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What to tell a wife that hates golf


66 replies to this topic

#1 baller4opca

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Posted 02 November 2017 - 12:50 PM

I have had to use every excuse in the book to get a round in. For years now she has hated any chance for me to play golf. She says it takes time from the family, waste of money, etc. Even when neither reason is accurate, she makes it a pain for me to go out and tries to guilt me. Anyone else get this and what do you say or do? Divorce is not an option. Lol.


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#2 BeerPerHole

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Posted 02 November 2017 - 12:54 PM

Good lord...

If you have kids, get them into playing golf with you.

If you don't have kids...remember Proverbs 21:19. "It is better to live alone in the dessert than with a crabby wife."

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#3 chocolate_rehab

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Posted 02 November 2017 - 01:21 PM

Explain to her that it's good for your mental health and come to some kind of compromise on a reasonable amount of time you're allowed to golf per month (based on kids situation, etc) without being guilted for it. As long as she gets equal the amount of time to herself for activities she enjoys sans-kids, then I think it's not unreasonable to expect to come to an understanding.

The huge caveat is that the house and family duties are equal and you're both allowed and encouraging of each other's mental health/personal time. Good old honest, forthright communication.
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#4 Reb58

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Posted 02 November 2017 - 03:18 PM

It's good for a marriage when both have separate activities is one argument.

My ex had the same complaints but I took my one day a week regardless. It wasn't golf that ended the marriage but a symptom of issues. When a spouse isn't concerned about her mates happiness, things go awry.

Explain to her why it's important for you to play. Then go anyway. If she can't understand, there will be larger issues that terminate the marriage

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#5 One_Putt_Blunder

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Posted 02 November 2017 - 04:58 PM

When my girlfriend (now wife) first started living together she would B!tch up and down about how she hated it here in AZ and I play too much golf. I told her point blank that golf was a huge part of who I am and what I enjoy. If she could not put up with it she should pack her stuff and move back to CA. Have not heard one complaint since then and played on our honeymoon she now fully understands why I like golf so much and encourages me to play.

Point is at some point you need to sack up and tell her the truth, stop making excuses for wanting to do something you like and help her understand why you want to do it. As someone else mentioned as a compromise offer her an equal amount of time to do whatever her thing is.

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#6 RobotDoctor

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Posted 02 November 2017 - 09:58 PM

My ex-wife I refer to as the Anti-Golf.  Ex-wife really hated me calling her that but it was true.  My second wife knows Golf is my center, the way I make my mind right with the world and decompress.  I travel for a living and am often only home between 6-10 days a month.  I suppose I am lucky since my wife isn't jealous of me playing or practicing.  Often she is the one to tell me to go to the range and practice or play.
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#7 bscinstnct

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Posted 02 November 2017 - 10:43 PM

The problem is not golf my friend ; )

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#8 baller4opca

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Posted 02 November 2017 - 10:56 PM

Lol. Thanks for letting me b**** fellas. I try to get her to do things on her own and take just as much time to do whatever she wants. Still, complains. Living here in Mauritius, we spend a ton more time together so I can't comprehend the 5-6 hours I spend away on a Saturday. It's led me at times to say that I have a "meeting" or work function on a sat or friday afternoon so I can go. I sack up plenty and go anyways but the headache afterwards...messes up my game knowing I have a crabby wife waiting for me when I get home. LOL.

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#9 ronnbee

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Posted 03 November 2017 - 04:43 AM

I allways say----why do you think guys golf and smoke cigars------------------------------need a break from the wifes

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#10 USAF Retired E7

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Posted 03 November 2017 - 05:20 AM

Good luck man.  I can't imagine being made to feel guilty about golf, a game I love.

My brother's wife is like that....so he rarely golfs, but loves it when he does.  

I always think she works part time, so it's not her income.... and she can't be that great in the sack for me to give up golf :cheesy:


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#11 USAF Retired E7

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Posted 03 November 2017 - 05:22 AM

By the way, I'd recommend not lying to her about meetings

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#12 prsgtrman

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Posted 03 November 2017 - 06:40 AM

View PostUSAF Retired E7, on 03 November 2017 - 05:22 AM, said:

By the way, I'd recommend not lying to her about meetings

agreed, if she finds out youre lying to her about playing she is really gonna flip.

secondly i think youre stuck man. i believe in the beginning of a relationships groundwork needs to be laid. if a hobby is important to you and she doesnt approve then get out, much easier to do in the beginning of a relationship. if you took up golf after yall were married then i kinda see her point. however if you used to play golf before marriage and NOW she is complaining then she doesnt have much of an argument- you brought this hobby into the relationship it's her issue if she cant deal with you continuing to do something you enjoy.

i have seen this a lot with friends and family members where the wife doesnt want them going out for golf or activities, for NO apparent reason other than their wives want the guy at home. i vowed i would never end up with a woman like that and i havent.

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#13 chickenpotpie

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Posted 03 November 2017 - 07:00 AM

Some good advice in here so far....I had some of this when my kids were younger.  I'd leave for 6-7 hours (not the 4 I'd claim, but also drive time, warm up, and after round chit chat).  She'd regularly call me out that 6-7 hours is the whole day away from family, and not really just 4 hours.  Probably has a point. The reality is that the time away left her in a pressure cooker with 3 kids, to which I more than happily suggested I'd do the same for her.  She would never take me up on it though, which frustrated the hell out of me!

Anyway, what worked for us (mostly)

1) giving up golf league on Tuesday's to prioritize the weekend round.  I at least still can sneak out early sometimes after work to fit this in.  No big deal

2) writing out what my "majors" are and putting them on the family calendar.  This would typically include 3 max weekend events (Sat-Sun, or in some cases Fri-Sun).  This allowed her to mentally prepare and make arrangements with the kids, maybe head out of town to relatives, etc.

3) get the kids involved!  If I take 1 or 2 with me to practice, it doesn't really "count" as golf, but family time.

4) get her involved!  Do a 9 hole round in the off hours where there's no pressure.  We now joke that once the kids are gone, we'll play every day.
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#14 jbhawx

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Posted 03 November 2017 - 08:13 AM

There are many ways to approach it depending on the issue at hand. Here are a few that I've gone through that helped a lot.

When cost of golf equipment is an issue. Show her your whole bag and explain the expected life expectancy of every club in the bag. My wife had the perception that I was buying a new club every time I go to the golf shop, even though it was just for golf balls or more tees. She learned golf isn't that expensive when most of the equipment can last 2 years easy, and irons much longer than that.

When the main issue is time there are a few things you can do, but warning...It requires effort from you lol.

First try a trade off. I managed to work out once a week going golfing on the same day in the morning. I don't go any other time. If you can work out more than once a week cool. However; get a deal where you are cleared to golf. For me the mornings worked best because it was before we started doing family stuff together. Stick to it as well! Don't second guess it, or ask if its cool. The deal is done, just book your tee time and let her know. Asking her if its cool every week is just as bad as just asking her to golf in general lol. She already said yes. After a few weeks, it will be expected, and you'll get new responses like "what are you going to do if it rains?"

Give her time away. This requires effort, and if she fuses over not having time, you may have to be forceful by just saying GO OUT! Sometimes when it comes to kids, moms are extremely reluctant to get out of the house, and need that push.

Take a daddy and kids time. This requires a lot of effort, and it is best when you do it without asking. It also forces her to have time for herself, and usually pays off the best. For added effect, do it the same day you golf lol. I usually come back from golf, eat lunch, and take the kids somewhere. I'll spend 3 or 4 hours with just me and kids, and come home. The wife loves it because then she can do whatever she wants, which is what she is wanting the whole time anyways, and doesn't have to ask for it.

Find a neighbor or close friend that loves to play to and make it a regular occurrence with them. This really helps because the wives can gripe together about how you guys golf all the time. However; she will see how well you enjoy the time with friends and understand a bit more why you should golf, lol. My wife actually told me I need to find new friends to golf with when we move in a few months, something a few months ago she would never had said.

Be honest about the time it will take. Don't tell her 2 hours when you go out golfing with 4 folks knowing darn well it won't take 2 hours. I would advice over exaggerating the time, because as one of my buddies finds, his wife calls him at exactly 4 hours asking where he is, because he says 4 hours. I usually add an hour to what I expect to play, which includes time it takes to drive there and back, plus slower play.

Word of caution: don't give an excuse for why you need to take time away to golf. That includes practice. Find ways to practice during the day without taking away time. Like wake up earlier and swing a club, when the kids are in the back, hit foam balls at them (they may find it absolutely hilarious, mine do). I also  find myself going in the backyard and swinging at foam balls while I grill, or when she has company over as my practice. On golfing day, go to the course earlier than usual and get a small practice in, or a small practice after the game.

So there you have it. As someone who deals with the same issue, those are a few things you can do.  It works out pretty well for me, and the guilt trip is gone at this point. Good luck, you can do it.

Edited by jbhawx, 03 November 2017 - 08:22 AM.

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#15 Cajunmike

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Posted 03 November 2017 - 09:15 AM

First off, don't listen to anyone that tells u to man up and lay down the law. I can guarantee this is not a winning strategy. 20 years of Marriage and I can state factually I've played about that many full rounds in that time. It's been really rough on me a student of the game. I understand the time commitment and the money but to not be able to play is tough, and don't use the excuse that "don't go to bars, etc" because I'm sure she doesn't do those things either.  Like others have said u gonna have to make some major concessions if you want to live with this long term. If you can manage to trade a couple rounds a month for something she likes to do then that's a fair trade off.  Practice, practice. I get most of my golf enjoyment now from going to the range and hitting balls in the yard usually early am on the weekends.  Play early in the am to be done by mid day on the weekends.  ***do not*** convince her to play golf unless she expresses an interest in it.  Get the kids involved if you have some girls, boys doesn't matter there is great enjoyment in teaching them how to play and will by default get you some course time.  Set a golf budget and you will have to equally comp her the same for shoes or something. Your wife sounds a lot like mine. It's not so much the game of golf it's a lot more about equality. If u are out playing golf and she's at home cooking dinner and taking care of the kids, that's not equality, that's a servant.


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#16 BeerPerHole

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Posted 03 November 2017 - 09:50 AM

Been married once before to a lady who sounds very similar. It wasn't good. Luckily, we didn't have kids. One of the toughest things I did was walk. She took my dog, my cat...I just left with most of my clothes, my fishing poles and my golf clubs in the back of my pickup.

I ended up meeting a lady who looks like a young Jayne Mansfield, French, hot, never had kids, never been married and she loved golf. Golf was a big part of our dating. We got married and had kids and have remained happy together. I mention this because it's a story worth mentioning here. I still pinch myself and think about how I lucked out.

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#17 golfandfishing

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Posted 03 November 2017 - 01:40 PM

Hate to say this but, I doubt she hates golf. She hates you enjoying yourself.

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#18 JerseyBoy

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Posted 03 November 2017 - 01:55 PM

First, really evaluate it for yourself. If every Saturday you spend the whole day away after working 9AM to 9PM every day, leaving her completely on her own with kids, etc, all week and then you are really only there one day a week, then yeah. Are you spending money on Golf and life's necessities aren't being managed like groceries, mortgage, clothes, etc? If it truly the 4 hours away once a week or every other week and you are using "disposable income" only, then...

...Have a real heart to heart with her. Ask her what the real problem is. See if she can articulate it more than "waste of money, takes too much time away, blah, blah, blah". Does she want to spend more time with you because you both work full time and the kids demand a lot of time? Does she want to have a few hours to herself once a week as well, or are you hogging all that time for yourself and not letting her get some "me time"?

Ultimately, life is about balance. That being said, if she is really just on you all the time about it because that's how she is, well you have to make a decision. Tell her you're going to do it anyway so she needs to suck it up and deal with it and to stop giving you such a hard time about it,  or tell her nothing and roll your eyes as you leave for your round and she is yelling at you in the background.

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#19 scruffynick

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Posted 03 November 2017 - 02:03 PM

Sorry but if my wife did this it would be bye bye wife! She loves her swimming and her time which I encourage..... I go and watch man utd she likes her rugby, but nothing comes before kids. It's a balance but she knows why I play and love golf

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#20 Texas1

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Posted 03 November 2017 - 02:53 PM

Been with my wife for 26years.

I have 2 kids, one who plays golf with me, the other a under 16 champ tennis player.

However, when we met my wife knew I played golf, and she was  a serious world class dancer. Ballroom disco and th likes. Won uk champ disco team events in liverpool etc.

She used to ask, “should I give this up as I can’t go any further and it’s hard when she worked full time. My response as always was “whatever you decide I’ll back you 100%. But in no way am I going to ask you to give anything up for me, not now not ever. If you want to carry on I’ll drive you anywhere you need to go and support and and watch you, both financially if needed and emotionally”

No way was it ever going to be thrown back in my face

I play golf and she has never even hinted that I shouldn’t go. She sometimes comes for a drink and and bite to eat with the kids.

But always, you have to have your own downtime, whatever that maybe. And also ensure you have quality together time without the brats :)

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#21 HackATK

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Posted 03 November 2017 - 03:23 PM

 One_Putt_Blunder, on 02 November 2017 - 04:58 PM, said:

When my girlfriend (now wife) first started living together she would B!tch up and down about how she hated it here in AZ and I play too much golf. I told her point blank that golf was a huge part of who I am and what I enjoy. If she could not put up with it she should pack her stuff and move back to CA. Have not heard one complaint since then and played on our honeymoon she now fully understands why I like golf so much and encourages me to play.

Point is at some point you need to sack up and tell her the truth, stop making excuses for wanting to do something you like and help her understand why you want to do it. As someone else mentioned as a compromise offer her an equal amount of time to do whatever her thing is.


This is exactly what I did and same exact result!!! It's not being mean or whatever women like to call it, it's being honest and having sanity!

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#22 chocolate_rehab

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Posted 03 November 2017 - 03:42 PM

 golfandfishing, on 03 November 2017 - 01:40 PM, said:

Hate to say this but, I doubt she hates golf. She hates you enjoying yourself.

Really, really dumb post - bravo.

Speaking as a woman who loves golf, plays 2x a week, and has managed successful relationships: women don't hate something just because you enjoy it. And if you think that's the case, I feel sorry for your prospects at a happy relationship.

Anyone in a relationship who fixates on something you do (like golf, project cars, or whatever else) is showing a symptom, not a cause, and it requires communication and effort to resolve it. A lot of you have (wonderfully) touched on some of these already.

Are you spending 6-8 hours on the weekend playing golf while she stays with the kids alone? Are you splitting the chores equally so that the weekend isn't golf time for you and catch-up slave work for her? Are you allowing her the chance to enjoy her own personal hobbies with no husband and no kids? And yes, some women need to be encouraged to do this simply because society has drilled sexism into us since birth, where if we do something totally selfishly outside of family we're terrible people/mothers/wives/girlfriends. But men are allowed/expected to golf with their buddies, tinker in the garage, and generally do their own hobbies outside of work. So try to be understanding. She might just want to spend time with you on the weekend!

There can always be a compromise. If golf is important to you, talk with her about that and figure out a way to make it work. It might not be as often as you want (key point if you have kids), but it's better than being strained about things all the time. Try to put yourself in her shoes - as this stands, would she be able to partake in a hobby as much as you do? Can you help make things easier on her at home so she's not stressed? It's something we all have to do as adults in a partnership.

Women aren't inherently unreasonable harpies who want to rain on your fun and hate golf.

Edited by chocolate_rehab, 03 November 2017 - 03:43 PM.

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#23 straightshot7

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Posted 03 November 2017 - 08:09 PM

So hard to answer this with the limited information and not knowing the dynamics of your relationship, potential underlying issue, etc.

So, I'd say you just need to start with a very open and frank conversation about the subject. Voice your perspective in a calm, loving manner and tell her you need golf for your own mental health, etc. And ask her what it will take for her to not make you feel guilty, etc.

She may not even realize that it bothers you when she nags you about it. She may not realize how important golf is to you either.

So, again, just a real, healthy, open conversation where each of you voices your perspective. Ask her if she's willing to do that and go from there.

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#24 golfandfishing

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Posted 03 November 2017 - 08:36 PM

“women don't hate something just because you enjoy it. And if you think that's the case, I feel sorry for your prospects at a happy relationship“

This one does apparently. You seem to have confused “all women” with this one in particular. My experience personally seems almost exactly like yours, I’m not sure why you projected the subject of the OP onto me.

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#25 RobotDoctor

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Posted 03 November 2017 - 10:16 PM

 chocolate_rehab, on 03 November 2017 - 03:42 PM, said:

 golfandfishing, on 03 November 2017 - 01:40 PM, said:

Hate to say this but, I doubt she hates golf. She hates you enjoying yourself.

Really, really dumb post - bravo.

Speaking as a woman who loves golf, plays 2x a week, and has managed successful relationships: women don't hate something just because you enjoy it. And if you think that's the case, I feel sorry for your prospects at a happy relationship.

Anyone in a relationship who fixates on something you do (like golf, project cars, or whatever else) is showing a symptom, not a cause, and it requires communication and effort to resolve it. A lot of you have (wonderfully) touched on some of these already.

Are you spending 6-8 hours on the weekend playing golf while she stays with the kids alone? Are you splitting the chores equally so that the weekend isn't golf time for you and catch-up slave work for her? Are you allowing her the chance to enjoy her own personal hobbies with no husband and no kids? And yes, some women need to be encouraged to do this simply because society has drilled sexism into us since birth, where if we do something totally selfishly outside of family we're terrible people/mothers/wives/girlfriends. But men are allowed/expected to golf with their buddies, tinker in the garage, and generally do their own hobbies outside of work. So try to be understanding. She might just want to spend time with you on the weekend!

There can always be a compromise. If golf is important to you, talk with her about that and figure out a way to make it work. It might not be as often as you want (key point if you have kids), but it's better than being strained about things all the time. Try to put yourself in her shoes - as this stands, would she be able to partake in a hobby as much as you do? Can you help make things easier on her at home so she's not stressed? It's something we all have to do as adults in a partnership.

Women aren't inherently unreasonable harpies who want to rain on your fun and hate golf.

Maybe not as dumb of a post as you might think.  My ex-wife was jealous if I was able to do something while on the road that I had fun at.  She was home with the kids and I often worked long hours on the road, often in less than ideal conditions in manufacturing plants.  I realize staying home with two little kids has definite challenges and I don't diminish that.  My job didn't offer me much of a chance to enjoy activities on the road.  I once was able to go to Pebble Beach Golf Links due to a delay in parts arriving I needed to complete my job.  I had my camera with me (no clubs with me on that trip).  I spent a couple hours taking pictures of the course and endured the wrath of my ex-wife.  She was one person who was jealous if I was able to enjoy something that she could not benefit from.  Believe me, I always offered her time to do things she wanted to do to the point I almost stopped playing golf entirely because dealing with her petulant tantrums wasn't worth it.  There is a reason she is the ex-wife and this is just one of many.

Edited by RobotDoctor, 03 November 2017 - 10:21 PM.

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#26 bscinstnct

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Posted 03 November 2017 - 10:26 PM

Wacha gotta do...

Never mind

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#27 airjammer

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Posted 04 November 2017 - 08:38 AM

Best quote I ever heard on this subject on this site..”baby you are no.1 golf is no. 2.  If you want to stay no.1, don’t F with no.2!”

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#28 Hankshank

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Posted 04 November 2017 - 10:45 AM

Well, you do your stuff and she does hers. I do not really regret my wife also being a hater. Only that we do not do golfing for vacation.

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#29 BrianMcG

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Posted 04 November 2017 - 12:21 PM

What you need to start doing is making it unbearable at home so she wants you out of the house.

If that doesn’t work, tell her you slept with her best friend, you know, the younger cute one.

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#30 baddomes

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Posted 04 November 2017 - 12:44 PM

What did you tell your girlfriend and fiance who hates golf?


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