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If sports were meals what meal would golf be?


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#1 marmaduk

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Posted 31 August 2017 - 08:23 PM

If sports were meals what meal would golf be?

Swimming,obviously, would be soup. Football, I think, would be steak and potatoes. Basketball would be fried chicken. Hockey, maybe Canadian bacon and eggs?


If golf was a meal I think it would be an afternoon gin&tonic.
Hear me out! Obviously this meal is for an alcoholic. That being said, some people have called the amount of time i spend golfing, watching golf on tv, and spending time on golf websites an addiction. A g&t, much like golf, is best experienced on a sunny Summer Sunday afternoon. Especially, when you have no plans for the rest of the day. And finally, golf, much like a g&t will bite you in the butt if you’re not paying attention.


Maybe i'm crazy. Maybe it's obviously a club sandwich or fried eggs.
You tell me. If golf was a meal, what meal would it be?

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#2 Fade

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Posted 31 August 2017 - 08:30 PM

Mashed potatoes.

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#3 Petunia Sprinkle

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Posted 31 August 2017 - 08:56 PM

 Fade, on 31 August 2017 - 08:30 PM, said:

Mashed potatoes.

Well, that's about it.

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#4 matthewb

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Posted 31 August 2017 - 08:58 PM

Fig Newton.

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#5 b.helts

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Posted 31 August 2017 - 08:59 PM

I've had my share of gin and tonics and I've never finished one and thought "wow, what a meal!"

Golf is like banger's and mash. It should always be good and it is very frustrating when it's not because it should be easy. But even when banger's and mash aren't as good as they should be they are still pretty good and would never keep me from ordering bangers and mash again.


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#6 matthewb

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Posted 31 August 2017 - 09:02 PM

 b.helts, on 31 August 2017 - 08:59 PM, said:

I've had my share of gin and tonics and I've never finished one and thought "wow, what a meal!"

Golf is like banger's and mash. It should always be good and it is very frustrating when it's not because it should be easy. But even when banger's and mash aren't as good as they should be they are still pretty good and would never keep me from ordering bangers and mash again.

Echoes of that old joke about pizza and sex--when they're good, they're really good; when they're bad, they're still pretty good.

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#7 NYC243

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Posted 31 August 2017 - 09:07 PM

a succulent steak that you end up choking on

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#8 ruffellprefley

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Posted 31 August 2017 - 09:35 PM

and why would basketball be fried chicken? wouldn't it be more likely to be something you DUNK? like donuts or something that comes in baskets like a diner burger and fries?

Edited by ruffellprefley, 31 August 2017 - 09:37 PM.


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#9 canthitathreewood

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Posted 31 August 2017 - 10:12 PM

Collared greens....sorry.

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#10 Conrad1953

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Posted 31 August 2017 - 10:38 PM

Fried egg.........................sorry, that's a lie.

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#11 mark174ace

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Posted 31 August 2017 - 10:38 PM

Grilled cheese on sourdough bread, crispy french fries, and an ice cold Dr. Pepper after a round of golf.

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#12 2Maybe3Putt

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Posted 31 August 2017 - 10:41 PM

Asparagus..... taste good but makes ur piss smell lol

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#13 hammy83

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Posted 01 September 2017 - 09:26 AM

something too expensive for most people to eat, takes forever to eat and is never cooked consistently.  A high end steak at a bad steak house.

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#14 PixlPutterman

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Posted 01 September 2017 - 09:41 AM

Clearly, golf is a club sandwich
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#15 knock it close

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Posted 01 September 2017 - 09:42 AM

Eggs Woodhouse


Edited by knock it close, 01 September 2017 - 09:43 AM.

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#16 dukeman

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Posted 01 September 2017 - 09:49 AM

Potato chips.   Once you have one, you're hooked.

But what if golf were a tree?

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#17 bscinstnct

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Posted 01 September 2017 - 10:33 AM

I hate gin.

So, gin ; )

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#18 marmaduk

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Posted 01 September 2017 - 10:37 AM

 hammy83, on 01 September 2017 - 09:26 AM, said:

something too expensive for most people to eat, takes forever to eat and is never cooked consistently.  A high end steak at a bad steak house.

HAHAH. That was maybe a little too on-point.
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#19 marmaduk

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Posted 01 September 2017 - 10:51 AM

 knock it close, on 01 September 2017 - 09:42 AM, said:

Eggs Woodhouse



I forgot how much I loved Archer. I watched the first four seasons in like two days and have completly forgot about it since. I think it's time to get back on the wagon.
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#20 Rusty1885

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Posted 01 September 2017 - 11:33 AM

Uni, Aka sea urchin.

An acquired tasted.  Tough to crack but once you do, it's a sweet savory meat that goes with every thing.

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#21 Darth Putter

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Posted 01 September 2017 - 07:57 PM

Golf is like a box of chocolates.
swing is irrelevant, score is everything

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#22 SetTheBarrHigh

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Posted 04 September 2017 - 03:33 PM

The finest milk steak with a side of jelly beans, raw of course.

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#23 Cajunmike

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Posted 04 September 2017 - 09:47 PM

Pufferfish?...it can all go south very quickly.

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#24 dan360

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Posted 05 September 2017 - 12:31 AM

Haggis, if one were to be traditionalist and go with persimmon & blades


If one so chooses to be modern and high tech, probably something out of a lab in tablet form, washed down with glowing 'electrolyte' solution.
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#25 Qqq123xx

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Posted 05 September 2017 - 06:05 AM

Well if you're going with chicken for BB then it has to be chicken and waffles.

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#26 MtlJeff

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Posted 05 September 2017 - 06:24 PM

 hammy83, on 01 September 2017 - 09:26 AM, said:

something too expensive for most people to eat, takes forever to eat and is never cooked consistently.  A high end steak at a bad steak house.

This is pretty much exactly what i came here to write!

Agree completely
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#27 Aimee

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Posted 10 September 2017 - 05:33 PM

Steamed crabs. Hard to crack, takes skill to get the reward. Hurts your hands when you do it wrong. Good with cold beer.
It's not how...it's how many

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#28 Spicoli

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Posted 10 September 2017 - 07:20 PM

I played terrible yesterday, so a shyt sandwich...

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#29 chickenpotpie

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Posted 10 September 2017 - 08:46 PM

Pizza, even when it's bad, you still eat it.
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#30 sharkiesj

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Posted 11 September 2017 - 06:01 PM

Golf is like an all-you-can-eat buffet in Vegas like The Bacchanal at Caesar's Palace or The Buffet at Wynn.  You go there, you're in line and you're starving.  You just know you're gonna slaughter every station in there and get your money's worth.  

You go in and get seated, get your drinks, then it's GO TIME! You pass on the finger foods and go straight for the lobster, crab legs, prime rib.  You don't lay up by eating the salads.  You're gorging on a fine meal and when your done with your first pile-high plate, the wheels get a little wobbly.  First sign of trouble is a tiny fart, you brush the aroma away with your napkin, acting as if you're  wiping your face, then wander back to get more mashed potatoes. That second plate isn't piled as high as the first one but you're thinking there's a hell of a lot more birdies to be made.  You've downed 3 Cokes already and now you start feeling like you're in your 2nd trimester. Good, I'm not puking, so the show must go on.  

Waitress gives you a 4th Coke and now you're going on your third plate, only this time it ain't filled with the meats.  It's 1 small taquito with a dab of sour cream that took you 10 minutes just to find the sour cream.  You wanted to pile on some guacamole but you said, no, I don't want a date with the porcelain pony tonight. There's a lot more plate showing than food.  A small cup of chili is barely eaten and left for the waitress to take it away.  You feel guilty for wasting food and you can't even get it up when a freakin hottie walks by so the guilt quickly turns to worry about your little fella.  You blame it on the kale salad.  Darn wife always wants you eat healthy. JC.  

Now, you feel like you're in your 3rd trimester and you haven't even sampled the dessert bar.  The birdies are long gone and you're staring at doubles and triples.......of ice cream and macaroons.  Cake, chocolate and more sugar just leads you to feeling like your stomach is gonna burst like a huge white-head pimple.  A 5th Coke isn't even sipped once. You walk to the bathroom to take a leak but you can't because your sphincter is gonna explode and Caesar's doesn't have diapers or a chairlift to your room.

You leave broken, conquered, vowing never to eat at that place again.  The date with the porcelain pony shows up at 2:30am and you're blowin chowder til 3:45am.  The next day, you can't wait to try Cosmopolitan's Wicked Spoon buffet because you have a 2fer 1 coupon.

Edited by sharkiesj, 11 September 2017 - 06:02 PM.


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