Connect with us

19th Hole

Terrible hats are proof Koepka not human, likely an alien robot from the future

Published

on

For all this talk about Brooks Koepka not receiving the credit he deserves, it’s time we put the focus on the important things — like hats. And the overwhelming evidence that Koepka is, in fact, a high-functioning alien robot. From the future.

Case in point: everyone who appreciates a classic aliens-hide-among-humans-disguised-as-humans movie knows the most important scene — the first reveal of the aliens! Think back to that first time you watched Men in Black, and that cold open where Tommy Lee Jones confronts “Mikey,” who turns out to be a flippered blue alien, and then (sadly) has to shoot Mikey when he attempts to attack a police officer with all seven of his limbs. A beautiful piece of filmmaking, no doubt.

Well, inadvertently, during the first two rounds of the U.S. Open at Pebble Beach, Nike pulled a Mikey, but without having Tommy Lee Jones’ famous memory-wiping technology. They weren’t quite ready to tell the world their poster boy of dominance wasn’t a real human, but the cat’s out of the bag, folks.

After all, if Koepka wasn’t a robot, how could we explain his willingness to wear that hat in public, let alone wear it on television, during one of the sports biggest stages, at one of the world’s best courses? And we all know exactly which hat we’re talking about — the one that looks exactly like your grandmother’s shower curtain in her spare bathroom. If we can all agree there’s no feasible way all the designers at Nike thought the hat in question actually looked good, we’re forced to consider…something mysterious is afoot. What is Nike trying to hide from us? They’re clearly trying to divert our attention away from something, but — what is it?!

The answer is clear. There’s a murderous blue alien robot underneath that hat. He just happens to be really damn good at golf.

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’re well aware of Koepka’s dominance over the past 24 months. The dude has done nothing but win majors, winning with an aura of unflappability we haven’t seen since the original robot said “Hello, World” back when Koepka was learning how to read. (Or, more likely, Koepka never actually learned to read, just programmed to read).

Would it be that much of a surprise to learn Koepka is the world’s first successful application of Artificial Intelligence? A robot designed not for war, but a delightful piece of technology designed for smashing drives, pushing weights, and holing an obscene amount of pressure-packed putts.

Here’s where this gets tricky – what do we do next, golf fans? Do we call our suspicions into the USGA, the same way some dude at home on his couch somehow called a penalty(-ish) on Dustin Johnson a couple years ago? Probably not. We know with certainy the USGA would completely screw that up. They might not even rule on an appropriate penalty for Koepka’s non-humanness until the event is over, keeping us all in the dark all evening Sunday.

Here’s my thoughts: maybe we just accept it. Act like it’s n.b.d. Brooks Koepka is just an alien robot, most likely from some time in the future, sent here to entertain us with some of the most unbelievable golf we’ll ever see on this planet or the next.

But please, Nike, let’s all wink at each other with knowing smiles, and at least pretend he’s just your run of the mill (non-alien) professional golfer. Give him one of your clean looking white swoosh hats Rory wears. They look great! Or, hell, let him just take off the hat altogether and let the alien hang out. We don’t care. Just don’t make us look at grandma’s shower curtain over the weekend. It’s an insult to spare bathrooms everywhere.

 

Your Reaction?
  • 30
  • LEGIT1
  • WOW0
  • LOL14
  • IDHT0
  • FLOP5
  • OB4
  • SHANK54

6 Comments

6 Comments

  1. robstercsi

    Jun 17, 2019 at 3:03 am

    Awesome golfer but his headwear is truly atrocious. Sure he doesn’t care though!

  2. KP

    Jun 16, 2019 at 6:12 pm

    I’d be wearing that clown hat too if Nike was paying me six figures.

  3. Bobarino

    Jun 16, 2019 at 7:48 am

    If he were a “high functioning” alien he’d win everything. And I kinda like the hats…

  4. James

    Jun 15, 2019 at 10:04 pm

    Far better than Tiger’s cringeworthy off-course wardrobe. Of course nobody talks about that.

  5. O

    Jun 15, 2019 at 9:45 pm

    Get the F outta here.

  6. The Norwegian

    Jun 15, 2019 at 6:47 pm

    Who the f… are you to comment on fashion? That is not the WRX way.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

19th Hole

The 6 best #GolfWRX photos on Instagram today (7.16.19)

Published

on

In this segment, we’ll be taking a look at some of the best #GolfWRX tagged photos on Instagram. In case you aren’t already, there’s a whole load of action going on at our page, so follow us: @golfwrx

Let’s get to it then, here are six of the best #GolfWRX photos from the past 24 hours.

Today is the day for those looking to get their hands on Bettinardi’s special limited reserve club set ahead of the year’s final major!

Any WRXers lucking enough to score this ball marker and divot tool set from Tyson Lamb from their mystery giveaway?

“The Big Book of British Smiles” coming soon from Swag.

Royal Portrush in all its glory. Two more days to go!

View this post on Instagram

3. More. Days. #TheOpen ????: The Open

A post shared by UST Mamiya Golf Shafts (@ustmamiyagolf) on

Sweet looking 699 irons with Paderson shafts and Golf Pride grips from Golf Sub 70.

Might this clever creation help speed up the game?

View this post on Instagram

You see something new every Monday

A post shared by Monday Outing Whats In The Bag (@mondayouting_witb) on

Get hashtagging your golf posts #GolfWRX for your chance to feature in our best of Instagram posts in the future!

Your Reaction?
  • 1
  • LEGIT0
  • WOW0
  • LOL0
  • IDHT0
  • FLOP1
  • OB0
  • SHANK0

Continue Reading

19th Hole

5 men who need to win this week’s Open Championship for their season to be viewed as a success

Published

on

The year’s final major championship is upon us, with 156 players ready to battle it out at Royal Portrush for the Claret Jug. The oldest tournament in the sport presents the last opportunity for players to achieve major glory for nine months, and while some players will look back at this year’s majors and view them as a success, others will see them as a missed opportunity.

Here are five players who will tee it up at The Open, needing a win to transform their season, and in doing so, their career.

Adam Scott

Adam Scott has looked revived in 2019 with four top-10 finishes, including a T7 at the U.S. Open and a T8 at the PGA Championship. The Australian hasn’t won since 2016, and at 39-years-old, Scott knows better than anyone that the final narrative over his career comes down to whether or not he can add to his lone major championship victory he achieved at the 2013 Masters.

Speaking following his final round at Pebble Beach last month, Scott stated

“I’m angry; I want to win one of these so badly. I play so much consistent golf. But that’s kind of annoying; I’d almost rather miss every cut and win one tournament for the year if that win was a major.” 

A gut-wrenching finish cost Scott the Claret Jug at Royal Lytham and St. Annes seven years ago, and the 39-year-old has held at least a share of the back-nine lead on Sunday on three occasions at the event since 2012. The Australian’s statement following the U.S. Open says it all; a successful 2019 depends on whether or not he can finally put his Open Championship demons to bed.

Dustin Johnson

With a win in Mexico earlier this year, Dustin Johnson has now made it 11 straight seasons with at least one victory on the PGA Tour. However, Johnson continues to be judged, rightly or wrongly, on his struggles to capture major championships. The 35-year-old remains on one major victory for his career, which is a hugely disappointing total for a player of his talent.

Should the American remain stuck on one major for another nine months following this week’s event, it’s hard to imagine the 35-year-old feeling satisfied. Johnson came to Pebble Beach last month as the prohibitive favorite and failed to fire, but it’s what occurred at the PGA Championship which will leave a sour taste. With Brooks Koepka feeling the heat, Johnson had the opportunity to step up and reverse his major championship fortune, but two bogeys in his final three holes just added to his ‘nearly man’ tag at the most significant events.

A win in Northern Ireland removes both the ‘nearly man’ and ‘one major wonder’ tags, and turns his least successful season, victory wise, into one of his best.

Rory McIlroy

Whatever happens this week at Royal Portrush, Rory McIlroy’s season has been impressive, but it’s missing something big. That something is a win at a major championship, and it’s been missing since 2014. To avoid a five-year drought at the majors, McIlroy must win the 148th Open Championship at home, and with it, claim the greatest victory of his career.

Speaking prior to this week’s tournament, McIlroy stated

“I want to win for me. It’s not about trying to do something in front of friends and family.”

The home-town hero is currently in the midst of one of the greatest ball-striking seasons of all time. But without a win at a major to show for it, there’s undoubtedly going to be frustration and regret in the aftermath. On the flip side, should the Ulsterman triumph this week then it would likely eclipse his double major season success of 2014, and according to the man himself, it would also eclipse anything that he could ever go on to achieve in the game thereafter.

Rickie Fowler

Without getting his hands on a major, the narrative behind Rickie Fowler is not going to change. ‘The best player without a major’ tag has been there for a while now with Fowler – who hasn’t been close to shaking it off in 2019. Victory at the Phoenix Open back in February snapped a 24-month streak without a win on the PGA Tour, but you’d be hard-pressed to find anyone considering the 30-year-old’s season a success without him finally getting the monkey off his back and entering the winner’s circle at a major.

Justin Rose

Justin Rose turns 39-years-old this year, and each season from now to the house, he will be judged on his success at the majors. With  wins at the U.S. Open and Olympics already achieved in his career, a successful season for the Englishman now depends on whether he can become a multiple major champion.

Talking ahead of his bid to win his first Open Championship, Rose said

“People don’t come up to me and say, ‘Hey, you won the FedEx!’. It’s the US Open, the Olympic gold, the Ryder Cup. I’m 40 next year and yes, the clock is ticking.

I’ve had three top threes in the majors in the last three seasons, with two seconds, so I know I’m right there doing the right things. It’s just a case of making it happen again, because the chances won’t keep coming forever.”

Rose’s sense of urgency may stem from tough losses at the 2017 Masters, 2018 Open Championship and more recently at the 2019 U.S. Open. In Rose’s favor is that the average age of winners of The Open since 2011 is almost five years higher than the average age of those who won the Masters, and over eight years older than those who won the U.S. Open. To elevate his 2019 to elite levels, Rose is relying on victory at Royal Portrush.

Your Reaction?
  • 12
  • LEGIT0
  • WOW0
  • LOL0
  • IDHT0
  • FLOP0
  • OB0
  • SHANK1

Continue Reading

19th Hole

The 2019 Open Championship tee times; Tiger Woods grouped with Patrick Reed and Matt Wallace

Published

on

The 2019 Open Championship tee times have been released for Round One, and it’s the 2011 champion Darren Clarke who will strike the opening tee shot of the 148th Open Championship when he tees off this Thursday at 6:35 AM local time.

Clarke’s fellow countryman, Rory McIlroy, will begin his attempt to capture the claret jug on home soil alongside Paul Casey and the current U.S. Open Champion Gary Woodland on Thursday at 10:09 a.m., and Tiger Woods goes in search of major victory number 16 alongside Patrick Reed and Matt Wallace with a Round One starting time of 3:10 PM.

Defending champion, Francesco Molinari, tees off alongside Bryson DeChambeau and Adam Scott at 9:58 AM on Thursday morning.

Full Open Championship Round One Tee times: *All times BST

6:35am: Darren Clarke, James Surgue (a), Charley Hoffman

6:46am: Emiliano Grillo, Sung Kang, Thomas Thurloway (a)

6:57am: Andy Sullivan Christiaan Bezuidenhout, Alexander Levy

7:08am: Chan Kim, Zander Lombard, Brandon Wu (a)

7:19am: Richard Sterne, Romain Langasque, Matthias Schmid (a)

7:30am: Padraig Harrington, Matt Fitzpatrick, Andrew Putnam

7:41am: Bubba Watson, Eddie Pepperell, Rafa Cabrera Bello

7:52am: Phil Mickelson, Shane Lowry, Branden Grace

8:03am: Alex Noren, Mike Lorenzo-Vera, Sam Locke

8:14am: Webb Simpson, Sergio Garcia, CT Pan

8:25am: Ryan Palmer, Andrea Pavan, Dylan Frittelli

8:36am: Kyle Stanley, Robert MacIntyre, Andrew Johnston

8:47am: Mikko Korhonen, Oliver Wilson, Curtis Knipes (a)

9:03am: Ian Poulter, Sungjae Im, Kiradech Aphibarnat

9:14am: Henrik Stenson, Xander Schauffele, Graeme McDowell

9:25am: Haotong Li, Russel Knox, Bernd Wiesberger

9:36am: Jason Kokrak, Connor Syme, Austin Connelly

9:47am: Zach Johnson, David Duval, Corey Conners

9:58am: Francesco Molinari, Bryson DeChambeau, Adam Scott

10:09am: Rory McIlroy, Gary Woodland, Paul Casey

10:20am: Rickie Folwer, Kevin Kisner, Hideki Matsuyama

10:31am: Jim Furyk, Si-Woo Kim, Jimmy Walker

10:42am: Luke List, Alexander Bjork, Paul Waring

10:53am: Shugo Imahira, Nate Lashley, Benjamin Hebert

11:04am: Mikumu Horikawa, Cullum Shinkwin, Garrick Porteous

11:15am: Prom Meesawat, Matthew Baldwin, Jack Senior

11:36am: Tom Lehman, Joaquin Niemann, Miguel Angel Jimenez

11:47am: Byeong Hun An, Jorge Campillo, Chris Wood

11:58am: Joel Dahmen, Adri Arnaus, Dimitrios Papadatos

12:09pm: Stewart Cink, Rory Sabbatini, Innchoon Hwang

12:20pm: Erik van Rooyen, Kurt Kitayama, Jake McLeod

12:31pm: Ryan Fox, Shaun Norris, Dongkyu Jang

12:42pm: Tyrrell Hatton, Keith Mitchell, Thomas Pieters

12:53pm: Justin Thomas, Tommy Fleetwood, Thorbjorn Olesen

1:04pm: Brooks Koepka, Louis Oosthuizen, Shubhankar Sharma

1:15pm: Billy Horschel, Jazz Janewattananond, Aaron Wise

1:26pm: Jordan Spieth, Marc Leishman, Danny Willett

1:37pm: Cameron Smith, Adam Hadwin, David Lipsky

1:48pm: Paul Lawrie, Chez Reavie, Justin Harding

2:04pm: Takumi Kanaya (a), Tom Lewis, Brandon Stone

2:15pm: Lucas Glover, Joost Luiten, Nino Bertasio

2:26pm: Ernie Els, JB Holmes, Abraham Ancer

2:37pm: Brandt Snedeker, Lee Westwood, Brian Harman

2:48pm: Justin Rose, Tony Finau, Lucas Bjerregaard

2:59pm: Dustin Johnson, Jason Day, Keegan Bradley

3:10pm: Tiger Woods, Matt Wallace, Patrick Reed

3:21pm: Jon Rahm, Patrick Cantlay, Matt Kuchar

3:32pm: Kevin Streelman, Doc Redman, Robert Rock

3:43pm: Adrian Otaegui, Yuta Ikeda, Isidro Benitez

3:54pm: Patton Kizzire, Sang Hyun Park, Yuki Inamori

4:05pm: Yoshinori Fukimoto, Doyeob Mun, Andrew Wilson

4:16pm: Gunn Charoenkul, Yosuke Asaji, Ashton Turner

Your Reaction?
  • 8
  • LEGIT2
  • WOW1
  • LOL0
  • IDHT0
  • FLOP2
  • OB0
  • SHANK0

Continue Reading

19th Hole

Facebook

Trending