Picture a bright summer day. The sun is shining through the trees and you need something to shield your eyes from the light. A hat!
Just about every professional golfer wears one to protect themselves from sun exposure… and because they get paid big sums of money to put logos on them. The last time I checked, however, 99.9 percent of golfers aren’t fortunate enough to have endorsement deals. So why do the vast majority of golfers in the world generally wear similar hats with very similar logos?
Here’s a list of some of the favorite hats worn by golfers across the world, as well a brief description of the golfers who are probably wearing them.
Usually a pretty good player. You’re obsessed with swing mechanics. Most of the other members at your course usually see you on the range with a tripod, an iPad, a launch monitor and at least three alignment rods.
- Common Line: “Do you mind filming a swing for me?”
- Shoots Around: 76, but you can shoot in the 90s when the swing gets “off plane.”
Beanies are totally acceptable in the winter, but very few people have the confidence to wear one in the summer time… and you’re one of them. Somehow you keep your cool, both on and off the course, even though your bank account is overdrawn and your rent is past due.
- Common Line: “Can I borrow your (insert golf item)? I lost mine.”
- Shoots Around: 91, but you’re scary consistent.
You’re obsessed with both the game of golf and sun screen… the SPF 100+ stuff. The white sunscreen streaks on your nose don’t fade until the back nine. You play about twice a week and take three minutes to hit every shot.
- Common Line: “Need any sunscreen? I have the spray-on stuff, too.”
- Shoots Around: You always seem to shoot below 85, but it’s never pretty.
For a brand that literally means “made for you,” you own a hat that is worn by countless other golfers. But you love your new TaylorMade driver, and you want the whole world to know it.
- Common Line: “I dropped my spin by 500 rpm with this driver!”
- Shoots Around: 83, but the way you drove it you should have shot 75.
You’ve been wearing that visor for less than a week, and you’re way overconfident about a recent day trade that made you a few hundred bucks… in less than an hour, of course. Your golf game is terrible, but you play all the time. As an “entrepreneur,” you get to “make your own schedule.” Your playing partners know this before you make it to the first green, which takes a few fatted pitch shots.
- Common Line: “How is IBM is down 5 percent today! Everyone said it was guaranteed to go up.”
- Shoots around: 112, but 95 when you’re keeping score.
You get hammered before you even make it to the first tee. And whether you’re teeing off at 4 p.m. or 6 a.m., everyone knows within a few minutes of meeting you that you came to the course for a good time. Your cigarillos (usually Swisher Sweets, grape flavor) send a warning to nearby golfers to watch out for shanks, skulls and slices.
- Common Line: “(Something GolfWRX can’t print about a cart girl).”
- Shoot Around: Doesn’t keep score, ever.
Tiger fanatic. You were slightly depressed for the 15 months Tiger wasn’t on the PGA Tour, and you’ve watched the 2016 Hero World Challenge on DVR four times.
- Common Line: “I’m getting close.”
- Shoots Around: 80, but you fist pump like a tour player.
You’re over the age of 55 (or Bryson DeChambeau), and have read Ben Hogan’s Five Lessons and Power Golf at least three times. You’ve compiled a 50-page journal about what you need to do in your golf swing, and you’ve taped your favorite Ben Hogan quote to your bathroom mirror.
“The ultimate judge of your swing is the flight of the ball,” is your current favorite.
- Common Line: “Would you mind if I offered you a tip about your swing?”
- Shoots Around: You rarely break 90 (unless you’re Bryson DeChambeau), but you think your next swing change will have you shooting under par.
You’re the guy who pulls driver on every tee box (except the par-3s). You normally out drive everyone in the group, but only hit one or two fairways per round. You’re constantly talking about your minor league days, and how things would have been different if you didn’t throw your arm out.
- Common line: “I’m soooo sore. It was leg day yesterday, bro.”
- Shoots Around: 105, but you’re really, really competitive.
There are no 10-handicap golfers wearing flat brim hats. If you wear one, you’re either a stud or not very good at all. And you probably love energy drinks, and have at least one tattoo.
- Common Line: “Do you think the beverage cart girl has Red Bull?”
- Shoots Around: Under par or over 100.
You’re legendary at your club. You break par almost every round.
- Common Line: “None. You don’t say much on the course.”
- Shoots Around: 68… from the tips.
What hat do you wear to play the world’s greatest game? Let us know in the comments section below.