I stumbled into an old friend, the Oracle of Delphi, while on a mission to acquire supplies necessary in the celebration of the birth of a New Year.  After exchanging pleasantries as is customary when encountering someone not seen in years; I sharing the progress in the development and education of my children, she on the difficulties involved in discovering and maintaining a sufficient number of virgins to continue as a leader in the forcasting game, she shared with me her visions for the Game of Golf in 2008.  I thought about passing these off as my own, but experience has shown the Oracle to have powerful friends in very high places with the ability to make my life exceptionally uncomfortable.  Thus I give credit where credit is due.

Know that these are listed randomly, with a very loose translation provided by yours truly. And I do mean loose, my friend has never been known to speak clearly (enunciation problems you know), and my ancient Greek is kind of  rusty.

 

There will appear in the media at least 3 individuals touted to be the next incarnation of Tiger Woods.  One of these shall be under the age of 5 years, one shall be prepubescent, and the remainder are hidden by a cloud of hormones and acne.  The total number of successors to the throne of Tiger is proportional to the number of slow news days.

Jacqueline Gagne will record 162 holes in one by the 12th of June.  For none of these events will a witness actually see the ball roll into the hole.  If you come across Ms. Gagne during any round of golf move far far away. Anyone this hot is in serious danger of spontaneously combusting.

At least 6 winners on the LPGA Tour will bear the name Kim.  Would someone please convince the commissioner that providing translators might be a good idea.  Some of us would like to learn something about these folks.

More than 4 winners on the PGA Tour will actually have a personality.  It may not be a pleasant one, but hey, at least it’ll be there.

Tiger Woods will win a minimum of 2 Majors and a maximum of 3.  No Grand Slam this year.  He will be unable to dominate at ping pong during the Ryder Cup.

The USGA will ban the use of grooves on all wedges.  That’s grooves as in plural, more than one.  Instead they will decree only a single groove is permissible since the game is getting too easy.  This despite the fact that scoring average has not come down significantly in the last thousand years.  As an aside I had to explain to my buddy the Oracle just what the heck a wedge is and why it needs grooves.  Dick Rugge of the USGA will be burned in effigy by an unruly mob led by Roger Cleveland and Bob Volke.

The average handicap will stay the same. ( I’d bet my own money on this one because the Oracle was really clear on this)

John Daly will be married twice and divorced four times. (Don’t ask I can’t make the math come out right either)

Phil Mickelson will only self destruct once, in public, on a golf course.  Butch Harmon will just shake his head in wonder.

Carolyn Bivens will actually show up at all the LPGA major championships this year.  Two of them by accident.

And finally, as a gesture of friendship, or perhaps just to aggravate me, my game will still suffer from a severe case of LFT.  (not an odd abbreviation for left, it stands for Lack of Freaking Talent in family friendly terms)

That’s it.  Enjoy the New Year.