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Could Use A Laugh....


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#121 From_Parts_Unknown

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Posted 04 April 2017 - 10:51 AM


The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands. The instructor said, " Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a path."


“Gentlemen, remember -- you're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both."


The room suddenly became very quiet as the men absorbed this information. After a few moments, a man, name unknown, at the back of the room, slowly raised his hand.


"Yes?" said the Instructor.


“I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries my golf bag?"



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#122 DavePelz4

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Posted 04 April 2017 - 11:04 AM

Had to go see my primary the other day.  Told him  I can’t stop singing the ‘Green Green Grass of Home’

He said: ‘That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome’.

I asked if it was common.  

‘It’s not unusual’ he replied.

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#123 DavePelz4

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Posted 05 April 2017 - 08:12 PM

Ole and Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena's knee.

Giggling, Lena said, "Ole, you can go a little farder now if ya vant to"... so Ole drove to Duluth.

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#124 thug the bunny

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Posted 05 April 2017 - 08:49 PM

View PostDavePelz4, on 05 April 2017 - 08:12 PM, said:

Ole and Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena's knee.

Giggling, Lena said, "Ole, you can go a little farder now if ya vant to"... so Ole drove to Duluth.

Now that is stupid funny. I'm adding it to my bag. Steal!
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#125 disco111

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Posted 16 April 2017 - 10:01 PM

Local news report stated that a drug store was burglarized and the they got away with Viagra and Cialis................So now police are on the lookout for hardened criminals...... :pimp:


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#126 hangubber

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Posted 17 April 2017 - 03:35 PM

The news also reported that the cops were trying to figure out who stole all the toilets from the police station....but they got nothing to go on.

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#127 Allfat

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Posted 17 April 2017 - 06:26 PM

Did you hear about the Indian that drank too much tea?

He drowned in his tea-pee!

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#128 augustgolf

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Posted 17 April 2017 - 07:09 PM

I tried writing a novella about a pencil without lead. I gave up because it was pointless
Pings from the beginning

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or is it 1514...
I don't remember exactly

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#129 thug the bunny

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Posted 18 April 2017 - 12:25 AM

Two buddies come to the 15th tee, which is elevated above a nearby river where they see a couple guys fishing, and the one guy says to his bud, "Look at those idiots fishing in the rain..."

Edited by thug the bunny, 18 April 2017 - 12:26 AM.

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#130 Stuwake03

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Posted 18 April 2017 - 09:33 AM

These are great. Haha


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#131 From_Parts_Unknown

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Posted 13 June 2017 - 09:28 AM

A woman arrived at a party and while scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing across the room, alone.

She approached him, smiled and said, “Hello, my name is Carmen.”

He replied, “That is a beautiful name. Is it a family name?”

She answered, “No, as a matter of fact, I gave it to myself. It represents the two things that I enjoy most – cars and men. Therefore, I chose Carmen.” Then she asked, “What’s your name?”

He answered, “B.J. Titsengolf”


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#132 NVS_Pegasus

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Posted 14 June 2017 - 12:40 PM

View PostFrom_Parts_Unknown, on 13 June 2017 - 09:28 AM, said:

A woman arrived at a party and while scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing across the room, alone.

She approached him, smiled and said, “Hello, my name is Carmen.”

He replied, “That is a beautiful name. Is it a family name?”

She answered, “No, as a matter of fact, I gave it to myself. It represents the two things that I enjoy most – cars and men. Therefore, I chose Carmen.” Then she asked, “What’s your name?”

He answered, “B.J. Titsengolf”


Stolen! I have to use this one.
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#133 Argonne69

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Posted 16 June 2017 - 02:54 PM

The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.

She still isn't talking to me.

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#134 Medic

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Posted 16 June 2017 - 07:47 PM

View PostArgonne69, on 16 June 2017 - 02:54 PM, said:

The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.

She still isn't talking to me.

I don't get it. I LOL'd at this one out loud.

My wife is sitting next to me watching 48 Hours and my laugh interrupted her. So she asked me what I was laughing at so hard - and I read this joke to her.

She gave me a dirty look, said "that's not funny", and went back to her show.

Uh oh. Now she looked over at me in the process of this reply.

Gotta go. I liked the jok..........
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#135 thug the bunny

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Posted 16 June 2017 - 08:18 PM

View PostMedic, on 16 June 2017 - 07:47 PM, said:

View PostArgonne69, on 16 June 2017 - 02:54 PM, said:

The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.

She still isn't talking to me.

I don't get it. I LOL'd at this one out loud.

My wife is sitting next to me watching 48 Hours and my laugh interrupted her. So she asked me what I was laughing at so hard - and I read this joke to her.

She gave me a dirty look, said "that's not funny", and went back to her show.

Uh oh. Now she looked over at me in the process of this reply.

Gotta go. I liked the jok..........

Looks like you owe her a foot rub med...

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#136 disco111

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Posted 02 July 2017 - 10:29 AM

https://www.youtube....h?v=gZXXn9E6Syk

Robin Williams on golf (the clean version - after all WRX is family orientated)

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#137 elwhippy

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Posted 02 July 2017 - 11:43 AM

Liverpool will win the Premier League this season.

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#138 Argonne69

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Posted 08 July 2017 - 04:44 PM


Even after seeing all of the Jurassic Park movies I still feel like a dinosaur theme park sounds like a really good idea.

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#139 Argonne69

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Posted 08 July 2017 - 04:47 PM


Something kinda neat i found out…if you ignore a problem for long enough, it either goes away,  or ruins your life.

So 50/50. Pretty good odds if you ask me.

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#140 Argonne69

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Posted 08 July 2017 - 04:49 PM

I dropped 8 lbs, 7 ounces this weekend.

Why, yes, I lost my job in the maternity ward.


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#141 Argonne69

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Posted 08 July 2017 - 04:54 PM

I stopped for breakfast this morning morning at IHOP.

All-You-Can-Eat Pancakes should be called Four Pancakes.

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#142 NoTalentLefty

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Posted 11 July 2017 - 02:24 PM

Greg Norman has started his change to become a woman. Going to write a book titled 'Golf without Balls'.
Livin' proof that Lefties are not naturally talented.

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#143 DavePelz4

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Posted 16 July 2017 - 02:02 PM

Took a philosophy class at the local community college and failed the final miserably.  Apparently it was wrong to put Descartes before the horse.

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#144 Argonne69

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Posted 28 August 2017 - 02:57 PM

A duck is standing next to a busy road, looking for an opening in traffic. A chicken walks up to him and says, "Don't do it, man! You'll never hear the end of it!"

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#145 canthitathreewood

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Posted 28 August 2017 - 09:51 PM

Two elderly Irish gentlemen are firmly planted on bar stools at the 19th hole.  The first bloke remarks to the other, "you know I grew up on these links". "Yeah", the other excitedly replies, "I did too, the house I grew up in still sits across the tracks from the third green!", he continued.  First bloke says "what a small world, you didn't by chance go through St. Mary's grade school?"  Second bloke almost falls off his bar stool, "of course I did", "went through with the class of 46'". First bloke guzzles the end of his porter and exclaims "we're the same age, I was also in the class of 46", "what a small world". About that time the bartender turns to the barmaid and advises that "it's going to be a long night", barmaid asks "why". Bartender explains, "the O,Brien twins are drunk again".

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#146 2ball

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Posted 28 August 2017 - 10:54 PM

Two Irishmen walk out of a bar....

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#147 2ball

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Posted 28 August 2017 - 11:13 PM

View Postaugustgolf, on 14 February 2017 - 11:12 AM, said:

A blind man enters a bar and find his way to a barstool.
After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”
The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet.
In a husky, deep voice,the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I’m a 6′ tall, 200 pound blonde with a black belt in karate.
What’s more, the fella sitting next to me is blonde and he’s a weightlifter. The woman to your right is a blonde, and she’s a pro wrestler.
Think about it seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that blonde joke?”
The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

(rim shot)

i'm stealin this one....

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#148 MattTheTaff

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Posted 29 August 2017 - 04:34 AM

Where does a pirate keep his buccaneers?

On his buckin'head
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#149 MattTheTaff

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    Oh, I used to be disgusted.. and now I try to be amused

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Posted 29 August 2017 - 04:46 AM

A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says "five beers please"

Edited by MattTheTaff, 29 August 2017 - 06:59 AM.

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#150 hammer1

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Posted 29 August 2017 - 12:01 PM

Overheard at the member/guest the other day:  "We'll have a shotgun start and an AK-47 finish."

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