131 replies to this topic

[richard t]

So let me get this straight. Old headcovers- Old Daphne Cardinal (there's a reason), Rocket Tour ( wearing in a couple spots) on the 4 wood ( a gift), and the 7 has no headcover. Plus, I hate hybrids! I'm good. Ping Hoofer Red, White and Blue bag ( a very special gift that will be used until it collapses). I walk, a lot. Good again. Replaced the old BeCu 57.5 with the new XGs. Replaced the old G10 with a G20 and bought I15s to replace the Eye2s. Handicap (8) did not go down one bit. Now, what was I thinking? Glad this all got straightened out. Now I'm stuck with being a 'poser'. LOL Great post, loved it!

[Bad9]

The best players I have ever seen and played with had bags nothing like this. Most of them used GI or even SGI irons, used the OEM headcovers and generally everything that stock in their clubs.

[jp5612]

This has to be one of the most astute observations about golf ever written.  However, our writer missed just a few.

Let's consider, for example, ball retrievers. Only posers carry ball retrievers, right?  WRONG!!  The secret is to tie some fishing line on the end.  You get credibility points if you have a hand-tied lure on the end of the line. Should you ever block one into the river that runs along the right side of that tight par 5, just smile, take out your retriever and say, "I can probably flop it out of the water. While I'm there, I think I'll see if I can bag a few trout."

Lob wedges:  Jack Nicklaus wouldn't know a lob wedge from a 9-wood.  Anything in your bag over 56 degrees (54 for real players) shows your opponents you don't have all the shots. Anything over 60 degrees indicates you had rather be at Five Guys than on the golf course.

Rangefinders/ GPS devices:  Sam Snead eyeballed yardage. If that was good enough for him, it should be good enough for you. Give your GPS device to your kid and tell her to use it to find her way home if you get tied up at the course and forget to pick her up at school.  Also, it makes you look "manly" on those rare occasions where small hills and valleys make the green appear farther away than it is and you nail a 3-iron from 145.

Rain suits: Do you think Old Tom Morris wore Footjoy's latest?  Golf is about being one with nature. If someone should open the side pocket of your golf bag, all he should find is a can of Spam and a 6-pack of Bud (bonus points for Pabst Blue Ribbon).  Man up and play it the way God gives it to you.

Add these little nuggets to the advice given by the author and no one will ever mistake you for Danny Duffer again -- at least until you take that first swing.

Edited by jp5612, 09 November 2012 - 10:29 AM.

[rpm300]

How does this bag measure up?

Attached Thumbnails

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[Kadin 25]

"Let's consider, for example, ball retrievers. Only posers carry ball retrievers, right?  WRONG!!  The secret is to tie some fishing line on the end.  You get credibility points if you have a hand-tied lure on the end of the line. Should you ever block one into the river that runs along the right side of that tight par 5, just smile, take out your retriever and say, "I can probably flop it out of the water. While I'm there, I think I'll see if I can bag a few trout.""

Three words...Ronco Pocket Fisherman!

"If someone should open the side pocket of your golf bag, all he should find is a can of Spam and a 6-pack of Bud (bonus points for Pabst Blue Ribbon)."

Add a baggie of bacon! Check that, skip the bag and throw some bacon in there, extra credit for grass and dirt sticking to it. P.B.R. you got me on that, but extra credit it they are pull off tabs and in a real TIN Metal can with a little rust on the bottom to show you are a connoisseur of the finer things in life!

Edited by Kadin 25, 09 November 2012 - 08:39 AM.

[Ranger Rick]

Hmmm, best player I know plays either an R11S or Adams 9064LS, with a football club head cover (Tottenham Hotspurs)
I think he has an old Adams 3 wood. Has a green shaft it it.
Plays Mizuno Mp67s, S300s.
Think he has a CG15, and a Nicklaus Spin Slot
Uses a Yes! Putter.

[Bad9]

jp5612, on 09 November 2012 - 08:14 AM, said:

This has to be one of the most astute observations about golf ever written.  However, our writer missed just a few.

Let's consider, for example, ball retrievers. Only posers carry ball retrievers, right?  WRONG!!  The secret is to tie some fishing line on the end.  You get credibility points if you have a hand-tied lure on the end of the line. Should you ever block one into the river that runs along the right side of that tight par 5, just smile, take out your retriever and say, "I can probably flop it out of the water. While I'm there, I think I'll see if I can bag a few trout."

Lob wedges:  Jack Nicklaus wouldn't know a lob wedge from a 9-wood.  Anything in your bag over 56 degrees (54 for real players) shows your opponents you don't have all the shots. Anything over 60 degrees indicates you had rather be at Five Guys than on the golf course.

Rangefinders/ GPS devices:  Sam Snead eyeballed yardage. If that was good enough for him, it should be good enough for you. Give your GPS device to your kid and tell her to use it to find her way home if you get tied up at the course and forget to pick her up at school.  Also, it makes you look "manly" on those rare occasions where small hills and valleys make the green appear closer than it is and you nail a 3-iron from 145.

Rain suits: Do you think Old Tom Morris wore Footjoy's latest?  Golf is about being one with nature. If someone should open the side pocket of your golf bag, all he should find is a can of Spam and a 6-pack of Bud (bonus points for Pabst Blue Ribbon).  Man up and play it the way God gives it to you.

Add these little nuggets to the advice given by the author and no one will ever mistake you for Danny Duffer again -- at least until you take that first swing.

LOL. That's how to write satire.

[Willie Malay]

Duffers worry about 'intimidating' through any means other than their game. Enough said.

[middie8]

anth, on 09 November 2012 - 12:54 AM, said:

You'll also need a generic non brand name towell to cover the clubs so as to stop your opponent seeing what iron you just hit

You have to compliment the Ping stand bag with a white towel draped over the back.  With dirt on one side of it cause playas keep their clubs clean.

[D-Fuzz]

This may be satire, but it isn't too far off the mark.  I played with a guy a couple years ago, shows up on the first tee wearing jeans and some old ratty DryJoys.  His bag of clubs looks like a mish-mash of bargain bin leftovers - 8* GB Bertha driver, Steelhead 3-wood, X-14 Pro irons, a rusty Cleveland 56* wedge and a Odyssey Rossie putter, no headcovers, all in an old Ping Hoofer bag.  His swing looked like some kind of painful Yoga pose.  I think he shot 67 or 68.

[sblack5]

Did the article forget about the guy who has 4 beaten to hell looking gloves attached to his bag...im sure we've all played with that guy

[profsmitty]

sblack5, on 09 November 2012 - 10:13 AM, said:

Did the article forget about the guy who has 4 beaten to hell looking gloves attached to his bag...im sure we've all played with that guy

In my case, that's four years worth. If I can't see my finger tips, they still have a little life left in them.

(This thread may finally give the courage to show my WITB like the rest of my WRX mod brethren).

[wolfpack]

So you're saying i have to walk?  What if I get tired, hungry, and sober after the 3rd hole?

[Colby327]

Well written and funny article.    Great Friday morning read!

[dlygrisse]

DG shafts are a must, especially if you have them in your FW woods......Also I would recommend a fresh set of cord grips, all matching, a Playa needs fresh quality cord grips on his beat up bag O sticks.  Don't forget balls and gloves, a real player only uses Footjoy or Titleist tour gloves, no synthetic materials allowed only cabretta leather, and a Pro V1x of course.  Having an old shag bag full of ProV's is a nice touch around the practice area as well, playas know that you should only practice with the balls you use on the course as the trajectory of your chips and pitches is different with a range ball or a Pinnacle.  Finally wear an old faded sweat stained visor, not the latest Puma flat billed hat, it should be from a charity scramble you played in 3 years ago when you were begged to be the A-player.
Your towel should be an old tattered dirt stained white towel that you stole from the Holiday Inn you were staying at while playing in a local or state tournament.  Under no circumstances should you use a golf towel with the shower curtain hook on it, use a real towel for goodness sakes.  And please...if you use a putter cover make sure it isn't some fancy $300 special issue Cameron cover, the old faded one that came with the putter 5 years ago will work, if not some random one you pulled out of the lost and found at the local muni.

Edited by dlygrisse, 09 November 2012 - 10:35 AM.

[duffer987]

dlygrisse, on 09 November 2012 - 10:33 AM, said:

.. Finally wear an old faded sweat stained visor, not the latest Puma flat billed hat, it should be from a charity scramble you played in 3 years ago when you were begged to be the A-player...

Oh yes! This 1000 times. It works for everything from golf, to slopitch, to hiking, to driving a convertible. If you do not have some knackered beat to hell cap on you are obviously just a weekend warrior. Played Blackhorse in Monterey with a 50 something fella and before I found out he was a member at Olympic or watched him shoot two over on the front, the beat up cap tipped me off.

[MadGolfer76]

Written by one of our own, guys. Can you guess who?

[Willie Malay]

I'm skeered. Think I'll give up the game right now!

[somaplr]

Good article.  But i'll stick with my "ugly" cast clubs.

From my perspective, it's easier to pick out the scratch golfers by their demeanor, the gate in their walk, and what they wear.

Guys I'm most afriad of (and I'm a 1 hdcp):  Guy in his mid to early 40's,  Andy Dufresne no-care-in-the-world type of slow walk, smile on his face, legs tanner than my wifes with white feet, pleated Bobby Jones (or Ashworth) khaki shorts and NON dri-fit shirt...that looks like Tin Cup...possibly smoking and/or hungover.

Don't play them for money...ever.

Edited by somaplr, 09 November 2012 - 11:56 AM.

[farmer]

I think it would more intimidating to have a Scotty with NO headcover.  That would imply that it's just one of the tools.

[justodd]

Or guys who played in college and their bag is still identical 5+ years later.

[GolfMonster09]

Next time you are going to a piece about my bag and setup, I would appreciate you asking me first...

Edited by GolfMonster09, 09 November 2012 - 02:23 PM.

[somaplr]

rpm300, on 09 November 2012 - 08:21 AM, said:

How does this bag measure up?

Are you a "prepper" and just want your bag to survive a nuclear holocaust or what?

That's sooooo totally horrible it's almost awesome.

Edited by somaplr, 09 November 2012 - 02:50 PM.

[mmack067]

This. Is. Awesome.

Great write up haha

[Tarkata]

I liked the part about the headcovers most.
I don't have any of the sock type...how did I miss that one?
I have this thing about Japanese made wedges & irons though - kinda pretentious I guess

You would take my money with your sock monkeys help..

[GolfSwine]

This is the best article I have read in a while. Well played sir.

[MtlJeff]

MadGolfer76, on 09 November 2012 - 11:27 AM, said:

Written by one of our own, guys. Can you guess who?

well since no one guessed....i suppose i will. Ummmm, me? (is that right? i drink a lot and sometimes forget the things i do)

Im glad people got the satire and mostly liked it. Thanks for the feedback fellas!

[jp5612]

MtlJeff, on 09 November 2012 - 06:21 PM, said:

MadGolfer76, on 09 November 2012 - 11:27 AM, said:

Written by one of our own, guys. Can you guess who?

well since no one guessed....i suppose i will. Ummmm, me? (is that right? i drink a lot and sometimes forget the things i do)

Im glad people got the satire and mostly liked it. Thanks for the feedback fellas!

Great work!!!

[anth]

Well done mtljeff!

Can I just add that I think a hybrid is acceptable in this bag under certain circumstances:

It must replace the 2 iron only - nothing higher than 20 degrees, but 18 and 19 preferred.

It must have a graphite shaft of at least 105 grams.

[Naughty Mazz]

if someone told me to build an intimidating bag, it would be

titleist 905r
titleist 906f2 or taylormade burner 07'
original adams idea pro hybrid
mizuno mp33's with rust spots
cleveland 588's
old putter