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Swanson addresses DJ’s “Guessing his yardages” video

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Warning: Swanson, the author of this story, does not exist… except in his writing. His character is completely imagined, but that doesn’t mean his opinions aren’t real. 

So everyone and their grandma has been coming out of the woodwork emailing me this video of Dustin Johnson “guessing his yardages” on Trackman. They’re saying things like “you can do better than this, Swanson” and “he’s got nothing on you, Swanson.” My fans are begging me* to make a video proving that I’m better at guessing my yardages than him.

Editor’s note: We asked for screenshots of these requests, but Swanson said he needed to protect the confidentiality of his fans. 

In this story, I’m not gonna do what everyone thinks I’m gonna do and flip out. I’m not going to call out Dustin Johnson, the 2016 U.S. Open champion. The truth is, he’s better than me. I mean, not at golf. That showing of knowledge of his yardages was atrocious with his irons. Seriously, 5 yards off with a wedge?? Have fun missing the green from 105, bud.

I’m saying he’s better than me because he actually hit shots off grass that looked like my neighbor’s lawn who wasn’t done yardwork for months. What was that stuff, anyway? Carl Spackler Bent? A hybrid between Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent and Northern California Sensimilla? Even DJ complained about getting flyer lies, and I buy his excuse. You see in the video that once he put a ball on the tee, he was able to guess his yardage on the nose.

So I guess the difference between me and him is that I would have walked off the course if someone requested I hit from that “grass.” Kudos to him for putting a smile on his face for the camera.

So hats off, Dustin. And let me know when you’re in my area for a money game.

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Swanson doesn't exist, except in his writing. He doesn't play for score any more, as he's too busy working on his spin rates. For tournament purposes, he has a 2 handicap on file from high school golf, registered at his home club, which is only reachable by private watercraft.

12 Comments

12 Comments

  1. Highball hitter

    Sep 20, 2016 at 1:35 am

    Love the people that get butt hurt by an imaginary author.

  2. Scott

    Sep 16, 2016 at 3:30 pm

    this one was funny

  3. digitalbroccoli

    Sep 16, 2016 at 12:57 pm

    I realize this is supposed o be a joke, but it never gets funny.

  4. Bwall

    Sep 15, 2016 at 12:31 pm

    You know it’s misleading when he claims to have fans. If my attempt at humor was this embarrassing, I would also hide behind a fake moniker.

  5. eruddoh

    Sep 15, 2016 at 11:12 am

    I’m one of the fans begging for a Swanson video – but his would include spin rate and launch angle. Blindfolded.

  6. devilsadvocate

    Sep 15, 2016 at 7:28 am

    I like these. Keep em coming

  7. Mike

    Sep 14, 2016 at 3:37 pm

    Still not funny.

  8. Justin

    Sep 14, 2016 at 1:22 pm

    Worst Swanson article ever.

    – Swanson

  9. ooffa

    Sep 14, 2016 at 1:13 pm

    We realize he’s joking. We also realize he’s not funny.

  10. rymail00

    Sep 14, 2016 at 11:30 am

    Love Swanson articles, but love reading the comments after people who still don’t realize that you guys joking.

    Keep them coming.

    • Mike Honcho

      Jan 20, 2017 at 1:46 pm

      You think this so called ‘scribe’ has a comedic bone in his body? I guess you’d also think the Bataan Death March was part of the Rose Parade.

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Coolest thing for sale in the GolfWRX Classifieds (1/16/24): Cobra Forged One Length irons

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At GolfWRX, we are a community of like-minded individuals that all experience and express our enjoyment of the game in many ways.

It’s that sense of community that drives day-to-day interactions in the forums on topics that range from best driver to what marker you use to mark your ball. It even allows us to share another thing we all love – buying and selling equipment.

Currently, in our GolfWRX buy/sell/trade (BST) forum, there is a listing for a set of Cobra Forged One Length irons.

From the seller: (@adamwittman): “4-PW, GW, lw. Nunchuk shafts. $350 tyd conusa.”

To check out the full listing in our BST forum, head through the link: Cobra Forged One Length irons

This is the most impressive current listing from the GolfWRX BST, and if you are curious about the rules to participate in the BST Forum you can check them out here: GolfWRX BST Rules

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What GolfWRXers are saying about Kevin Kisner’s new Callaway X Forged CB irons

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In our forums, our members have been discussing Kevin Kisner’s new Callaway X Forged CB irons which he has in the bag at this week’s CJ Cup. WRXers have been commenting on the switch and the clubs themselves in our forums.

For lots more photos, check out the full thread here.

Here are a few posts from the thread, but make sure to check out the entire discussion and have your say at the link below.

  • btyh: “Holy offset.”
  • Glf_LU: “These are interesting. Not going to make a rush to judgement until I see them in person. It does look like a little more offset than I would expect to see in this model.”
  • bcflyguy1: “Kisner is not one to make a lot of equipment changes (see the GBB driver he’s still using), so if these do have staying power in his bag that will be interesting to see. I have to wonder if there’s something different about his set, because like others have mentioned there appears to be more offset on his than I recall seeing in the samples I’ve had in hand.”

Entire Thread: “Kevin Kisner’s new Callaway X Forged CB irons”

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WATCH: PGA Tour players play hole blindfolded and it’s hilarious/amazing

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As part of a Srixon campaign, four PGA Tour players recently participated in a three-hole challenge, with each hole being a different game; hole No. 1 was blindfolded, hole No. 2 was costumes and distractions, and hole No. 3 was alternate shot with a baseball bat. The teams were Smylie Kaufman and Sam Ryder against Shane Lowry and Grayson Murray.

Watch the full video below, since it is quite entertaining (albeit not the type of golf that Old Tom Morris surely had in mind), but in particular, make sure to check out the first hole where Lowry and Ryder play a full hole completely blind folded. It’s amazing to watch how badly Ryder struggles, and how Lowry nearly makes par.

Cleveland-Srixon’s marketing department has been hard at work crafting these viral-esque ad campaigns; if you remember, former long-drive champion Jamie Sadlowski recently dressed as 80-year-old Grandpa Jamie to fool range-goers. That video has since gathered over 1.2 million views on YouTube.

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