Thirty-Two Absolute Truths of Golf

1. If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a
much earlier age.

2. The game of golf is 90% mental and 10% mental.

3. Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is
actually the beginning of the next group of three.

4. When you look up and cause an awful shot, you will always look down
again at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if
you ever want to see it again.

5. Any change works for a maximum of three holes and a minimum of not at
all.

6. No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play
worse.

7. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during
your swing.

8. When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit
one more club or two more balls.

9. If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome
ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options: you can
immediately shank a lay-up, or you can wait until the green is clear and
top a ball halfway there.

10. The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his
ideas about the golf swing.

11. The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination
of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate
for all your errors.

12. If it ain't broke, try changing your grip.

13. Golfers who claim they don't cheat, also lie.

14. Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.

15. A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent's luck.

16. It's surprisingly easy to hole a 50-foot putt when you are lying 10.

17. Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is
like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.

18. Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.

19. It's not a gimme if you're still away.

20. The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a
straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large
tree.

21. There are two kinds of bounces: unfair bounces, and bounces just the
way you meant to play it.

22. You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a 2-inch branch
90% of the time.

23. Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two
triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

24. If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try
to lay up just short of a water hazard.

25. To calculate the speed of a player's downswing, multiply the speed
of his back swing by his handicap. Example: back swing 30 mph x handicap
20 = downswing 600 mph.

26. There are two things you can learn by stopping your back swing at
the top and checking the position of your hands: a) how many hands you
have, and b) which one is wearing the glove.

27. Hazards attract; fairways repel.

28. You can put "draw" on the ball, you can put "fade" on the ball, but
no golfer can put "straight" on the ball.

29. A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.

30. If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball
is in the bunker.

31. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint.

32. Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.

what else is there to say?

#18 is the best! I hate people that just one hand the putt from 5 feet, miss, and still don't count the tap in.

Funny as hell....and every statement is true....thanks for the humor...i'm sitting here in Alaska waiting for the season to start....Man I Hate Snow....lol......Bill

I love #9

funny stuff thanks

very funny and very true!!!!!!!


Fish

Nice, as well as hazards attracting, trees also attract balls.....:S

Absolutely classic