152 replies to this topic

[thug the bunny]

I always loved the many variations of comments prompted by someone leaving a putt short that involve girls' names, skirts, panties, and sometimes female body parts. I hope the PC craze never eliminates them.

"Cmon Mary Ann, did your skirt get in the way of your putter?"

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[wmblake2000]

 fore, on 20 May 2017 - 05:18 PM, said:

When old George birdied a par 3 and we got to the next tee he would bend over and start to tee up his ball. Then he would stop, stand up straight, tee and ball still in hand and say, " oh!, any ones?"

One of my favs, but I never heard anyone else say it till this post.

[sharkiesj]

 thug the bunny, on 26 May 2017 - 09:54 PM, said:

There's some great ones in this thread. Made me realize that these jokes and sayings are the result of having been around a while. It takes time to acquire these gems and then pass them down to the young ones. That's why you don't usually hear younger golfers come up with that kind of commentary. That's why I usually like playing with older golfers, you get a perspective that only comes with a lot of experience.

One I heard from playing with 3 guys recently, all around my age, and constantly needling each other. One of them spazzes on a 12 ft putt and leaves it 5 ft short and off line, and his buddy says, "How did that not go in?" I probably use that one once every round.

I like to say in that exact situation:

Yup, from that lie you just had, that was smart of you to lay up...

[sims2371]

When I first started playing, my dad told me "Don't ever use the ball washers, the water's nasty and there's always a chance you'll fall off and break your neck."

[JonnyKrasnodar]

"Dead sheep mate."

"Where? What?"

"Still ewe."

Or as was said to someone in my group this morning...

"Decent shot, only thing I'd have changed was the person hitting it."

Which had me in hysterics because it caught me right off guard.

[2putttom]

I love "Decent shot, only thing I'd have changed was the person hitting it"  I'll use that one in league play this week.









. probably cost me a few beers but what the hell   it's a great quote

Edited by 2putttom, 28 May 2017 - 10:14 AM.

[JonnyKrasnodar]

I felt bad for laughing but it caught me off guard. The poor guy was 100 yards out and skanked a low runner up to the back edge. Definitely one I'll use from now on too.

He had a tough day but sometimes you gotta laugh or the game will eat you alive.

[NVS_Pegasus]

After a left tee shot found the trees: "You couldn't drive a hard d**k in a bucket of lard.."

[Jwin323]

 NVS_Pegasus, on 08 June 2017 - 11:04 AM, said:

After a left tee shot found the trees: "You couldn't drive a hard d**k in a bucket of lard.."

Outstanding

[medicoreMAgolfer]

 No Catchy Nickname, on 19 May 2017 - 09:08 AM, said:

 Moleman, on 17 May 2017 - 06:23 PM, said:

Any low topped drive that doesn't get any more than one foot off the ground but still gets out a good distance is a Sally Gunnell. 'Doesn't look like much but it'll run'

(Sally Gunnell was a not particularly good looking British middle distance runner)

It was Paula Radcliffe the last time I heard it!

Also, from the same bloke, "that's an Arthur Scargill" = Good strike, poor result.

Sonia O'Sullivan in Ireland...

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[lawsonman]

Great drive son, you're right out there next to me.

[TheInfidel]

During a comp with an older member, a poorly executed stinger on a windy day hits a down slope and then a sprinkler head to gain maybe another 45yds.  Then I get this:

"Sister in law ball! You shouldn't be up there but you are, so you may as well bash the next one"

[Llortamaisey]

My pappy always said: The more Eagles you putt at, the more pars you'll make.

[6thFairway]

Cuban putt- one more revolution and it would have been perfect.

Rock Hudson putt- it looks straight, but it isn't.

[Greenie]

Darn I swung to hard on that drive. My dentures flew out.

Darn I swung to hard on that swing I just sharted.

[J-Blade]

When people at the course would ask my dad, "What's your handicap?" He'd point at me and say, "Him".

[thug the bunny]

 6thFairway, on 09 June 2017 - 02:12 PM, said:

Cuban putt- one more revolution and it would have been perfect.

Rock Hudson putt- it looks straight, but it isn't.

Damn never heard the Rock Hudson one before. I'm stealing it. That's two in my pocket from this thread. Thanks guys!

[Claymie]

Hilarious

 brockgolf44, on 15 May 2017 - 03:59 PM, said:

Was just thinking about all the funny little anecdotes/sayings I learned from my grandpa and his friends on the golf course growing up...  Thought I would maybe start a thread with the best ones you have heard from the "old guys" you play with...or if you are an old guy give us some material to use on our next outing.  Lets be honest...if your under 60, your little golf sayings are not as funny as the 60+ guys.

-After complaining about my lie behind a tree
"If you dont like where your ball ended up...you shouldnt have hit it there"

-After watching him lip out a 3rd putt in a row
"If it was raining P#^%&, I would get hit in the head with a D#%$

-After I hit two in the water and proceeded to drop another ball
"Son, get in the cart...this is a smoke and drink hole"

[gsea33]

 thug the bunny, on 26 May 2017 - 09:54 PM, said:

There's some great ones in this thread. Made me realize that these jokes and sayings are the result of having been around a while. It takes time to acquire these gems and then pass them down to the young ones. That's why you don't usually hear younger golfers come up with that kind of commentary. That's why I usually like playing with older golfers, you get a perspective that only comes with a lot of experience.

One I heard from playing with 3 guys recently, all around my age, and constantly needling each other. One of them spazzes on a 12 ft putt and leaves it 5 ft short and off line, and his buddy says, "How did that not go in?" I probably use that one once every round.

First time I heard that one I was paired up with a twosome and another single.  The twosome were middle-aged and good friends, could tell by the constant ball busting.  So they got a cart and a cooler.  They kept offering beers but I declined.  Finally on the 18th tee they said here its the last freaking hole.  So I took it and we proceeded to play the hole.  All on the green now and I'm standing by my bag with my putter and sipping the beer as I was the last one that was going to putt.  So one of the friends hits his putt way short and wide and that is response the partner said "how that not go in".  Well I lost it spit up beer, beer coming out my nose etc. His partner almost died and the partner who hit the putt called him every name in the book.  These two were also riding down the fairway when the one guy says to the other hey did hear about the new Walmart there putting in town. No where they putting it? Between my ball and yours.  These guys were pissers.

[ParParAgain]

When you fail to get the ball out of the sand:  an Adolph Hitler ( two shots in the bunker).

A ball that rims the cup but refuses to go in the hole:  a Monica Lewinski.

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[Guia]

Get off my lawn!

[FLAis4golferz]

Hit my approach shot to about 20 feet. Drive up to my grandfather's shot. He picks a club and takes a practice swing. Addresses the ball and says

"Thomas, we're about to have sex"

Hits the shot to about 10 feet

"See! I hit it inside you..."

Laughter erupts

There are a thousand more but that one was memorable lol. I'd give anything to be able to play another round with him...

Edited by FLAis4golferz, 16 June 2017 - 06:16 AM.

[sailfishchris]

Playing with my friend's uncle. "Uncle Joe, what could I do to help my swing? Uncle Joe puffs on cigarette. "Tony, take two weeks off ....and then quit!"

Uncle Joe on green reading: "Uncle Joe do you see two cups of break?" "Christ, son, now I know why you don't have any kids......"

[justaman5]

Back in the 80's.  Upstate South Carolina.   Bonnie Brae golf course, Mauldin SC.   I played with a group of older gentlemen.   All WW2 vets.   I was mid 20s.    I topped a 2 iron into a par 5.   It was a worm burner and just happen to run up on the green. One of them said,  that was a RBU.  I asked on the next hole.  What is an RBU.. He said   "rotten but useful"

Also this was in my days, where I didnt know whether it was going to go down the fairway about 280, Or be a worm burner. So I was told today we will play   DxxK out golf today. I said what it that.   If you dont hit it past the ladies tee,   then you play the rest of the hole with your  DxxK out. Somehow the thought of that improved my driving.

[scruffynick]

 Moleman, on 17 May 2017 - 06:23 PM, said:

Any low topped drive that doesn't get any more than one foot off the ground but still gets out a good distance is a Sally Gunnell. 'Doesn't look like much but it'll run'

(Sally Gunnell was a not particularly good looking British middle distance runner)

But harsh, she wasn't that bad looking ha ha but she's got an Olympic gold medal!

[4Par]

 TheInfidel, on 09 June 2017 - 07:07 AM, said:

During a comp with an older member, a poorly executed stinger on a windy day hits a down slope and then a sprinkler head to gain maybe another 45yds.  Then I get this:

"Sister in law ball! You shouldn't be up there but you are, so you may as well bash the next one"

Heard this "sister in law shot" from a caddie at Royal County Down after a thinned shot rolled to 2 feet from the hole!!

When asked what that meant he replied "you're in a place you really shouldn't be" with a wink and a laugh.....

[illdrag0n]

i play with a couple oldies sometimes

Pure shot - Yahoooooooooo
fat shot - Bollocks
Missed putt - Thats careless mate
Holed putt - Great putt, now you can putt mine.
Scrubbed stableford score - put me down for a pair of eyebrows

[2putttom]

Monday playin with the over the mountain gang. " Hit the damn ball!   ya look like Dufner  knockin the dew off his lilly  over there."

[hammy83]

not golf related....
My grand parents have 6 kids and I asked my grandma if they ever thought about using "protection" as my grandma wanted to stop after 4, she (83 at the time) gave me a direct quote from my grandfather
" you wouldn't jump into the bathtub with your socks on now would ya?"

[tcarrow]

When reading a putt ... 'it's one ball out, just like pop pop's pajamas'

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