What's in your Golf dictionary???

LOFT
Lack Of Freaking Talent

GIR
Greens In Regulation

This Dog Will Hunt

Let the Big Dog Eat

After a guy misses a crucial put:

"How do you like your pork?......pulled?"

Lol to that my response would be, "no...jerked!"

Don't forget "Nice putt. Does your husband play?" or for some self-analysis after leaving a putt short "I left my !#*& at home"

MICK JAGGER
a putt that gets a "whole lot of lip," but doesn't go in

SKANKER
poorly struck shot, usually thin but not quite a wormburner

GOPHER KILLER
same as a wormburner

FULL COOCARACHA (or macharena)
shot that lands and dances on the green

TREY
3-jack

DoubleD'd
10 or higher

"Find a home" - a shot heading hopelessly left or right being encouraged to find a plush spot with a clear view of the green.

"That's clean living" - when the shot encouraged to "find a home" takes a miracle bounce into the short stuff.

"Should have went to church last sunday" - when the ball finally finds a home and it's deep deep in the gunch.

"Snowman" - the dreaded 8 on a scorecard
"It opens up over there" - Tee shot hit so far off line it recieves mail in different zip code
"Infield Fly Rule" - Popped up drive

Texas Wedge - using a putter from the rough. Characterized by the incredible hard pan surfaces in Texas.

Elephant's a** - hitting a drive off the tee box so incredibly fat and high that it doesn't even clear the lady's tee boxes.

Put some lumber on it - an errant shot that takes a friendly bounce off the trees and ends up in the fairway.

Zig Zag - players that can't hit a straight shot to save their life. Always zig-zagging across the fairways. Also known as Cart Golf.

The Holy Path - Any shot that is positively influenced in distance and direction by hitting the concrete cart path.

Victory Lap - a put that nearly lips out but ends up finding the cup anyway. Looks like it's taking a victory lap around the cup.

Do they make those in men's clubs? - snide remark after any shot of very short distance.

Good Speed - ridiculous commentary by fellow golfers regarding a putt that is hole high but doesn't go in. I personally can't stand this.

'Dog Licence' - beating someone 7/6 at matchplay (that's how much a dog licence used to cost in the Uk 7 shillings & sixpence).

'Sally Gunnel' - a good runner but flippin' ugly - a wormburner

'Angel Raper' - skied ball.

'Bra buster' - ladies long drive

'Knob out' - not gettng past the ladies tee, therefore next shot played with the 'old man' out.

"Hockey Stick" --- 7 on the score card

"Pork Chop"--- 9 on the score card

ABFU - "after birdie f*$K up"

Cash Machine - a friend or playing companion who always finds a way to wrap both hands around his neck and give you his money at the end of the day. (especially when you know the right "code" to punch in )

No trouble holding the river back if it comes over the banks - when playing with someone who you have given shots to based on handicap who wins every hole he gets a shot, and a few where he doesn't. i.e. - plenty of sand bagging to go around

That shot is a <insert name of appropriate local athlete> meaning 'Ugly but a good runner' to describe a thin or a drive hit a bit off the bottom of the club that will work out OK.

One of my buddies went 7-6-7 so I started calling him Boeing.

"Run like a scalded a$$ ape" Yelled to ball midflight in hopes your line drive will reach a respectable distance. It's one of my father's "Daddism's"

"Army Golf" - Player that goes Left-Right-Left around the course

After making a truly remarkable bogey when it should have been double or worse...."FIVA FROM THE SCHEISSA"(variation of 5 from the sh*t/mis-pronouncing the German word for sh*t)

A MONICA = All lip and no hole!

After a fat shot, "There is some guy in China with a serious headache now!"
After another fat shot, "Looks like you got his wife too!"

"fat off" said after striking the ball fat

LoL i little one i do, when i hit a putt way to hard and its goes by the hole i make a Jet plane noise like ajet woth after burners on

cant think of any more off the top of my head but no doubt more will come

One that all golfers who can't, and never will be able to break 90....

FIDO - F. . . IT, DROP ONE

well I have a couple that I use...

"there's a Frosty" - no...not the beer cart girl but the dreaded 8. If I post it I sing a verse to myself

"how many months along are ya?" - not exactly a pregnancy thing but in relation to a fat shot...sometimes determined by divot size

"lambadaaaa" - the ball dancing (the forbidden dance)

"Iraqi SCUD" - a ball launched straight up and unpredictable

"You really put a move on that one"

Said to a buddy who buried the ball into the ground and thought he hit it 300 yards down the fairway.

"condom shot" Its safe but it didn't feel good
I haven't made a hole in one, but I gave the hole a rim job once

Someone hits a good chip or something "You've got the touch of a pedophile"

"hey, dont putt while i'm talking"

"fu** you little ball" after a lipout

"tampon" OB

"FIDO" f@ck it drive on........in practice rounds we use this alot
"thats where the deer go to die" a drive way into the trees

"thats unfortunate"

Best line up yet!

Hosel Rocket

dead cat flying: when you take a really big divot, it kind of resembles a cat flipping end over end

F#$%: well it pretty much means F#$%

Ahhh Sweet: when you you top a ball, because with the blades that's how it feels
also called a Euro: referring to the way europeans keep the ball flight down for the wind

Money: a shot that is hit semi correctly and lands relatively close to the hole

Butta: said when someone with Mizuno blades hits the exact sweetspot....doesn't matter if its online or not...

Nancy: putt left short: sometimes i say "good line" just to piss em off

Arnold: putt that is way to long

Brillant: when the read on a putt is way off

Pro Style: when you make a triple

van de velde: when it takes more than one shot to get out of a bunker

Ducker: a really good HOOK

Reid Fade: a huge slice (a coworker named Reid hit a 35-40 yard fade, as he called it)

Hootie's calling: OB shot...hootie johnson from Augusta is calling to invite you to this years Masters

Tiger who: hole out from the fairway or any eagle....

missed that one: a really long drive

My old man calls them "Roc Hudson puts" but I've incorporated my own venacular and changed them to "Tom Cruise puts". Those being puts that look straight but ain't.

the gynacologists award........
shaving the hole all day

Eva Braun........(Hitler's mistress)
3 in the bunker

slut..........
failure to get past the ladies

a coke can.........
a short putt missed, similar in length to a can of coke

(not politically correct) a poofter..............
a ball that has been struck only to end up behind the player who struck it, ie rebound off a tree or bridge etc.

a Moose..........
taking 10 on any hole

Heard this one in Miami ... when a guy left a putt about an inch short, his buddy called it a "Cuban putt" ... (i.e., just needs one more revolution ... ).

I had a caddie recently refer to a "Rock Hudson Putt" as "hard and in the back" [of the cup].

"That's farther left than Ted Kennedy" (uttered by an old duffer when his conservative, whiskey-sipping opponent pulled his drive deep into the left trees.)

"All that Cutty and no Sark" (uttered by that same old duffer when his conservative, whiskey-sipping opponent sliced a drive into the right trees).

Volvo-A shot that makes up in efficency what it lacks in character. (more appropriate in the days before Volvo's had any sense of styling.)

Liz Taylor-A shot that is fat, but still pretty good (again, more appropriate when Liz was, say, in her 40s)

Thurman Munson-A dead Yank (pulled shot) The first time I heard this one I thought it was funny, although it is in pretty poor taste.

My all time favorite that I had never heard before as a guy hit a ball deeply into the timber.

"Lassie couldn't find that if it had bacon wrapped around it"

Members Bounce

You must be a member if you hit at the trees and it bounces back in play.

I forgot a few:

I played with Ryan stiles from "Who's Line" and he hit one close on a par 3 and yelled "That's as stiff as my
di@k in the morning!!" uhhhh yeahhh...

"I burned more lips out there than a crackpipe in compton"

"If you keep that up the F*@king squirrels will be running around with helmets on"

"Where's the 1st tee and what's the course record"

when you spin one back "that had some serious jizz on it"

when the guys in front of you are all over the course, in the weeds and trees or whatever, their on a "search and destroy mission"