Look, in the end. All of these rules are because despite your best intentions there have been too many dads who lose their heads when it comes to their kid in junior golf. I remember a dad in US Kids berating his son in Korean and instructing him on every stroke, even a 12 inch putt, and the kid was so nervous he missed the 1 footer. I've been through it all, I'm usually the last man standing as a Dad out there. You don't know how many times I've heard boys talking to each other saying, I'm sure glad my dad is not here. I know what they mean. My son has been used to me being with him since he was 5 in tee ball as his coach. The first practice he learned that in sports in competition I will never talk to him. I had to coach all the other kids. That set the foundation. It is really hard to suppress my feelings when he hits a bad shot. But I've told myself over the years that he has to make mistakes to get better, to learn, to excel. As long as he came aways with each and every tournament with a kernel of knowledge on how to be better the next time. We all want our kids to be successful, it is a slow excruciating experience for parents. Often times my son would look at me after he almost holes out a shot and realize I'm not even paying attention, I'm just talking to a mom.
There are many tours here in California where you have to remain 25 feet or more from your child all the time. You can only hand them food, water or maybe a jacket.
The time to talk to your kid, and I mean talk, not lecture, is after the tournament, discuss the failures and what they could do to overcome them, and recognize their success.
2 weeks ago my son was in the Alameda Commuter's Men's tournament. On a par 3 he slipped and pulled his tee shot 3.5 feet off the green on the fringe, he was 65 feet from the pin, slight downhill sideways putt but since he was off the green flagstick still in. he decided to putt. He stroked it, it followed a kind of shallow banana curve and hit the flagstick dead on, drop in birdie.
His partners were all congratulating him, they were all men, 25-29, he's the only 18 year old.
One of the guys says to me. Your son had exactly the same expression or game face when he lined up the putt, took the putt and when it went in. He didn't even crack a smile, like he knew what he had to do and just did it, no big deal. You wouldn't know he just sank a tough birdie. And then he looked at me, I was my son's caddy and he said you are the most mellow dad I have ever seen especially for a Chinese dad. He remembered as a youth golfer all the Asian kids after the tournaments were over watching their moms and dads berating them on the range because they were forced to keep practicing since they just lost a tournament, even coming in second.
I just looked at him and said I never felt that for someone to be successful at anything requiring someone to beat that thought into you. I always felt that as a parent my goal is to be sure I motivate my kids to want to succeed, not to have to succeed.
Get used to these rules, get your child used to thinking for themselves. Read all the greens and give advice during practice, never in competition. Get them used to not relying on you for their immediate success. Over the long run, they will be stronger and you will be prouder of "their" accomplishments.
Edited by jollysammy, 28 April 2018 - 09:07 AM.