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Wish my wife would play...


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#1 mvhoffman

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Posted 16 June 2017 - 08:28 AM

I know... I know... "What the :busted_cop: are you saying?"

My wife and I are both nurses.  We have, until recently, always had a day or two or three that were different thru the work week.  These days were when I normally played golf.  Then I was promoted to the M-F no weekends no holidays.  My wife still worked every other weekend so I would play on the days we were not off together.  I was able to play a decent amount of golf!

NOW...
My wife received a promotion and is M-F, no weekends, no holidays, and she is not a fan of staying home alone and has no interest in playing golf.  She was a high school and college athlete who would love golf if she gave it a chance.  She offered for me to join the local country club and I was looking forward to it until I realized that it would be a waste of money because I do not seem to be "allowed" to play golf anymore.  If she would play, we could join the club and she would want to play all of the time.

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#2 LeftDaddy

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Posted 16 June 2017 - 08:45 AM

No you don't...I went down this route years ago and had a mildly similar situation to yours.  My wife was working an odd schedule, so it gave me Saturday AMs free...so I played a lot of golf.  She then changed her schedule and I had no more free Saturdays...so a lot less golf.  I introduced her to golf thinking it would lead to me playing more.  It led to the opposite.  She played a little bit but never got into playing on the course (she preferred the driving range).  So when she "quit", not only did my golf with her go down, but then she got a taste for what a "boondoggle" it was and then became a lot less tolerant of me stealing away to play.

She eventually developed her own hobby (tennis), and slowly realized that it was a bit unfair for her to be allowed to play as much tennis as she wanted when her husband wasn't being allowed much golf.  So now she basically lets me play anytime I want...as long as I keep my priorities in order of course (and of course I do).
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#3 larrybud

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Posted 16 June 2017 - 08:57 AM

How old are you guys?

I love playing golf with my wife, and I wish she would play MORE.  This is about her 4th year, and she's "graduated" to full size courses as her ball striking has gotten better.    Fun to watch someone get so much better so fast.

I'm always amazed that spouses have to "let" each other do stuff..  I mean, she does her things, I do my things, and we do our things together.  We touch base at the start of the week, I let her know when and where I'm playing, she let's me know when she's going out with her girlfriends, and we do stuff together , sometimes with the dog, sometimes not, the other times.  We don't need to be together 24/7.  If one of us is doing stuff with friends, it's perfectly acceptable for the other to be alone and do their own thing at the same time.

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#4 medicoreMAgolfer

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Posted 16 June 2017 - 09:01 AM

TENNIS is the key, per LeftDaddy.  My wife has always been fairly forgiving with golf, but once she picked up Tennis, it eliminated ANY criticism of golf time for me (with the exception of golf trips with the boys).  If she doesn't like golf, join that club and sign her up for tennis.  She'll meet new friends who's husbands golf and the acceptance culture will build

Now, after playing tennis for the last 4 years, the wife is finally interested in playing some golf.  I'll play 18 on weekend morning with friends while she hits the tennis courts, then I'll get to play another 9 in the afternoon with her.  WIN WIN!  27 hole Saturdays

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#5 Ping Zings

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Posted 16 June 2017 - 09:04 AM

The only problem with playing golf with your wife, it leads to couples golf. :fie:

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#6 Rosales

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Posted 16 June 2017 - 09:33 AM

Top Ten Reasons to to play with your wide!

1)  They only want to play 9 holes.
2)  They don'y understand tee times.  What do you mean we can't show up at 9:00am on a Saturday.
3)  They want to hit multiple balls from the fairway when they miss hit.
4)  They expect you to find all these miss hits.
5)  Leads to couples golf.
6)  They want to sit out holes.
7)  They want to take the cart mid round back to the clubhouse to pee!
8)  They start to believe they need new equipment to get better.
9)  They talk non stop.
10)  Then they give it up and you have a new set of woman golf clubs in the garage taking up space.
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#7 marmooskapaul

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Posted 16 June 2017 - 10:55 AM

Tell her you're golfing and she better have a pop-pie in the oven when you get home!

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#8 hammy83

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Posted 16 June 2017 - 10:59 AM

buy her a yoga pass.  Solved my problem.  Hell to the no do I want her golfer with me.  
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#9 brkuck

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Posted 16 June 2017 - 11:00 AM

Tried to do this a few years ago with mixed results.  Tried to teach her on my own and that was a disaster.  Sent her to a local pro (female) who is very well respected in the state and it was OK for a while and when the lessons were over she decided it was not for her.  Cant say Iam sad, but she now knows how long it should take to play and I cant use the "slow play" excuse that often.

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#10 krtgolfing

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Posted 16 June 2017 - 11:17 AM

Having to ask your wife to golf.. LOL. I want my wife no were close to me on the golf course. TopGolf is fine!

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#11 chippa13

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Posted 16 June 2017 - 11:18 AM

My wife plays and now that her new job is M-F it is fantastic. More often than not she is checking the weather and asking, "where are we playing Saturday?". It also helps that we actually enjoy spending time together. I never understand couples that don't who stay together.

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#12 mvhoffman

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Posted 16 June 2017 - 11:24 AM

View Postchippa13, on 16 June 2017 - 11:18 AM, said:

My wife plays and now that her new job is M-F it is fantastic. More often than not she is checking the weather and asking, "where are we playing Saturday?". It also helps that we actually enjoy spending time together. I never understand couples that don't who stay together.

Thank you for responding.  I thought I was the only one.
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#13 fufu

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Posted 16 June 2017 - 11:32 AM

Some of guys need to grow a pair..  She "lets" you play? Start acting like men.  Prioritize time with her, time with the family and time to yourself.

Before you think I'm not married, we are going on 15 years with two kids.  I never hear a peep about golf.  I make time for family outings and date nights.
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#14 Ferguson

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Posted 16 June 2017 - 11:38 AM

View Postfufu, on 16 June 2017 - 11:32 AM, said:

Some of guys need to grow a pair..  She "lets" you play? Start acting like men.  Prioritize time with her, time with the family and time to yourself.

Before you think I'm not married, we are going on 15 years with two kids.  I never hear a peep about golf.  I make time for family outings and date nights.


Same here.  Except my wife plays regularly, and "encourages" us to play more.  She understands the game and just got my youngest signed up for a golf camp this summer.   Golf is a part of our lives not a hurdle.  


Why marry someone that doesn't understand what you like in life?
He's right.  Grow a set.

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#15 TheGeekGolfer

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Posted 16 June 2017 - 11:39 AM

As a couple, you both NEED to have your own interests and "obsessions". You can then share these stories with each other and have your "together" interests, also.

When I started dating my wife (10 years ago) and then got married for the second time 9 years ago, my wife wanted to golf. What she didn't want was to "practice". My wife is NOT an athlete. She's coordinated and competitive at games, however, she has never played a competitive sport. She doesn't understand the concept of practicing, just to get better. She would never go to the driving range unless I "forced" her. I would try to make it dates, fun stuff. Tried to get her to go with my brother's wife and other groups besides me. None of that really got her into the sport. She would then complain on the golf course about not being able to hit it as far as me. Never mind, only hitting a few decent shots. She is more likely to be "competitive" in "games" like cards, board games, or ladderball. Games that don't require practice and have a fair amount of "luck" involved.

All of this is fine, there are sooo many other reasons I love her and ways we connect and get along. If your wife/partner is a competive athlete, then it might work. If she is a "fun golfer" and doesn't care about score then it might work. If she is a "competitive gamer" then it might NOT work.

Golf can be a fun, together sport. However, it takes the right mindsets from both individuals. Strong enough to talk about issues that come up like "guy's/buddies rounds" vs "couples rounds". Of course, this is pretty much the same things that need to be addressed when it comes to "guy's night out" vs "couples dates". When you look at it that way, it's really not that different.


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#16 Ferguson

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Posted 16 June 2017 - 11:44 AM

View Postmarmooskapaul, on 16 June 2017 - 10:55 AM, said:

Tell her you're golfing and she better have a pop-pie in the oven when you get home!

or, a pot pie......................240, 241 whatever it takes

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#17 chippa13

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Posted 16 June 2017 - 11:46 AM

If you've found the right person there is no need to "grow a pair". You both understand each other and stuff just works out. If one feels they need to draw a line in the sand in order to get their golf in then there are most likely other issues going on. Having to "fight" for your golf time isn't an issue, it is a symptom.

View PostFerguson, on 16 June 2017 - 11:44 AM, said:

View Postmarmooskapaul, on 16 June 2017 - 10:55 AM, said:

Tell her you're golfing and she better have a pop-pie in the oven when you get home!

or, a pot pie......................240, 241 whatever it takes

It isn't often that you see a Mr. Mom reference.

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#18 MtlJeff

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Posted 16 June 2017 - 11:59 AM

I'd like my wife to play too. I like hanging out with her and it would give us the chance to both do our hobbies at the same time. Right now we do them separately and with our work schedules we don't see each other as much.

She's played with me on vacation and likes golf
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#19 SixtySomePing

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Posted 16 June 2017 - 12:00 PM

Well, I truly feel sorry for anyone who just thinks of their wife as an inconvenience who will just be in the way or cause them some change in their own plans. After all, she was just meant to stay home and cook, not to have her own clubs that might not get used and be a clutter, or she herself might just become an annoyance, right?. Hopefully she or you won't come down with some serious disease where you may have to come to grips with where you realize how much you really meant to each other. But if it's you, at least you'll have an open schedule for your golf game finally.
My life was filled with my golf game and golf schedule until 22 years ago when my wife came down with breast cancer, and came within a few hours of actually passing away. A miracle or two allowed her to completely recover, and although she doesn't play golf, I love her coming along with me as much as possible when I play so we can simple enjoy being together, and now after being married 43 years I go watch her run marathons and she watches me play golf. Yes I still play when she's not there, just like she runs races when I'm not there, but I'm not afraid to pop a frickin' pot pie in the oven for her, and I would rather hear her talk non-stop than come home to a silent house which could have been the case.
I really commend the OP for wanting to spend the time with his wife, and everyone else who wants to spend time together as much as possible...
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#20 r0scoe

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Posted 16 June 2017 - 12:06 PM

I bought my wife a new kayak so she'll leave me alone. I sort of wish she'd play once in a while but she has no interest and I'm fine with that


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#21 TheGulag

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Posted 16 June 2017 - 12:16 PM

Took the wife to the driving range a few times to hit a few balls without much success. Really didnt try to coach her since I don't even know what im doing when swinging LOL! Last week i just told her 3 simple things: put the ball in the middle of your stance, look at the front of the ball, and to take a half swing. Now she is hitting it really good and even came to me last night when the Open was on and asked if we can pause it so we can go hit wiffle balls in the back yard again! After doing that for a little bit she mentioned wanted to go to the range again to hit real balls now! I thought that was pretty cool!

View Posttatertot, on 12 May 2017 - 04:49 PM, said:

Bad day ... Like an arm fell off on the range and he decided to tough it out?

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#22 tatertot

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Posted 16 June 2017 - 12:17 PM

My wife and i have been married for over 20 years ... I golf, she has her own hobbies ... and we have hobbies we do together ... we spend time apart, so we appreciate our time together more. It gives us something to talk about, and time to miss each other. I love her like no other, but I can't imagine being around her 24/7, 365.
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#23 BoogieThumper

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Posted 16 June 2017 - 12:19 PM

For Fathers Day I offered to get my wife golf lessons..............Yes her gift to me this year would be to take lessons because I love her and want to golf with her. I admit it's a tad selfish because I know she would get the bug which would allow me to golf more at the same time. She declined only because with small kids the free time she does have she'd rather choose the activity. But once the kids are a bit older she's agreed to take me up on some lessons as long as it's a female instructor.

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#24 LeftDaddy

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Posted 16 June 2017 - 12:25 PM

The guys I know who have full-time jobs, kids, and a wife, and are able to play as much golf as they want...oh wait, I don't know any guys like that.  I do know some guys that play a lot and seem to not have any "restrictions" from home, but I would also guess that their relationship might not be as solid as it could be.

I find it incredibly hard to balance a full-time job (with a lot of travel), and spending a lot of time with my kids, and spending a lot of quality time with my wife...plus playing golf and / or other stuff I like to do.  Asking for a few hours on a weekend to be away to play golf is a tall ask.  I'm courteous enough to ask, and am also courteous enough to know when not to ask.  I get to play a good bit of golf, but I can count on one hand the number of weekend rounds where I get 5 hours to be away from home to play with my buds in any given year.  And it isn't always because of me / my wife...plenty of other guys with similar constraints to work through.  I am just very opportunistic about finding pockets of time to play...often involves playing by myself but whatever...is a tradeoff I am willing to make.

Anyway, it has been years since my wife gave me any grief for asking about playing golf, and she and I have an excellent relationship.  But to pretend that ask isn't at least mildly straining on any relationship is perhaps not being realistic.  It would be nice if each partner gave the other zero grief and / or perhaps "celebrated" their partner's "selfish" asks...but not everyone has that.  

As for me, my wife and I have a great relationship and we enjoy spending time together doing a lot of things...just not golf.  Maybe I wish that she also enjoyed golf, but I also enjoy the "away" time as well.  And I know she enjoys her "away" tennis time.  Every relationship is different / unique.
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#25 fufu

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Posted 16 June 2017 - 12:29 PM

View PostFerguson, on 16 June 2017 - 11:38 AM, said:

Same here.  Except my wife plays regularly, and "encourages" us to play more.  She understands the game and just got my youngest signed up for a golf camp this summer.   Golf is a part of our lives not a hurdle.  


Why marry someone that doesn't understand what you like in life?
He's right.  Grow a set.

My wife plays as well.  She doesn't go to the range or practice but she shoots in the 90s with the occasional mulligan.  She actually signed us up for a 9 hole golf league that starts tonight.  We play 18 every Sunday and date night on Friday.  Saturday is family time.  

She never bitches about boxes that arrive with clubs or shafts and I don't b**** about shoes.  We've got this thing worked out lol

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#26 dpb5031

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Posted 16 June 2017 - 12:36 PM

Help your wife find another hobby so you can play.  I'd rather get root canal than play golf with my wife.  Nothing against her as she's perfect in every way, but I'd still rather play money matches with the guys and meet up with her later for cocktails & dinner.  

Hell, my daughter is a scratch/plus and i only play with her if we're traveling or if we need a good player to round out our men's game!  😁

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#27 Ferguson

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Posted 16 June 2017 - 12:37 PM

View PostLeftDaddy, on 16 June 2017 - 12:25 PM, said:

The guys I know who have full-time jobs, kids, and a wife, and are able to play as much golf as they want...oh wait, I don't know any guys like that.  I do know some guys that play a lot and seem to not have any "restrictions" from home, but I would also guess that their relationship might not be as solid as it could be.

I find it incredibly hard to balance a full-time job (with a lot of travel), and spending a lot of time with my kids, and spending a lot of quality time with my wife...plus playing golf and / or other stuff I like to do.  Asking for a few hours on a weekend to be away to play golf is a tall ask.  I'm courteous enough to ask, and am also courteous enough to know when not to ask.  I get to play a good bit of golf, but I can count on one hand the number of weekend rounds where I get 5 hours to be away from home to play with my buds in any given year.  And it isn't always because of me / my wife...plenty of other guys with similar constraints to work through.  I am just very opportunistic about finding pockets of time to play...often involves playing by myself but whatever...is a tradeoff I am willing to make.

Anyway, it has been years since my wife gave me any grief for asking about playing golf, and she and I have an excellent relationship.  But to pretend that ask isn't at least mildly straining on any relationship is perhaps not being realistic.  It would be nice if each partner gave the other zero grief and / or perhaps "celebrated" their partner's "selfish" asks...but not everyone has that.  

As for me, my wife and I have a great relationship and we enjoy spending time together doing a lot of things...just not golf.  Maybe I wish that she also enjoyed golf, but I also enjoy the "away" time as well.  And I know she enjoys her "away" tennis time.  Every relationship is different / unique.


I really enjoy your use of "quotes" around words, and am hoping to discuss further these "restrictions" you referenced.  

Are these "restrictions from home" related only to golf, or do they branch out to things?

Edited by Ferguson, 16 June 2017 - 12:46 PM.


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#28 Ferguson

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Posted 16 June 2017 - 12:46 PM

View Postfufu, on 16 June 2017 - 12:29 PM, said:

View PostFerguson, on 16 June 2017 - 11:38 AM, said:

Same here.  Except my wife plays regularly, and "encourages" us to play more.  She understands the game and just got my youngest signed up for a golf camp this summer.   Golf is a part of our lives not a hurdle.  


Why marry someone that doesn't understand what you like in life?
He's right.  Grow a set.

My wife plays as well.  She doesn't go to the range or practice but she shoots in the 90s with the occasional mulligan.  She actually signed us up for a 9 hole golf league that starts tonight.  We play 18 every Sunday and date night on Friday.  Saturday is family time.  

She never bitches about boxes that arrive with clubs or shafts and I don't b**** about shoes.  We've got this thing worked out lol


Same here.  She was darn good at one time and kept a 10HC. She plays 2 times a month now.   I have never seen her shoot over 100.   About 4 years ago she took up running and yoga.  She must have 10 pairs of running shoes and all that fancy skin tight running gear.   I look through her running catalogs and see the prices of her running clothes but I don't give a hoot.  She loves it and it makes her happy.
(Keeps her body tight, too.   And that keeps Ferguson happy.)  


My son and I played on Mother's Day.   There was no "asking."   She knows it's a hallmark holiday.  It was assumed.
We got home and the boys and I cooked her a nice dinner.


Compromise.

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#29 marmooskapaul

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Posted 16 June 2017 - 12:59 PM

View PostFerguson, on 16 June 2017 - 11:44 AM, said:

View Postmarmooskapaul, on 16 June 2017 - 10:55 AM, said:

Tell her you're golfing and she better have a pop-pie in the oven when you get home!

or, a pot pie......................240, 241 whatever it takes

Or maybe 220, 221 whatever it takes...lol..I like the pot-pie with crust on top and bottom...

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#30 sharkiesj

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Posted 16 June 2017 - 01:04 PM

Listen Focker, just don't keep her outside the circle of trust.  Yes, that means less golf for you but doing more things with her on days off will eventually lead to you playing more golf (without her) WITH her blessing.  I'm watching you Focker...


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