22 replies to this topic

[tdegeezy]

So this is something that's been on my mind for quite a while now. The problem is that I can't seem to see how a relationship could possibly fit into my current lifestyle. As of right now I've simply accepted this and decided that I'm ok with being single for now and eventually when I feel the time is right, I'll put more time and energy into seeking it out.

So far I've been in a few "semi relationships" if you will. Where we got very close, were good friends but never were able to get to the point of actually being in a relationship. The only actual relationships I've had were during times when golf was on the backburner in my life... and each of those didn't last long anyways.  In the past couple years though, golf has been at the forefront in my life. It takes up the vast majority of my time because it is my passion and the career path I've chosen to pursue. Maybe I just haven't yet found someone who can respect and understand my passion for golf... I really don't know.

But the whole situation right now honestly has me questioning how is it going to be possible to find, and maintain a healthy relationship when pretty much my entire life will consist of travelling, and basically grinding every day until I get to where I want to be in my career. Like I've been thinking maybe it isn't even possible to find that truly healthy relationship until a guy is completely comfortable with his career...

Like as for guys on the PGA Tour, did most of them not find their ideal mate until they were already doing well and stable on Tour? It just seems to me like a guy on Tour is gonna have to find a wife who is okay with living her life, according to her husband's life... Basically living her life in the shadow of his spotlight. Like how else can a marriage on tour be truly healthy and successful unless she is willing to travel with and support him, week in week out...?

Let's discuss this a little... like what kind of woman, what kind of qualities would best suit someone with this lifestyle? How can the relationship work and stay healthy? How can a relationship work for the guys out grinding the mini tours.. working their way up? Maybe there's some people here who have gone through such things and can share some thoughts from their own experiences... Let's talk about this and hear some different points of view.

Edited by tdegeezy, 30 November 2012 - 12:34 AM.

[batgeek29]

it will happen when it happens. it will work if BOTH of you work to make it work.

i was in the Navy, i did regular 6 month tours away from home. i did beeper duty deployable at any time. i made the decision that i was not going to subject someone i loved to that kind of life so i waited until i got out before i really thought about having any kind of serious relationship.

my father was also in the Navy. my mother is a very strong and independent woman. she was like that before they were married though. they've had their good times and bad times, but they are still in love with each other to this day.

a woman doesn't have to relegate her life to the back burner just because of her husband's job.

[PedronNiall]

batgeek29, on 30 November 2012 - 03:12 AM, said:

it will happen when it happens. it will work if BOTH of you work to make it work.

This. It takes two people for a relationship to work, but if you both go in with an understanding of how things are then it's certainly possible.

As to the guys out on tour there seems to be a bit of variation. You see guys like Dufner who met their wives through friends and were dating while they were still grinding it out trying to break through. You see guys like Cink who get married in college but come out and play successfully enough that they don't have to spend the majority of the year on the road. There are any number of guys coming up on Web.com or qualifying here and there for PGA events who are scraping by while trying to support a wife and a kid or three.

Long story short, you can have a relationship as you're working on making it happen so long as you both understand what has to be put into it and what sacrifices are going to have to be made. The big issue I see is that it's one thing for a lot of people to say that they can deal with the time apart, where as coping with the reality may be more than they're able to handle in the end. The bright side is that if you do find someone who can make it through all of that with you then you can likely make it through anything. If you can both put in the effort then I'm sure it will be more than worth it.

[poizster]

PGA Tour wives look they all came from the same assembly line. They'll find you if you're successful.

[Thrillhouse]

The whole mini tour lifestyle isn't going to work for most women unless they are REALLY understanding, which most aren't. They seem to like stability, it's a lot like how plenty of women would love to be married to a doctor or lawyer or whatever but they don't want to be in a relationship with someone who is working towards being a doctor or lawyer while living in a roach infested one bedroom apartment and driving a geo metro. It's fine, it's actually understandable in a lot of ways. Add to that the fact that a guy on a mini tour has less chance of a good career than the guy in med or law school does and you can see the dilemma.

So do your thing, enjoy it, and don't worry about it.

[MtlJeff]

Thrill is right. It sounds like you are what? I'm guessing between 25-32?

Women that age tend to fall into 2 groups: Those that are eager to get married and start a family with a stable guy, and those that still really don't know what they want, maybe are career driven, or maybe are just late bloomers who got hot late in life and just want as much attention as possible to make up for the fact that they weren't hit on in high school.

Neither one is really great for you. The eager to get married types might look at you and think you haven't figured out your path, or can't provide for them with your current one. They'll get the "why don't you find someone with a stable job" speech from their parents. After a bit they'll nag at you with the job postings they saw on linked in and say "you know my friend John can get you in there! An office job maybe wouldn't be so bad?"

And the second group is not really ready for a serious relationship as you can imagine.

So you are basically looking for 1-1000 if you are really looking for someone that age to support you during mini tour life, who you haven't already been dating since you were kids. Not saying they aren't out there. Just few and far between

The point thrill made about doctors is a good one. How many girls do you know who used to date the football players in college end up marrying them? Not many....they end up marrying executives, lawyers, doctors....especially in Canada. Being married to a Slotback making 50k a year living in Winnipeg is not the marriage they dreamed of as a kid

[heisagoalie]

What is a slot back???

[MtlJeff]

^^^ 12 men in canadian rules. Instead of Tight ends the standard formation has 2 inside receivers known as Slotbacks

[PedronNiall]

The two category thing sounds pretty good. Seems like most females either go for guys who already have everything or who are doing absolutely nothing with their lives. Not always the case, but I see a lot of guys who are working towards making something of themselves and can't seem to catch a break when it comes to the ladies.

[Thrillhouse]

heisagoalie, on 02 December 2012 - 08:17 PM, said:

What is a slot back???

A 45 year old moose jaw woman who hangs out at the rear of the bar because she looks ok enough to take home in the dim light.

Jeff's just yankin your chain with the football thing.

[jurr80]

I have a friend that worked in a bar in Memphis.
She worked an event one weekend and met a golfer who is no longer a full timer on tour, though he is still well known.
She was hot, he was single. His status probably didn't hurt his chances.
They're married with two kids, though his game is struggling now.

That's the only direct personal story I have witnessed regarding pro golfers.

From what I read, most golfers met their wives during college. The wives held on during the tough days, Q school, and the rest.

If you haven't met the right girl yet, don't fret. You'll either meet a girl that loves you so much that she understands your path, or you'll meet her after you have focused so hard on your career that you have time to breathe.

Any good relationship takes time and "want to". You need to make sure that you're choosing for the right reasons.
If you run into a fox that immediately begins asking about your job status, RUN.

[hebron1427]

from what i've heard, half the guys on tour cheat on their wives. of those, half of the wives know about it and dont care because they like money and having their kids taken care of. that's not a lifestyle i want. i would expect that there are some larger problems with the way things have occurred over the years--and, frankly, men being away from wives for months on end are going to start looking at hot chicks throwing themselves at them. i find it fairly sad, but if it works for them, fine.

[Ajlepisto]

hebron1427, on 12 December 2012 - 10:24 PM, said:

from what i've heard, half the guys on tour cheat on their wives. of those, half of the wives know about it and dont care because they like money and having their kids taken care of. that's not a lifestyle i want. i would expect that there are some larger problems with the way things have occurred over the years--and, frankly, men being away from wives for months on end are going to start looking at hot chicks throwing themselves at them. i find it fairly sad, but if it works for them, fine.

The appeal of sex and infidelity in professional sports is absolutely mind-boggling to people who don't know people in those industries.

It's actually pretty sick. I'm sure it's prevalent in other professions too...but I don't know much about the lifestyle traits of doctors. But I do know a few athletes who aren't even big time and still have these issues like crazy.

[PedronNiall]

People want to be associated with success and those who are successful, even if that means just a one-night stand with someone who's made it.

[Tmiller72]

Don't stress over it.  There are good things about being in relationships, but I find I'm usually happier when I'm not in one.  Some people just need someone to be with while others are content with being alone.  I like coming home to just a dog.

[pauliodotnet]

Before my wife, I raced motorcycles, played golf, and partied. I didn't expect to find her, and I didn't expect to change my lifestyle. But it did, I still play an immense amount of golf, but I try to make it week day so I don't miss out on time with her on the weekends. Luckily I have a job that is flexible. Motorbike racing has taken a back seat until our kid is a little older. I think your lifestyle changes if you want it to for that special person.

My wife understands and respects my passion for golf. But she also knows, I'm not going pro, and there are limits to a hobby that really just drain money, ie. golf, motorbike racing. She does respect and is more enthusiastic about my triathlons though, but she got me into running so :P

I think not thinking about it and just living the life you live will be best, and you will in turn settle down with someone who gets you. If not, you'll struggle the rest of your life in an unhappy situation.

[ben w]

I managed to find a girl whose dad was a huge golfer and she was exposed to the game early, despite not playing it herself. In her own words to me this past weekend, when I said that I plan on playing more often when the weather warms up (I play once a week now), she said "play as much as you want. My parents are living proof you can have a great marriage while playing a lot of golf".

I should go marry her....

[hebron1427]

ben w, on 17 December 2012 - 03:20 PM, said:

I managed to find a girl whose dad was a huge golfer and she was exposed to the game early, despite not playing it herself. In her own words to me this past weekend, when I said that I plan on playing more often when the weather warms up (I play once a week now), she said "play as much as you want. My parents are living proof you can have a great marriage while playing a lot of golf".

I should go marry her....

if you dont, you should be hanged.

[MtlJeff]

ben w, on 17 December 2012 - 03:20 PM, said:

I managed to find a girl whose dad was a huge golfer and she was exposed to the game early, despite not playing it herself. In her own words to me this past weekend, when I said that I plan on playing more often when the weather warms up (I play once a week now), she said "play as much as you want. My parents are living proof you can have a great marriage while playing a lot of golf".

I should go marry her....

That is awesome

My wife rides horses competitively. When i met her i still remember she told me "i have to warn you, i'm pretty busy on weekends training so i hope that won't be an issue, Saturday and Sunday during the day are pretty much out for me during the summer". At this point i pretty much fainted and had to be re-vived with a defibrillator.

These days i'll play golf saturday and sunday morning, drink beer after the round. Come home and sleep on the couch, watch family guy re-runs and the golf channel. And then she gets home at 4-5pm and says "i'm so sorry i was out all day!" to which i reply "oh i'm just happy you are doing something you like!"

[hebron1427]

MtlJeff, on 17 December 2012 - 09:37 PM, said:

ben w, on 17 December 2012 - 03:20 PM, said:

I managed to find a girl whose dad was a huge golfer and she was exposed to the game early, despite not playing it herself. In her own words to me this past weekend, when I said that I plan on playing more often when the weather warms up (I play once a week now), she said "play as much as you want. My parents are living proof you can have a great marriage while playing a lot of golf".

I should go marry her....

That is awesome

My wife rides horses competitively. When i met her i still remember she told me "i have to warn you, i'm pretty busy on weekends training so i hope that won't be an issue, Saturday and Sunday during the day are pretty much out for me during the summer". At this point i pretty much fainted and had to be re-vived with a defibrillator.

These days i'll play golf saturday and sunday morning, drink beer after the round. Come home and sleep on the couch, watch family guy re-runs and the golf channel. And then she gets home at 4-5pm and says "i'm so sorry i was out all day!" to which i reply "oh i'm just happy you are doing something you like!"

don't have kids. that will end. fast.

[Thrillhouse]

hebron1427, on 18 December 2012 - 11:39 AM, said:

MtlJeff, on 17 December 2012 - 09:37 PM, said:

ben w, on 17 December 2012 - 03:20 PM, said:

I managed to find a girl whose dad was a huge golfer and she was exposed to the game early, despite not playing it herself. In her own words to me this past weekend, when I said that I plan on playing more often when the weather warms up (I play once a week now), she said "play as much as you want. My parents are living proof you can have a great marriage while playing a lot of golf".

I should go marry her....

That is awesome

My wife rides horses competitively. When i met her i still remember she told me "i have to warn you, i'm pretty busy on weekends training so i hope that won't be an issue, Saturday and Sunday during the day are pretty much out for me during the summer". At this point i pretty much fainted and had to be re-vived with a defibrillator.

These days i'll play golf saturday and sunday morning, drink beer after the round. Come home and sleep on the couch, watch family guy re-runs and the golf channel. And then she gets home at 4-5pm and says "i'm so sorry i was out all day!" to which i reply "oh i'm just happy you are doing something you like!"

don't have kids. that will end. fast.

Yeah I got a son. Lives in a different town, different woman. His names Roy or ray or something, hell after 16 years I'm too embarrassed to ask.

[JustTheTips]

The infidelity has little to do with athletics. Go down the list of people that have affairs and you will find everyone from successful people to bums.  You just don't hear about the rest because no one cares.

Ajlepisto, on 16 December 2012 - 01:32 AM, said:

hebron1427, on 12 December 2012 - 10:24 PM, said:

from what i've heard, half the guys on tour cheat on their wives. of those, half of the wives know about it and dont care because they like money and having their kids taken care of. that's not a lifestyle i want. i would expect that there are some larger problems with the way things have occurred over the years--and, frankly, men being away from wives for months on end are going to start looking at hot chicks throwing themselves at them. i find it fairly sad, but if it works for them, fine.

The appeal of sex and infidelity in professional sports is absolutely mind-boggling to people who don't know people in those industries.

It's actually pretty sick. I'm sure it's prevalent in other professions too...but I don't know much about the lifestyle traits of doctors. But I do know a few athletes who aren't even big time and still have these issues like crazy.

[MtlJeff]

hebron1427, on 18 December 2012 - 11:39 AM, said:

MtlJeff, on 17 December 2012 - 09:37 PM, said:

ben w, on 17 December 2012 - 03:20 PM, said:

I managed to find a girl whose dad was a huge golfer and she was exposed to the game early, despite not playing it herself. In her own words to me this past weekend, when I said that I plan on playing more often when the weather warms up (I play once a week now), she said "play as much as you want. My parents are living proof you can have a great marriage while playing a lot of golf".

I should go marry her....

That is awesome

My wife rides horses competitively. When i met her i still remember she told me "i have to warn you, i'm pretty busy on weekends training so i hope that won't be an issue, Saturday and Sunday during the day are pretty much out for me during the summer". At this point i pretty much fainted and had to be re-vived with a defibrillator.

These days i'll play golf saturday and sunday morning, drink beer after the round. Come home and sleep on the couch, watch family guy re-runs and the golf channel. And then she gets home at 4-5pm and says "i'm so sorry i was out all day!" to which i reply "oh i'm just happy you are doing something you like!"

don't have kids. that will end. fast.

i'm still not posting a pic in the other thread, either...LOL