48 replies to this topic

[baseballfrk8998]

Ironquatch was born half man, 1/8th Chuck Norris.

Don't laugh, yes, the other 3/8th is an unexplainable mystery.

He is below average in every aspect of his life. He can't pick up women, he lives alone, he's hung like a church mouse and is as white as snow (powder).

But..

When on the golf course, it is rumored that each of his iron shots (after subsequent lost balls off the tee) sound as thunder roaring through a dark sky. It was said that he once hit a smooth 1 iron from 275 yards out to 3 feet that brought rain for 6 consecutive days and ended a 15 month drought.

Edited by baseballfrk8998, 02 May 2012 - 11:46 PM.

[Crab Daddy]

I saw him just last week. I was playing at twilight by myself (figures - no corroborating witnesses), and was about to tee off on a par 5, when I see a ball punched out onto the fairway from the trees.  A few seconds later, there he was, 200 yds in front of me! He was carrying an old leather bag, and, when he got to the ball, he took out a long iron with a head so small I could barely see it at that distance. He proceeded to address the ball, took one waggle, then striped a shot that barely got 20 ft off the ground, but hung in the air like it was defying gravity.  The ball drew right to left about 20 yds before hitting the ground and ran  through a narrow opening between two bunkers and up onto the green. The ball struck the flagstick and stopped no more than four feet from the hole.
He knew I was there because, after he picked up his bag, he looked over his shoulder, and I thought I could see a smirk come to his face.  Once he reached the green, he proceeded to three putt.  I was still watching in amazement, as he moved to the next tee box. He took a mighty swing with his driver, then hung his head in disgust. He disappeared back into the woods, and I never saw him again.  The only trace he left behind were his footprints on the green - metal spikes.

[Llortamaisey]

Why do I have the feeling this thread is in reference to this one?

http://www.golfwrx.c...alk-about-golf/

[Hacker#5252]

Llortamaisey, on 03 May 2012 - 08:21 AM, said:

Why do I have the feeling this thread is in reference to this one?

http://www.golfwrx.c...alk-about-golf/

Some scientists believe we are electromagnetically connected. That would be why we know when someone is staring at us without looking back, or why a mother knows her child is in danger, even if she's miles away.

That might be the result of dark matter flowing through us and being the frame baryonic matter holds onto.

Does that answer the question ?

Edited by Hacker#5252, 03 May 2012 - 08:37 AM.

[bwcorserat]

That might be the result of dark matter flowing through us and being the frame baryonic matter holds onto.

Baryonic matter, ain't that some kind of a enema?

[Swingie]

Hacker#5252, on 03 May 2012 - 08:36 AM, said:

Llortamaisey, on 03 May 2012 - 08:21 AM, said:

Why do I have the feeling this thread is in reference to this one?

http://www.golfwrx.c...alk-about-golf/

Some scientists believe we are electromagnetically connected. That would be why we know when someone is staring at us without looking back, or why a mother knows her child is in danger, even if she's miles away.

That might be the result of dark matter flowing through us and being the frame baryonic matter holds onto.

Does that answer the question ?

LOL!!!!!! Great post and EPIC thread.
I was amazed at the alternate definition for chipping = lol!

[RRFireblade]

He can't be caught.

He's not a Yeti.... He is in fact a Shape Shifter.

At the first sign he may have been detacted, he shape shifts.

You'd think he would stick out like a sore thumb but infact.....

He's got a two hour tee time head start on you, which is more than he needs. He's got friends in every town, internet forum and village from here to the Sudan, he speaks a dozen technical golf languages, knows every local course nuance, he'll blend in, disappear, you'll never see him again. With any luck, he's got the birdie already.

Edited by RRFireblade, 03 May 2012 - 10:35 AM.

[cardoustie]

I believe I have seen a player at my club which closely resembles Ironquatch

He was on the back end of the range at dusk.  Using my range finder here is what I could barely discern from 310 yards

- he had a contented honey badger on a leash (looked to be nibbling on Cheetos)
- he had both 1 and 2 irons in an old leather Labatt's Blue Light golf bag
- his driver was a 13* Titleist Howitzer with a 43" steel shaft
- he was wearing a Monkee's t-shirt
- his Hogan cap was askew
- I believe a well worn version of Golf in the Kingdom was at his feet
- he was wearing metal spikes with an extra spike in the ball of the right foot

I called out Gunga Galunga and he went scampering for the pines

[pappaf2]

RRFireblade, on 03 May 2012 - 10:35 AM, said:

He can't be caught.

He's not a Yeti.... He is in fact a Shape Shifter.

At the first sign he may have been detacted, he shape shifts.

You'd think he would stick out like a sore thumb but infact.....

He's got a two hour tee time head start on you, which is more than he needs. He's got friends in every town, internet forum and village from here to the Sudan, he speaks a dozen technical golf languages, knows every local course nuance, he'll blend in, disappear, you'll never see him again. With any luck, he's got the birdie already.

Then again he did get lost in his own golf course...

[anth]

He doesn't exist.

He's a fantasy, a myth. A story told by parents to their children to scare them into playing GI irons.

[Splitter]

OH NO!!!   I found him a few years ago but he escaped our grasp.  If only we would have known.

Mostly true story:

Iron-Squatch Walks into our threesome after we have all hit and introduces himself. "Sorry I'm late guys, my Escalade is in the shop and I had to go get my clubs with the loaner car this morning"

IronSquatch:  Where do you guys hit from, cause I usually play from the blacks.. but can drop down to the blues with you.

Us:  No, no, don't let us stop you, go ahead and shoot from the blacks.

Iron Squatch:  No, I want to be social so I'll play from the Blues.  You guys sure you're good with the blues?  I can play from the whites if that's where your game is at.  I don't like to push people."

Hole #1:  IronSquatch doubles.  "Man, I birdied this last week.  Is the rough deeper to you?"

Hole #2:  Ironsquatch triples.  "Can you believe how bumpy the greens are?  I was all over that hole with my Nike Tiger wood replica blades.  Who put the hole on the side of that mountain anyway?"

Hole #2.5  Ironsquatch buys a GIANT size Bloody Mary from the cart Girl. "Extra Spicy helps loosen up my back"

Hole #3:  IronSquatch bogeys.  "I think my GPS is giving me bad readings"

Hole #4:  Ironsquatch Pars.  "Good thing I rebooted the GPS.  My game should be on now."

Hole #5:  Ironsquatch drives it 260 down the center.  "Now it's on boys!"

Hole #5 continued:  Ironsquatch triples.  "These new wedges are really hard to get used to.  I never should have switched from my custom forged Vokeys".

Hole #6:  Ironsquatch hits the green in regulation and then three putts for his bogey.  "I knew these greens were bad today.  That was a Par"

Hole #7:  IronSquatch slices into the apartments on the right.  "I never slice!"

Hole #7 continued:  IronSquatch slices into the same apartments but it kicks out.  "I really need to replace this grip.  I deserved that kick out after all the bad luck though."

Hole #8:  Ironsquatch tops it into the creek.  "Oops.. I can't believe I used a tee from the cart.  They're waay too short".  IronSquatch Tees up another one and then "Pars" the hole.  Ironsquatch declares; "This hole always plays easy, I should have birdied it"

Hole #9.  Ironsquatch wormburns 6 shots to the par 4 green and two putts for his 8.  "I shouldn't have been trying to show off for my buddy, the head pro.  That divot I landed in didn't help either.  I guess I deserved the double on that one."

Clubhouse: Ironsquatch bids us a goodbye.   "Hey guys my GPS is just too flakey with the clouds today and  I'm 3 over my 12 handicap. It's just too frustrating to finish up.  I'm going to go hit the range."  He then casually dumps his full Bloody Mary into the trash.

#10 Teebox:  "Hey, isn't that Ironsquatch driving off in the Dodge Stratus?"

If only we would have known at the time, I would have snapped a picture...

Edited by Splitter, 03 May 2012 - 06:42 PM.

[MtlJeff]

Ironsquatch would be better off hitting a blade 2 iron off the tee off every hole. Heck Ironsquatch could hit a 9 degree blade off the tee if he wanted. He could also sink a 20 foot low cut right into the pin instead of putting. But he does not. Ironsquatch doesn't want you to tell him how to play.

[MadGolfer76]

Ironsquatch coined the term "Hater," and the phrase "Haters gon' hate." He also can be identified at Pro tournaments by yelling "Get in da Ho'...'" The sound of a sub-human animal is unmistakable.


"He (it) is the least interesting man-beast-golfer in the world..."


Could be related to Man-Bear-Pig on SouthPark. This hunch is, as yet, unconfirmed.

[Hacker#5252]

bwcorserat, on 03 May 2012 - 09:43 AM, said:

That might be the result of dark matter flowing through us and being the frame baryonic matter holds onto.

Baryonic matter, ain't that some kind of a enema?

Well, it could be.

All enema is baryonic matter, but not all baryonic matter is enema.

[3 Jack Par]

Splitter, on 03 May 2012 - 06:36 PM, said:

OH NO!!!   I found him a few years ago but he escaped our grasp.  If only we would have known.

Mostly true story:

Iron-Squatch Walks into our threesome after we have all hit and introduces himself. "Sorry I'm late guys, my Escalade is in the shop and I had to go get my clubs with the loaner car this morning"

IronSquatch:  Where do you guys hit from, cause I usually play from the blacks.. but can drop down to the blues with you.

Us:  No, no, don't let us stop you, go ahead and shoot from the blacks.

Iron Squatch:  No, I want to be social so I'll play from the Blues.  You guys sure you're good with the blues?  I can play from the whites if that's where your game is at.  I don't like to push people."

Hole #1:  IronSquatch doubles.  "Man, I birdied this last week.  Is the rough deeper to you?"

Hole #2:  Ironsquatch triples.  "Can you believe how bumpy the greens are?  I was all over that hole with my Nike Tiger wood replica blades.  Who put the hole on the side of that mountain anyway?"

Hole #2.5  Ironsquatch buys a GIANT size Bloody Mary from the cart Girl. "Extra Spicy helps loosen up my back"

Hole #3:  IronSquatch bogeys.  "I think my GPS is giving me bad readings"

Hole #4:  Ironsquatch Pars.  "Good thing I rebooted the GPS.  My game should be on now."

Hole #5:  Ironsquatch drives it 260 down the center.  "Now it's on boys!"

Hole #5 continued:  Ironsquatch triples.  "These new wedges are really hard to get used to.  I never should have switched from my custom forged Vokeys".

Hole #6:  Ironsquatch hits the green in regulation and then three putts for his bogey.  "I knew these greens were bad today.  That was a Par"

Hole #7:  IronSquatch slices into the apartments on the right.  "I never slice!"

Hole #7 continued:  IronSquatch slices into the same apartments but it kicks out.  "I really need to replace this grip.  I deserved that kick out after all the bad luck though."

Hole #8:  Ironsquatch tops it into the creek.  "Oops.. I can't believe I used a tee from the cart.  They're waay too short".  IronSquatch Tees up another one and then "Pars" the hole.  Ironsquatch declares; "This hole always plays easy, I should have birdied it"

Hole #9.  Ironsquatch wormburns 6 shots to the par 4 green and two putts for his 8.  "I shouldn't have been trying to show off for my buddy, the head pro.  That divot I landed in didn't help either.  I guess I deserved the double on that one."

Clubhouse: Ironsquatch bids us a goodbye.   "Hey guys my GPS is just too flakey with the clouds today and  I'm 3 over my 12 handicap. It's just too frustrating to finish up.  I'm going to go hit the range."  He then casually dumps his full Bloody Mary into the trash.

#10 Teebox:  "Hey, isn't that Ironsquatch driving off in the Dodge Stratus?"

If only we would have known at the time, I would have snapped a picture...

That's not Ironsquatch -- just a crappy player who makes lots of excuses.  Ironsquatch would never hit a wormburner (maybe with the driver), unless you're talking about a 230 yard 2-iron stinger that never gets more than five feet off the ground and stops 2 feet from the hole.  Too bad he'd miss the putt, though.

[98brg2d]

I am very closely related to the golf yeti (you can tell when I remove my shirt) and while I can't vouch for his demeanor or conversation in real life on the course (I don't tape record myself...for comparison purposes only) I will tell you I have most definitely encountered him on GolfWRX and very recently. Ironsquatch has a propensity for internet verbosity unparaleled on GolfWRX but occasinally encountered on other non-golfing forums*. His activity has been at an all time high the last four or five weeks. Like the eye witness account above, he does play Nike irons but I cannot confirm if they are TW, VR, splits or some combination. He seems like a nice enough guy often does not realize he is being trolled (perhaps he isn't being trolled, but it appears that way; nb: trolls are often so similar to yeti that they do not recognize them immediately, they often are not self aware and thus do not recognize their own reflection in a mirror.)


*The similarities I have seen on other forums lead me to believe that there are many other species of *hobby* yetis but they often have unique subspecies names: I have heard of Gapers, Jongs (an even smaller subspecies of Gaper), GSA (Gaper Spirit Animal), Real Gangstas (they dun play; subspecies of e-thug although often related to yeti), Guys that are well connected (so don't push them; again a subspecies of e-thug related to yeti). If you ever encounter what you believe to be a species or subspecies of yeti, govern yourself accordingly. I know of atleast one other wrxer that has encountered several of these subspecies (we share similar hobbies) but there are probably others as well, unfortunately I know only two secret yeti hunter handshakes: Change for a nickle? and Training for Alaska?

[larrybud]

I'm pretty sure this is bigfoot

http://www.pgatour.c...ndres-gonzales/

Maybe not playing ability, but for everything else!

[CallawayLefty]

MtlJeff, on 01 May 2012 - 07:34 PM, said:

Gentlemen, i am looking for the golf yeti, or sasquatch for you folks in North America. He is the rarest of all golfers. Rumors exist of him and are spread like wildfire on the internet , but so far there are no confirmed sightings. There are drawings, and second hand accounts (a guy i know totally saw him!) but to my knowledge only grainy photographs exist.

The rare beast i am talking about is the pure iron striking 15 handicap. He is the man who hits irons like Brian Gay, plays only the tiniest of blades and hits shots so fine, they make Pavorottti look like a hobo. However this seldom seen creature cannot get up and down from 3 feet from the hole. He considers chipping to be buying a bag of Lays from the store. He drives worse then an intoxicated Lindsay Lohan. He loses 9 balls a round using driver but then sticks them 2 feet from the hole with a 4 iron for an easy double. He works it both ways better then a 70's pornstar with irons, but his stock putt is that of the pre-chubbs version of Happy Gilmore. He literally looks like he's never played golf before on the green or the tee box, but becomes 2000 Tiger with iron in hand.

Let's band together and find this man. We are 100,000 strong at golfwrx. We all have cameras or camera phones

report back to me gents. Report back to me. Let's find the pure striking high handicap

i will call him "Ironquatch"

Ironquatch once frequented this board.  I wish I could dig up the thread (somebody around here probably can - it was a "how many hole in ones" thread).  One guy assured us all that he had never had a true hole in one but on something like 16 occasions had holed out for par on a par 3 after hitting his first ball in a hazard.  Again 0 hole in ones, 16 hole outs for par.  He had a very exact number, that I believe he defended in that thread.  He claimed that once the pressure was off, it just made the next shot "so easy" (bro).    

There you have it - IRONQUATCH discovered!!!!!!!!!!!!

EDIT: Found it....8 after penalty hole in ones!  http://www.golfwrx.c...nd-youre-alone/

Edited by CallawayLefty, 04 May 2012 - 11:51 AM.

[Splitter]

3 Jack Par, on 04 May 2012 - 09:18 AM, said:

That's not Ironsquatch -- just a crappy player who makes lots of excuses.  Ironsquatch would never hit a wormburner (maybe with the driver), unless you're talking about a 230 yard 2-iron stinger that never gets more than five feet off the ground and stops 2 feet from the hole.  Too bad he'd miss the putt, though.

I didn't think so either....  But I've come to believe the "I'm 3 over my 12 handicap" was a slip up..  The Ironsquatch is a tricky beast...  

If only we had thought to grab his bloody mary container we might have gotten a fingerprint or saliva for Jeff to test...