437 replies to this topic

[funghow]

Fly a shot over the green?  " your too strong for this course"
weak shot? "better hit the weights kid"
blow a putt by "easy there cowboy", or "better lay off the weights"

[Ash1974]

Not sure if anyone has posted any of these, my mate sent them to me, made me chuckle

• A Paris Hilton - an expensive hole
• A Salman Rushdie - an impossible read
• A Rock Hudson- thought it was straight, but it wasn't
• An Elton John - a big bender that lips the rim
• An Adolf Hitler - two shots in the bunker
• A Yasser Arafat - ugly and in the sand
• A Kate Winslett - little bit fat but otherwise perfect
• A Rodney King - over-clubbed
• An O.J. Simpson - got away with it
• A Princess Grace - should have taken a driver
• A Princess Di - shouldn't have taken a driver
• A Michael Jackson - gradually fading
• A condom - safe but didn't feel real good
• An Anna Kournikova - looks great, but unlikely to get a result
• A Brazilian - Shaves both sides of the hole

Edited by Ash1974, 15 February 2012 - 06:12 AM.

[jb93]

When you lip a putt out......."All lip and no hole...the story of my/your life"

[MattTheTaff]

Ash1974, on 15 February 2012 - 06:07 AM, said:

Not sure if anyone has posted any of these, my mate sent them to me, made me chuckle

• A Paris Hilton - an expensive hole
• A Salman Rushdie - an impossible read
• A Rock Hudson- thought it was straight, but it wasn't
• An Elton John - a big bender that lips the rim
• An Adolf Hitler - two shots in the bunker
• A Yasser Arafat - ugly and in the sand
• A Kate Winslett - little bit fat but otherwise perfect
• A Rodney King - over-clubbed
• An O.J. Simpson - got away with it
• A Princess Grace - should have taken a driver
• A Princess Di - shouldn't have taken a driver
• A Michael Jackson - gradually fading
• A condom - safe but didn't feel real good
• An Anna Kournikova - looks great, but unlikely to get a result
• A Brazilian - Shaves both sides of the hole

A Natalie Wood - dead in the water.

A Douglas Bader - no legs

A Maggie thatcher - too far right
A Shane Williams - only a little un but really fast

Edited by MrParr1Noid, 18 February 2012 - 06:58 PM.

[rightlefty]

By far my favorite golf phrase is and will always be,.........why dont you guys go ahead and play through !!!!!

[Suntower]

Short putt - "Nice lay up." Second attempt out of a bunker "Good out Hitler." Topped in the fairway 10 or 20 yards - "Smart play there... that's a good lag." Or the ever popular, "It's okay, you're safe. I see right where it is". Playing as a single on a new course and having a particularly bad day I asked the group which side of the fairway was the best approach, one of them answered, "It's pretty open, you can drop on either side and be okay."

But the funniest I've ever heard was playing as a single with three Chinese guys that "didn't speak English". We were having a good time and a few laughs as we worked our way around without ever really speaking to each other.

Hitting it much farther than them I would hear 'ooooohs' and 'ahhhhs' as my tee shots took off. Then I pulled one BAD that I had absolutely smoked. At the top of his lungs and in the funniest Chinese accent, one of them yelled, "BYE BYE BALL!"

[marauder20]

"get in" on a putt that has no chance to make it...funny i heard tiger say the same thing last sunday at pebble, they must have have the mic up, but he said it just like someone in the group would have.

[CaddiesFault]

a ric flair - high n right
position b - bad drive
love grass - fescue(because once your in it, your there?)
rosanne - hit one fat
thin to win - self explanatory
plinko - a ball ricocheting through trees
doug flutie - driver skips off ground into ball(dropkick)
jabbar (kareem abdul) - hook

[From_Parts_Unknown]

Played with a buddy of mine over the weekend that took free relief from a 'Whitney Houston'.  I finally figured out he was talking about a pool of casual water.

[wolfpack]

Too high...  (ball lands fine)  what do you mean too high?   what does that mean?    

From Major League

[OlyJay]

" you spend more time in the sand then David Hasselhoff "

[stokepoges]

Blowing a putt past the hole - Gunslinger!
3 or 4 putt - Swordfight or Zorro

"Nice lag" on a putt for birdie or par to win a hole that is left short

Can't believe that I haven't seen this one posted yet but when my regular group leaves one short, we always say "short like his thing"

I did see a reference to the "hooken Folker" earlier - we always called it the German ball and have now shortened it to a yell of "Nazi" when one of us hits a violent hook.

We like hosel rocket and El Hosel for the shank

A ball hit in the water would get a response of "Fishin' with Bill Dance" or now just "Fishin' with Bill"

[1fairway2another]

I saw a guy looking for his ball in the water , it turned out it went in pretty deep and some guy waiting on the tee box yelled Play it where it lies fat @$$. I still laugh thinking about it.

[ck800]

when someone leaves a putt or chip horribly short i like to point to the distance between the ball and the hole.

"i think they're building the new wal-mart right there"

[ben w]

ck800, on 29 February 2012 - 02:35 AM, said:

when someone leaves a putt or chip horribly short i like to point to the distance between the ball and the hole.

"i think they're building the new wal-mart right there"

let me fix that for you:

(player leaves putt way short)

you say: did you hear they are building a super walmart around here soon?

other player reponds: yeah?/no I didn't know that/where?

you say: yep... right between your ball and the hole

[mvm912]

When you out-drive a player by a considerable margin ask "Have you heard about that casino they're building.........right between my ball and your ball."

[LDonald]

When the putt stops right before the hole: "I need to buy those South American balls...just one more revolution."

[Sean25rp]

Ash1974, on 15 February 2012 - 06:07 AM, said:

Not sure if anyone has posted any of these, my mate sent them to me, made me chuckle

• A Paris Hilton - an expensive hole
• A Salman Rushdie - an impossible read
• A Rock Hudson- thought it was straight, but it wasn't
• An Elton John - a big bender that lips the rim
• An Adolf Hitler - two shots in the bunker
• A Yasser Arafat - ugly and in the sand
• A Kate Winslett - little bit fat but otherwise perfect
• A Rodney King - over-clubbed
• An O.J. Simpson - got away with it
• A Princess Grace - should have taken a driver
• A Princess Di - shouldn't have taken a driver
• A Michael Jackson - gradually fading
• A condom - safe but didn't feel real good
• An Anna Kournikova - looks great, but unlikely to get a result
• A Brazilian - Shaves both sides of the hole

Hahaha!

[bwcorserat]

If some poor soul in your group has a bad case of the yips, instead of yips, we call em yikes.

[JapanOnly]

If only you had a swing....

backinthegame, on 08 March 2011 - 03:12 PM, said:

Here are some that have made regular appearances with me and the guys on  the weekends over the years.  Some of these are original, some oldies  but goodies.
Share a few of yours.


Bacon Ball-- hit it so far in the woods that a dog couldn't find it even if it was wrapped in bacon.

Lewis and Clark-  it would take L&W to find that ball....

Cartagena-  That ball is hell and gone from Cartagena  ( stolen from Romancing the  Stone )  " I was going along great until that Cartagena on 10"

Hit a flaming whoopsie into the coconuts--  stolen from David Feherty )

Directile dysfunction-- explains itself

Witchie Poo -- going double-double  (toil and trouble)  

Iverson-  Triple-double.  ( can be 3 consecutive doubles, or a triple followed by a double. )

[thegrayman]

I don't play any taylormade clubs, but whenever I pure a full shot I have started stating "That's Rocketballz!" - very defiantly and in an australian accent (I'm from Ohio). I'm usually the only person who thinks it's funny. Apparently people don't watch as much golf as me. Stupid advertising.

[chrio]

My self, best friend, his father in law, and another older guy (hes retired now) are all preachers.. and when we can all get to together and someone splashs one generally the opponant perks up with "in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit...u baptize that ball..." Haha good times

[Llortamaisey]

The Amar'e- a shot that breaks glass

[naws-golfer]

From_Parts_Unknown, on 21 February 2012 - 01:07 AM, said:

Played with a buddy of mine over the weekend that took free relief from a 'Whitney Houston'.  I finally figured out he was talking about a pool of casual water.

too soon....

[WriterRay]

Most of the guys I play with lean very right-wing conservative in their politics, so whenever one of them pulls a shot I'll say, "That's further left than Nancy Pelosi."

[4thand11]

After a bad putt, my friend says to me "That's why it's called the USGA, it stands for You Still Go, A****le."

[3 Jack Par]

Playing in a group with a buddy of ours who is an absolutely terrible player, he blew his putt 20 feet by the hole, another guy in our group in a complete deadpan -- "That one breaks long".  Now it gets said every time someone blasts one past.

[Mr. T]

After a chunked shot, my line is "Play the divot. It went further than the ball!".

[poprocksncoke]

One of the guys I play with hit a shot and started yelling "get all over it!"  Ball flew the green.  After that, randomly, when he would hit a shot into the green someone in the group would say "get all over it!"

Was playing with some friends of mine when one of them said to another after he hit a shot, "you remind me of Notah Begay, mostly the Begay part."

[Fegolfer35]

When someone says "that's going in" or something similar and misses..."dont put my ball in your mouth!"