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Grandpa Golf Sayings


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#31 Bigarch

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Posted 17 May 2017 - 07:10 PM

Last night I hit a shot into the green that came up about 30 feet short but still on the green. I classified it a "Liz Taylor...a little fat, but not bad."

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#32 Bunker2Bunker0no

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Posted 18 May 2017 - 12:06 AM

We have bunch of old guys in our group that have more lines than a new ride at Disney.... (one of theirs)

When one of them gets paired with the notoriously slow player in our group...."Johnny u play golf like old people make love, slow and sloppy....and about as much fun to watch."

Before he hits on par 3, "People pay big 'freaking' money for a ticket to Augusta every year to watch crap that ain't close to being this good."

Guy in group hits a big tee ball, "Son, I wouldn't hit my ex-boss that hard, and I hated that SOB....(pause)....I lied, here is a $20 and his address, tell him Ed says night nite."

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#33 gussie

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Posted 18 May 2017 - 02:22 AM

When you miss a obviously straight putt
Call it a rock Hudson
It looked straight but it's not

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#34 Bob Cat

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Posted 18 May 2017 - 06:55 AM

On a less than solid drive my dad will quip: "Didn't even make it to sissy ridge!".

I love playing with that ol' fart.
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#35 RayGorman

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Posted 18 May 2017 - 10:49 AM

I only had the chance to play with my Grandpa once or twice. I was 11 or 12 at the time. He beat me by 18 shots...

didn't really grab on to his tactics until after he passed...

Grampa: "What you get, son?"

Me: "six"

Grandpa: "I had a five"


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#36 CCTxGolf

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Posted 18 May 2017 - 11:19 AM

Another good one is when somebody smokes a putt my the hole and yells "hit a member" . That cracks me up
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#37 scatter

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Posted 18 May 2017 - 03:59 PM

The old boys at the course where I grew up had a few gems but one sticks out.

*rips long fart*
"A bit more choke and I would have got that started"

That one slayed me.

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#38 Bob Cat

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Posted 18 May 2017 - 04:54 PM

View Postscatter, on 18 May 2017 - 03:59 PM, said:

The old boys at the course where I grew up had a few gems but one sticks out.

*rips long fart*
"A bit more choke and I would have got that started"

That one slayed me.

Nice!
I like, "that's gonna itch when it dries".
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#39 Carl Spackler3

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Posted 18 May 2017 - 05:25 PM

Dad on the tee, ...."Come back Shane!"

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#40 bok006

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Posted 18 May 2017 - 06:28 PM

On the tee, this old timer I used to play with, tried to hide a fart in a cough. He mistimed it....... then said, "Whoa, that was a bit bubbly."

About a topped shot: "That'll run like a scolded cat."

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#41 rama5

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Posted 18 May 2017 - 06:34 PM

View PostFerguson, on 16 May 2017 - 11:05 AM, said:

"While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake."

now that is classic

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#42 Chief Illiniwek

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Posted 18 May 2017 - 06:38 PM

"Cut dog don't get no pups" after a weak fade.

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#43 JBirdUt

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Posted 18 May 2017 - 06:38 PM

After hitting a wayward shot, "That was so bad, Jesus himself would have taken his own name in vain."

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#44 No Catchy Nickname

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Posted 19 May 2017 - 09:08 AM

View PostMoleman, on 17 May 2017 - 06:23 PM, said:

Any low topped drive that doesn't get any more than one foot off the ground but still gets out a good distance is a Sally Gunnell. 'Doesn't look like much but it'll run'

(Sally Gunnell was a not particularly good looking British middle distance runner)

It was Paula Radcliffe the last time I heard it!

Also, from the same bloke, "that's an Arthur Scargill" = Good strike, poor result.
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#45 JonnyKrasnodar

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Posted 19 May 2017 - 12:48 PM

"Good shot, only X yards left to the flag."

Every old guy after every topped shot.


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#46 cwglum

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Posted 19 May 2017 - 12:49 PM

View PostCrushSticks, on 17 May 2017 - 09:19 PM, said:

My favorite. When you leave a putt short dead center.

"Had it in her mouth and her dad walked in"

eh hmmm ... I'd vote more applicable for a lip out ... if left short it was never in :taunt:

Edited by cwglum, 19 May 2017 - 12:50 PM.


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#47 Blues Golfer

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Posted 20 May 2017 - 06:32 AM

Played with a guy the other day who's wife missed a 3 footer. "I hate missing those" she said.

His reply was " Hell I haven't tried to make a putt that short in 20 years."

One time I was lining up an uphill-downhill putt that was about 15 feet.  The friend I was playing with was making a mess of trying to mark his ball and not step in my line and somebody else's.   Picture a slightly overweight alligator.  I finally got tired of watching him and said "dude your changing the break in the green!"

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#48 youraway2

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Posted 20 May 2017 - 02:41 PM

One saying I assure you we older golfers, and I'm one, hate is "get in the hole".  

But a good one and a great lesson for me was playing with a champion golfer from Utah.  I think his name was Clive, you might know him. Clive, a guy off the Hogan Tour and I were playing stroke play for $1 hole with carry overs, no presses.  I was out of my league but on 16, I stiffed one on a par three to within a couple of feet.  My first thought was I would get one here and with 10 carry overs, that's great.  Of course the young kid hit it four feet past and sucked it back to within two feet, inside mine.  As we walked up to mark our ball, I said to the young player, that's good.  He just looked at me confused.  I repeated, that's good, pick it up.  He looked over to Clive and said, hey he said this is good, to pick it up.  Clive simply responded, well, if it's good, why don't you just go ahead and tap it on in. I learned a lesson that day I'll never forget.  I also picked up a great saying for an older champion.  Thanks Clive, I'll not forget to play the ball as it lies and to play it until it is holed.

He made the putt as did I; I can't remember getting any money after the 18th hole.  But I got more, allot more.

Edited by youraway2, 25 May 2017 - 07:22 PM.


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#49 DavePelz4

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Posted 20 May 2017 - 03:27 PM

"The reason I tell you to keep your head down is you don't want to see me laughing at you now do ya?"

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#50 Dpavs

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Posted 20 May 2017 - 03:49 PM

It's an old joke but it's still fun to hear when someone says something like ... "man this is a hard game."

The retort of course is... "If you think the game you are playing today is hard, you ought to try golf sometime."


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#51 fore

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Posted 20 May 2017 - 05:18 PM

When old George birdied a par 3 and we got to the next tee he would bend over and start to tee up his ball. Then he would stop, stand up straight, tee and ball still in hand and say, " oh!, any ones?"

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#52 Jwin323

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Posted 22 May 2017 - 07:56 PM

"Your problem is you're standing too close to the ball. After you hit it."

Also, an old guy I used to play with was asked what he hit into a green. " I circumcised a 5iron in there" he said. Took a little off it.

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#53 Bigarch

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Posted 22 May 2017 - 08:56 PM

View Postgussie, on 18 May 2017 - 02:22 AM, said:

When you miss a obviously straight putt
Call it a rock Hudson
It looked straight but it's not

Used this one on the golf course yesterday and we subsequently decided that a straight putt that sure didn't look straight, should be called a "Neil Sedaka"
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#54 Bigrome26

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Posted 25 May 2017 - 12:06 AM

Mentioned this in a prior post, but still laugh every time I think about it. Topped an 8 iron that still rolled on to the green an the old man I was paired with says with a strong Texas draw, "That right there boy is a sister-in-law shot!" Of course I ask what that meant and he quickly replied, "You're on top and it feels damn good, but you know you shouldn't be son!"
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"That right there was a sister-in-law shot... you're on top, it feels good, but you know you shouldn't be!"

                                                      - Random old guy in Texas

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#55 Bigrome26

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Posted 25 May 2017 - 12:09 AM

View PostBigarch, on 22 May 2017 - 08:56 PM, said:

View Postgussie, on 18 May 2017 - 02:22 AM, said:

When you miss a obviously straight putt
Call it a rock Hudson
It looked straight but it's not

Used this one on the golf course yesterday and we subsequently decided that a straight putt that sure didn't look straight, should be called a "Neil Sedaka"

Had a buddie's caddy line up his putt calling it a Lance Armstrong. Looking puzzled, was quick to explain, "Aim one ball left."

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"That right there was a sister-in-law shot... you're on top, it feels good, but you know you shouldn't be!"

                                                      - Random old guy in Texas

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#56 newoodky

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Posted 25 May 2017 - 11:01 AM

Nothing too clever but:

Me: Leaves a 20 footer eight feet short.

Him: "Nice putt Bon Jovi"

Me: "Bon Jovi?"

Him: "Yea....Half way there"

Another one:

Me: Water in front of the green.  Chunk a shot that is clearly going to go into the water

Him: "Get there"

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#57 jimb6golf

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Posted 26 May 2017 - 07:49 PM

View Postscatter, on 18 May 2017 - 03:59 PM, said:

The old boys at the course where I grew up had a few gems but one sticks out.

*rips long fart*
"A bit more choke and I would have got that started"

That one slayed me.

That one got me laughing so hard.  An oldie but a goodie.

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#58 thug the bunny

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Posted 26 May 2017 - 09:54 PM

There's some great ones in this thread. Made me realize that these jokes and sayings are the result of having been around a while. It takes time to acquire these gems and then pass them down to the young ones. That's why you don't usually hear younger golfers come up with that kind of commentary. That's why I usually like playing with older golfers, you get a perspective that only comes with a lot of experience.

One I heard from playing with 3 guys recently, all around my age, and constantly needling each other. One of them spazzes on a 12 ft putt and leaves it 5 ft short and off line, and his buddy says, "How did that not go in?" I probably use that one once every round.

Edited by thug the bunny, 26 May 2017 - 09:55 PM.

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#59 Bunker2Bunker0no

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Posted 26 May 2017 - 10:42 PM

Other than the speed and the line, that was a great putt

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#60 jslane57

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Posted 26 May 2017 - 11:02 PM

View PostBunker2Bunker0no, on 26 May 2017 - 10:42 PM, said:

Other than the speed and the line, that was a great putt
I love that one. Another like it: When complaining about your putt hitting an imperfection on the green, "The only thing I saw your ball hit was your putter..."

"Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts" -Einstein

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