15 replies to this topic

[shanx]

Not gonna go into it in too much detail, things are starting to go south. When did you know it was time to split? Councelling?

[Petethreeput]

When my wife asked me to pass the salt at dinner one night and I said, "You rotten b*&ch you ruined my life."

Actually, when I realized I did not want to go home after work.  And while I am making fun of an imaginary conversation, when it seemed like even the most innocent conversations always seemed to be biting, if that makes sense.

[bmellisen]

Not divorced, happily married so take with a grain of salt. But if you are asking this question, you should probably do something if you want to save your marriage. Or do something if you dont want to save it. But if you are asking, my bet is she is thinking it too.

[hammy1983]

when she said.... I want a divorce!

[Sabertooth2.0]

You just know, its like all your fight & strength are gone. Hmm, bout same time i started golfing 54 holes a day......   good luck, but if ya think it, its prolly too far gone

[shanx]

"In it for the kids" is a term she muttered about two years ago. Things got better for a bit though, but now it's just gone south. Gonna try counselling.

[Anchor44]

Which time?
Divorces are expensive, because they're worth it.
Why go thru life with the wrong woman?

[RookieBlue7]

If you're asking this question, its time to split.

[tembolo1284]

is it specifically because of golf?

[J_D]

I'm 16. My parents are divorced because my dad is somewhat insensitive, and my mother is easily offended, my dad is convervative, my mother liberal, my dad passive aggressive, my mom will scream at anything...


They had no chance, I do not see how they even married when they were young..


But I'm glad they did because I'm alive and I like my life.

[hebron1427]

i'm not going to say people here are wrong, but i've not known a single couple (even those happily married now) that did not have some contemplation of what their life would be like if they just got divorced. some are truly better apart. some are just going through too much at once and unable to focus on making it better. many marriages that go south can be saved. this is REALLY a person by person analysis, so take it well. i went through a rough patch earlier this year. at some point, we both decided we were worth it. things got better. who knows how it'll turn out long term, but we're really enjoying it right now for the first time in awhile. it's never going to be easy, and anyone who tried to convince you it would is lying.

ask yourself whether it's worth it. ask yourself what you're willing to do to make it work. try to convince her of the same....and talk about it. i'm not an expert on this by any means, but i'll tell you i'm glad we didn't give up on it...

[jholz]

J_D, on 05 November 2012 - 04:02 PM, said:

I'm 16. My parents are divorced because my dad is somewhat insensitive, and my mother is easily offended, my dad is convervative, my mother liberal, my dad passive aggressive, my mom will scream at anything...


They had no chance, I do not see how they even married when they were young..


But I'm glad they did because I'm alive and I like my life.

This post is painfully poignant. I'm glad that you have been able to develop a reasonably healthy perspective on your life in relation to your parents' divorce J_D. It sounds like your parents are imperfect people who could have learned and benefited from each other within the context of their marriage. It is a shame they couldn't grow and adapt - that they chose to remain children. I hope that you recognize that no matter what kind of predisposition we might have, each of us has the power to learn and change. That is one of the wonderful and painful things about marriage. It can literally make you into a better person - but only if you are willing to grow.

I find this conversation and the cavalier attitudes expressed about marriage and divorce rather depressing. While not every marriage should endure, I think that the vast majority of divorces these days are frivolous acts. If you can't hack the commitment, you shouldn't get involved in the first place.

[RRFireblade]

Tough one.

Well , was married around 10-ish years when things went too far south. Usual stuff at first but the usual stuff became just too usual.

Ultimately we just married too young and hadn't become the people we were going to be yet. So.... we then seperated to see what a break would be like (about 2 years total) during which I realized I didn't miss what we had and was looking for something else.

Started the process and that was that. Think we nearly made the 13 year mark technically. Fortunately it all went pretty smooth , no real fighting or anything. She certainly wasn't happy about it all but she still cared enough about me to want me to be happy.

Tough thing and there are no easy answers......

[seasterl]

Marriage is like your golf game (iron play, short game, putting, swing, whatever). If you neglect it and don't work at it, don't be surprised if it deteriorates and goes south.

[OrangeCrush]

I am going thru a divorce as we speak, we were supposed to have our final court date last friday but it was postponed.  I will call her "Kris" for this one.

My situation is a little different.  I met kris about 3 mths after I had broken off an engagement about 2 years after dating she got pregnant.  We agreed not to get married.  So 1 year after my daughter was born I get slammed with the "take a sh** or get off the pot" speech about getting married.  I didn't want to get married but being in my daughter's life everyday was #1 so I gave in, we were married middle of the next year.  After the wedding we bought a house, 3 mths later she got pregnant with #2 child, and that was the beginnnig of the end.

Kris and I just could never get on the same page to each other's domestic and professional roles/responsibilities.  She put being home with the kids ahead of making sure there was enough income coming in to the house.  With my work/commute I was gone 50hrs a week.  She worked 20hrs a week.  She was a nurse making $44.00HR and told me "Man up, go get a job at the mall and bring in more money!".  Of course I can't repeat online what came out of my mouth when she said that!  LOL  Needless to say It caused MAJOR conflict, constant fighting.  Last August, she told me she went to see a divorce Atty because she was tired of the fighting.  I took off my wedding ring, slid it to her at the table and said "Thank you!".

The weight off my shoulders was SOOOOOO liberating.  She moved out at Thanksgiving.  As I told her I checked out mentally years before because EVERY day I was driving home I felt like "what did I do wrong today and what are we going to argue about?".  So after she left I decided to try online dating again.  It was THE BEST thing I ever did and I will share why.

A month after I started dating again a co-worker who I had a casual relationship with, we were talking about the new girl I was dating and how I liked her.  What he said has stuck in my head to this day. "I don't know what this girl is doing for you because you are in such a great mood.  The last 5 years I have known you, you have been a miserable SOB!".

Being unhappy at home translates to your personal/professional life.  Now I share a second (and final) story.  About 6 weeks ago I was with my best friend, he and I have known each other for 30+ years.  We are both strong headed irish tempered guys.  We can get into it pretty good debating topics.  Something was chomping at the bit and I asked him what was wrong.

Well he went OFF on me about how much of a pri*k I have been the last 5 years and it was bothering him so much that he was thinking of walking away from the friendship.  He brought up some real valid points and it really hit me hard that he was right.  I acknowledged my issues, I apologized for them, and told him I was going to be working on them going forward.  I'll spare the details but when you are in a relationship that is a constant arguement that is all you know what to do.  It is NO way to live.

If you are having issues at home,  ask your friends/co-workers to be BRUTALLY honest if they are seeing you behaving in a negative light.  If they say yes,  you got some thinking to do.  I have been dating some great people and it really has put me in such a better place except when I have to deal with Kris.

Deciding to leave is the hardest thing but if you are miserable and it's not going to work.  Just cut the cord.  I feel I am in a much better place and a MUCH better father right now!

[Buckfan]

When I came home early and opened the garage door to see someone else parked in my spot.