We hope you’ve had a restful first 11-plus months of the year. Now that you’re making preparations for The Big Night, we would like to gently remind you not to overlook the following Christmas wish list. Since you have a lot of vacation time, we know you play a lot of golf. So you have an interest in delivering these items over the course of 2014. You can’t fool us, Santa. We all share the same obsession.
Humbly, we request any or all of the following items, to be delivered at some point in 2014.
For Our Own Golf Games
- Some new grips. Too many of us have three or more different models of grips on our clubs and a whole lot of us are in bad need of some new grips on our clubs.
- A warm welcome back to Big Bertha. The high-octane marketing department at Callaway Golf did a great job of teasing and announcing the return of Big Bertha to the golf equipment vernacular a few weeks ago. The drivers wear as much technology on their exteriors as any single club in recent memory. Most everyone is clamoring to see if they stand up to the hype. Why not send us one to try?
- The right balls. Santa, please grant some of us the pragmatic vision to not just use any old golf ball we found in the rough, the woods or–egads–the water and instead buy golf balls. It is easier to concentrate on a shot if you’re hitting a golf ball you don’t want to lose, whereas a water ball is just going to want to find its rightful home once again, anyway.
- The right tees. No, not the ones we balance golf balls on, but the ones we put them between once per hole (hopefully). Most of us play tees that are too long for us. Whereas accomplished players will hit mostly short- and mid-iron approach shots, many of the rest of us are relegated to struggling to reach the green in two. So Santa, please take away some of our egos!
Professional Golf Storylines
- New-blood major winners. Last year saw a great mix of major champions crowned, with three deserving first-timers in Adam Scott at the Masters, Justin Rose at the U.S. Open and Jason Dufner at the PGA Championship. For 2014, might we suggest choosing from Henrik Stenson, Lee Westwood and Sergio Garcia? But don’t let major championship newbies have all the fun…
- One for Tiger, too. Perhaps it’s too specific to request that Tiger Woods finally be allowed back on the major horse this April at Augusta, but so be it. To reignite Woods’ quest for Jack Nicklaus major championship record total at this juncture would inject an extra level of suspense into the game that would last through the decade.
- Oh, and one for Phil (you know which one). If when dusk falls on Pinehurst No. 2 on Sunday evening, Father’s Day, June 15, and Phil Mickelson is not hoisting the U.S. Open trophy, the entire gallery tearing up, it will feel like a letdown. This would be a huge bummer for whoever does end up winning the event, so you might as well spare him the tsouris. For Phil to complete the career Grand Slam on the course where he had his first major brush with the title that has eluded him more painfully than any other, on Father’s Day, for goodness’ sakes, would be one of the decade’s great sports stories.
- Ryder Cup Redemption. Captained by 21st century golf’s Grand Old Man, Tom Watson, the United States should break the schneid at Gleneagles. (NB: this may seem awfully America-centric of us, but Coca-Cola created the popular image of Santa Claus in the 1930s, so.)
We could go on, but we’ll stop here. As you daydream on all the birdies you’re going to make in Boca this winter after Christmas is over, Santa, we hope you’ll consider a few of these requests.
Fairways and greens,