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Could Use A Laugh....


143 replies to this topic

#121 Argonne69

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Posted 22 March 2017 - 02:54 PM

I couldn't figure out why the baseball was getting bigger.
Then it hit me.


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#122 From_Parts_Unknown

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Posted 04 April 2017 - 10:51 AM


The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands. The instructor said, " Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a path."


“Gentlemen, remember -- you're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both."


The room suddenly became very quiet as the men absorbed this information. After a few moments, a man, name unknown, at the back of the room, slowly raised his hand.


"Yes?" said the Instructor.


“I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries my golf bag?"



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#123 DavePelz4

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Posted 04 April 2017 - 11:04 AM

Had to go see my primary the other day.  Told him  I can’t stop singing the ‘Green Green Grass of Home’

He said: ‘That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome’.

I asked if it was common.  

‘It’s not unusual’ he replied.

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#124 DavePelz4

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Posted 05 April 2017 - 08:12 PM

Ole and Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena's knee.

Giggling, Lena said, "Ole, you can go a little farder now if ya vant to"... so Ole drove to Duluth.

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#125 thug the bunny

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Posted 05 April 2017 - 08:49 PM

 DavePelz4, on 05 April 2017 - 08:12 PM, said:

Ole and Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena's knee.

Giggling, Lena said, "Ole, you can go a little farder now if ya vant to"... so Ole drove to Duluth.

Now that is stupid funny. I'm adding it to my bag. Steal!

So there is really only here and now

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#126 disco111

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Posted 16 April 2017 - 10:01 PM

Local news report stated that a drug store was burglarized and the they got away with Viagra and Cialis................So now police are on the lookout for hardened criminals...... :pimp:

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#127 hangubber

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Posted 17 April 2017 - 03:35 PM

The news also reported that the cops were trying to figure out who stole all the toilets from the police station....but they got nothing to go on.

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#128 Allfat

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Posted 17 April 2017 - 06:26 PM

Did you hear about the Indian that drank too much tea?

He drowned in his tea-pee!

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#129 augustgolf

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Posted 17 April 2017 - 07:09 PM

I tried writing a novella about a pencil without lead. I gave up because it was pointless
Pings from the beginning

OGA member 1415
or is it 1514...
I don't remember exactly

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#130 thug the bunny

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Posted 18 April 2017 - 12:25 AM

Two buddies come to the 15th tee, which is elevated above a nearby river where they see a couple guys fishing, and the one guy says to his bud, "Look at those idiots fishing in the rain..."

Edited by thug the bunny, 18 April 2017 - 12:26 AM.

So there is really only here and now

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#131 Stuwake03

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Posted 18 April 2017 - 09:33 AM

These are great. Haha

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#132 From_Parts_Unknown

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Posted 13 June 2017 - 09:28 AM

A woman arrived at a party and while scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing across the room, alone.

She approached him, smiled and said, “Hello, my name is Carmen.”

He replied, “That is a beautiful name. Is it a family name?”

She answered, “No, as a matter of fact, I gave it to myself. It represents the two things that I enjoy most – cars and men. Therefore, I chose Carmen.” Then she asked, “What’s your name?”

He answered, “B.J. Titsengolf”


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#133 NVS_Pegasus

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Posted 14 June 2017 - 12:40 PM

 From_Parts_Unknown, on 13 June 2017 - 09:28 AM, said:

A woman arrived at a party and while scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing across the room, alone.

She approached him, smiled and said, “Hello, my name is Carmen.”

He replied, “That is a beautiful name. Is it a family name?”

She answered, “No, as a matter of fact, I gave it to myself. It represents the two things that I enjoy most – cars and men. Therefore, I chose Carmen.” Then she asked, “What’s your name?”

He answered, “B.J. Titsengolf”


Stolen! I have to use this one.
Driver: TM Aeroburner Mini-Driver 12.5
3W: Titleist 915F3 15.0
5W: TM Jetspeed
​3 Iron: Titleist MB 716
​4-P: Titleist MB 714's
52: TM ATV
​58: Titelst Vokey Wedgeworks
60: Titleist Vokey
Putter: Nike Method

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#134 Argonne69

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Posted 16 June 2017 - 02:54 PM

The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.

She still isn't talking to me.

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#135 Medic

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Posted 16 June 2017 - 07:47 PM

 Argonne69, on 16 June 2017 - 02:54 PM, said:

The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.

She still isn't talking to me.

I don't get it. I LOL'd at this one out loud.

My wife is sitting next to me watching 48 Hours and my laugh interrupted her. So she asked me what I was laughing at so hard - and I read this joke to her.

She gave me a dirty look, said "that's not funny", and went back to her show.

Uh oh. Now she looked over at me in the process of this reply.

Gotta go. I liked the jok..........

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#136 thug the bunny

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Posted 16 June 2017 - 08:18 PM

 Medic, on 16 June 2017 - 07:47 PM, said:

 Argonne69, on 16 June 2017 - 02:54 PM, said:

The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.

She still isn't talking to me.

I don't get it. I LOL'd at this one out loud.

My wife is sitting next to me watching 48 Hours and my laugh interrupted her. So she asked me what I was laughing at so hard - and I read this joke to her.

She gave me a dirty look, said "that's not funny", and went back to her show.

Uh oh. Now she looked over at me in the process of this reply.

Gotta go. I liked the jok..........

Looks like you owe her a foot rub med...
So there is really only here and now

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#137 disco111

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Posted 02 July 2017 - 10:29 AM

https://www.youtube....h?v=gZXXn9E6Syk

Robin Williams on golf (the clean version - after all WRX is family orientated)

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#138 elwhippy

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Posted 02 July 2017 - 11:43 AM

Liverpool will win the Premier League this season.

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#139 Argonne69

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Posted 08 July 2017 - 04:44 PM


Even after seeing all of the Jurassic Park movies I still feel like a dinosaur theme park sounds like a really good idea.

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#140 Argonne69

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Posted 08 July 2017 - 04:47 PM


Something kinda neat i found out…if you ignore a problem for long enough, it either goes away,  or ruins your life.

So 50/50. Pretty good odds if you ask me.


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#141 Argonne69

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Posted 08 July 2017 - 04:49 PM

I dropped 8 lbs, 7 ounces this weekend.

Why, yes, I lost my job in the maternity ward.

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#142 Argonne69

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Posted 08 July 2017 - 04:54 PM

I stopped for breakfast this morning morning at IHOP.

All-You-Can-Eat Pancakes should be called Four Pancakes.

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#143 NoTalentLefty

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Posted 11 July 2017 - 02:24 PM

Greg Norman has started his change to become a woman. Going to write a book titled 'Golf without Balls'.
Livin' proof that Lefties are not naturally talented.

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#144 DavePelz4

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Posted 16 July 2017 - 02:02 PM

Took a philosophy class at the local community college and failed the final miserably.  Apparently it was wrong to put Descartes before the horse.

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