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Not having fun anymore


55 replies to this topic

#1 Matchplay10033

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 03:26 PM

It sort of hit me out of the blue but suddenly golf has become something i have started to dread.   I got back into it 3 years ago and wanted to get back to scratch and have gotten myself down to a 3-to 4 handicap and absolutely hit the wall.  I recently joined a club and was excited to join since several of my playing buddies are members but since becoming a member i almost feel like I HAVE to golf.  If i sit at home, or workout, or do anything else on a free day i feel like i am wasting money.   I honestly only have fun playing alone anymore.   Last night I went down to the club around 6 and was excited to play/practice on the course alone and as i got to the tee my playing partners were on their second 18.   I felt obligated to join them and on the first tee it was all about what we were playing for.    I took a double on 1, double on 2, par on the 3rd and on the 4th snapped a ball OB.   They were all hovering around par.   I politely told them to play on and that i needed to work on somethings.   Once I was on my own i felt peace and went on to play well the remainder of the way,   Today i was supposed to play and backed out almost all day i was dreading another competitive round.   I really do not know what to do... I am now paying 250 plus a month for a club and seem to be hating the game.   I do not want to quit because i absolutely regret when i gave up golf in 2005 and know thats not the answer.    Sorry for the vent...lol my fiance would just laugh and make fun of such a 1st world problem.


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#2 Sean2

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 03:33 PM

I don't think you need to feel obligated to play. If they are your friends, they will understand. More then a few times I have just wanted to work on some things on the course, and friends have asked me to play and I politely declined, explaining why. Sometimes the driving range just doesn't cut it and you need to be on the course to figure things out.
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#3 ClintDagger

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 03:37 PM

You need to find a group that doesnít play for money.  I have a money group that I can play with and a group that consists of my best friend and our dads that plays only for fun.  Sometimes I take a few weeks break from the money game as the crap talking and gamesmanship can get a bit old.

And when youíre getting your a** kicked and are the clear worst player money games are no fun.  Thatís just the way it is.

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#4 jwhite86

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 03:43 PM

Whenever I feel like giving up.. I play a round or two solo... get my head together... hit a couple of nice shots... and I'm back...
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#5 MadGolfer76

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 03:47 PM

You don't hate playing, you just don't like playing in groups. Talk to your friends and just tell them what is going on.

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#6 golfgirlrobin

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 04:00 PM

Seems like you feel trapped, because, well, you’re kind of trapped.  You used to want to play with these guys, but now you have to play with them.  You’ve spent your money at this course, so shelling out at other courses can seem like kind of a waste of money.  

When my husband and I finally joined a club, we made a rule.  We don’t play with the same people more than twice a week.  More than that and you start to feel like you’re stuck.  You join picturing the freedom to be out there any time you want and all of a sudden you’re avoiding people and sneaking over to the far corner of the range.  

I think you need to stand up for yourself a bit.  It’s ok to want to enjoy a round by yourself, to work on some stuff, to hit balls by yourself.  It’s perfectly ok to not want to constantly be in a competitive situation.  

Totally unsolicited advice, think twice about someone who dismisses your feelings so easily.  If it’s important to you, it ought to be respected by her.

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#7 rkristopheranderson

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 04:18 PM

Hey man, it’s just a game.

Take some time off. If you’re worried about making use of the line item in your budget marked “Country Club” just take a month to do the thing you like most about golf. I hit these spots sometimes, so I just hit range balls and putt for a few weeks.

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#8 Sean2

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 04:26 PM

Or, if you want to play golf with your friends, but don't want to play for money, simply say that from the outset. I wouldn't think they would have a problem with that.
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#9 Smooth spin scott

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 04:42 PM

I agree with the post above. We are 6 in our group of boys. We all take turns playing in a foursome and for those who don’t like to bet don’t bet. No biggie.
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#10 HackerDave

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 04:53 PM

You don't hate golf.  You just don't like the group you are playing with.  Play solo a bit and try to find a new group.  Grab a beer and focus on having fun and don't worry about getting to scratch.  It just doesn't matter!!  This isn't your job.  It's recreation.

I have had a rough year.  My plan was to get to single digits (I'm old and have never been there).  Started taking lessons and my index went up two strokes.   I was pressuring myself to do better when it really doesn't matter to anybody but me.   I'm playing in an Invitational tomorrow and was starting to freak out.  Then I stepped back and thought who freaking cares.  I enjoy my hosts company and I will do my best.  Control what you can and let the rest go.  I really think its going to be a fun event and if it's not, its my fault.  I hate playing for money.  It does nothing for me so I simply don't do it.  There are plenty of groups that feel the same way. Talk to the pro.  He/she can usually point you in the right direction.

And the last point.   You can't financially justify a membership so stop trying.  It's a place to go have fun.

Edited by HackerDave, 11 July 2018 - 04:56 PM.


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#11 Big Ben

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 04:55 PM

I used to fight off the money games it hindered the real fun of posting a round. When there is no money on the game it becomes you playing the course. Some guys can't handle no bets it drives them crazy. There fun is gambling not golf. I finally gave in and now take there money on the regular. Hey they poked the bear not me! BB

Edited by Big Ben, 11 July 2018 - 05:01 PM.

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#12 caniac6

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 05:02 PM

We play twice a week, and don't play for anything. We have a couple gangsomes on the weekends, and the big money game is $10. Nobody gets hurt, and everyone has fun. If you are not enjoying playing, don't.

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#13 MtlJeff

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 05:27 PM

Sometimes we burn out on things and need some time to recharge or rediscover why we loved it in the first place. Its all good, well unless you are Rory McIlroy....in which case you are a low T loser.
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#14 billh17

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 06:24 PM

Sounds more like you are tired of the money game,and not the golf game. Separate the two and play the one you enjoy.
If they are your friends,talk with them,and they will fully understand.  You may find you can play with them and not be a
part of the money game. Or you may just need to play solo for awhile. Anyway...dont quit when you enjoy it playing solo. Find a way
to make it work for you.
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#15 Obee

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 07:25 PM

View PostSean2, on 11 July 2018 - 04:26 PM, said:

Or, if you want to play golf with your friends, but don't want to play for money, simply say that from the outset. I wouldn't think they would have a problem with that.

That's not necessarily true. I know in our group, if you aren't playing for money, then you aren't playing in our group. Depends what kind of guys they are. Some guys love playing for money and if you are the odd man out in a group of four who does NOT want to play for something, then it's fine the first time, but then you will slowly find yourself excluded from some groups.

Not because they don't LIKE you, but because part of WHY some guys play golf is the action and the competition. I am that way. I much, much prefer playing for something than playing for nothing. And guys like me tend to find other guys who feel the same way. It's been that way at every club I've ever played at.

Only you know that group, OP. But it sounds like to me that you love golf, you just don't like playing for money?

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#16 Matchplay10033

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 07:51 PM

View PostObee, on 11 July 2018 - 07:25 PM, said:

View PostSean2, on 11 July 2018 - 04:26 PM, said:

Or, if you want to play golf with your friends, but don't want to play for money, simply say that from the outset. I wouldn't think they would have a problem with that.

That's not necessarily true. I know in our group, if you aren't playing for money, then you aren't playing in our group. Depends what kind of guys they are. Some guys love playing for money and if you are the odd man out in a group of four who does NOT want to play for something, then it's fine the first time, but then you will slowly find yourself excluded from some groups.

Not because they don't LIKE you, but because part of WHY some guys play golf is the action and the competition. I am that way. I much, much prefer playing for something than playing for nothing. And guys like me tend to find other guys who feel the same way. It's been that way at every club I've ever played at.

Only you know that group, OP. But it sounds like to me that you love golf, you just don't like playing for money?

I love golf and I do enjoy playing for money but since joining the club they are all playing to about scratch and I have actually regressed.  So it's  me shooting 77-low 80's and they all have been low 70's upper 70's on bad days.   It's become a grind feeling like the weakest link in that group.  I know how golf is... the more you care the worse it gets.  I feel like I need to catch up and to do that I need to play and practice more on my own. We have never given each other strokes since we all used to be about even.

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#17 aliikane

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 07:59 PM

I have been playing since 5 for 42 years. Played golf competitively as a junior. For me taking the golf serious and playing competitively is fun if playing with the same caliber players. However, I never get to play with similar low handicap caliber players competitively. Tournaments are far and few between in my area and expensive. So, lately I like playing alone because not many like minded competitive golfers around.

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#18 Obee

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 08:03 PM

View PostMatchplay10033, on 11 July 2018 - 07:51 PM, said:

View PostObee, on 11 July 2018 - 07:25 PM, said:

View PostSean2, on 11 July 2018 - 04:26 PM, said:

Or, if you want to play golf with your friends, but don't want to play for money, simply say that from the outset. I wouldn't think they would have a problem with that.

That's not necessarily true. I know in our group, if you aren't playing for money, then you aren't playing in our group. Depends what kind of guys they are. Some guys love playing for money and if you are the odd man out in a group of four who does NOT want to play for something, then it's fine the first time, but then you will slowly find yourself excluded from some groups.

Not because they don't LIKE you, but because part of WHY some guys play golf is the action and the competition. I am that way. I much, much prefer playing for something than playing for nothing. And guys like me tend to find other guys who feel the same way. It's been that way at every club I've ever played at.

Only you know that group, OP. But it sounds like to me that you love golf, you just don't like playing for money?

I love golf and I do enjoy playing for money but since joining the club they are all playing to about scratch and I have actually regressed.  So it's  me shooting 77-low 80's and they all have been low 70's upper 70's on bad days.   It's become a grind feeling like the weakest link in that group.  I know how golf is... the more you care the worse it gets.  I feel like I need to catch up and to do that I need to play and practice more on my own. We have never given each other strokes since we all used to be about even.

Yep. Totally get it.

Is it a "scratch" group? Will they give you your pops? When we play with the pros, we all get tee spots and/or strokes. And it is fair that way.

But it also sounds like you are having a bit of trouble mentally with playing for money at this point. And that is fine. That happens. You will get your money game back. :-)
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#19 Lagavulin62

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 08:32 PM

Iíve never played for money and if I did it would be the worst gamble ever. If I want to bet I go to the track where I have some competence. The rule in gambling is never take action you canít win. A pressured bet is always a loser. So you have every right to refuse and if they have an issue with it then they need to learn a few things about gambling.

I do understand completely about the financial part. I have done the math for the only club that interests me and in order for it to work I would have to play at least 2 1/2 rounds per week, 52 weeks a year. Even with summers off from teaching there is no way I could ever average that. To make matters worse the full practice area is not open during the weekdays so I couldnít even justify practice for lost rounds. So yes I know what youíre feeling about staying at home.

But fortunately your problem is fixable and you just need to find new partners that are there only for the golf. You are so right, you pay good money and no reason to dread going to the club and playing. I have a close couple that just joined a club. They are out there two to three times a week. So far they love it and still in the honeymoon stage. Iím curious to see how they feel in six months. I think more than anything I would dread feeling obligated. Just a few a weeks ago I was having lunch in the grille and watching the tournament.  A few of the guys at a nearby table tried to strike light conversation. I was respectful but at the same time I really didnít want to get to know anyone that day. Sometimes, well most times for me, I donít want to be bothered. Join a club and I think it would be hard to avoid.

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#20 Big Ben

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 08:57 PM

If your boys handicaps are scratch and yours is not then get your pops or don't play in there game. That's what the handicap system is for! I'm a 5 and if a 3 said hey let's just play straight up I would laugh at him then walk into the shop and figure out my bumps.

Edited by Big Ben, 11 July 2018 - 09:04 PM.

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#21 wrmiller

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 09:17 PM

The only time I ever worried about my handicap was a long time ago when I was trying to get into the mid-am. Haven't cared about it since, as that is not the reason I play golf. I enjoy playing the game. Playing with others is totally optional. :)

You've got way too much stuff in your head. And the group you're playing with isn't helping. As others have suggested, it might be time to find another playing partner or two.
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#22 Smash Factors

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 11:26 PM

View PostLagavulin62, on 11 July 2018 - 08:32 PM, said:

I've never played for money and if I did it would be the worst gamble ever.

Not really. You're a 15 hdc, so you'd be getting a lot of strokes. On a decent day you'd take some cash home with ya. In the group I used to play with, there was a 20 hdc guy who joined in a couple times. He managed to shoot better than his cap and won money more than once. The guy in charge of the group told his friend not to bring him anymore. He gets too many strokes.
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#23 FourTops

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 11:40 PM

Not sure how this relates to Instruction & Academy.

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#24 nemoblack

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Posted 12 July 2018 - 12:32 AM

I've done a lot of organized competitive sports in the past, and I still love competing but what I've grown tired of over the years is the obligation of having to play regularly in an organized form - leagues, teams, clubs. It's almost the same feeling you get for that vacation home that becomes a burden and you feel obliged to go use it even when you don't feel like it. I'd never want to join a private club because I know I'd have that same feeling there, too, but perhaps even worse because they tend to be so expensive. Golf is fun, but too much golf "structure" can be a downer.

I've quit all leagues and teams because they make me play on those days I just don't want to play. I do have a set of guys I will call up occasionally to play, but it's not a regular group. For me, the fun is the pure variety. Sometimes I score my rounds, sometimes I play unscored practice rounds - which I think are actually a very valuable tool to make my skills better. Interestingly, but perhaps not surprisingly, stopping the "forced regular" rounds has resulted in me playing more, not less.

Money games have never been interesting to me in the least. My last experience with a money game was about 15 years ago that I actually won, but it was no fun at all because it made the guys I was playing with so irate.

Edited by nemoblack, 12 July 2018 - 12:34 AM.


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#25 Gautama

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Posted 12 July 2018 - 12:45 AM

I think that's a pretty common and understandable thing...it's so easy overcommit to things you really like doing, then one day it starts feeling like work and you kinda dread it. It's like guys who buy a boat and feel like they need to be on it all the time. Or my first marriage. 😂

Seriously though, cut yourself some slack, don't worry about trying to make the membership break even right now, ease up on some goals, and get play when and how you want. In my experience you'll get the bug back soon enough and those things will take care of themselves.

Edited by Gautama, 12 July 2018 - 12:47 AM.


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#26 PorscheFan

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Posted 12 July 2018 - 05:48 AM

I've never enjoyed playing for money.

Not because of the money per se, but because it always seems to be accompanied by all of fake macho cr@p that I hate.

I'm 40-ish.  At that age there seem to be a portion of males that try to relive their college days through sport, cards, anything even mildly competitive.  Normal, pleasant people seem to suddenly lose IQ points and turn into complete oafs.

I enjoy getting away from that on the golf course.

I'm sure your situation is different, but I wouldn't be surprised if your performance dip is actually worsened by playing in these groups right now.

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#27 Matchplay10033

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Posted 12 July 2018 - 06:06 AM

lol did not put this in the instruction forum.   Was moved ?

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#28 larrybud

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Posted 12 July 2018 - 06:25 AM

View PostObee, on 11 July 2018 - 07:25 PM, said:

View PostSean2, on 11 July 2018 - 04:26 PM, said:

Or, if you want to play golf with your friends, but don't want to play for money, simply say that from the outset. I wouldn't think they would have a problem with that.

That's not necessarily true. I know in our group, if you aren't playing for money, then you aren't playing in our group. Depends what kind of guys they are. Some guys love playing for money and if you are the odd man out in a group of four who does NOT want to play for something, then it's fine the first time, but then you will slowly find yourself excluded from some groups.

So you have a buddy who wants to play, but not for money, and you have an opening in your foursome, you're going to tell him no way?  

The OP just happened to run into his buddies on the course, they had a spot for him.  They're not going to let him join because he doesn't want to put cash on the line?  The group is in the same situation whether he doesn't play with them or doesn't bet with them.

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#29 getitdaily

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Posted 12 July 2018 - 07:03 AM

I'm probably going to break wrx etiquette rules here, but...

Dude, suck it up man. So you hit a wall. Take a break. Get a lesson. Change your routine, etc.

You joined a social club that includes golf. Play with the group when you want and stop acting like you can't tell them no.

I'm on your fiance's side here. Be a man and toughen up.

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#30 MelloYello

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Posted 12 July 2018 - 08:31 AM

View PostSean2, on 11 July 2018 - 04:26 PM, said:

Or, if you want to play golf with your friends, but don't want to play for money, simply say that from the outset. I wouldn't think they would have a problem with that.

I think this is the correct sentiment.

You just need to be more honest with your feelings. I've learned a lot from the people in my life I think of as "friendly a-holes." When you look back on life you often think, 'I wish I would've just said what I was thinking right there.'

Just tell your friends, 'hey, I'm happy to join you guys if you really want me there, but I need to practice and my game's not in the kind of shape that I'm gambling on anything today.' Your friend's are either going to let you go practice alone or invite you to play alongside them without any pressure.

There are people you know because they're great to play with and then there are always those friends who you know outside of golf and who you sometimes play golf with but who are kind of distracting when you're in "golf mode."

You just have to find a way to express the real feelings inside you. You have to be better at protecting what's important to you without offending other people. And I agree, if they really don't understand then just move along.

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