I played in a little tournament the other day and had an incident that I thought I would get your opinion on. 1 guy in our group was a 15 yr old who seemed really nervous and hyper. All throughout the front 9 he was getting in my way, making noise, walking behind me while I was putting...enough where I had to back off of several shots. I could hear him spitting on every tee shot or anytime he was close to me. I wanted to say something, but being 15 I wanted to give him the benefit of doubt and let it go. That is until we made the turn. On the 10th tee he was talking in the middle of my swing, drove up behind me as I hit my 2nd to the par 5, caused me to back off my 3rd due to his bitching about his pitch shot and caused me to back off my putt when he walked behind me as I was putting. Now I'm getting hot, but haven't said anything. On the 11th tee, I heard the spitting again on my downswing causing me to hit a bad hook. Now at the green, I hear him spitting again as I'm about to hit my putt. This time I back off and calmly say "could you please stop spitting when I'm over a putt". He just kind of laughed, but he didn't get in my way again or make any noise. He also played pretty bad after that, but was starting to play bad before I said something (bogie, par, bogie, bogie, double bogie). He wouldn't say a word to me the rest of the way even when I said nice shot and shook his hand after the round. He basically pouted the rest of the round. He told his dad that his bad play was my fault. So I'm sitting in the clubhouse after the round when this guy asks me to come outside, it was his dad. What a complete idiot this guy was! Typical dad that thinks he has the next Tiger Woods in the making. The kid told the dad that I jumped all over him, which is a total lie!!! I went on to tell the dad all of the things his son was doing wrong during the round. His response was that none of that stuff is against the rules and at the course they play at people cuss and throw cigarette butts on the ground?!?
He also blamed the kids bad play on me for asking him to be quite. My response to the dad to that was the kid needs to toughen up or stop playing tournaments if me asking him to show the rest of the players in the group some respect by being quiet can throw his game off that much. Anyway, it went on for a few minutes before the dad decided to leave. I certainly wasn't apologizing!
I have nothing against the kid and would have played with him again, but not now after the dad calls me outside like that. I take tournament golf pretty serious (having played college and professional golf before getting my am status back) and don;t want someone that has no idea what they are doing to cause me to hit any bad shots. Bad shots should be caused by my bad swings only!
What would you guys have done? Was I wrong in asking the kid to be quiet? BTW, he didn't know the rules to good either.
As a footnote to this, when I was 15 I played in a tournament with a PGA Tour player who got all over me for stepping in his through line. I didn't know any better and didn't deserve to get chewed out like that, but I've never made that mistake again.

seemed like you were quite restrained in my opinion. You were right what you did and said he should learn that etiquette is very important in the game of golf. His father was totally out of line. Another pushy parent what it seems like.

I would have said something a lot sooner... You're well reserved.

I'm around the same age as that kid. I would have said the same thing that you said. It's totally inconsiderate.

If he starts pouting after, whatever! His problem. By 15 he should be old enough to act mature and simply apologize.

The Dad is just sticking up for his son, typical...

Just my opinion.

I doubt I could have waited till the 11th green. You handled it as well as anyone could have.

You were far more restrained than I would have been. Especially with the father.

What patience you have. I would have said something to him on the first or second hole and been done with it. As for his father, you should have just said nice to meet you and walked away. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Not really any need to discuss your actions. It sounds like this kid got in your head a little as well and that he was purposeful in doing so until called out.

Lesson learned

Seems like the kid takes on from his dad. ****head

Confrontation can have that effect on folk. You were nice to him, if it were me, bad etiquette or not, after all that, I'd of told him to shut the f*ck up and get on with it.

I agree with Olan. Both were out of line. I have had similar incidents. All with younger and older players. In any case they were wrong. Golf is a game of ettiquette. It is just common courtesy to respect another player while he/she is away.

i guess the only thing that i see that you did wrong was wait till the 11th hole. i can't stand it when people are rude to others on the golf course. sure if it is a fun scramble with a fun group of guys there is a lot of goofing off, but in a tournament people should know better. the kid got all butt sore, but you did the right thing. the kid won't do it again. as far as the dad goes, you should have told him that it's not in the rule book to be a good sportsman, but it's expected. and if he thinks that his kid can make it to the next level in golf, he better be able to put up with getting chewed out and/or learn the etiquette or it will happen again.

Not saying you chewed him out, but I probably would have

I agree. It seems like you put up with a lot more than some people would have before you even said something to him. For him to blame you for his bad play, exaggerate the incident to his dad and for his dad to confront you is totally immature and out of line. Just because the dad hasn't taught him proper etiquette and golfers act like that at his home course is no excuse for his behavior, especially in a tournament. If I was the dad, I would have thanked you and reprimanded my kid.

I know how frustrating it can be trying to discuss/argue with someone in this type of situation who just doesn't "get it". You cannot win an arguement with an irrational person.

How did you let it get that far? You showed way more restraint then i would of, none of the adults i played with as a junior would have let it get passed the four hole. I have to hold you somewhat responsible. Don't take that the wrong way. The only way we learned as junior is to be told what behavior is right and wrong. If his dad can't see it, then the only way he is going learned is going to be the hard way.

Thanks for the positive replies! The reason I waited so long is that I didn't want to seem like a prick picking on some kid, just trying to be nice. The more that i think about it, he could have been doing it on purpose. He probably though he was going to win and when he was 4 down to me after 2 holes he got a little worried.

I think you showed a good amount of restraint. The lad should take this as a lesson learned.
I'm sure that if he continues to act that way in tournaments another person will not be so patient.
I think I would have lasted maybe 3 holes before I said something. Hopefully I would be tactful.

mate you handled it extremely well, even though you had to sacrifice your game
i would've cracked the s***s before the 9th hole, but then again i have bad temper
these "next tiger" parents, they're one and the same...

when playing with my friends I just say STFU but when in a situation like yours I usually stop what I am doing and stare at them until they flinch. That usually solves the problem


As for DA DA I am glad it was not me he called out I would have told him off big time and if he did not like it we could go farther

Even at my current age I would have a hard time putting up with his crap.

Anyway try the stare it works really good

My thoughts focus mostly on how to deal with the parent after the round. Clearly this guy is not helping his kid. I mean, who would he blame if his kid won this event?

My experience with golf is limited to about year of playing pick-up games at local munis.

However, my Dad runs the scholastic chess program at an elementary school. During a round or across the board, the sprit of these two games is similar. Not speed chess, where people talk trash, but real tournament play. Key to most of the etiquette is that you let your opponent concentrate.

Dad coordinates some pretty big local tournaments and deals with all sorts of kids and parents. Over the years, I've helped and seen some people flip out!

Dad always keeps his cool and preserves the spirit of the game. Apologize for real errors; don't challenge people who get hot after the game about stupid stuff. Real complaints can be adjudicated by an official during the round, or repaired later. Sounds like this is what you did - kudos to you for living up to the game.

Clearly you had nothing to apologize for. The boy wants to play with men, than he’d better be man. Dad's coached some kids, who are good enough to play against adults in tourneys, he makes sure they and their parents understand the stress before the get into it. You know 45 year old vs. 12 year old. These kids need additional preparation beyond having some game.

Some people are just jerks, as kids and as adults. Some Parents flip out over stupid things. Remember the hockey dads? Take the path of least resistance, let the guy vent if he needs to, walk off when you've had enough, if he starts to get rough, or you feel threatened call an official or the police.

Sounds like you managed the post play business very well, but I would have announced loud and publicly that “No, I will not step out side with you sir, anything you have to say you can say in the clubhouse.” You know, keep it public and in the confines of the game, maybe that way they guy will cool off and get a clue as to where he really is.

it seems to me that the boy's behaviour was deliberate and that he had been taught to employ such tactics - I wonder who by?

I didn't know who the guy asking me outside was until he told me. Had it got physical, most likely he would have come out on the losing end of that.
I did tell the tournament director what happened and told him to never pair me with the kid again. Not because of the kid, but because of the dad.

In my opinion, you did a great job in the way you handled the situation.

Sounds to me like a parenting problem. If my father had that conversation with you, he would have taken me home and straightened my butt out. Instead, in the eyes of some parents, their children can do no wrong. Consequently, they never learn.

Cheers,
Kevin

You sound like you've got more patience than the average hospital...

I think you were very restrained in the circumstances and I can't see that there's any avenue for criticising your actions whatsoever. If you'd blown your top and yelled at the youth; fair enough. But asking him perfectly reasonably to stop distracting you - after several previous incidents - is far from being out of order.

Similarly, I see you as being in the right when it comes to being confronted by the father. Assuming that his son has related a truthful account to him his reaction is OTT in the extreme. If it had been my son, the discussion would have been with him, not you, regarding his lack of ettiquette. Spitting is just plain rude in any case in my opinion, whether it's on someone's backswing or not.

We all sometimes inadertantly do things that can rankle - jangling change in the pocket, moving about, whatever... - but if someone pointing it out in a reasonable way is enough to put you off? You've got concentration problems in my view.

I would ordinarily say give the lad a break, but the fact he's gone bleating to his father marks him down in my estimation, as does spitting in any case. In my day, as a 15 year old junior, we would invariably be on best behaviour when playing with a senior player. It was expected of us and we were left in no doubt that any behaviour that reflected badly on the club or the junior section would carry some unthinkable consequences for the miscreant.

How times change...

As posted before, I'm surprised you didn't say anything before the 11th...

I tend not to be bothered by much when I play, but I would've said something within 2-3 holes MAX if he was in my playing group.
The kid honestly might not have know his breaches....and he needs to learn somehow...and if he were playing in the same group as me, I'd have let him know.
a) so he doesn't continue.
b) so he doesn't do it again in future tournaments.

Did you say something? I was looking at your avatar!

I know this is probably not the popular opinion but if i was in your situation I would have flat dropped the father where he stood.

Punk Children grow in to Punk Fathers with Punk Children. Your doing the world a favour by doing something about it.

I feel sorry for the kid in some ways. He probably told his dad that you put him off to get his dad off his back for his poor play, regardless of whether that was the real reason. Plus, he has to go home with the guy.

I think it sounds like you were a model of restraint. I agree with most others here that leaving it till the 11th demonstrated a level of patience with which I am not familiar.

I would have said something much sooner as well. I do not feel bad for the kid, he basically made an excuse for his bad play to his father...but the father should never have said anything to you, and I would not have apologized either. This kind of kid is the result of his parents bad-parenting. He probably learned that the world revolves around him directly from his father.