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A Wife and two kids how to mix in Golf


166 replies to this topic

#151 Gautama

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Posted 30 June 2018 - 12:31 AM

Haven't read any of the posts...but the answer is, always choose time with them first.  This chapter of your life really is over in the blink of an eye, and the only thing anyone comes out of it regretting is not being more present for it. Not to be all preachy or anything, lol. Really though, immerse yourself in the family, it will make all the difference in your life.

Edited by Gautama, 30 June 2018 - 12:32 AM.


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#152 BNGL

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Posted 30 June 2018 - 03:17 AM

I admit I haven’t read every post, but can you bring them with you? 3 can putt around, and 6 can start I’d think? Who knows maybe they get hooked, and they ask you to golf with them.

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#153 NoTalentLefty

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Posted 30 June 2018 - 12:16 PM

Wait until they grow up, then golf more. If you can’t wait then you got a golf problem.
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#154 onafriday

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Posted 30 June 2018 - 11:03 PM

Iíll flip it a little.  We have a 3yr old son and a one year old son.

The first one was tough- golf went down a bunch but I could still manage it once in a while.  The second one....kills golf.  Just kills it.  

I get that being a parent is first and foremost the priority.  But...I went from playing 8-10 times a month to 2 times a month when the first one came along  ....  to 4 times a year and all the dirty looks and guilt trips that come with it.

As a result, I'm always angry and slowly and steadily really resenting my wife and kids.  Itís a constant cycle of my full time job, which is a 60/70 hour a week stressful grind, immediately into my other full time responsibility of being a parent.  I sort of dread weekends.

Plain and simple- Iím pretty much miserable all the time and it really sucks.

Edited by onafriday, 01 July 2018 - 12:07 AM.

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#155 Mcgeeno

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Posted 01 July 2018 - 02:29 PM

I wanted to tip toe around this one, but I went the other way and got snipped at 31 years old so I could do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. Travel the world, golf 110+ rounds a year etc.

To each his own.

I had no desire to try and plan out the 4 times a year I can hang out with friends and go out for five hours without making it a huge ordeal. I have a good friend who literally posted on facebook this weekend that he and his wife went on their first date night in four years...How is that healthy for a relationship? Wife and I play 2-3 rounds together a week.


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#156 bigmoneyp

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Posted 01 July 2018 - 03:38 PM

 onafriday, on 30 June 2018 - 11:03 PM, said:

I'll flip it a little.  We have a 3yr old son and a one year old son.

The first one was tough- golf went down a bunch but I could still manage it once in a while.  The second one....kills golf.  Just kills it.  

I get that being a parent is first and foremost the priority.  But...I went from playing 8-10 times a month to 2 times a month when the first one came along  ....  to 4 times a year and all the dirty looks and guilt trips that come with it.

As a result, I'm always angry and slowly and steadily really resenting my wife and kids.  It's a constant cycle of my full time job, which is a 60/70 hour a week stressful grind, immediately into my other full time responsibility of being a parent.  I sort of dread weekends.

Plain and simple- I'm pretty much miserable all the time and it really sucks.

I only have one and while I don't resent my wife or child, I def wish I was playing more golf.  I'm only getting out twice a month at this point.  I will get some relief soon though (my kid just turned 3) and they have this thing call "3-school" which I guess is just like an extra year of pre-school or something.  Either way my kid will go to that 2x a week and with my work schedule I'll be able to golf during those times.  Gotta find what works for you.

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#157 Break81

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Posted 01 July 2018 - 11:09 PM

 onafriday, on 30 June 2018 - 11:03 PM, said:

I’ll flip it a little.  We have a 3yr old son and a one year old son.

The first one was tough- golf went down a bunch but I could still manage it once in a while.  The second one....kills golf.  Just kills it.  

I get that being a parent is first and foremost the priority.  But...I went from playing 8-10 times a month to 2 times a month when the first one came along  ....  to 4 times a year and all the dirty looks and guilt trips that come with it.

As a result, I'm always angry and slowly and steadily really resenting my wife and kids.  It’s a constant cycle of my full time job, which is a 60/70 hour a week stressful grind, immediately into my other full time responsibility of being a parent.  I sort of dread weekends.

Plain and simple- I’m pretty much miserable all the time and it really sucks.
Hang in there.

   Hopefully you can find a sale job that allows you to golf around your schedule and not be so locked into the work flow.  I work 50+ hours a week, but some of those hours are after the kids have been fed and bathed so if I work 4-5 hours in the morning , then golf and work another 3-4 hours at night once a week I can still get 5-6 rounds a month.  

  I would love to golf more but it’s enough while the kids are young.
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#158 FadeFace

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Posted 01 July 2018 - 11:17 PM

Try for 2 round s a week. Itís pretty manageable

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#159 howellhandmade

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Posted 02 July 2018 - 07:39 PM

 onafriday, on 30 June 2018 - 11:03 PM, said:

I’ll flip it a little.  We have a 3yr old son and a one year old son.

The first one was tough- golf went down a bunch but I could still manage it once in a while.  The second one....kills golf.  Just kills it.  

I get that being a parent is first and foremost the priority.  But...I went from playing 8-10 times a month to 2 times a month when the first one came along  ....  to 4 times a year and all the dirty looks and guilt trips that come with it.

As a result, I'm always angry and slowly and steadily really resenting my wife and kids.  It’s a constant cycle of my full time job, which is a 60/70 hour a week stressful grind, immediately into my other full time responsibility of being a parent.  I sort of dread weekends.

Plain and simple- I’m pretty much miserable all the time and it really sucks.

You shouldn't get guilt trips for 4 rounds a year. Also, I can't imagine four rounds a year is enough of a break to do much good. As I think I posted before, I stopped playing golf for 15 years while my 3 kids were growing up, sold my clubs and thought I was done. Not pressure from my wife, it just wasn't possible to find blocks of time that large in a given day. I did other things for fun; cycling, where I could go out and hammer for an hour. Hobbies, making things, where I could be absorbed in something but still be accessible. Motorcycles, where I could combine transportation with fun without adding much extra time.

I know there are guys whose work and domestic situations seem to allow golf. Mine didn't and yours may not either. But being miserable all the time is no bueno, not for you, not for your family. You may be depressed -- I certainly struggled during those years  -- and being depressed robs you of the ability to enjoy things that might otherwise give you the little breaks you need. Too much negative stress -- and little kids can be stressful -- gets your brain chemistry out of whack and then it's a vicious cycle until something breaks. There must be someone in your life who can do a better job than strangers on the internet of helping you find a way to cope. Ideally you could level with your wife about it, and if she's so stressed and unhappy herself that you can't maybe you both need to talk to someone.

Good luck.


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#160 slicktry

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Posted 02 July 2018 - 10:35 PM

I can chime in on this thread.  We have 4 kids, and of those four, 3 have had health issues. (Oldest is 9, youngest 2) The oldest and second youngest were born with cleft palettes and our 2 year old was born with non functioning kidneys. He is currently on dialysis (7pm-7am daily at home) and will be having a kidney transplant around the end of September this year. On a good week I get out once or twice depending on hospital visits etc. I try to bring out the two oldest kids to the course at least once a week to the driving range and short game area. I CAN'T wait till they have the stamina (and ambition) to walk a full nine with me.

Kids are a phase and I STRONGLY encourage to do whatever it takes to get them hooked on the game. Having your kids golfing with you is not only good exercise for them but can also teach them valuable life lessons (cheating/honesty).

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#161 69isfine

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Posted 04 July 2018 - 01:56 PM

I've been through it. I used to take both kids for 9 holes after their sat soccer games in a cart. They would golf from yardage friendly to their hitting distances and they loves driving the cart. I would also take them to the range to hit balls or run around the grassy areas. My daughter is now in the golf industry.

My game was on Sunday mornings so I would be home by 10:30 or 11.  

During the week, my wife would have her time to swim or meet up with friends.

It's all about balancing needs.

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#162 JasonPetermann

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Posted 04 July 2018 - 05:18 PM

When mine were young, I teed off every Friday at 5am. Mostly played by myself, but was normally home by 8:30 when the house was just getting moving. Wife did not seem to mind, and it fed my golf appetite. Find an early time so you are not missing much family time.
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#163 huddledtoast

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Posted 08 July 2018 - 10:45 PM

I've got my first (just over 2 months), and am fortunate enough that my company pays for parental leave so I'm taking a couple of months off. Have been getting out 2-3 times a week, but I always do it when I'll be gone for the shortest amount of time. Early rounds before my wife and daughter are out of bed have been great, as well as evenings when she spends most of the time feeding or napping... both of which, I can get around my course in around 3 hours.

Really not looking forward to going back to work where I travel a couple hundred days a year, because I'll want to spend all my time at home with my family and it will really hurt my golf game.... but these times only come once. I would hate to have grown kids and regret forgoing family time to spend time on the course with friends/acquaintances.

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#164 BCULAW

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 06:36 AM

Late to the party here, but this has been a constant struggle in my marriage both before and with kids.  Before kids, I used to work ridiculously long hours, 7 days a week, so there simply was not time for golf. When I played, I might get 7-10 holes in just before dark.

My solution is this:  I called several local courses and asked if I could play by myself before the first group feed off, as early as they would let me out. I found one course that agreed (and have since found others). I would tee off as early as 6 AM (being sure to give the grounds crew any space they needed). Playing by myself, I could play at my own pace, which is usually pretty fast. My personal record was 1 hour and 12 minutes for 18 holes getting a round in before a tournament started at 8 AM. I typically could finish up by 9 AM, shower in the locker-room, and get to the office by 10AM on the weekends. Since having kids, the same rules apply, but I skip the shower and head home to spend time with them and my wife. They usually have just woken up shortly before I get home (same is true for my wife) so Iím not missing time with any of them really.

As theyíve gotten older, I get out to play more and more at ďnormalĒ times, but Iíve kept my morning tee times. Itís turned into my therapy. Just me and the course. Itís my favorite golf time, by far.

Edited by BCULAW, 11 July 2018 - 06:36 AM.


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#165 Jstdoit95

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Posted 11 July 2018 - 07:10 AM

Let the kids drive/steer the cart and/or get as much playing in during the week as possible and spend weekends with the fam

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#166 pmadden86

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Posted 12 July 2018 - 06:33 AM

Have an 18 month old, and #2 on the way in January.  Been a member at my course for 21 years (since i was 11).  I have decided i'm going to take a few years out, not bother joining, just hit the local range, and pay to play if the opportunity comes up.

I'd rather not play than spray it around the place through lack of practice, and if I did join I don't want to resent my wife and kids for time I am stuck at home when I think I could be golfing.

I will probably get a round once a month during the spring/summer/autumn, and range once a week.

That course will always be there when I want to go back to it, when the early years with the kids are gone, you don't get them back.

Edited by pmadden86, 12 July 2018 - 06:35 AM.


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#167 Korndog

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Posted 17 July 2018 - 08:07 PM

Get your kids playing ASAP. Mine started when they were about 2. They are now 10 and 13.  They shoot between 38 and 42 regularly for nine holes. We play together 3 or 4 times a week and the wife never complains when I take them out for 9 or 18. It took a little work upfront, but it has paid off 10 fold. They both love the game and they have actually been playing tournaments regularly for the last 3 years or so. The only down side is now we have 3 golf fanatics in the house.  It's crazy, but even at 10 and 13 they are obsessed with the game and always looking for new equipment etc.

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