

Older guy, Tink, that played at the course, about 60, was an ex golden gloves fighter. Little guy, 5'7 160lbs.

Course is slow on a busy summer day, and Tink, hits into the group in front of his once on accident on the 2nd hole. Guy in front of him gets all hot and bothered yelling back and throwing his arms up in the air.
Later in the round Tink hits into them again,  only this time the guy, about 30 to 35, comes storming  back... All 230 yards, mad as hell. Screaming and cussing the whole way. Walks up on the tee box and says "Im gonna whip your a**!" and about the time he said "a**" as he is acting like he is going to punch Tink... Tink calmy lets a tight, well placed right hand land on his jaw and drops him, smooth, cold, out... Sweet Dreams.

As soon as he hit him Tink says "Youre gonna have to get up first"

[Hateto3Putt]

ugsomlcfsesr, on 12 February 2013 - 10:33 AM, said:

smooth knock out witnessed.

Older guy, Tink, that played at the course, about 60, was an ex golden gloves fighter. Little guy, 5'7 160lbs.

Course is slow on a busy summer day, and Tink, hits into the group in front

Later in the round Tink hits into them again,

Tink is an A-Hole.

[hpurey]

Graymulligan, on 04 January 2013 - 01:40 PM, said:

My wife and I played a couple of rounds on our honeymoon, and both days

Two days playing golf.    "BEST DAMN HONEYMOON  EVERY!"

[marckilgore]

whysguy, on 04 February 2013 - 10:03 PM, said:

About 20 yrs ago. I'm in Az on a vendor vacation with no golfers. I;m itching to play so I call over to the Phoenician and ask if they have any openings for a single. I get a yes if I can make it from Gainey ranch to the course quickly.
I fly to to the taxi stand get over to the course, check in and  am told my threesome is on the tee box.
I get carted out as they are now on the first fairway.
We do the introductions:
Senator Joe BIden
Some congressman from Chicago
And Ed Oldfield, world renown golf teacher for the LPGA.
I'm like 25 yrs old. 1st year golfing, nervous as hell and proceed to hit a house on my second shot.

That is classic - sounds like something I would do.  

[ShankOnYourFace]

I was paired up with a man and his girlfriend. On the fourth green he says "go ahead and look at her anyway you want."I immediately became uncomfortable and asked if they played here often in hopes of never seeing them again. Turns out he rents a condo off the 9th fairway and invited me over.

They began to make out shortly after this and left before the seventh hole.


I never went to their condo or ran into them again.

[Imp]

ewwww. weird.

--kC