Curious how other manage this. W/out a long anecdote, sometimes I'm in situations -- like a golf outing with in-laws on a family vacation -- where I'll play w/people that I want to maintain a good relationship with, but....they sure as hell don't play the ball down, and worse.

Or maybe co-workers. I do play the ball down, and try my best to play The Rules of Golf; some of which I'm sure I'm sure I've broken unintentionally, but the intent is solid.

Now, these are fun affairs at resorts, and I overlook in these guys the usual stuff -- 'mulligan off the 1st tee, kick it out of divot in the fairway, not putting out....' But there's also some conduct that's either completely ignorant or worse: fluffing the ball up in the rough, moving it away from roots/trees (ostensibly not to 'damage a club') never playing a provisional and ignoring OB....And the putt thing kills me. They're giving themselves five footers on these fast greens at resort courses.

With normal playing partners, good friends OR competitors in a tournament, you'd never permit this, or let it go unnoticed. But with extended family or co-workers, it's really tricky, and I end up biting my tongue, but also irritated when I lose by a stroke or two, and there's some bragging by the winner.

why don't you employ the same tactics they are doing? as the saying goes, when in rome, do as the romans do...

Unless you are playing for money I would encourage you to play your own game and not worry about the others.

I reserve getting annoyed by violations of the rules of golf for when I play with people who are at least as equally serious about the game as I am.

When I play in situations that you describe, I chalk it up to people who just aren't playing the same game I am- they're out having a good time while swinging a golf club- in that case, comparing our scores is like comparing my golf score to their touch football score- it is meaningless because we are playing by different rules.

Brush it off and move on- enjoy the day with your family or co-workers and understand you shouldn't be annoyed at things that are outside of your control (like their behaviour under that tree that is out of site). Play your game and realize you're the better person, at least as it relates to being a golf purist.

Are you playing for money? are you in a tournament with them? If no, dont worry about what they are doing, and focus on what you are doing. If yes, call them on it, and bring it to the attention of the tourney director.

if someone wants to fluff the ball up in the rough, use a foot wedge from behind a tree, move a ball from OB back in and not take a stroke, and say they are shooting a better score than they are, as long as they are not taking money from you in the process, who really cares? If they are simply playing for fun, and it makes the game more enjoyable to them to not hit off of a root or try to bend a ball around a tree, does it really effect you or your score in a negative way?

That's a good point, I hadn't thought of that- per my previous post, I wouldn't play them for money without first discussing their behaviour, as it relates to the rules, before beginning the round.

If they can't agree to play by the USGA rules, then nix the money part of the day. Maybe play for a couple of drinks instead... which you would probably chip in for anyway.

In the end, make it clear you play by the published rules of the game and anything less makes this a round "just for fun."

Yes. I get annoyed. I shouldn't but I do, depending on the situation and people involved.

If I play with strangers who do the above, you're right -- I pay it no attention, or am mildly amused. But it's a lot more personal with co-workers or in-laws, especially if they're the type to talk a lot of trash.

In fact, it would be easier if we did play for money, as there would be chance to say, "look: we're going to play by the rules, and NOT do X, Y and Z, etc..."

And the real answer, I suppose, is improve my own game, and not look behind me. Still, it's like giving up 5 strokes a side, or maybe more.

+1, if it's a casual round.

I agree with the rest, let it go...

In non money rounds with family and high handicappers
I'd give my mother or gf a 5 footer anyday but they usually put out saying that they need practice
I'd let anyone take free relief from damaging lies (rocks, roots, etc)
I'd let close people just take a stroke and drop around where the ball disappeared or went OB (2 strokes for fairway drop 1stroke for drop in rough)
look the other way if my 90 year old grandfather raises the ball up on the rough..

I would think all of these allow non-serious golfers to enjoy the game more and keep them loose and fun throughout the day. Which is key in any rounds with family

I know how annoying it gets, I play with a regular group of coworkers in weekly game, usually 10-15 people random draw. It's a scramble format so you already get the free fluff in the rough the club length back and yada yada. Well there is only out of bounds on like 3 holes, so we have always played it that if you went out of bounds we will play it like a hazard, no big deal to me as long as everyone does it.

Well last year me and my partner proceded to seriously hack away at a hole, and was preparing to hit our 5th shot into a par 5 and prepared to take the possible double. So I was already pretty peaved at this point about my personal play. When a guy who bends the rules in his on personal play, hits one about 4 yards out of bounds his partner had pulled one pretty bad but was still safe, when yahoo runs up to the woodline and proceeds to tell his partner I've got a "good one" here. I just casually say yeah but it just happens to be OB by 10-15 feet. He blows up and makes an a** out of himself, and I just look over and say look at it this way at least we are only charging you stroke instead of stroke & distance. So I feel your agrivation but sometimes like the others have said if there isn't any real money on the line, you just have to brush it off.

Am I nuts or is the game actually more fun when you play by the rules???

I play by the rules and encourage others to play their own game as they wish, which always keeps the mood light. After all I'm not in a competition against them.

What have you got on the line? A heap of money? A big flashy trophy? Probably not. Your rep as being a mellow in-law? Definitely. I play my game and ignore how they play their game in these circumstances. If they ask me permission (like, I shouldn't have to play out of this divot should I?), I just smile and say "nahhhh, that is obviously ground under repair that is not properly marked", or some such.

And if it ends up that your loudmouth brother in law "beats" you, so what, your wife and mother in law will love you even more when you say, "man, I owe you a beer. What a game." And your brother in law might even say behind your back "you know, he never took a mulligan or a preferred lie and he still almost beat me. wow."

You know how you did and how you played and what your real score was playing real actual golf. And you know everybody had fun. So what else is necessary?

ps: I find that whistling a tune to myself after I watch some of these antics and prepare for my shot kind of helps me have fun while playing real actual golf.

Just say, "Serenity now! Serenity now!" and move on.

Now and again I play with a group that break numerous minor rules, and they play for money. The key here is all of them "choose" to play that way; then I show up. I play by the rules and play the ball down whether by myself or with others for $$$. I choose to play with these people for reasons other then their golf games.

Just because they choose to play that way doesn't mean I need to; but it also doesn't mean they should play the way I do. What it does mean "if I choose" to play with them I accept their conditions and behavior, and had better play really well if I want to win. If I don't play that well, complaining afterward because I got beat by one stroke, which I knew could happen in the first place, makes it MY PROBLEM, no one else's.

I don't model my golf behavior and game off others, and don't expect others to play like I do.

Very wise words sir. I hope I can take your advice in the future.

Thank you -- great post, and response.

First off, just make a mental note of that 5 footer they didn't putt, and when they start talking trash, just remind them that picking up a five footer does not give anyone the right to brag about their score. A good shot, fine, talk smack all you want. But if you didn't pick your ball out of the hole, you can't brag about your score.

I appreciate the o.p.'s frustration when the rules-breaker brags about his success. At that moment the rules-breaker has made it a competition, even if the o.p. was just gracefully playing beside him during the round.

Unfortunately, I don't think there is a solution. In my experience people who play loose with the rules while competing are committed to that behavior, and equally committed to pretending that they are playing fair.

If they are family, punch them in the face.

If they are co-workers, go for the body. Don't want to leave visible marks for HR to document the next day...