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Spouse quotes


168 replies to this topic

#31 elwhippy

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Posted 13 March 2018 - 03:50 AM

My ex...."can you explain Golf to me in a just a few words"....
My friend's wife says it would be cheaper if her husband had mistress...


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#32 Pigems

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Posted 13 March 2018 - 04:44 AM

“You said the last club was the last one you needed”

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#33 smoky25

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Posted 13 March 2018 - 05:10 AM

One of my buddies, when playing poorly, says, "If I wasn't married I'd quit this game."

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#34 scomac2002

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Posted 13 March 2018 - 06:07 AM

I've heard several of these lines in this household when the UPS truck arrives or there's a notification to pick up a parcel at the post office.  Yesterday for example when  the UPS truck arrives:

Did you buy another club?

No.

Well what did you get this time?

A grip for your driver.

They couldn't just drop it in the mail?  What else did you get?

A new trolley.

That's just like the one we already have.

Yup.  One for you, one for me.

Was it on sale?

Yup.

How much?

$140

Hmmph...  You have a disease!
Your problem is LOFT -- Lack of friggin' talent!


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#35 UofU02

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Posted 13 March 2018 - 06:22 AM

Actual text yesterday after she got the Amazon confirmation email:

Wife:  New golf shoes...really?  🤬

Me:  Yup

Edited by UofU02, 13 March 2018 - 06:27 AM.

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#36 HackerDave

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Posted 13 March 2018 - 08:16 AM

View PostRazorback84, on 12 March 2018 - 08:34 PM, said:

View PostHackerDave, on 12 March 2018 - 08:29 PM, said:

View PostRazorback84, on 12 March 2018 - 01:40 AM, said:

So... My wife likes to golf as well.  She doesn't go out near as much as I do, but she still likes to go.  I had bought a new putter and slipped it into the bag.  We go out as a foursome with two buddies of mine and on the first green she looks over to me and says "did you buy a new putter"  Busted during the first round...

Rookie mistake.  You always keep the old cover on it!

My wife refers to Golfwrx as my "geek porn".

Oh No!!  The cover wasn't even in the picture.  This was straight up when all 4 of us were on the green and I'm addressing the ball lol.

LOL!   My wife and I have an agreement.  We call it the don't ask, don't tell policy.  I won't look in her craft room and she won't look in my golf bag.  It definitely plays to her advantage.

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#37 HackerDave

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Posted 13 March 2018 - 08:17 AM

View Postsmoky25, on 13 March 2018 - 05:10 AM, said:

One of my buddies, when playing poorly, says, "If I wasn't married I'd quit this game."

That made me laugh!!

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#38 Petunia Sprinkle

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Posted 13 March 2018 - 08:31 AM

View PostHackerDave, on 13 March 2018 - 08:16 AM, said:

View PostRazorback84, on 12 March 2018 - 08:34 PM, said:

View PostHackerDave, on 12 March 2018 - 08:29 PM, said:

View PostRazorback84, on 12 March 2018 - 01:40 AM, said:

So... My wife likes to golf as well.  She doesn't go out near as much as I do, but she still likes to go.  I had bought a new putter and slipped it into the bag.  We go out as a foursome with two buddies of mine and on the first green she looks over to me and says "did you buy a new putter"  Busted during the first round...

Rookie mistake.  You always keep the old cover on it!

My wife refers to Golfwrx as my "geek porn".

Oh No!!  The cover wasn't even in the picture.  This was straight up when all 4 of us were on the green and I'm addressing the ball lol.

LOL!   My wife and I have an agreement.  We call it the don't ask, don't tell policy.  I won't look in her craft room and she won't look in my golf bag.  It definitely plays to her advantage.

You might want to take a look in there. They don’t think spending money is bad. They think you spending money is bad.


Note: I should say, Mrs. Sprinkle is not part of ‘they’. She’s very supportive of me playing golf. She doesn’t disapprove of me buying new clubs (I’m not a ho and always buy used), she just thinks I’m an idiot for thinking I need them (still working on my defense). (She also won’t spend money on herself easily.)

Edited by Petunia Sprinkle, 13 March 2018 - 08:39 AM.


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#39 Pigems

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Posted 13 March 2018 - 08:35 AM

How many of these wives have more pairs of shoes than we have golf clubs? I know mine does, but we’re the ones with the problems eh? Haha
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#40 North Texas

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Posted 13 March 2018 - 08:54 AM

Last fall, I bought a new Guerin Rife putter that was on sale for around $70, which brings my total number of putters to 3, one of which is used. I tell the wife when I get home, thinking nothing about it, since she has 6 Scotty Camerons (she is a high single digit handicapper). Her response was "I can't believe you bought another putter" :swoon:


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#41 ThinkingPlus

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Posted 13 March 2018 - 09:09 AM

View PostNorth Texas, on 13 March 2018 - 08:54 AM, said:

Last fall, I bought a new Guerin Rife putter that was on sale for around $70, which brings my total number of putters to 3, one of which is used. I tell the wife when I get home, thinking nothing about it, since she has 6 Scotty Camerons (she is a high single digit handicapper). Her response was "I can't believe you bought another putter" :swoon:
I think she is setting you up.  She obviously needs a 7th SC so that she has one for every day of the week. LOL!
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#42 HackerDave

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Posted 13 March 2018 - 09:09 AM

Going back a long way (because I'm old), but when the first Big Bertha's came out, I wanted one badly.   Now get this.  I visited at least 6 pro shops (over a short period of time) in three states WITH my wife looking for this club.   Then one day I stopped in the local Pro Golf and low and behold, there it was mixed in with some other clubs.  It was misplaced.   I snatched it up and ran to the counter.   I get home and she says "You bought that???   Without talking to me first??"   She was angry!  

"You were with me!!   We looked for it in 3 states!!   What did you think I was going to do???"  We had probably been married less than a year and a $200 purchase was a big deal.  We laugh about it now all the time, but the lesson was learned.  Keep my mouth shut and just put it in the bag!

Edited by HackerDave, 13 March 2018 - 09:10 AM.


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#43 daveltb

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Posted 13 March 2018 - 09:10 AM

View PostPigems, on 13 March 2018 - 08:35 AM, said:

How many of these wives have more pairs of shoes than we have golf clubs? I know mine does, but we're the ones with the problems eh? Haha

Or purses.... or both...

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#44 hurricanes7

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Posted 13 March 2018 - 09:23 AM

View PostPeanutsDaddy, on 02 March 2018 - 08:08 PM, said:

"How many putters do you need?"

"Are you on GolfWRX again?"   Response . . . "No, I'm looking at porn."  Her response . . . "I know you're talking to your internet friends."

When playing with a WRX member for the first time.  "How do you know he isn't an axe murderer?"

funny that we are your internet friends, how awesome is that?
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#45 Mdemuth

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Posted 13 March 2018 - 09:39 AM

"I like that it makes you happy"

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#46 PeanutsDaddy

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Posted 13 March 2018 - 09:55 AM

View Posthurricanes7, on 13 March 2018 - 09:23 AM, said:

View PostPeanutsDaddy, on 02 March 2018 - 08:08 PM, said:

"How many putters do you need?"

"Are you on GolfWRX again?"   Response . . . "No, I'm looking at porn."  Her response . . . "I know you're talking to your internet friends."

When playing with a WRX member for the first time.  "How do you know he isn't an axe murderer?"

funny that we are your internet friends, how awesome is that?

lots of Internet friend love to spread around.  

A wife quote . . .

As we unload groceries from the trunk a Canada Post truck pulls up in front of the house.   My heart begins to race and my wife turns and gives me 'the look'.   I respond, "maybe he's heading to the neighbours".   She responds,  "what did you buy now?"  To which I honestly respond, "I have no idea."  (Which I might add is not uncommon).  

Surprisingly the driver was delivering the mail as our regular postal man was on vacation.  Not a single stitch of golf related goodness for the PeanutsDaddy.

Dodged the 'bullet' yet again.

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#47 jaymayor

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Posted 13 March 2018 - 10:05 AM

I have a running joke with my wife every week that I don't think she gets or doesn't care to even think about it....

*turns golf on tv*

Her- "you're watching golf again?"
Me- "It's the Valspar, it's only on once a year"
Her- "oh okay"

Rinse and repeat every week!

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#48 BeerPerHole

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Posted 13 March 2018 - 10:52 AM

...one of the funniest threads I've ever read...

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#49 Chewey85

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Posted 13 March 2018 - 11:55 AM

Wife rode with me for a round recently. It had been a few years since she had (wasn't playing for a few either). After about 3 holes....

"Am I making you nervous? Maybe I should have stayed home? You mean it's always this bad?"

😂😂😂😭😭😭😭

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#50 HackerDave

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Posted 13 March 2018 - 12:05 PM

View Postdaveltb, on 13 March 2018 - 09:10 AM, said:

View PostPigems, on 13 March 2018 - 08:35 AM, said:

How many of these wives have more pairs of shoes than we have golf clubs? I know mine does, but we're the ones with the problems eh? Haha

Or purses.... or both...

I haven't confirmed this, but my wife may hide shoes inside of her purses.   Just sayin.....


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#51 jli2636

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Posted 13 March 2018 - 12:08 PM

This thread is cracking me up. Luckily this year I was able to get a membership to a public course here in the area super cheap. Im hoping that leads to me getting "kicked out" more often to go play golf :lol:

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#52 zmrobertson

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Posted 13 March 2018 - 12:20 PM

When I met my wife a few years ago I was shooting more consistently in the mid to high 70's.  Now there are more mid 80's scores, occasional 70's.  So every I come home she's like "what'd you shoot?"  I'm like "Ugh, 84."  She's like "Gettin worse every time."  Set the bar too damn high.

Also while watching golf on Sunday, she always asks how many holes are left.  Then when it gets close to the end and I say there may be a playoff, she's like "Ughhh, what's the playoff format for THIS tournament???"
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#53 Petunia Sprinkle

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Posted 13 March 2018 - 12:26 PM

View Postjli2636, on 13 March 2018 - 12:08 PM, said:

This thread is cracking me up. Luckily this year I was able to get a membership to a public course here in the area super cheap. Im hoping that leads to me getting "kicked out" more often to go play golf :lol:

Acting like a minor *ss should do the trick (you know, stupid jokes she’s heard before, ‘guy noises’, etc.).

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#54 Bohsaucey

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Posted 13 March 2018 - 12:33 PM

View PostJFitz357, on 12 March 2018 - 08:46 PM, said:

My wife tells me I the only man in the world who owns more putters than socks.

full disclosure.....after an EBay fire sale I now only own 3

How do you manage with only 3 socks?
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#55 farmer

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Posted 13 March 2018 - 12:51 PM

Won a tournament, years ago, beat one of the best area players in a playoff.  Went home, told my wife, "I'm so happy for you, I'll tell everyone at work.  Oh, you need to take out the trash.".


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#56 BKN1964

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Posted 13 March 2018 - 01:06 PM

View Postcbrwn425, on 12 March 2018 - 08:18 PM, said:

“Why don’t you buy less sticks and go play more” She said that after I bought a new driver shaft and putter last year while I was recovering from a back injury.

She knows they’re not called sticks but likes to annoy me by saying that.
Me and my college buddies used to call them that.  Still do.

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#57 gioguy21

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Posted 13 March 2018 - 01:10 PM

when discussing playing in tournaments with a wife who's never competed in anything in her life:

"are you a pro?"
"no, but that's not the point"
"but if you're not a pro, and you can't win any money...what can you win?"
"well, nothing really...(gets cut off)"
"but wouldn't you be better off just enjoying the game with the fellas?"
"...pauses sometimes it's not about winning or losing, but competing in general"

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#58 ebrasmus21

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Posted 13 March 2018 - 01:42 PM

For me being a Tiger fan my wife gives me #TeamElin whenever she sees Tiger on Tv
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#59 zmrobertson

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Posted 13 March 2018 - 02:11 PM

My wife didn't watch golf before meeting me.  We were watching one day and she's like "Is he gay?"  I'm like "What? Who? Why do you say?"  She's like "Because that guy's wearing a choker."  It was Patrick Reed.  I laughed pretty hard and was like "Yeah, he is, good eye."
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#60 Sixcat

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Posted 13 March 2018 - 02:29 PM

While watching the final hour of the WGC Mexico while my wife was reading a book.........

Her: "Where is this tournament?"

Me: "Mexico City"

Her: " I figured it was another country.  I haven't heard a single drunk a****** yell for some mashed potatoes"


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